by June Francis
‘Exactly.’ He paused. ‘Look over there, Flo, towards the river. Over the horizon is the Irish sea and the Emerald Isle. Beyond that the Atlantic and home.’
The spurt of happiness drained out of her and she felt terribly tired. ‘I wish I could,’ she said strongly. ‘Maybe if it was in ten years time I could say yes. Father’s getting old. George is growing up. Time heals. But right now I can’t.’
There was a long silence and neither of them moved.
At last Mike said, ‘I’ll see you home.’
She shook her head. ‘We’ve been through this so many times. It won’t make it easier. Let’s say tarrah outside.’
His mouth tightened. ‘No goodbyes, Flora. We’ll just walk away from each other.’
She nodded and they both went and got dressed.
Chapter Twenty-Two
It was quiet in the house when she arrived, and for five minutes she believed that she would escape a telling off from her father. But she had just poured out a cup of tea when he came in from the yard.
She could feel the frost from feet away as he stopped short and stared at her, his bristling brows meeting above his hooked nose. ‘And what time’s this to be coming home?’
She glanced at the clock, and was tempted to say, ‘Ten o’clock.’ Instead she murmured, ‘Sorry, Father. I told you I’d be late.’
‘You didn’t tell me you’d be this late. Or that you were seeing that Yank again,’ he rasped, reaching for his pipe on top of the wireless. ‘What’s happened to your brains, girl? You’ve got a good upright bloke in Stephen and you’re messing around with a bloody Yank, staying out all night! Where’s your sense of decency? You used to be a good sensible lass, but you’re going from bad to worse.’
‘Yes, Father. I’m sorry, Father.’ Her tone was meek as she watched him take out his tobacco pouch.
He scowled at her. ‘Don’t be thinking you’re deceiving me with your “Yes, Father. Sorry, Father.” You’re not a bit sorry.’
‘No, Father.’ She could not prevent a slight smile.
‘Don’t be grinning all over your face,’ he snapped. ‘You ought to be ashamed of yourself.’
‘I am,’ she insisted, putting down her cup. ‘Believe me!’
He grunted, pressing tobacco into the bowl of his pipe. ‘I don’t know what’s got into you. Look at your sister. She’s settled down. Surprised me – but there it is. Not a bad bloke Kevin, for all he’s too handsome. Been giving me a loaf regular.’ He shot a glance at Flora. ‘I know where I’ll be leaving all me money, girl, if you don’t pull your socks up.’
Flora shrugged and took a sip of her tea. ‘I didn’t know you had much to leave. Anyway, what I’ve ever done for you is because you’re my father and nothing to do with any money you’ve got. So you can’t blackmail me.’
He turned his back on her and got a light from the fire for his pipe. There was a silence while he got his pipe going nicely. Flora waited, certain that he had not finished with her. She would get through it all right if she kept calm, although the thought of Kevin and Hilda being tops with her father irritated her when she considered all the years that she had gone back and forth to his house, shopping and cleaning for him.
He faced her again and she squared her shoulders. ‘You’re not setting a good example for the kids.’
‘They know I’ve been out all night then?’ She was dismayed. ‘You’ve told them?’
‘I said you were up early and gone on a message. They’re out playing somewhere.’ His yellowed teeth clenched on the stem of his pipe. ‘I don’t like telling lies to kids. So we’ll be having no more of this staying out all night, girl.’
She nodded and said huskily, ‘Perish the thought. I won’t be doing it again.’
Flora had seen little of Hilda and wondered how she was really getting on now with Kevin. On Saturday mornings, her sister seemed disinclined to linger or talk much. But one morning she did not immediately rush off but delayed on the doorstep, a frown marring her pretty features. ‘Did you ever mention about you and me and Mike to Kevin?’ she asked unexpectedly.
Flora raised her eyebrows. ‘You’re joking! Me and your Kevin were never on those terms, whatever you might think. Why?’
‘Someone has.’
‘Well, it wasn’t me.’
Hilda nodded slowly, and gingerly felt her upper arm. ‘It’s not funny how the word Yanks affects British men.’
‘It can make them react passionately,’ murmured Flora.
‘Violently passionate,’ said Hilda, her expression vague as she dropped her hand. ‘They’re dead jealous, I suppose.’ Her eyes shifted to Vivien waiting at the bottom of the step. ‘Perhaps Viv? Kevin plays with her. And he’s made up with any excuse to get back at me. He’s got a nerve when he’s always flirting with the little tart downstairs.’ She frowned and hurried down the step before Flora could say anything.
Flora tried not to worry about Hilda, but her words niggled as did the way she had felt her arm.
That evening Stephen came. ‘Come and see over the house again, Floss.’ His expression was bright with anticipation. ‘I thought you might want to make some changes.’
She went, taking Vivien with them which didn’t seem to please Stephen. He kept looking at the girl and tightening his mouth as the car sped down Rocky Lane.
It was a nice house, bigger than Flora’s, with a good-sized hall, a parlour, kitchen, back kitchen and scullery. There was a bathroom and two large bedrooms and a box room upstairs. The back garden was huge with a couple of apple trees at its far end.
‘Can I have the bedroom overlooking the back garden, please?’ asked Vivien eagerly, her nose pressed against the leadened window.
Stephen exchanged a quick look with Flora, and she felt sure that he was going to say something different to what he actually did. ‘The boy’ll have to have that. He’s the elder.’
Vivien looked disappointed but nodded. Stephen began to discuss bedding and cookers with Flora. Vivien began to fidget with the blind cord and received a sharp rebuke from Stephen. She wandered out of the room and Stephen said to Flora, ‘She should really be with your Hilda. What about a kid of our own? We’ll need the extra room.’
Flora gazed at him, her hands dug deep into the pockets . of the mustard coat. The room was cold but that was not the reason for the shiver that passed through her. ‘We don’t have to get married, Steve,’ she said in a tense voice.
‘Don’t be silly,’ he said sharply. ‘Everybody knows we’re going out together. They’ll all be expecting us to get married soon. Just because I’ve said what needs saying about Viv, there’s no need to get in a huff.’
‘I’m not in a huff.’ Her voice was quiet. ‘But you knew the score when we first started going out, and you were prepared to have Viv then.’
‘That was before your Hilda got married and settled down. It changes things, Flo.’ He sat on the double bed and patted the space beside him. ‘Come and sit down and let’s talk this over sensibly,’ he coaxed.
Slowly Flora walked over to him and sat. His arms went about her and he kissed her. She responded as best she could but when he opened her coat and fondled her breasts and his kisses grew wilder, she wondered what was wrong with her that she was allowing it when she loved Mike. She pushed his hand away when he would have undone her cardigan. ‘Viv might come, and it was her we were supposed to be talking about.’
‘Damn Viv,’ he muttered. ‘I want you, Floss. I’ve wanted you for years. Since we were adolescents and you were going out with Tom. God, how I wanted you then!’
She looked at him in surprise. ‘You never acted like you wanted me.’
‘I knew Tom would get you, that’s why.’ His mouth twisted. ‘Tom always got what he wanted and I was too shy to fight for you.’ His voice sounded strained as he added, ‘But he hasn’t got you now and I’ll have the last laugh.’
‘Don’t!’ Flora stood. ‘I don’t like it when you talk about Tom the way you do. There’s nothing y
ou need fear from him now.’ She shivered again and buttoned her coat hurriedly. ‘Let’s go downstairs to the fire.’
He nodded, grinning. ‘I’ve got some crumpets. We can toast them and have tea.’
‘Okay.’ She forced a smile and they went downstairs, the matter of Vivien living with them shelved for the moment.
The following Saturday Flora hurried to the front door in response to a frantic hammering on her knocker. She was certain it was Hilda, impatient to be let in, and she was right.
‘Hell, Flo,’ said her sister, stumping into the lobby. ‘What kept you? You’d think I had all day to wait on that step.’
‘I was in the back kitchen doing some washing.’
‘You want to get a machine like I’ve got.’ Her smile flashed for a second. ‘Or get that manfriend of yours to buy one. No! On second thoughts he’s probably too tight-fisted, like Kevin.’
Flora stared at her. ‘What are you talking about? You’ve just said you’ve got a machine.’
‘Only because I went and bought it myself.’ Hilda walked up the lobby. ‘You’d think I’d been seeing another man the fuss Kevin made. The mean swine! He’s cut my housekeeping to put the money back in his hoard and moved it to a different hiding place.’ She flung herself into a chair, crossed her knees, and jerked one leg up and down. Her fingers fumbled for her cigarettes. She lit up before saying, ‘Where’s Viv?’
‘Upstairs getting ready.’
Hilda nodded slowly. ‘Stephen came to see me about her last evening.’
‘What!’
The sisters’ eyes met. ‘You heard me,’ said Hilda, her mouth tightening as the cigarette burnt between her fingers.
‘I guess you know why?’
‘Yes!’ Flora sat abruptly. ‘What did you say to him?’
‘I said what you should have said ages ago. That she was their Jimmy’s child.’ She paused, frowning.
‘And?’ prodded Flora.
‘And he nearly dropped in his tracks.’ Hilda smiled and inhaled deeply, holding in the smoke for several seconds before exhaling. ‘Then he said he didn’t believe me. And I told him to go to hell.’
‘And?’ asked Flora, certain that there was more.
‘And then he slagged my morals, so I told him to get out. So he went.’
Flora made tea, anger seething inside her because Stephen had gone behind her back to speak to her sister. ‘What did Kevin have to say about it?’
‘Nothing, because he wasn’t there. And I didn’t tell him because we’re not speaking.’
‘Oh, Hilda! Are you still arguing – or not arguing should I say?’ She handed her sister a cup of tea.
A small laugh issued from between Hilda’s rouged lips. ‘Don’t you be worrying about me. I’ll work something out.’ She sipped her tea. ‘Anyway I think me and our Viv’ll go to town. I could do with a new frock to cheer meself up.’
‘Money?’ Flora looked at her.
Hilda smiled. ‘Sausage and chips he’ll be getting after tomorrow for the next three days.’
Flora could not help admiring her nerve as she called Vivien down.
After they had gone Flora wondered how long it would be before Stephen turned up to tell her what he had done about Vivien.
When he came that afternoon she was ready for him as she opened the door. He had hardly set foot in the lobby.
‘How dare you go behind my back and talk to our Hilda about taking Viv?’
His mouth tightened and his ears went red. ‘I thought she’d come and tell you. Typical of her! Not prepared one iota to accept responsibility for her own child.’
‘You didn’t have to slag her off. And besides, I’ve accepted responsibility for Viv. And don’t you think if she’s Jimmy’s child, you owe her something for his sake?’
‘If!’ He frowned at her. ‘Why didn’t you tell me that Viv’s supposed to be Jimmy’s child?’
Their eyes met, and Flora pulled a face. ‘For exactly the reason you gave Hilda: I didn’t think you would believe she was his. But they were close, and your aunt Molly told me that she’d seen them together in town the November before Viv was born. It fits.’
‘Hmmm, perhaps.’ He frowned. ‘It still wouldn’t surprise me if she was a Yankee bastard.’
‘Steve, what a thing to say!’ Even in her own ears she sounded terribly shocked.
‘Sorry,’ he said hastily, seizing her shoulders. ‘It’s just such a surprise, Floss. Give me some time to think about it.’
‘I don’t see what there is to think about. But if you need time, that suits me.’
He nodded vaguely. ‘I wonder if Kevin …’
Flora pulled herself out of his grasp. ‘Don’t, Steve, if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking.’
He shrugged. ‘Let’s forget about it for now. Are you ready to go out?’
‘No,’ she said promptly. ‘I’m not in the mood.’ His expression fell and she sighed. ‘All right then. I suppose your reaction is natural. Let’s go the pictures. George’s waiting in for Father and he’s looking after the kids.’
He was obviously relieved at her change of heart and was chatty as they walked along the road. Flora was in a completely different mood to his, but she hid it, and allowed his words to go over her head.
Flora’s period was almost three weeks late and she felt sick. With anxiety, she assured herself as she put down the heavy shopping.
If Viv had been with her, she would have helped her carry everything and also distracted her from the single thought which zig-zagged like some primary colour in a kaleidoscope in the forefront of her mind.
Weariness overwhelmed her almost as completely as nausea. A cup of tea and a plain biscuit would help; so would putting up her feet. She would not think that her sickness could be due to anything else but an upset stomach. It was six weeks since she had seen Mike and she knew that already some of the G.I.s had left Burtonwood and sailed for home.
Best not to think of him. His smile, and the way his grey eyes spoke of loving her without him saying a word. She pressed her eyelids tightly shut and opened them again, but still he was in her mind.
She began to unpack her shopping, and tried to concentrate on Stephen. Him she could marry. She felt certain of it, whatever decision he came to about Vivien. And a baby could be started on a wedding night – could come before full term. She hated herself for thinking in such a way.
Still the idea stayed with her in the following days when she was sick every morning.
On Wednesday Stephen called her into his office.
She stood in front of his desk, her fingers looped behind her back, watching him fiddle with a pencil on his desk for what seemed ages. She wondered why he was taking so long to speak. Perhaps she had made a bad mistake at work which had cost him money and he couldn’t bring himself to say so, she thought wryly. Or maybe it was about Vivien. She doubted it because he normally kept working hours strictly for business.
After what seemed an age he looked up. ‘Is it true that you and your Hilda fell out over some Yank during the war?’ he said unevenly.
She was taken by surprise. ‘Certainly not!’ She paused. ‘It was after the war, and not a bit like you make it sound.’ Her voice was steady and light. ‘She was going to marry a Yank, but hadn’t told him about Viv. When he found out, he broke the engagement off. She believed it was my fault that he found out.’
Stephen stared at her, gnawing at his bottom lip. ‘You didn’t go out with a Yank yourself?’
Flora hesitated. ‘For a short while,’ she said carefully, lacing her fingers together. ‘It was a time when everything was dark, after Tom was killed. Hilda introduced him to me. He went back to America after the war.’
He rat-tatted the pencil on the desk. ‘You didn’t – ?’ he began.
‘What?’ she said coldly, drawing herself up to her full height.
‘Nothing.’ The pencil dropped to the desk and he stared down at it. ‘I went to see Kevin about Viv and he mentioned a
bout this Yank. He also said that that fella Mike you were going out with was a Yank. Is that true, Flora?’
‘Yes, it’s true.’ Her voice was quiet. ‘Why did you have to go and see Kevin? I particularly wanted you not to. I don’t like the man.’
‘Perhaps it’s because he knows too much about you.’ His ears had reddened and he picked up the pencil again. ‘He says that your Hilda said that you and this Mike were serious.’
Anger hardened inside her. ‘And if we were? I honestly don’t see what that has to do with you or Kevin,’ she said passionately.
‘We are getting married, Floss.’ His voice rose. ‘I have every right to know. The thought of you with a Yank sickens me. We all know what they’re like.’
Flora’s eyes sparkled and she rested her hands on the desk and leaned towards him. ‘Do you? How many have you met? How many do you really know?’
‘I met quite a few during the war. The way they talked about girls and sex –’ The pencil snapped between his fingers and a muscle tightened next to his mouth.
‘The British soldiers never talked about it? You mean you never had a girl, never went with one just for a bit of comfort when you were all keyed up waiting to go and fight?’ she demanded.
‘Floss! Of course not. You shouldn’t talk like that.’ He wriggled his shoulders uncomfortably. ‘It’s not nice to hear from a woman. Especially the woman I’m going to marry.’
She stared at him and thought of being married to him, of waiting on him hand and foot. Because that’s what he’d expect. Of sleeping with him. Of foisting Mike’s child on to him. Then she knew that she could not do it. ‘I’m not going to marry you, Steve. I’m sorry, but I can’t.’
‘What?’ He got to his feet quickly. ‘It’s because I went to Kevin, isn’t it? Well, you don’t have to worry. He won’t have Vivien living with him. Says he won’t have another man’s child. But I’ll have her, Floss. I mean, she could be our Jimmy’s.’
‘Thanks, Steve, but no. After all she mightn’t be your brother’s and I wouldn’t want to foist three other men’s children on you,’ she said quite calmly.
‘What?’ He stared at her.