“Hey Duncan!”
“Wow, you look great!” he breathed as he looked her up and down.
“Oh this old thing?” she laughed with a dismissive gesture. “It was just something I found at the back of the closet, you know. Anyway, shall we go? I’m absolutely starving!” She walked over to the shoe rack near the door and picked out her best pair of heeled boots. There, now the outfit was complete.
“The chariot awaits,” Duncan laughed as he opened the front door. “It’s not much, but at least it’ll get us to the pizza place without us having to walk and getting soaked to the bone.”
“You can say that again! See you later, Mom!”
“Have fun!”
Shannon shut the door behind them as Elodie and Duncan ventured out into the humid, wet evening. Elodie moaned at seeing the rain still coming down in sheets and remained standing under the awning next to Duncan.
“Come on, we can make it to the car. Are you scared of a little water?” Duncan playfully nudged Elodie’s shoulder, making her giggle.
“Yes. Especially with this much makeup on! You wouldn’t understand. It’s a girl thing!” She’d spent at least a half hour putting on all her usual makeup and didn’t want to see it washed away. She needed to look her absolute best.
“Oh come on, you don’t need all that makeup anyway. Besides, the sooner we get out to the car, the sooner we’ll get to the pizzeria and eat. Here, take my hand and we’ll make a run for it.”
“Fine.”
He held out his hand to her and they ran across the front porch, down the steps, and over to his little gray Ford Focus waiting at the end of the driveway. With a quick click of his car key button, Duncan opened the front doors of the car and they both scrambled into his car, the rain continuing to pound on the car as they slammed their doors.
Elodie looked down at herself, her boots completely soaked, her outfit clinging to her skin and her hair hanging in strings around her face. She then glanced up at Duncan as he sat in the driver’s seat next to her and he looked just as messy as she did. The massive downpour had left raindrops clinging to his hair and forming beads on his face, with water dripping off of his clothes onto the seat. Seeing each other looking so bedraggled, they both cracked up laughing, and for once, Elodie didn’t care how she looked.
“OK so maybe I was wrong about the getting soaked thing,” he managed to say through his laughter.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll dry off.” She giggled as she wrung out the ends of her long hair.
He gazed at her briefly, his eyes searching for something in hers that Elodie couldn’t identify, before he turned the car on and put his full attention on backing out of her driveway and continuing to their destination.
Roma Pizzeria was definitely not the fanciest of places to eat. In fact, to a first-time customer, it appeared to be a hole-in-the-wall, but that might have been just because the decor was as simple as their menu. Red and white checkered tablecloths adorned each table and their wooden chairs looked like they were old chairs that had been refurbished. In the corner, a large television mounted to the wall blared a soccer game that held the attention of about a dozen people. On the walls were the usual stock photos of Rome, from the Coliseum to the Trevi fountain to the Roman Forum, to give it an air of authenticity. Toward the back of the restaurant was the counter and open-air kitchen, where anyone who stood at the back counter could clearly see the cooks putting pizzas into the ovens and taking care of orders.
Elodie asked Duncan how his classes were going, since he had mentioned that he was taking classes to be a teacher. It didn’t surprise her much. She couldn’t explain how, but to her, he had the look of a teacher. Maybe it was the glasses and the serious demeanor he had when they were in between conversational topics. He went on to tell her that he was studying to be a high school history teacher because he discovered early in middle school that he was passionate about history, specifically American history. His usually angular face brightened and it was like he became a completely different person as he went on to tell her about all the national monuments he had visited during summer road trips with his parents and how much those visits sparked his interest in history. It was obvious to Elodie that this was something he really loved and it was such a joy to see him so happy.
“Anyway, I feel like I just monopolized the conversation here by yammering on about me. So tell me what else you’ve been up to for these last few years! Did you get contacts or something? I didn’t even recognize you without your glasses when I saw you the other day.”
Elodie recalled how her face looked in glasses in fourth grade and she shuddered. “Yeah I got contacts. I.... decided it was time for a change and I liked how I looked with contacts instead. All right, let’s see. Since I last saw you......” I’m now one of the most popular girls in school, for one thing.
“I...” She tried thinking of a way to summarize the last seven years, then she finally spoke, sitting up straight in her seat.
“I’ve been president of the Student Council for two years, I was elected homecoming queen in my sophomore year, I’ve been on the school news channel since I was a freshman.....”
“Impressive. You’ve been kept very busy then.”
“You could say that. I’m one of the most popular students at school, and with such an honor, I have to keep that up or I’ll lose it. I’ve worked very hard for it, you know. Lost a few friends along the way, but you know how it goes.”
“It sounds like it. Can’t say I was ever that involved in school, but as long as you’re enjoying yourself....”
Elodie slowly nodded. “Yeah it’s.... it’s been fun. A lot of people also look up to me for the latest fashions and trends, so I have to set a very good model for the rest of the students.... Yeah that’s been fun.....”
She was aware that her voice grew heavier with sadness as she spoke, but didn’t want to do anything to stop it. Ever since that night when she’d cried over wanting to participate in the open mic night, she hadn’t felt the same about her popularity. When she went to school now, she didn’t speak up as much and she wanted more and more to be alone and away from her friends, the very friends that she’d taken from Veronica. She wanted to share her love of music and grew weary with having to keep it all a huge secret, as if it was something to be ashamed of. Well, at least for someone in her position, it was indeed a source of shame. No one ever got popular by being smart, at least at Elodie’s high school.
“Doesn’t sound like it when you say it like that, though. Elodie..... look, I know we met again the other day for the first time in years, but I remember that we were pretty good friends before I had to move away. And I do apologize for not writing or trying to keep in contact. I really missed you.... more than you know. But I have to ask you, and feel free to tell me if I’m being too forward. Are you really happy? You’re talking about being popular as if you’re living out a prison sentence Are you really happy, Elodie? You don’t seem like it.”
Are you really happy? Those words resonated in Elodie’s head and she was unsure of how to respond to such a heavy question. She chewed on the crust of her third slice of pizza, thinking it over before replying. One of the few times she’d ever felt truly happy in the last few years since she became popular was when she was strumming her guitar and singing her heart out at home with no one to hear her except for her mother and herself. She could express her real feelings and not have to pretend.
Should I tell him more about my music? Yes they were pretty good friends when they were younger, but now that they were older, things were different. Yet when she looked into his friendly face, his light blue eyes watching her and no one else, she wanted to share everything with him as she had done as a child. With Duncan, Elodie could be herself, not the Elodie that she was expected to be when she came to school every morning.
“Well, there is a time when I am happy. It’s....when I’m.... writing songs. That’s when I feel truly happy. When I’m sitting there in the study room strumming my guit
ar and singing so loud that the walls seem to vibrate with sound, when I’m letting out all my emotions that I’ve kept in all day, that’s when I’m happy.”
“Well that’s a start!” He smiled at her and Elodie thought she would fall over. Anytime he smiled, it brightened his eyes and slightly red cheeks. It was a genuinely happy expression that hadn’t changed at all in seven years. It was still just as intoxicating as it had been for her as a nerdy fourth-grader.
“I don’t tell anyone else about it though. It’s kind of my own little secret, like I told you. Well, not much of a secret anymore since you know about it. I’m sorry, I probably said too much and we haven’t seen each other in so long....”
“No no no, not at all, Elodie. Come on, it’s me! Duncan! You know you can tell me anything. That’s the way it always was between us. So how did you get to writing songs? I don’t really remember you being creative in that way.”
“Well, things change in seven years. See, my parents got a me a guitar when I was about fifteen. They wanted me to take part in something and since we didn’t have a school band or anything growing up, they thought I should learn to play an instrument. They thought I’d take to the guitar more than the piano because a guitar is portable, and sure enough, I did take to it. I started learning to play it as soon as I could and I loved it right from the start. Sure, my playing was utter crap when I started out....”
“But even the best musicians have to start somewhere!”
“Exactly. And so I’d learn to play my favorite songs, I pored over books and videos to teach myself, and it just went from there.”
“So you’ve never had any formal lessons?”
“Never. I remember basic music theory from when I was a child in music class, learning about scales and the different classes of instruments, but other than those basics, no I’ve never taken any guitar lessons. I’ve just been teaching myself through trial and error and filling lots of notebooks with song ideas.”
“I’d love to hear what you’ve written. That is, if you don’t mind sharing it with me. I’m really not a writer by any means, but I can appreciate it when other people produce something creative.”
Elodie laughed nervously. She’d never expressed herself in this way to any of her peers, and it was such a relief to share it with someone who seemed genuinely interested in her passion. Her head buzzed with excitement. “Actually, I’d.... like to. Other than my mom, you’re the first person I’ve ever told about my writing and singing.”
“None of your friends know about it at all then?”
“Remember, I’m one of the most popular girls in school. You don’t get popular by being smart.”
Duncan shook his head. “And that I think is a real shame. You’re so much more than that, Elodie. You shouldn’t have to change who you really are just to have other people like you. You’re not being true to yourself and don’t you think you owe it to yourself to be who you really are and be happy?”
“Don’t you think I know all of that?” She found herself choking up on tears that threatened to spill out of her eyes at any moment. “Don’t you know I’ve thought about it in the back of my mind for the last three years? You don’t have to tell me that. I knew it from the beginning. But if you want to get ahead in social circles, you have to change and do what everyone else is doing. I didn’t want to be the nerdy girl anymore getting picked on and pushed around. It was no wonder I got bullied. I looked horrible and out of place! None of the other little girls looked like me. No, they were all dressed nicely and had their hair back in nice styles. That wasn’t me. And I was tired of being that person. Who wants to look at someone with their hair in their face and glasses on their nose? No one. So I had to change.” Her voice broke on that last word, and to help her swallow her tears, she grabbed her glass of soda and sipped, feeling the bubbling liquid slide down her throat and keep her tears at bay.
Duncan lowered his eyes and remained silent before whispering, “I did. I did, Elodie. In fact.... I really really liked you.” He lifted his gaze to Elodie’s and regarded her with a vulnerability that she had never seen in him before. “I just never told you because I was a shy sixth-grader who was just discovering girls and had no idea what to do with those feelings. But I liked you as you were. You were an absolute joy to be around because of your bubbly attitude, not to mention you looked so pretty in your glasses. And I loved how you never hid your emotions, at least around me. And you could be yourself, your sweet self that just needed a friend. At least, that’s how I thought you were.”
This confession left Elodie absolutely stupefied. In all these years, she’d never once imagined that Duncan felt something for her. He was a more timid kind of guy, not at all like the very forward Quentin that she had crushed on earlier that school year, and sure there were times when she and Duncan almost held hands, but it never went beyond that. If they had mutual feelings for each other, they were both too shy to have done anything about it. But she never imagined that he really did return her feelings.
“Oh my God,” was all Elodie could muster. “I.... I had no idea.....” She hid her face in her hands, trying to cope with the realization. All those hours spent in her room pining after him and crying in secret when he left to go home for the day, all the days she spent writing his name all over her notebook and most of all, the months she spent hoping that he would call her from wherever he’d moved to and wanting to talk to him, but feeling too shy to seek him out herself. He really did like her the whole time. She just never knew it. But one question still lingered in her mind, so she brought her face out of her hands and stared straight at him, her old feelings of anger and frustration bubbling below the surface.
“Why didn’t you at least try to keep in contact with me though? Do you know how much I hurt when you moved away? How I wished you would call me, write to me, anything at all? And I know I could’ve asked to keep in contact too, but I was way too shy to do it. And after you left, I’d never hurt so much before in my life and.....”
“And you think it was any easier for me?” he flustered. “I didn’t want us to stop being friends any more than you did. But I was also a super shy kid who was experiencing his first crush and had no clue what to do about it. I’m sorry for not trying to keep in contact. I never forgot about you though. Never in seven years for even a moment. When my parents told me that we were moving back here so they could retire, I was ecstatic. I wasn’t sure if you were still living here, but then I saw you last week and..... it all came back to me. Seeing you again, even more beautiful than how I remembered you..... But now.....”
Throughout the first part of his confession, he was clearly very emotional as he seemed to be letting go of some very deep feelings that had not been allowed to surface until that moment. Then as he finished his thoughts, the friendly face she was so accustomed to seeing had turned into something she didn’t even recognize anymore. It made Elodie very uneasy.
“What about now? How do you feel about me now?”
He fixed his eyes on her with an intense gaze that Elodie had never seen from him before. At last, he whispered, “I’m not so sure, Elodie.”
For the first time that evening, they fell silent. Duncan and Elodie finished their slices of pizza without saying another word to one another. They consumed the entire rest of their eight-slice pizza, with only bits of crust and grease left behind on their plates.
“Will that be all for you?” their waitress asked when she came by their table and saw the empty plates and pizza pan.
“Just the check please,” Duncan replied as Elodie gnawed on the last of her pizza crust. The waitress reached into her apron and handed them her handwritten check. He muttered a thanks to her and then stood up to go to the counter to pay, without even looking at Elodie.
She wasn’t sure what she should do. All she knew was that she felt like she had blown it completely with Duncan, her first crush and the only guy who had ever been attracted to her for who she really was. She began feeling a little
sick to her stomach. When he came back to the table, she stammered, “You know what? I just want to go home, if you don’t mind. Let’s just skip the movie.”
“Sure. I don’t think I’m in the mood for a movie anyway.” He still didn’t look at her, which only made Elodie feel more and more sick.
It was still pouring down rain when they left the restaurant. The rain pounded harder than ever as they got into the car. Duncan quickly turned the key in the lock and drove her across town to her home. They still hadn’t said anything to each other and Elodie was getting more and more uncomfortable with every passing moment. As he stopped the car in front of her house, Duncan lifted the emergency brake and turned off the car. He sighed and rested his head on his hands, looking out of the car window to his left and still not looking at Elodie.
“Please look at me, Duncan. I’m right here, talk to me.”
“You’re not the girl I thought you were. I know everyone has a right to change, and we haven’t seen each other in so long that it was bound to happen, but you’re not even the same person. The Elodie that I liked so much was not like this.” He turned and faced Elodie, his voice breaking and a pleading look in his eyes. “Someone who can’t even be true to who she really is, who has to step on other people to get ahead.... That’s not someone I want to be around. I’m sorry.”
He turned away again, leaving Elodie with her thoughts. Her head reeling and her stomach churning with nausea that grew worse by the minute, she put her hand on the car door handle and got out of the car. As she stood, she could feel her knees trembling and all she could do was shut the door behind her and try to make her way up the front steps in the heavy rain. She didn’t even look behind her to see if he was watching her. She was sure that he wasn’t.
Only when she got inside did she hear the sound of his car start up and then drive away, the sound of his car engine fading in the distance. She threw herself against the door and started bawling, not even realizing when her mother came over to hold her. Feeling her mother’s arms around her made Elodie gush about everything that had happened that night.
Elodie and Heloise Page 13