by Jess Keating
My stomach flip-flopped at the concern in their eyes. For a moment, I wanted to cover for Liv because that’s what friends did. Maybe she was out for a bit and told her parents we’d be together so they’d let her go?
But, if that was the case, wouldn’t she have told me?
Maybe she was hurt?
“She’s not with me,” I said, hating the rush of disappointment inside myself. “I’m sorry. I actually asked her to be here tonight so she could see my presentation. But she didn’t show up. She didn’t even text me.”
She really didn’t want to be my friend now. The truth felt like a cold, wet blanket, weighing down my shoulders.
Mrs. Reed’s face tightened as Mom grabbed her arm. “Don’t worry, Leah,” she said. “We’ll find her. I’m sure she stepped out of the hotel for some air. You know how upset the girls have been…”
I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the noise around me. When Liv and I were little, we used to try to read each other’s minds, standing at opposite ends of the room, thinking of certain colors or animals. One time, we got eight out of ten right.
I squished my eyes shut tight, trying to tune in to her now. It could work, right?
Where are you, Liv?
The image of a cherry shake bubbled up in my mind. A lot may have changed between us, but the Liv I knew would never stop loving ice cream when she was upset.
“That’s it!” I said, jerking my head up. “She’s at Shaken, I know it. It’s where we always used to go when we were sad. She has to be there.”
Before I could say anything else, Mrs. Reed thanked me and bolted for the doors in a rush, with my parents following. “We’re so sorry to miss your presentation, hun,” Mom called back. “We’ll be back once we know for sure that Liv is safe and sound, okay?”
I shifted on my feet as Mr. Nicholson began clapping his hands to get everyone’s attention. Students straightened up, rushing back to their tables so they would be ready to present. Everyone wanted to win that free pass to drop their worst grade, and the halls were already buzzing with excitement. I knew that if I stayed, I could win this thing.
But I also knew there was no way I was staying.
I didn’t know if Liv was okay right now, and there was no way some stupid grade was going to stop me from making sure.
“I’m coming with you!” I said to Mom, taking off after her.
She whirled around, looking sympathetic. “No, Ana! I promise you, we’re going to go there and pick up Liv. You need to worry about your project right now. This is your only shot at that pass!”
“My grade doesn’t matter. I’ll feel a lot worse if I fail at this, you know?” I gave her a pleading look.
She stared at me for a second, then nodded. “Let’s go.”
Liv might not have wanted to be my friend right then.
But that didn’t mean I couldn’t be hers.
Chapter 22
Raccoons appear to “wash” their food with their hands before eating it. In fact, they are using their sensitive paws to identify what they are eating.
—Animal Wisdom
If raccoons have sensitive paws, do they also have sensitive hearts? Can raccoons get worried about their friends? I think they can.
The bright-red sign at Shaken, Not Stirred flickered against the inky backdrop of the night sky. As Mr. and Mrs. Reed hopped out of their car, I urged Dad to park faster.
“Come on!” I said, unbuckling my belt. “Can you see her? Is she in there?”
Mom craned her neck to see inside. “I can’t tell.” Rushing for the front door, we all followed after the Reeds, like a clamoring conga line of elephants in snow boots.
And there, in a booth against the turquoise-blue wall, was Liv.
In our booth.
Relief surged through me as I practically skipped over to her, following after Mrs. Reed.
“Olivia Peyton Reed!” she started. Her hands whipped over her chest as she gawked at Liv. I lurched to a stop, holding myself back. I hadn’t expected Mrs. Reed to be so upset with Liv, but if I was honest with myself, even I was mad at Liv for giving us all such a scare.
“Are you all right?! Do you have any idea the worry you’ve caused tonight?! First sneaking out at home, and now this?! You scared us half to death!”
Wait, what? I caught Mom’s eye, but she didn’t react.
Sneaking out at home? Huh?
I expected Liv to immediately apologize or to say that she’d been upset or anything to show she hadn’t meant to cause such a stir. But instead, she stared straight ahead at her mom. She looked so angry.
“I just wanted a shake,” she said quietly. She gripped the straw with her purple mittens.
It was Mr. Reed’s turn to be upset. “Liv, you can’t just go running off like this! It isn’t safe! We wouldn’t have even known where you were if it weren’t for Ana.” He pointed at me, causing my face to heat up. I wasn’t sure if I wanted Liv’s anger focused on me right now either. “Thank heavens she was right!” he added.
Liv glared at me. “Of course she ratted on me,” she said simply.
A cold fist gripped my insides. “I didn’t rat on you!” I shouted. “I was worried about you! I made this awesome presentation that included you, even though you said you didn’t even want to be friends! How is that ratting on you?! And I actually missed my chance to present because of this!” I clenched my fingernails into my palms.
For a moment, her angry face faltered. And just like that, I caught a glimpse of what Liv was feeling.
Not only sad. Threatened. It was easier to spot it now that I knew the truth. Her mouth quivered slightly.
Mrs. Reed sighed, then sat down at the booth across from Liv. She hung her head, looking defeated. “Ever since we moved, we’ve had some school issues,” she said to my parents. “Her grades are slipping. She’s skipping classes. Her attitude… Well.” She turned to Liv. “The girls at school… I know this behavior might seem to work for them, but I promise you, it is not going to work for you.” Mrs. Reed’s voice was low, but her eyes were gentle.
Another puzzle piece clicked in my head. Like Ashley and Bella influenced me at school, I bet Leilani had influenced Liv.
And by the sounds of it, it wasn’t in a good way. Skipping school?
Liv’s mouth squished together into a thin line. “Do we need to talk about this now, Mother?”
I couldn’t believe she used that tone, and I nearly stepped back to get away from Mrs. Reed’s response.
“Yes,” Mrs. Reed said firmly. “We do. I think you owe these people an explanation as to why they had to take time away from their busy night to track you down.”
Liv’s shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry,” she said, looking from Mom and Dad to me. “I really am.”
“We’ll talk about this more at the hotel,” Mrs. Reed said, rubbing her temples. “Jane, Henry.” She smiled sadly at my parents. “I’m so sorry to ruin your night.”
My parents made a show of how it was no big deal and started out the door.
“Wait,” Liv piped up. “Can I talk to Ana for a second? Before we go?” She looked at Mrs. Reed. The apology was clear in her eyes.
Mrs. Reed took a deep breath. “You’ve got five minutes,” she said gently, then filed out the door after my parents.
“Hey,” I said, sliding into the booth across from Liv. I couldn’t help but feel bad for her.
She sniffed, and I could instantly tell she was trying to put on a brave face.
“Listen,” she said. “I’m sorry about what happened. I wanted to go tonight. Then I got there and saw you talking with Ashley and Bella in the hall and…” She grimaced. “It sucks to see you being so happy now without me. It’s almost like you’re happier I’m gone, you know? And when I saw how great you were doing, I wanted to make it seem like I’m that great too, but the trut
h is my classes are super hard and I’ve been at the principal’s office three times this year. It’s been really weird figuring it all out, you know?” She shook her head.
I didn’t know what to say to that, but I kept looking at Liv so she knew I was listening. It was hard to imagine Liv being sent to the principal’s office if it wasn’t as a classroom helper or something.
She sighed. “I’m sorry. And not only for tonight, which…sucked.” She gestured out the door where our parents were starting their cars. “But everything. I know I can be a jerk when—”
“You were scared,” I interrupted.
Liv blinked in surprise. “I…I was. Really scared.”
“I know,” I said. “Me too. I think I just handled it differently. I tried to lie. I tried to hide all the changes between us or hope that they weren’t true.”
“I mean, I think what you did was super crummy.” I kept talking. It was easier to say the words than I thought it would be, and the minute they were out of my mouth, the pit in my stomach disappeared. I hated making Liv feel bad, and I especially hated that she was going to get on a plane soon and I wouldn’t see her for ages again. But that was why I had to tell her the truth. She deserved it.
“You’re my best friend,” I said, weighing my words one last time. Just like with my fox, I had to let it go and see if our friendship could survive. One more time. “But since you’ve been back, you’ve been terrible at it!”
Liv’s eyes widened, and she blinked in surprise. “Terrible?” She sniffled.
I couldn’t help but giggle at how pathetic we must look, but thankfully the shop was empty, except for the waitress in the back room.
“Terrible,” I said.
She nodded. “I don’t know how to be friends like we were before,” she admitted, lifting her shake to take a sip through the straw. “I mean, I don’t feel the same as I did a year ago, you know? But it seemed like all you wanted was for me to be like I used to be.”
“It was what I wanted,” I admitted. “But I’m not the same either, like you said. I think we’ve both changed a lot.”
“Right,” she said, dabbing her eyes. “So I don’t know how we can be best friends like we were anymore. I mean, I want to! We were so super close! But we aren’t little kids now. We’re too different. You are practically a celebrity. And I’m going to have friends that you don’t like. And we’re only going to get more different as we get old.” She huffed, crossing her arms.
I smiled, trying to keep Leilani out of my thoughts. “But different isn’t bad. Maybe we don’t need to be like that anymore.” I reached over to take a sip of her shake. The taste of cherries made me shiver. My next words were painful coming out, but I knew they felt right. “Maybe we don’t even need to be ‘best friends’ at all, because who cares about that anyway?”
I thought of Liv and Bella and Ashley, who were all so different, yet all great friends to me. Were any of them truly best? Because to me, I sort of felt like I needed all of them. Ashley was gutsy. Bella was sweet. Liv was a giant purple-haired goofball that I’d known forever, who secretly loved math and apparently was friends with some pretty shady girls now. “Maybe we can be real friends, without all the stuff that made us so crazy, like trying to be a certain way.”
Her frown tipped up. “I think you’re right,” she said softly. “It seems like you’ve been trying to be you, and I’ve been trying to make you understand that I’m not the same. We both…” She trailed off.
“Collided,” we said in unison.
“Jinx!” we yelped, laughing.
“Best friends seems so ancient, you know?” she continued, sighing heavily. “Like we’re fossils, who will never change again. I think it’s because we’ve called ourselves that for years now, back when we were the same for a long time. I want to stay friends and still be able to change however we want without worrying you’re going to ditch me because we’re not exactly the way we used to be.”
“Real friends then,” I said, sitting taller. “Real friends can change and dye their hair and become gigantic nerds who work in the zoo and smell like skunk half the time and have other friends. And no matter what, we’ll be there for each other. Who needs a best friend when you can have a real one, right?” I smirked. “Best friends is so last year,” I said, borrowing half a phrase from Ashley. “Let’s be real friends and see who we become.”
A gentle quiet passed between us. Part of me was scared to stop being best friends with Liv, like I was carving a hole out of my life. But now, like digging a hole in a garden, maybe something new and better would grow there. The ambient noise of the ice-cream machines seemed louder than it had a second earlier.
But this time, it wasn’t awkward. Just silence.
Liv smiled. “Deal,” she said, narrowing her eyes.
My heart blipped with nerves as I saw the serious look on her face. “What is it?”
“One more thing,” she said. Curiosity prickled inside me as she dug through her patchwork backpack, searching for something. She dug around in her bag, then waved a green pen in front of me, her eyes glinting with gleeful excitement.
“I need to sign that cast of yours!” she said, yanking my arm closer. “Everyone else got all the good spots!”
As I watched her sign, it hit me that soon, Liv and her parents would be up in the air again, winging their way back home to New Zealand. And I would be here again, without her. But as much as her visit had messed us up, I kind of felt like we were maybe better for it, you know? Like Dr. Carriso had said, maybe our break would make us grow back even stronger.
He was a doctor, after all.
“Wait,” Liv said as we headed for the door. “Your presentation! You can still do it! Go and get that free grade! Mom, can we go back so Ana can do her presentation?”
Mrs. Reed shivered in the cold. “It’s seven thirty on a Friday night. Where else would we be? I think Ana deserves it after what’s happened tonight!” She winked.
Chapter 23
Despite their name, black bears aren’t always black. They can also be brown, blond, blue gray, cinnamon, or white.
—Animal Wisdom
Cinnamon bears?! That sounds like the cutest thing ever!
I dashed down past the lockers to the main hall, searching for Mr. Nicholson. But when I turned a corner and saw him in the middle of the crowd, he was already holding up Bella’s hand.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m happy to announce our winner is Bella Rodriguez, for her wonderful presentation using antique hardcover books!”
My heart sank. “I missed it,” I said, shaking my head. Liv crossed her arms beside me, looking like she wanted to start a riot.
“Well, that isn’t fair!” she started. “I’m going to go over there and make sure that—”
“No, Liv!” I pulled her back. “Bella won. That’s pretty fantastic actually! Don’t mess this up for her.” I gave Bella the teensiest wave when I caught her eye, followed by a geeky thumbs-up. Ashley and Brooke were right beside her, cheering her on as Mr. Nicholson handed her the “official” slip, getting her out of her chosen grade.
“Argh, fine,” Liv said. “I’m sorry you lost out because of me. I’m sure you would have crushed it.”
I shrugged. “I’ll have to convince Mr. Nicholson to let me present to him later,” I said. A small niggle of doubt crept up in me. Mr. Nicholson could be super strict on project deadlines, but I was sure he’d give me a chance once he heard my excuse.
“Maybe I’ll have to throw in some extra credit,” I said, uncertain. “Hey,” I said, poking Mom in the shoulder. “I have to go to the bathroom, okay? Too much cherry shake.”
Shouldering my way through the crowd into the bathroom, I turned the faucet on full blast. I didn’t need to pee. I just wanted a minute alone. The rush of water drowned out the noise outside. Suddenly, now that I was alone, the weight of the ev
ening seemed to crash down on me.
Missing out on my project.
Finding Liv after that horrible scare.
Cherry shakes and casts.
So much had happened and it seemed like every emotion was lining up inside of me, demanding its turn. I guess this is why they say that being a teenager is so hard—half the time it seems like your feelings can’t even fit in your body anymore.
Staring at my blotchy face, I leaned my head against the mirror.
“Ana?” A timid voice echoed against the concrete, beige walls. “You okay?”
I sniffed, wiping my eyes. I hadn’t realized I had tears in my eyes.
“I’m fine,” I said, cringing at how hoarse my voice was.
Kevin appeared in the doorway.
“Kev!” I surprised myself with how happy I sounded. “What are you doing here?! I thought you weren’t back until tomorrow! You can’t be in here!”
Flushing with embarrassment, I turned the faucet off and yanked a few yards of paper towel from the machine. I dabbed my eyes, trying not to smear whatever sad goop was in them all over my face. I was too strung out to go up and hug him like a normal person who hadn’t seen her boyfriend in days.
He frowned. “We got home early, and I thought it would be nice to see you. Are you crying?” he asked. My heart clenched with happiness. Life wasn’t right without Kevin, I realized. Like a fox without teeth or an ice-cream shake without the cherries. Kevin helped to keep me sane.
“I didn’t think I was,” I said, exhausted.
“That’s not the face of someone who won back a free grade,” he said. “What happened?”
“I missed it,” I said simply, throwing up my hands. “We all thought Liv might be in trouble, so we had to go to Shaken, Not Stirred to find her, and thank God she was there, but by the time we talked it all out and started to feel a little bit better, it was too late for me to come back here and present my documentary, even though I really wanted a shot at that free pass, because I hate the thought of some giant fail on my report card, and it was such a good project, but now there’s nothing I can do about it, so I’m in the bathroom, then I randomly started crying because…because, I don’t know. Liv is going back soon, and we’re friends, but this past week has been…ugh.” My voice ran out of breath at the end of my rant, leaving me wheezing.