Pure Hearts

by Jeannine Allison

  We stayed like that for several minutes until I heard the back door open.

  “Nicky?” an excited voice asked. Both of us turned toward my ma.

  “Catherine.” Iris’s enthusiasm matched hers as she stepped out of my arms and quickly walked toward her. I frowned down at my empty arms before lifting my gaze to see the two of them hugging. Looking past them, I saw Trevor—I wasn’t allowed to call him Dr. Moore anymore—checking the two of them in. His gaze was trained on my mother—the concierge had to tap on his arm to get his attention. It was such a strange sight, to see my ma with someone, but the second I looked over and saw her wide smile, my lips lifted.

  I couldn’t remember a time when she’d looked so happy. My stomach sank at the thought that I might have been the reason she never dated. I knew my dad leaving didn’t break her, but that didn’t mean she was whole.

  This seemed glaringly clear now that I’d met Iris. Neither my ma nor I had been irreparably damaged by the people we’d been with, but that didn’t make us complete. Because I was starting to think we all came to this planet incomplete, and even if we were happy, we’d never feel truly whole until we found the person we were meant to spend our life with.

  I didn’t know if Trevor was that person for my ma, but I was seriously starting to believe Iris was that person for me.

  “Dear?”

  I blinked, looking down at my mother and trying to clear my thoughts. My lips dipped down as I looked around and found Iris gone.

  “She went to the bathroom,” my mother explained. Nodding, my eyes moved to Trevor, who was finishing up.

  “The drive was okay?” I asked, my gaze coming back to her. I’d been worried about them getting such a late start considering the snowy conditions.

  “Yes. Trevor was extremely cautious.”

  “Good. Good,” I said absentmindedly. My ma’s hand came to my cheek, bringing my gaze back to her. She was wearing a worried frown.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Of course.” I smiled, but it was smaller than she would have liked.

  “What have I said about lying to your mother?”

  My smile grew, nothing forced about it. “That a puppy is kicked every time I do.”

  “Exactly.”

  “I figured that lie out quite a few years ago.”

  We both chuckled. I didn’t even point out the irony that she lied when lecturing me about lying. Any lie my mother told was white. I believed and trusted in her one hundred percent.

  I suddenly leaned forward, catching her off guard, as I wrapped my arms around her. She laughed, slightly confused, but still hugged me back. I could be on fire and she’d hug me, burning right along with me. That was just how she was.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  She pulled back, still holding on. “What for?”

  “Everything. I don’t know if I’ve ever really said it. You’ve given up so much for me and I need you to know how much I appreciate it.” My eyes unconsciously moved to Trevor once more. He was standing just inside the door, watching the two of us with his lips tipped up.

  Ma caught the move, and when my gaze met hers again, she was giving me a soft smile. “You say it every time you randomly show up with flowers or with my favorite cupcake. You say it every time you listen—extensively—about my day before saying a peep about your own.” Shaking her head, she continued, “You say it every single time you look at me, Nick.”

  She took a deep breath and removed her arms from my waist to grab my hands. “There were a lot of things about my life with your father that weren’t perfect. Most of them, probably. My options were limited, and Tyson’s proposal felt natural and foolproof. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I ever loved him. We’d gotten pregnant young, before we knew what we wanted out of life. But the second I found out about you, Nick, I knew I wanted you. There was not a single moment of hesitation. Being your mother is the greatest joy of my life.” I tried to ignore the tears in my eyes, but it was no use.

  “I could have dated throughout the years,” she said, picking up on my thoughts from earlier. “I didn’t stop because of you. You more than filled my heart; I didn’t need anyone else. I never felt the need. Even now, I could be happy with just you—”

  “But you deserve so much more, Ma.”

  Her grin widened. “So do you. And I think God has finally graced us with them.”

  Both of us looked inside to where Iris was now standing with Trevor. The two of them were so lost in their conversation they didn’t notice us staring.

  “Yeah,” I whispered. “I think He has.”

  I was straightening my tie, my thoughts on Iris and how we spent last night after we left my mother and Trevor, when she stepped out of the bathroom.

  My jaw dropped along with my hands. She looked fucking stunning.

  Her makeup was simple: no color on her lids, just black liner and mascara, some light pink blush on her cheeks, and a slight sheen to her lips. Her brown hair was curled and brushed to one side, looking so damn soft I immediately wanted to run my fingers through it. I roughly swallowed at the thought of messing it up. Somehow I restrained myself as I took in her dress. I’d seen it already, but somehow it seemed brand new now that Iris was in it.

  It was a deep forest green color to match the trees surrounding the lodge. The material clung to her chest, the top of it resembling a heart as it offered a modest amount of cleavage, and the sleeves rested halfway down her shoulder, like the dress was moments away from slipping off.

  God, I wish.

  But while the top half hugged her body, everything directly below her chest easily flowed. She was running her hands along the fabric when she met my gaze.

  “What do you think?” Iris held out her arms, genuinely unsure of how she looked in it. Not because she was insecure, but I was pretty sure she was still having a hard time stepping into someone else’s dress, someone else’s role. I already knew from Lindsay that Iris had tried it on more times than Lindsay’s cousin ever had. And honestly the dress looked made for Iris.

  I brought a hand up to my mouth, rubbing my jaw before shaking my head. “Iris, you look… my God… you…”

  “Really?” she asked with a pleased grin. “That’s the look every girl aims for.”

  “What? To make men stunned, stupid, and speechless?”

  Her laughter floated across the room, wrapping around me and making me feel at home. Iris walked forward, picking up my tie and finishing what I’d started. “Yes. The three S’s. And not for men, but for her man.”

  I stared down at her, my eyes trained on her lips, on how her smile lingered. Her joy was beautiful, infectious. And I needed to taste it.

  She’d just finished, preparing to step back when I carefully grabbed her neck, hauled her to me, and crashed my lips down on hers. It wasn’t gentle or poetic, and it was probably messing up the stuff on her lips. I braced for a slap to the arm or worse—a knee to the groin—because Colleen hated when I kissed her after she’d done her makeup. But that wasn’t what happened.

  Iris groaned, moving closer as her hands made their way into my hair, holding on as the kiss deepened. All other thoughts disappeared when our tongues tangled and my hand fell to her waist, bringing her closer. I could still taste the toothpaste on her breath and the faint scent of lemons drifted over me as my kisses moved across her cheek, my nose nudging her hair.

  “Nick…” she whimpered.

  “Hmm?” Her head was tilted back, and I moved my mouth across her jaw toward her bare neck on the other side. Iris squeezed my biceps, and I felt her legs clench below me. My hand skimmed lower—

  Bang. Bang. Bang.

  With a squeak, Iris jumped back. I looked at her mussed hair and raw lips, but I felt no guilt. And thankfully she didn’t look affronted by having to fix them either.

  “Nick?” my ma called through the door. I shook my head and dropped my hand to adjust myself before walking toward her voice. After taking a breath, I grabbed the handle
and pulled it toward me.

  Trevor had his arm around my mother’s shoulders, grinning at me, while my ma squinted suspiciously. I held the door open wide, glancing back to find an empty room. Iris must have gone back to the bathroom to freshen up.

  “You look beautiful, Ma,” I said sincerely as I took in her dark purple dress. It was as long as Iris’s, but the neckline was up to her collarbone and she had sleeves that ended just above her elbows.

  She started fidgeting, so unaccustomed to wearing a dress. “Thank you, dear.”

  “I told her that she shouldn’t be showing up the bride like this, but she insisted on wearing it,” Trevor said with a large smile, putting his hand on the small of her back. My mother blushed as she leaned back into him.

  Oh, he’s good.

  “Iris…” my mother breathed, eyes wide. I turned around to see my girlfriend exiting the bathroom again, and just like the first time, she nearly knocked me on my ass. She and my ma gushed over their outfits and makeup for a few minutes before Trevor asked if we were all ready to go.

  I watched with a smile as he held his arm out to my mother and she eagerly took it. The door clicked shut behind the four of us, and Iris’s fingers tangled with mine.

  We walked down the hallway toward the bank of elevators.

  Side by side.

  Hand in hand.

  Moving toward something so much bigger than us.

  My ma and Trevor sat in the front row beside Kevin’s parents. I was standing behind Kevin’s brother—his best man—while Iris stood opposite me next to Lindsay’s sister—her maid of honor.

  I tried to keep my eyes on Kevin and Lindsay, but they invariably strayed to Iris. And every single time, like I was calling her, she looked over at me too.

  “You may now exchange your vows,” the officiant said, looking at Kevin first.

  He cleared his throat before beginning. “I always pretend to hate my middle name, but it’s actually one of my favorite things about myself,” he started, staring directly at Lindsay. “Do you remember the first time we spoke?”

  She chuckled and the sight seemed to make Kevin fall even more in love. “Yeah, I do.”

  He turned to the small audience. “I was pretty nervous. I wasn’t as suave as I am now. It took me seven pep talks to get the courage to walk up to her.” We all laughed. “I’m serious. She was intimidating as hell.”

  Kevin faced her again and took a tiny step closer. “She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Still is. And when I first heard her laugh, I fell, without even knowing if there was a safe place to land. Truthfully I didn’t care.” I saw Iris’s eyes well and when I looked at Lindsay, hers were too.

  “So I walked up to her, repeating what I was going to say in my head, when all of a sudden, her friend started screaming. But she was a teenage girl, so naturally she thought she was whispering. She kept saying, ‘Oh my God, he’s coming this way. Oh my God. Oh my God.’ Over and over until Lindsay looked like a tomato.” He turned toward the audience and “whispered.”

  “She had a huge crush on me.” Everyone chuckled as Lindsay rolled her eyes. Then she pulled him back toward her. When he spoke next, he spoke directly to her.

  “I was thrilled to hear you felt the same way, but you looked ready to bolt. So what could I do?”

  She smiled, remembering. “You said, ‘You think that’s embarrassing, try having the middle name Macy,’” Lindsay finished in a deep voice meant to mock Kevin. The crowd laughed, and my gaze moved to Iris, catching her beautiful smile.

  “Not my best line. But we were young so I blamed it on youth. Truthfully it didn’t matter. It could have been the worst line in the world, but it became my favorite that day. Because it got you to relax. When you laughed, I felt like I was falling all over again. First I was nervous, because as a teenager everything is the end of world. And surely you knowing my embarrassing middle name was, like, the worst thing to ever happen,” he exaggerated. “But it saved the conversation. You loosened up and we ended up hanging out after school and talking for hours.” Kevin turned completely serious, his eyes now shimmering with tears.

  “It was one of the best days of my life, Linds. And it was just the beginning. All my best days include you, and I know they will for years to come. All the birthdays, anniversaries. All the childbirths and family vacations. All the fights and the dreams. I want everything you can give me.”

  Lindsay was nodding, and there were tears in both their eyes. The officiant then indicated for Lindsay to give her vows.

  “Kevin Macy,” she began, and everyone laughed. “The first time I truly realized how much you loved me was senior year in high school. We’d been dating for almost four years and saying the words for three, but…” She shook her head, like the memory was causing her pain. I could imagine Kevin’s pinched brow and worried frown.

  “I wanted to find my birth father.” The room froze with her confession. Kevin had told me the story, but he’d made me promise to never say anything to Lindsay. I looked at Lindsay’s mom, pain and tears swimming in her eyes, as her husband drew her closer.

  “You said you’d help me. You ended up finding him. And he… he didn’t want to see me. Didn’t want anything to do with me.” I expected to see sadness in her gaze, but there was only her love for Kevin.

  “You lied to me and said you couldn’t find him. You cussed him out and told him you felt sorry for him, that he was missing out on the greatest girl in the world, and that he needed to stay away from me. He didn’t. I guess he felt a little bit of guilt because he found me and told me all this. He said he was sorry and that it wasn’t me, it was him.” Lindsay shook her head and looked down. When her eyes came back up, there were tears in them. But her expression made it clear they were tears of joy.

  “That should’ve destroyed me, but I didn’t care. Kevin, you healed my heart before he even had a chance to break it. And that’s when I realized how deep your love for me ran. Deeper than I think I will ever know. Because that’s what love is. I think it’s what you do for the person that they’ll never be aware of. But I still feel it. I feel how much you love me, and I can’t even imagine all the things you’ve done that I haven’t been able to properly thank you for.”

  She shuffled forward and finished, “You are, without a doubt, the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, where I belong. Where I’ve always belonged.”

  My eyes moved to Iris as they continued with the ceremony. The promises of love and devotion. Being there in sickness and health. She had already given me all that. Where would we be in ten years? Would we still be together?

  God, I hope so.

  It didn’t scare me that I was having these thoughts either.

  I’d never had a serious girlfriend before Colleen, so I’d often found myself wondering if she was “the one.” It seemed to make sense seeing as she was the only woman I opened myself up to. But my mind strayed, curious as to how everyone else was so certain of “the one.” There were so many other people in the world; how could you promise to feel the same way forever?

  And when things ended with Colleen, the person I decided was as close to “the one” as I would get, I wondered how I’d be able to trust myself again. How could I possibly assure myself of another woman when my first instincts were so off?

  But as I stood here and listened to Lindsay and Kevin say “I do,” and heard the catcalls as Kevin dipped his new wife down and kissed her, I realized the flaw in my thoughts.

  All those times I wondered if she was right for me, I was giving myself an option. It required deliberation, and there were three different answers: yes, no, or maybe.

  And that was how I knew this was different.

  There were no options.

  No deliberations.

  And only one possible answer.

  Yes.

  We were back in our hotel room. My leg bounced as I sat on the side of the bathtub, waiting for Nick. I came into
the bathroom to change and he told me to wait while he set up something in the room. My eyes drifted to the bathroom door that had started to open, Nick’s grinning face peeking through.

  “All set?” I asked, dying to know what he was doing. Instead of answering, he simply walked forward and grabbed my hand, lifting me from the tub. Nick cupped my cheek and brought me forward into a kiss. Our tongues tangled as he slowly walked backward into the bedroom. I registered the soft hum of music and the faint scent of lemon.

  With a grin, I pulled away and slowly opened my eyes. My gaze stayed on Nick, but I saw the flicker of candlelight throughout the room as well as the open window drapes revealing the snowfall outside. I felt all the air leave me as I glanced at the bed, where dozens of yellow rose petals lay.

  Nick followed my stare. “Yeah, it’s all pretty cheesy. But…” He shrugged and turned back toward me. “I don’t really care.”

  “Me neither,” I whispered. The moment felt too intimate for anything else. I felt my grin widen as I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. But unlike the last time we danced, Nick seemed eager to wind his arms around my waist and slowly sway.

  “Do you remember the first time we danced?” I asked.

  Nick laughed. “Of course. You were practically twerking.”

  “I was not. Take that back.”

  “I certainly didn’t mind.” He shifted his hand until he was grabbing my butt, his hungry gaze roaming over my body, like he’d just noticed the tiny black satin robe I was wearing. “W-what’s under there?” he croaked out.

  Stepping back, I wrapped my hand around one end of the belt holding it closed. I made no other move to open the robe, and Nick growled in response.

  “Take that off… before I do it for you.”

  My lips curled into a saucy grin, even as my thighs clenched together. “That’s supposed to be a threat?” Without waiting for a response, I slowly pulled it open anyway, revealing the black and cream lingerie underneath.

  Nick’s mouth dropped open, and his hands briefly turned into fists at his side. He stepped forward, his hands immediately going to the material up by my shoulders. I stayed frozen as he slowly pushed the robe off until it fell down my arms and pooled at my feet. Grabbing me by the waist, he turned me so my back was to the window, and carefully pushed me toward it.