Endless Days (The Firsts)

by C. L. Quinn

  “I am leaving for you. I understand what you mean by a bond…and I can’t let it happen. I can’t do that to you. Cherise, I cannot stay without inhaling you. I am going. Let me. Let me be noble.”

  Those eyes that saw what others could not began to tear.

  “I appreciate that.” Her voice broke, just a little. “But I am not ready to never see you again. I realized that tonight as I tried to talk myself out of coming here. I can’t want you. But I can’t stop wanting you. Kav, the universe follows its own path to the truth. If I was meant to be bonded to you, it will be. I accept my fate. I accept my destiny. It is clear. Il est tu.”

  It is you.

  It nearly broke him to hear her say she belonged to him. Why did he know, of all things, at this moment, that he was a noble vampire?

  Chapter SEVEN

  Lauren flinched as she often did when she looked at the status reports for this project. What they had done to that man…it was criminal. No, it was inhuman. Unacceptably so. She’d realized that just partway through her internship. And was more than ready to leave. Now, they’d involved another innocent party…and this one…she was mostly human. She certainly wasn’t a vampire like the man. Fragile emotions were played with and shredded in these horrible “experiments.” Once she was back home on U.S. soil, she planned to resign by disappearing. Well, if she could pull it off. She’d learned that this job was a little like going to hell…admission’s free, you pay to get out. In other words, they considered you a lifer. This, she couldn’t bear any longer.

  He didn’t deserve the torture. Not that anyone did, but…she’d been reevaluating…it didn’t seem like vampires were exactly the heinous creatures she’d been recruited to study. And this one, this David Patric, he had been gentle with her each time she’d had one on one contact. Yes, she realized they’d taught her he could compel her…that her own feelings and reactions, even physical actions, would not be her own. But she honestly knew better. She had been compelled by a vampire once in Wales…she remembered it well. And while she had done exactly what he’d asked her to, she was aware the entire time that she did not want to do it and couldn’t stop. If the team hadn’t rescued her, she would have been compelled to forget everything that had happened while she was with him, and she would have. Even he had been kind to her.

  So. She’d been misled. Vampires were certainly not any more brutal than those who performed the torture for this project. Interestingly, she had noticed how some thrived on it. Especially, Joubert, project director. Project asshole. She swore to herself if she had to work with him one more day, she would have to kill him…or herself. Either way, she was done forever with the likes

  of him. She’d take the free plane ride home, though.

  If there had been any way she could help the victims involved, she would, but she knew…she had no power… and they had a lot. Lauren knew she’d be swallowed whole and spit out if she tried to interfere. Her survival imperative forced her to admit she couldn’t help them now. So she’d slink away like a dog with its tail tucked and try to forget the past two years. She would never be proud of her involvement, but, god, she hoped she would be able to forget about it someday. Or at least forgive herself for her part in it. Snapping her seat belt and pulling it tight, she leaned back for takeoff. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

  Cherise wandered around her little bakery. It was early, an hour before she opened…the place smelled like sugar and spice and everything nice. The smell of cinnamon was overwhelming right now, and it made her smile in pleasure, as well as lay her hand against her chest to stay a sharp stab of pain. Eugene. Lovely, huge, Eugene…by far the best cook and baker she’d ever known. Those cinnamon buns he made, easily three times the size of any other, smothered with warm melted icing…they were an absolute favorite of the vampires in the household she’d lived in before she came here. Just before it was attacked and bombed to the ground.

  And even though her cinnamon buns were not eaten by huge vampires with extraordinarily high calorie requirements, she made them just as large. And they flew out of here, too, first thing every morning. Because they were Eugene’s recipe, and superb. Every time she made them, she sent him a heartfelt thank you. There would never be a moment she would forget her dear friend and how he was lost in the vampire battle last year. It was one of the things that drove her here…away from that life. Toward the peace and serenity of this mountain village.

  Yet here she was, ready to bond with a vampire and give her life and love to him. Mon Dieu, if you had told her last year…well, she would have told you that you were crazy and absolutely, intensely wrong. Best laid plans, though…

  By tonight, she was afraid he would be inextricably intertwined with her own spirit and soul. As she closed the door to the display cabinet holding a luscious stack of the cinnamon buns, she realized her hands were shaking. Yeah, it terrified her. About as much as the idea of him leaving, and her never seeing him again.

  She loved the shop like this, pristine and smelling incredible…quiet with just a soft glow of lights, just before the customers came. It was the perfect moment she had sought after all the slaughter and blood last year.

  Cherise dropped down into a chair and laid her head back, let herself breathe deeply, her eyes closed, her body still. Yes, this was heaven. She knew she’d better enjoy this moment…it might not come again for a long, long time.

  Kav was uncertain…which was quite unusual for a first vampire. He could feel his own essence…his life force…now, and it was strong and decisive. He knew he never hesitated to take care of his own needs. And yet… He could not decide whether to stay or go. She wanted him, he knew this now…he hoped she needed him. And he would be able to make love to her as he had wanted to do for so long. He needed to be in her…he already knew he was inside her. But was it the best thing for her? Letting her suffer for helping him…

  NO. He knew the right path. Time to go. She would know that, but he’d be gone before she could do anything about it. And he knew that as long as he went far enough…she couldn’t find him even if she did look. He was already packed with the few items he would need…there was no point in delay.

  Kav vampire-moved out the door and down the road. He did not know where he was going, but he knew a direction, for some reason…north. He didn’t stop until he reached a busy road, found a young man to compel, and had him steer his old beater car toward Canada. It was time to go home. Well, to try to go home…

  The Rowley twins were taking forever tonight to choose their pastry. Although they still looked and dressed alike at their current age of sixty-nine, they had highly diverse tastes and a limited wallet. Which is why they waited until just before the patisserie closed to get end of day prices. They came in every other evening like clockwork to choose a treat. Tonight it was a good natured argument in which neither was winning. Cherise just smiled patiently…when it hit her. She knew instantly he was gone. His life force, which she could completely sense, weakened and then it was gone. All she could feel was the emptiness of where he belonged. He’d done it, the bastard. He’d left.

  She fell back against the counter and closed her eyes, searched for him. No. He was out of range. Unless he wanted her to find him, she would have no way to do so.

  Well. Didn’t she just tell herself this morning to enjoy the serenity while it lasted. Margaret came back from serving a late meal to a table by the window.

  She grabbed Cherise’s sleeve. “Oh, honey, you’re even whiter than usual. Are you okay?”

  “Um…I’m feeling a little faint…could you take over for me? I need to…”

  “Of course, you go lie down or take something if you need to. I’ve got this.”

  Cherise murmured a thanks and went out the back door, trying to catch her breath. He was gone. She began to pace back and forth. Yeah, she’d been right. Instead of relief, she was panicked, worried for him, terrified he would never come back, would never let her help him heal. Would never feel him lying against h
er again. God. She didn’t want to…but she needed the vampire like she needed air. She knew two things for certain…he’d left because he thought he was doing the right thing for her. And she knew it was the wrong thing. She would suffer for it the rest of her life. Which wasn’t vampire long, but longer than a normal human.

  She dropped on the cold grass that was busy going dormant for the coming winter.

  When she saw small feet in front of her, she glanced up.

  “He left,” Leo said, then he, too, dropped onto the grass beside her. “I could feel his tumultuous emotions. He didn’t know how to deal with this.”

  “I know. You have any idea where he might have gone?”

  “No, I’m sorry. I really don’t. He never recovered any recognizable memories while I was with him. You were his best chance.” They both went silent.

  “He’s still broken,” Leo said suddenly.

  Cherise nodded. “Yeah, I know. He’s going to stay that way unless he comes back or I can find him.”

  “We’ll help. The elf community crosses the world you know. I’ll put out bulletins.”

  Cherise looked at him warmly, aware her eyes were moist. “I appreciate it. Maybe…maybe we’ll get some luck.”

  “He found you. That might be luck enough.” Leo pushed upright. “I’ll make the calls. And I’ll let you know if I find anything or hear from him.”

  “I’m grateful. Thanks, Leo.”

  Then he was gone.

  There was little left to do now, but go about her life. She may or may not ever see him again, and either way it didn’t change the fact that she had her patisserie to run.

  Lauren continued on with the rest of the team of fourteen people, ten of which were security only. Big guys whose jobs were strictly to protect the scientists and researchers…to intervene if it became necessary with the subject or subjects. Patric had been out in the world now for over ninety days…he had to be getting stronger. And if he’d hooked up with the empath, which the mission portfolio told her they thought he had, it was over. He would no longer be controllable by mere humans. She’d been told it had taken a mammoth effort and hundreds of man hours to find a way to secure a first vampire to begin with. They’d never pull it off again.

  She would settle in, let them think she was there to work, and then quietly slip away a day or two from arrival and disappear. Her team was to replace the first one that had been onsite for the past three months.

  Team one was packed and ready to get out of there. Team one leader, Pietro Chemue, pitched a folder at her when they arrived at base.

  “Here,” he said in French. “He is gone. Project is perhaps finished here. She does not know where he went. And the tracker we installed…it stopped working last night. So, I believe he went back toward his home, north to Iceland. You will need to prepare teams to observe him remotely once you find him again. He is no longer contained. His skills are nearly fully intact now.” He looked Lauren directly in the eyes and then said in perfect English. “Good fucking luck. If he finds you guys now, he’ll tear you apart.”

  Lauren caught the folder, watching team one disappear into the van they’d rented at the airport. She knew that. Knew that if he found out who tortured him all these years, nothing would save them. Another good reason to be gone from here ASAP. Team one wasn’t sticking around. Smart.

  Well, in a way, this was good news. Another team would be assigned to search for him while her team would be expected to evaluate the empath, much easier and safer. Perhaps she would stay just to make sure Cherise Devereaux was okay. Nothing about the last year was right…nothing about it was clean. There was no way to justify what they had done, even for the sake of science. There was no threat here. Vampires had been here longer than humans, and had rarely posed a danger except in isolated circumstance. Well, so had humans.

  At the very least, she may be able to help Cherise. After they were settled in, she wanted to visit the little pastry shop and meet the woman she had only seen in video and photos.

  Kav left the nice young man in New York City. He still wasn’t sure where he was heading, but the imperative to go north had gotten stronger. He knew now. He was going home.

  Flashes of a harsh, stunning landscape guided him. And although his destination was still vague, he was certain, as he got closer, he would know. Already, his mind was clearer, his breathing calmer. And he could drink from anyone now. The spirit amulet Cherise freed gave him back a lot of his power. He didn’t know who he was yet, that hovered just beyond his reach, but it wouldn’t always. Someday, it would come. If it did, and if he was well, and if he turned out to be an honorable man, he would return for her. She held his heart. His happiness lay behind a lot of ifs.

  His body had filled out a little more, so here in this grand city, he compelled a new wardrobe. Things that fit a large man with large muscles. He’d just stepped out of a high end men’s store when an impeccably dressed man pulled up to the curb in a dark green jag. Nice. He thought about it for a moment. Did he drive? Yes. Yes, he did. And this was his style of car. He compelled the man to take anything out of the car he might want or need, and then told him that the car was gone, wrecked, and that he needed to buy a new one. The man nodded and reached for his cell, walking away down the street.

  Kav smiled. He’d load it up with his new clothes, a lot of food, and then continue across the border. Crystal clear waters and dancing skies were waiting for him somewhere up there. Once he got clear of the big city, it was almost as if the tires against the road were sounding out “going home, going home, going home.” He found a radio station that played music he liked and settled in until the sun drove him off the road.

  Well, it didn’t matter if the big vampire was gone or not…pastries still had to be made. Lunches served, tables cleaned, and cakes decorated. Cherise buried herself in her work, baking too much, cleaning too hard, and sleeping too little. If she found enough to keep her busy, it hurt less and she’d even have long moments when she didn’t think of him at all. Leo checked in daily these past three days since he left to let her know…no sightings yet. She wasn’t naïve enough to think there would be. Vampires could hide. First vampires could do just about anything they wanted, they had so many abilities to manipulate the world. She’d unlocked that, so he was well and truly free of her if he wanted to be. And obviously he did.

  She knew that was unfair, too. He’d left to protect her…she’d made it clear enough to him how their involvement would hurt her. It had all been true. But he hadn’t taken into account…it was already too late. He was already a part of her…living with his absence was a torture in itself. Unless he returned. Anything could happen, but she couldn’t count on it. So, life would return to normal, and she would try to manage her feelings as well as possible. Le temps guerit toutes les blessures. Well, no one knew better than an empath, time really couldn’t heal all wounds.

  Chelsea was closing tonight since Margaret was out of town visiting her friends in Colorado Springs. After the dinner rush and inevitable orders for parties and celebrations, the shop would be quiet for the rest of the night. Cherise had her heart set on spending the cool night outside under the stars. She could find peace there, balance, the calmness she had achieved when she first came here a year ago. This would be her second winter at the foot of these lovely gentle mountains and she was ready to embrace it once again.

  There was a simpleness in winter, where creature comforts are basic…warmth, good food, and the silence of a snow covered land. It could be found in the stillness of a dark, star-covered night sky, a meditation in seeking that which matters in the world. People could slow down and breathe deeper. An empath felt everything around them, which is why they tended to seek isolation. Which is why her little home sat alone some distance from the village. She loved the people here, but there were times she needed aloneness and solitude to control her gifts. Tonight, there was a bite in the air…the first snowfall would come, late, eclipse her starry sky. They would awaken to diam
ond-dazzled streets and sharp-edged air. Winter was here and she welcomed it with open arms.

  Both black cats preened for her as she gave them soft rubs and a bowl of their favorite food. She’d released her hair from its tight bonds, and walked slowly toward her bedroom. From the doorway, she began dropping her clothes, and as she became naked, the cool air nipped at her skin. It felt delicious. Would be even more so outside in the crisp night air. All she added was a huge plush robe against her skin, luscious and warm. Didn’t even bother with shoes. The wood deck was cool but not cold against her feet, and she pulled them up under the big robe as soon as she dropped into her rocking chair. Ahhh.

  The worst was the intense physical need for him. Her body was in constant readiness, waiting for he that would not come. The center of that which is woman pulsated, wanting him, needing him to enter her and make her complete. Sex was life, and it was deep and dangerous, and couldn’t be ignored. Cherise sat with her hand covering the area that even now twitched in desire for release. She would have to take care of herself…but it was not even close to satisfaction for what she needed. It was too late to seek another for sex…only Kav would ever again satisfy the love and lust her body demanded.

  Cherise laid her head back and gathered the robe to her as the cool air took on a damper bite. The sky was glorious tonight. Black liquid poured around the brilliant stars and made her smile. When a flaming meteor shot across the perfect black with its burning trail she remembered…oh, yeah, it was a meteor shower tonight…the Geminids. Late autumn’s dancing sky show…all the more welcome because she needed this magical celestial event. Always before, for all her life, she never missed the fall or winter meteor showers. This year, she nearly had. It appeared Kav wasn’t the only one who was fractured. She dropped the back down on the lounger beside her rocker and changed seats. In that position, she could stay most of the night and let the universe heal her. An hour or so of frequent shooting stars had passed when her cats jumped up and snuggled against her to warm her up. Then, another hour later, her eyelids dropped, and she fell into her first good sleep since Kav had gone.