Pure Hearts

by Jeannine Allison

  “It sounds good,” I agreed with a smile.

  “I love you. I lo—”

  I lightly tugged on her hand and leaned forward, immediately capturing her lips. It was my favorite kind of kiss, where I could taste her smile and feel the vibrations of her laughter. It was one hundred percent Iris.

  When she pulled away, I swayed forward. Her kisses tasted like sunshine, and her hugs felt like home. And both always made me want to go back for more.

  “Hey, I almost forgot something.” I gently nudged her until she moved back.

  “What?” she asked as I climbed out of bed and looked for my pants. Once I found them, I easily dug the small jewelry box out of my front pocket before crawling back into bed.

  “Your Christmas present.” I held it out to her. She was holding the sheet to her chest with one hand and reached out with the other to take the gift.

  I was silent as Iris carefully unwrapped and slowly opened the lid. Her wide eyes flew between me and the box. “Nick, it’s beautiful.” She ran her fingers over the necklace.

  I’d heard her talking to my ma at the wedding about how she’d always wanted a teardrop necklace. Once I went home and googled what the hell that meant, I immediately started looking for one.

  The necklace was simple, just a small Rose Quartz bead in the shape of a drop on a silver chain. But when I saw it, I didn’t even think twice before buying it. It seemed perfect for Iris.

  “It’s perfect,” she echoed.

  “That’s not even the best part. Look at the company.”

  Iris looked at the tiny card inside and squinted. “I’ve never heard of them.”

  “Exactly! Get this,” I said excitedly as I placed a hand on her knee. “All the proceeds from this shop are invested into different charities. So every time you wear this, you’ll know some foundation is benefiting—”

  She quickly shuffled closer, the sheet falling away, and pressed her lips to mine. “Thank you.” Iris shook her head. “You’ve given me so many gifts tonight. The necklace. The place where you got it from. And the fact that you know me better than anyone else. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect Christmas.” She wrapped her arms around me and held on tight.

  “I want to give you the world,” I whispered.

  “I only need you.” Iris kissed my cheek before we resumed our earlier positions, her curled around me.

  She may not have needed anything else, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to give her everything. Iris was the girl you gave your all to.

  And that was exactly what I planned to do.

  Kent and I stood in the nursery. His eyes on Mirielle, my eyes on him. It was New Year’s Eve and Iris’s parents were having a party, with all the same people who were at their Christmas party. Things were especially tense when Kent, Calla, Iris, and I met in the foyer. The last time we’d all been in that place, lives felt destroyed and confidences betrayed. But as the night wore on, the strain ebbed.

  Still, I knew we needed to clear the air.

  “May I?” I asked, gesturing to Mirielle, who’d just woken up. Kent slowly nodded and stepped back. I walked forward and gently picked her up, cradling her to my chest, making sure her head and neck were supported. Looking into her wide blue eyes, I tried to dig through my emotions and find an objective truth in our situation.

  But the longer I stood there, the more I realized there wasn’t one. The truth was a funny thing. It was supposed to be objective, when in reality it was relative. And not just to different people, but to time and place as well. It would be nice if certain things were true all the time. It would be comforting because then people would’t have to think.

  But the truth was never this or that, it wasn’t black or white like I’d originally thought. It was gray. It was messy. It was complicated. And pretending it was anything else had been a mistake.

  Kent had his beliefs, and I had mine. Neither was correct. There was a semblance of truth to both, but until we could admit that, we’d never get anywhere. Until we could look at the other side and say, yes, I see some truth there, we’d forever be stuck.

  “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her,” he whispered. “If that makes me a monster, or just a parent, I’m not sure, but it’s the only truth I know for certain right now.”

  Nodding, I looked up at him. “I know your choice wasn’t an easy one. Truthfully, I don’t know what I would have done, had I been in your shoes.”

  “You don’t have to condone something to understand it. I won’t ask for your forgiveness—I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on you. Just don’t treat Iris any different because of it. She did the best she could in the situation Calla and I put her in. I know you’re here and she says everything is sorted out, but I need your word that you’ve completely forgiven her, that there’s no lingering resentment.”

  I started bouncing Mirielle when she began to fuss. “There was never anything to forgive.”

  “Good.” He walked closer and rested a hand on his daughter’s head. “Iris has never looked at anyone the way she looks at you—it’s like you’re as vital to her survival as oxygen. Even from the beginning, we all knew you were different. It was never anything she said, but the way she said your name…” Kent trailed off, shaking his head.

  “I feel the same way. She’s changed me in ways I could’ve never imagined. Sometimes I just stop and stare at her, because I still can’t believe she’s real, or that she’s mine.”

  Kent wore an affectionate smile as he looked down at his daughter. “Yeah. Iris is one of the good ones, isn’t she?”

  I chuckled and shook my head. “She’s not one of the good ones. She’s the best one.”

  There was no gray in that thought—it was the truest statement there was.

  I loved the start of a new year. The possibilities. The excitement. Even if most resolutions fell to the wayside, it was nice to see how much everyone wanted to change.

  Things felt especially wonderful this year.

  Nick wouldn’t become best friends with Kent and Calla overnight, but he and Kent began mending that bridge, and that was all I could really ask for.

  It was a few days after my parents’ New Year’s Eve party and I was waking up in Nick’s bed, one of my favorite places. Kevin, Lindsay, Nick, and I were going ice skating at Frog Pond in downtown Boston later today, so I was soaking up my last few minutes of sleep. I knew I’d need my energy—ice skating was not my forte, and we were up late last night. I’d already heard Nick get up and start getting ready in the bathroom.

  My hands met the headboard and my toes curled as I stretched. I heard footsteps getting closer, and as I relaxed back into bed, I felt Nick press butterfly-soft kisses along my shoulder blades. I moaned, low and breathy, as I wiggled around. One of his hands found my waist while the other palmed my butt over the bedsheets.

  “Morning,” he whispered against the shell of my ear.

  “Mmm…”

  “I gotta run an errand.”

  My hair shifted against the pillow as I nodded. I internally fist-bumped because that meant more sleep for me. “M’kay. When will you be home?” I mumbled, already being pulled back under.

  We both froze.

  Home.

  I liked the way that sounded… a lot.

  With a blinding smile on his face, he answered, “In an hour or two.”

  “Okay. Kiss?” I turned my head toward him, eyes closed, mouth waiting.

  He pressed his lips softly to mine. “Do you need anything?” he asked when he pulled away. I shook my head, eyes still shut.

  “Just you, so hurry back.”

  “Don’t forget about our double date with Kevin and Lindsay.” He laughed because when Lindsay suggested it, apparently I looked terrified.

  I mumbled my agreement and listened to him walk away and leave the apartment.

  It felt like I’d just fallen back asleep when I heard the door shut again. Looking at the clock on the nightstand, I saw that an hour and a
half had passed. I sat up and leaned against the headboard, holding the sheet to my chest in the process.

  Nick walked in a few minutes later, dropping a bag from my favorite bagel place in my lap and a kiss on my cheek. “I have something I want to show you.”

  “Okay.” I greedily took the bagel out and bit into it. He chuckled when he came back in.

  “You don’t waste any time, do you?”

  “Nope.” I nodded to the wooden box in his hands. “Is that…?”

  “The best present I’ve ever gotten? Yup.” I sat a little straighter. “I had the restaurant name engraved.”

  My eyes bulged. “Already?”

  “Yeah. I’ve had a name in mind for a while.”

  I brushed my hands off on the napkin that was in the bag and reached for it. “Let me see,” I said excitedly. We hadn’t talked about his restaurant much. For as excited as he was, I was pretty sure a big part of him was nervous.

  He handed it over and I turned it toward me. I read the inscription out loud.

  Nicholas Blake, Executive Chef & Owner

  Bacio del Sole

  “Nick…” I whispered. He shuffled closer until our knees bumped.

  “It’ll be an Italian restaurant, and the name is ‘Kiss of Sunshine’ in Italian… obviously.” His nervous chuckle brought my eyes up, and I heard one of our past conversations in my mind.

  “Sunshine…” he whispered.

  “Hmm?” I asked.

  “Kissing you, it’s what I imagine kissing sunshine would be like. Warm, bright, soul-filling. A balm to a depressed mood,” he answered.

  “Are you serious?” I asked now. He always talked about me not being real, without even realizing I felt the exact same way about him.

  “Yeah.”

  He looked down, suddenly shy. And even though my heart was already bursting, I still felt it grow in size. It felt impossibly full, brimming with something more than love. He’d become my best friend. I was lucky enough to be in love with my best friend.

  I leaned forward, grabbing his chin and pulling his lips to mine. It was a slow and sweet kiss. And if I hadn’t already been in love with him, this would have made me fall.

  Two months later, on March 10, my twenty-seventh birthday, we were all together again. My parents, Kent, Calla, Mirielle, Aster and Becky who were back for a short trip, Catherine, Trevor, Lindsay, and Kevin. We were at my parents’ house, celebrating my birthday with a simple dinner—which was always my preference. Right now my parents were putting the leftovers away while everyone else dispersed. I was sitting at the dining room table with Lindsay, Catherine, and Calla.

  “I can’t believe you convinced her to go,” my sister said.

  “I don’t know why she was so worried. She only fell four times, and that’s not bad,” Lindsay said as I took a sip of my iced tea. She was right, but she didn’t know it was the fewest number of times I’d ever fallen whilst ice skating.

  “Her numbers are usually in the double digits.” The four of us laughed.

  “I just feel bad that I kept taking Nick with me,” I said.

  Lindsay grinned. “He could have easily let go. Nick chose to go down with you.”

  Catherine smiled. “That’s exactly what a man in love should do.”

  My lips tipped up as my gaze traveled to him. He was holding Mirielle as he talked to Trevor and Kent. The couple times we’d seen my sister and brother-in-law since the disastrous Christmas party, Nick had always insisted on holding my niece for part of the night. Sometimes I wondered if he was trying to remind himself of what else had been at stake that night.

  “He’s doing better.” I turned back to the table at Catherine’s soft voice. Calla and Lindsay had started a separate discussion.

  “I think they’ll be okay.”

  “Me too.” She smiled.

  “Are you?” I suddenly asked.

  “Am I what, dear?”

  I hesitated, my eyes quickly going back to her son. “You never said how you felt about Kent. I just wondered what your thoughts were.”

  Catherine was quiet for a minute as she considered it. “You know, as a parent, I understand Kent’s decision. And as Nick’s parent, I also felt anger at the thought of my son being left on the side of the road.” I cringed and stared down at the table. Her hand found mine and she squeezed. When I looked back up, she was smiling.

  “But above all else, I consider myself a child of God, and I believe everything happens as it’s meant to. Who am I to question Him? I’m grateful things turned out the way they did. I forgave Kent before I even knew it was him. Not necessarily for his sake—I had no way of knowing his intent at the beginning—but because all that anger would only eat at me, the way it did Nick. And trusting our Lord only works if you have faith in everything He does.”

  When she finished, I noticed the other side of the table had gone quiet. I looked over at my sister, who was looking at Nick’s mother with so much respect it stole my breath. Catherine noticed and took Calla’s hand. “And once I met Kent and Calla,” she began again, talking to me but looking at my sister, “I saw the true purpose of it all. Not only to bring a baby safely into the world, but to save Nick as well.”

  She turned to face me now. “My son was saved in more ways than one thanks to you, Iris. And well… if that accident was the only way for it to happen, so be it. This has only strengthened my faith in our Lord.”

  “I agree.” I jumped at the sound of Nick’s voice behind me. When I turned around he was smiling down at his mom. He held out his palm and helped her up before turning my way. “I think it’s time for presents,” he whispered as he offered me his hand. With a wide smile, I accepted and let him lead me toward the couch. Everyone quickly found their spots.

  “I’d like to go first if that’s all right.”

  “Of course, Nick,” my mom said with an easy smile. He walked forward and held out a rectangular box decorated with yellow wrapping paper and a pink bow. Everyone laughed when I tore into it and lifted the lid. Whatever it was was wrapped in white gauzy paper.

  I gently pulled back the paper and found a framed chalkboard inside. I completely lost my breath at the sight of it. “Nick…” I whispered, my fingers gently tracing the edges. It read:

  Tears splashed the glass that was protecting the writing as my emotions got the best of me. There was a blank space for a future date. I looked up and found a blurry Nick down on one knee in front of me. I heard several people sniffling in the background, but I couldn’t tear my gaze away. He took the gift away from me before grabbing my hands, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a ring box balancing on his knee.

  “You told me that your birth parents married quickly because they knew their forever would be shorter than everyone else’s,” he began. “But I don’t know if that’s necessarily true. Coming from a man who knows what it’s like to be completely and overwhelmingly in love, I can safely say that, no matter the length, they wanted their forever to last as long as it could. Because no amount of time is enough when you’re with the right person. And when it’s right, you know. Even if everyone else thinks you’re crazy. Even if the whole world thinks you should wait.”

  My gaze instinctively flickered to Aster. He chuckled and raised his hands. “Why do you automatically look at me?” The rest of the room laughed as he wrapped an arm around Becky. I looked back toward Nick.

  “No one said any of that,” he assured me. “I just know what public perception is. But I don’t care. I want our forever to last as long as it can.

  “You’re a part of me.” He looked down toward his stomach. “Literally. I hated my scars—the emotional and physical ones. I thought they showed the weakest parts of me. But you made me see how wrong I was. They don’t show my weakness, but my strength. They’re proof I lived. They tell my story. There’s no more pain, only strength. Just skin hardened through determination to fix itself.

  “Iris, you taught me a new way of looking at everything. And even though you ne
ver intended to get anything out of it, you still got something.”

  My smile wobbled as more tears fell. “What?”

  “My heart.” His own eyes misted and he opened the box. It was a simple ring, a small diamond set in a rose gold band. It was absolutely perfect.

  Nick grabbed my left hand and held the ring up. “Iris, will you marry me?”

  “Yes,” I said softly. “Of course.”

  He tenderly slid the ring on my finger before leaning forward. Nick grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into a kiss as everyone cheered in the background. It only lasted a few seconds before our laughter and tears forced our lips to part. Nick removed the box from my lap and dragged me down with him before hugging me. One hand cupped the back of my head and the other wrapped around my waist. I held on to his neck tightly.

  “Thank you,” he whispered, almost like he couldn’t believe I’d said yes. When he pulled back, some of the nerves I’d noted these last few months seeped in.

  “If this was seriously too fast, we can have a long engagement.” I chuckled and went to speak when his eyes moved to the framed picture and he said, “We can also take out the idiot part, that’s probably not very romantic.” He looked adorably worried as he rubbed the back of his neck.

  I laughed, grabbing his cheeks and forcing his eyes back on me. “I love it. It’s you, and it’s me. It doesn’t get more romantic than that.”

  “I love you,” he breathed.

  “I love you too.” I put my hand over his heart and felt the beat he had been so sure was destined for no one. Dragging my hand down, I rested it against his stomach, feeling the puckered skin of his scar underneath his T-shirt. I smiled as I remembered his words.

  You’re a part of me. Literally.

  Grabbing Nick’s hand, I rested it against my stomach. “I hope that, someday, I’ll have a part of you in me too.”

  I realized after the fact how those words could be twisted into something dirty. But he didn’t make a joke of it. He looked as excited by the idea as I was.