Katlyn took off her bonnet, cape and gloves and set them aside. She stepped over to her mother’s bed and took her usual seat beside her. Penelope’s face looked as white as her bedclothes, her breath came deep and slow, and Katlyn hated the thought of having to wake her to give her the news they were leaving.
Leave…The word sounded more bitter than ever after last night. How could she leave Case, who was now the other half of herself?
She had given herself willingly and completely to a man for the first time in her life and it felt so perfectly right. They were joined now in the most intimate of expressions. Leaving him meant spending the rest of her life incomplete, for the best part of her would always remain here in Cimarron in Case Durham’s arms.
Katlyn let go a long breath, shoving aside bittersweet thoughts of last night, and gently touched her mother’s hair. “Mama, it’s Katlyn.”
Penelope stirred, then softly sighed. “Katie, is that you?” She opened her eyes and rubbed them with the tips of her fingers. “I can hardly see you, it’s so dim in here. Pull the curtains, won’t you?”
Katlyn glanced to the bright streams of morning light pouring in from the window across the room. “Mrs. Donaldson already did. Your eyes are weak, like the rest of you and—”
With great difficulty, Penelope struggled to sit up. “Nonsense, I’m simply not awake yet.”
Katlyn fluffed the pillows behind her mother’s head and helped her to a comfortable position. “Mama, that’s not the reason you’re having trouble seeing or walking. I know Dr. Garrett has told you about your illness. It’s time we both faced the truth of it.”
“The truth of it?” Penelope lifted a frail white hand and pointed a finger toward her daughter. “Now, you listen to me, young lady—”
“No. Today, Mama, you listen to me.”
After a moment’s pause Penelope sank back into her pillows without further fight. “All right, Katie. What is this truth you simply must tell me?” she asked, weariness edging her voice.
“We have to pack and leave for the hospital as soon as possible before the snows start. Dr. Garrett says you can’t wait until spring to get treatment. And the trail down the mountain from here can be impassable in winter.”
A long silence followed, then Penelope whispered at last, “I see. So you’ve decided I’ve become an invalid now.”
“Mama, you know Dr. Garrett can’t do any more for you than he has already. I’ll make the trip as comfortable as possible for you, don’t worry.”
Sounds of the front door opening and closing below momentarily distracted Katlyn. She’d left the bedroom door ajar, and a deep voice she recognized all too well resonated up the stairwell to her ears.
“Oh, no,” she said without thinking.
Penelope perked up then, her ears more keen now that her eyes were fading. “Who is that?”
“Mama, please—”
“Don’t treat me like an imbecile! There’s nothing wrong with my hearing. That man is asking for you. And your companion! Who is he, Katie? Tell me!”
Katlyn wished herself anywhere but here, caught squarely between her mother and the man she loved.
“It’s Case,” she said flatly. “He’s come to find us.”
Chapter Seventeen
“I should have known he’d be determined to find out about you after—” Katlyn stopped, biting at her lower lip.
“After what?” Penelope sat bolt upright. “Katie, what’s going on? What haven’t you told me?” She grasped for Katlyn’s arm, her voice rising with panic.
“Calm down, Mama, please, it’s nothing.”
“Don’t you dare let him see me! You haven’t told him, have you? You didn’t—you wouldn’t break your promise! I’m going to get well and be back on that stage, you know that. You promised you would never let him or anyone see me like this.”
Katlyn took her mother’s thin shoulders and gently eased her back down. “Mama, please! I hear him on the stairs. No, I haven’t told him who you are. I’ve kept my promise.” She knew her frustration came through, but couldn’t worry about that now. “But I have to go close the door, or it won’t matter what promises I’ve made.”
“I can’t have that! Keep him away from me! Keep him away!”
Case heard the wail from upstairs and brushed past Mrs. Donaldson, taking the stairs two at a time.
He’d never felt so powerless to control his feelings. He had to find out who this companion was and why Katlyn would go to any length to protect and care for her. Even to the extent of sacrificing her own—and his—happiness.
“Mr. Durham, this is my boardinghouse and I owe my guests their privacy,” Mrs. Donaldson called after him, panting as she tried to catch him on the stairs. “My livelihood depends on keepin’ my payin’ guests happy. Surely you of all people know that’s the truth.”
“I apologize,” Case said over his shoulder, “but this is important.” He was on the landing. “Katlyn!”
Case reached for the doorknob just as Katlyn slammed it shut. Anger and frustration rose in equal measure in him, but the sound of muffled weeping from behind the door gave him pause and stopped him from shoving his way inside. “Katlyn, are you all right?”
Penelope yanked the quilt to her chin, her eyes nearly bulging. “He’s just outside the door. Stop him, Katie. Stop him!” She started to sob, burying her face in her hands.
“Yes, Case. What are you doing here?”
“We have to talk.”
“Case, please. Not now. I can’t, not here.”
Small, high gasps followed spates of sobbing from inside the room. Case’s gut twisted. It couldn’t be Katlyn, but something was obviously very wrong in there.
“Dammit, Katlyn, what’s going on?”
“Case it’s—wait a moment while I talk to her. Please, just wait.”
Case stood outside the door, balling his fists so tightly his knuckles turned white. The temptation to kick down the door nearly overwhelmed him.
He loved Katlyn. He had a right to know what, and who, inside that room affected her life—and now his—so profoundly.
Or did he?
When Katlyn left him waiting, doubt crept into his thoughts. Maybe last night didn’t mean to her what it meant to him. Maybe she thought their loving was only for one night, the end of a pleasing relationship, not the beginning of a future. Or had it been his reward for giving her a job and trusting her to revive the St. Martin?
Confusion, disappointment, or was it enlightenment—stopped him cold.
“Katlyn?”
He heard her move back to the door but she didn’t open it. “I can’t leave right now,” she said, and Case could picture the look in her eyes from the strained sound of her voice.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked.
Despite the cool distance he tried to convey, Katlyn heard the resignation in his words. He obviously believed she didn’t care for him enough to share her secret, and the realization pierced straight through her heart.
If only he knew she shared the same anger, the same frustration. Having to hold it all in, unable to comfort him or to reveal the truth of her love for him left her feeling broken.
“No,” she said, not bothering to stop the tears from coursing down her cheeks. “There’s nothing you can do. But thank you. Your offer means a lot to me.”
How inadequate that sounded when she wanted to tell him how much she loved him instead.
“I’ll go then. Goodbye, Katlyn.”
Facing him, Katlyn placed her palms on the smooth white pine that kept him from her view. Through the barrier he didn’t hear the whisper of her heart crying out, You’ll never know how sorry I am for us both, Case. I do love you. Oh, how I love you.
Jack’s fingers flew from one end of the keyboard to the other, deftly pronouncing each note just long enough to check its tune. He glanced up to where Case stood leaning against the side of the upright piano.
“I’m the last person you should be ask
ing about Kate,” he said.
“Why? You seem to know her better than almost anyone here.”
“I wouldn’t say that. But I will say I don’t think Kate wants to leave the St. Martin.”
“Want to or not, she seems determined enough to go because of that companion of hers. But something about that situation just doesn’t ring true with me.”
Jack shrugged, keeping his eyes on the keyboard as he tapped out a quick, jaunty bar. “Maybe the lady’s waiting for a proposal. It wouldn’t tempt me, even though she’s a beauty, but it may be the one way to convince Kate she belongs here.” One more slide across the keys to limber his fingers for the night’s performance and he added, “The thought of being tied to one woman the rest of my days makes me want to catch the next stage to anywhere, but it’s your choice, compadre.”
Case let out a wry laugh. “No, I don’t see you as the marrying type. I hope you’re right about Katlyn, though, because propose is exactly what I intend to do. But I need your help.”
Jack’s fingers stopped for the first time since they’d begun talking. “My help? Case, you’ve been a fine boss, but—”
“Look, all I need is for you to keep everyone out of the saloon for the next hour. I had Tuck set a special dinner table for Katlyn and me and I can’t have guests or staff interrupting.”
“Ah, well, that I can do.” He gave Case a wink and a grin. “Anything in the cause of romance. Good luck.”
“Thanks,” Case said as he turned toward the saloon. “I have a feeling I’ll need it.”
Katlyn dabbed a little more color on each cheek, adjusted a hairpin and shoved away from her dressing mirror. She hardly looked her best, though she’d tried for the past hour to mask the sadness in her face and eyes.
She’d chosen Case’s favorite dress, the blue one that went with the necklace he’d given her, to wear for her final performance. She’d hoped the sapphires and silver roses would brighten her eyes as they had the night he’d given her the necklace. But tonight, even sparkling jewels couldn’t lighten the shadows in her eyes.
She stood, doused her lamp, smoothed her gown the way she’d done countless nights before, then headed downstairs to pretend one more time to be Case’s St. Louis Songbird.
Half smiling to herself, she remembered her first night’s preparation for her debut performance. What once seemed completely strange and alien to her now felt as natural as if she had always been a singer.
She looked around as she stepped downstairs, feeling a sense of pride and belonging at the changes she’d helped to bring to the hotel. The cheery yet elegant wallpaper was her choice, the prints she and Case had painstakingly picked out together, and the sofa in the lobby they’d gone ’round and ’round over until she had finally worn him down and he had given in and bought it. She’d loved gloating to him each time a new guest complimented the beautiful piece of furniture.
Katlyn shook herself free of the remembrances. Case had invited her for one last dinner together, another little tradition she’d come to look forward to at the St. Martin. Only with this dinner, the tradition would end. This place that had become her home, her only real home, after tonight, would be no more than another memory itself.
Looking through the slats of the door to the now magnificently renovated saloon, she spied Case pacing in front of the bar. The sight of his handsome chiseled face, his tall, broad-shouldered frame elegantly clad in a black dinner jacket and tailored slacks, took her breath away. As though he felt her watching him, he paused and turned toward the door. She stepped inside and made her way to the table Tuck had set for just the two of them.
Case met her and took her slender hand in his, lightly brushing his fingers across the back of it. “You look beautiful,” he murmured. “Thank you for wearing the necklace.”
“Thank you for giving me the chance to wear something so beautiful and for this lovely dinner. You and Tuck must have been plotting all day.”
Case pulled out her chair for her. “Tuck and I have learned a lot about the value of presentation, thanks to you. But I wanted tonight to be special.”
Katlyn reached across the table for his hand. He met her halfway, engulfing her hand in his. “Oh, Case, I don’t know what to say. If you keep saying such sweet things I’m going to cry again and ruin all Becky’s hard work on my makeup.”
“No, love, no more tears.” Case squeezed her hand, then slowly released it. “Tonight we’re going to celebrate.” He pulled a bottle of expensive-looking French champagne from the cooler and poured them each a glass. “With our first dinner here, we’re christening the new saloon.”
First and last, Katlyn thought, but didn’t let the words escape her lips. Instead she lifted her glass and forced a smile. “To the new saloon!”
Case clinked his glass to hers. “And to us.”
Katlyn started to contradict him, stopped, and made a pretense of sipping at the champagne.
Case smiled as her nose scrunched a little over the taste, the familiar gesture endearing.
“Katlyn.”
She looked up and he moved to her side, bent on one knee in front of her and drew a small box from his vest pocket.
Katlyn felt the force of her love for him war against a sick foreboding. He was going to ask her to—
“Marry me, Katlyn. I love you and I want you to be at my side the rest of my days.”
Pain ripped at her heart. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing would come.
Why did he have to make her leaving so much more difficult? She yearned to throw her arms around his neck and cry, Yes! Yes! You’re everything to me. Life means nothing without you at my side.
Instead she sat paralyzed by conflicted emotions that felt like torment.
At last she forced out the words. “I can’t,” she said brokenly. “No matter how much I want to, I can’t marry you.”
“Don’t say no. We can work this out, I promise. We’ll find a way. Katlyn, don’t give away your chance for happiness.”
“Case, it’s impossible. You can’t leave the St. Martin. And I don’t know how long we’ll be in Las Vegas. Even if we don’t stay there, I know we won’t be coming back here.”
Case stood, still holding the box that held the symbol of his love for her. “I can wait. I’ll come to Las Vegas as soon as I can find someone to manage things here. And of course you’ll come back here. This is where you belong, we both know that.”
Frustrated, anguished beyond words, Katlyn paced the floor in front of him, clenching and unclenching her hands. “We won’t. I know her, you don’t. Case, please, you have to understand. I don’t belong here. I can’t marry you.”
Her words hit him with the force of a bullet, knocking his determination off balance. She meant it. Once again, he’d trusted a woman’s promise of love and found out it was a lie.
Acknowledging that truth should have made it easy to let her go. Instead, it felt like giving up a vital part of himself.
Anger, frustration, pain, all passed through his eyes to be replaced by a coldness Katlyn hadn’t seen since her first days at the St. Martin. She half raised a hand to him, unable to bear that look. “Case, please, you have to believe me, I—”
“Don’t.” He stepped back from her, his face hard. “Don’t lie to try and make it easier. It’s finished. You made your choice. And it’s not us.”
Katlyn stood in the shadows by the foyer windows, her hands clenched by her sides. Hold on to yourself, for only a few more hours. Except she didn’t have anything left inside to hold on to. She could only cling to the promise she had made to Penelope, knowing it didn’t let her choose.
She had spent the past few hours packing her few belongings and getting ready for her final performance at the St. Martin. Bucky had taken her bags to the boardinghouse so she would have no excuse to linger after she was finished singing.
It had been hard to say goodbye to all the staff, seeing their confusion and feeling their unspoken censure at her desertion. But it had be
en less difficult than telling Case.
“Katlyn?”
A small voice tugged Katlyn around in a hurry. Emily stood at the edge of the room. Already in her nightgown, she hugged her rag doll to her chest and looked at Katlyn with wide, hurt eyes.
Katlyn went to her and knelt beside her. “Are you looking for someone to tuck you in, honey?”
“Are you really leaving?”
“Oh, Emily.” Katlyn took a shaky breath. “Yes, I am. Someone I care about very much is sick and I have to take care of her.”
“I thought you cared about Daddy and me. You said you loved us.”
“Honey, I do love you and your daddy, with all my heart. My leaving has nothing to do with either of you. I made a promise to take care of someone and now I have to keep it.”
Emily stared at her and her eyes filled with tears. “Are you ever coming back?”
Tempted to soothe the little girl with a reassuring lie, Katlyn shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t know how long it will take before my friend is better again.”
“But I want you to stay, Katlyn! I want you to stay and be my mama!”
Katlyn couldn’t have answered even if she had the words to do so. She put her arms around Emily and hugged her close, feeling Emily’s tears wet her shoulder.
Emily clutched her fiercely as Katlyn stroked her back, her cheek against Emily’s hair. Then abruptly Emily jerked back from her and turned and ran up the staircase. A few moments later Katlyn heard a door slam—Emily retreating to the sanctuary of her room.
Katlyn stayed in the foyer, her empty arms falling back to her side. She could go to Emily. But what could she say to her, except goodbye?
Getting to her feet, she turned her face to the shadows again and tried to dab at her eyes with her sleeve. There was nothing left for her here save a few final songs.
“Here, try this,” a voice said from behind her, and then Jack put a handkerchief into her hand.
Sniffling a little, Katlyn wiped her eyes before offering it back to him. He waved it away.
Cimarron Rose Page 20