by Cheryl Oblon
To her, I was a rebel.
Chapter 19
As I sat for the digital imaging, the tablet beeped on my desk.
“Hold still,” Marel said.
I fought to keep from fidgeting in a white gown embroidered with purple flowers. Not really me, at all, but it was lavish. The tiara made me feel a little silly.
I waited and held still. Finally, she tapped the button.
“Done,” she said.
“Good.” I stood and grabbed the tablet. A message from Remmy?
Worse. The queen.
“What is it?” Marel asked.
I reached for the tiara. “The queen wants to see me. I need to change.”
“No, go.” She pointed to the door.
“Like this? It’s too formal.” I fingered the purple stone at my throat. That was the only jewelry I couldn’t do without.
“She wants to see you now.” Marel pointed to the message. “Go.”
“It’s right down the hall.” I didn’t want to go like that. “It’ll look like I’m jumping on the title and showing off.”
“Tell her I insisted on starting your portrait.” Marel shrugged and nudged me out the door.
I walked quickly and avoided eye contact with anyone around. The guards admitted me without question. I nodded to Marel’s mother, and she pointed for me to go inside. Appearances mattered here. I didn’t care how fancy or simple a dress was, I liked being comfortable, but at court, I had to be conscious of the way people saw me.
I half expected Minnette to be there grinning over something she’d arranged. But there was only the queen at her ornately carved desk.
I made my curtsey. “Your Majesty.”
“You look very nice,” she said.
“Marel insisted on starting a portrait. I can change if you prefer.” I backed up.
“No, you should have a much improved wardrobe. You must impress guests and your lesser citizens. I know Minnette is upset, and I heard she interrupted your family breakfast. I’m sorry for her behavior. Once she’s over this disappointment, and we’re done with this negotiation, she needs mentoring to take her place properly.” The queen nodded.
“She’s lucky to have such a mentor.” I bit my tongue as soon as it was out of my mouth.
“Yes, I know. You’re doing very well for one so young. The Bachal are very impressed with you. Nemal is a bit worried they’ll try to kidnap you.” She smiled.
“He’s been very kind. So have Remmy and LeFawn. Minnette and I have never been close. I don’t expect it will change. But if you could tell me if my mother will be laid to rest, I’d very much appreciate it and be able to move on.” I tried not to sound pushy and desperate, but anxiety flooded me. How many times would I get this chance?
“Sit down.” She nodded to a chair in front of her desk.
Sitting in the queen’s presence wasn’t done, except for dinners and such when it was required…One just didn’t sit during an audience with the queen. But she’d told me to do it.
I sat and folded my hands in my lap.
“My dear, I understand you are sad and frustrated. I had hoped the negotiations would progress smoothly and the Bachal would be gone by now. Unfortunately, the Bachal are demanding a lot and offering little. They’ve let their population explode. The women’s main job is reproduction. The men train to be warriors. Who is growing the food? They don’t have our number of droids. Nowhere near. They invest in weapons, instead. Have you read anything?” she asked.
I nodded. “They’ve conquered a smaller nation to the north. That nation had a stockpile of dried and frozen provisions.”
“I’ve never heard of this raid.” She shook her head.
“From what I’ve gleaned, they went underground in the late 2100s when the wars looked to be inevitable. They’d prepped and built underground homes with protection. They tapped fresh underwater stores and installed air cleaners. Once the wars were over, they began scavenging but staying underground most of the time for safety. I only know what our guests know, but they took over the lands, raided the water and food, and have put the people to work,” I said.
“As slaves?” she asked.
“Possibly. I don’t know how many were killed in defending themselves or how many were taken into custody. To me, that proves how much the Bachal need. They will go to war if they don’t get enough to prop them up.” I pushed a nail into my palm.
“And if we give in, they could try to take over. Invade, anyway. The second we say no or no more, the war starts.” She drummed her nails along the desk.
“Probably. I’m not sure they have enough soldiers to take over the entire country. Especially if they must hold down new territories or are looking at other conquests. We have about as much land as they do.” I frowned.
“I know.” She nodded.
“Of course, I’m sorry. I just meant, when I danced with their king’s brother, I got something about their troops spread out. Like they may be poised to take over other smaller nations on their other side. Picking off the weaker ones. We’re not weak. They know we have troops, resources, technology and weapons.”
“And magic,” she said.
“And magic. Yes. If they make a move on Lazrel, it would be most likely to take over the castle. They’d leave you on the throne and force you to follow their commands. It would take time to get all of their troops here, and other places might rebel. So that’s our advantage. I’m not sure how to negotiate around the issues.” I shrugged.
She sat back and studied me. “Really? No weaknesses?”
“The crowned prince is interested in learning. That seems genuine, not like he wants war. The king and his brother want to take everything they can. The troops are their only weakness that I see. They brag and lie about their troops’ numbers and strength,” I said.
“More than usual, I assure you. Which means they are spread very thin. This is useful. Don’t worry about how to negotiate it. We’ll see what they offer in trade. If they don’t offer anything, we’re giving them aid because they are in need. The king won’t like that classification.” She smiled.
I grinned back at her. “You’re the expert. I will try to get more information if I can.”
“There will be more opportunities. You did well last night. There are no guarantees, but making you official should mean the Bachal engage you more. The prince seems to like you,” she said.
“Prince Faldar? He’s very nice, but I don’t think he likes me better than any of the other ladies.” If I told her about Remmy and Faldar, it would be bad for them. But it could be used for negotiation. No, the queen wouldn’t use that.
“What do you mean? He didn’t dance with any other women at all last night.” The queen stared me in the eye.
She had watched everything, and no detail was too small to notice. I had to tell her something or she might try to arrange a marriage and make things worse. My first duty was to her.
“I don’t think Faldar’s preference is for women. In the Bachal culture, I’m afraid that isn’t accepted, so I’ve not asked or made any comment. I think we can make him an ally in time. His father would never believe he prefers men, so there is no use in going public. He’d only block Faldar from ever coming here again.” I left Remmy out and hoped the queen wouldn’t pick up on it.
“Ah. I knew you had some extra tidbit. You’re right, we can’t move on that, now. But we can let him know he’d be safe here. We don’t discriminate. Since he is friendly with you, make sure you find a way to communicate that without upsetting him.” She nodded thoughtfully. “We don’t want him to think we’re blackmailing him.”
“I’ll do my best. I don’t want to push myself on him too much and have people think I’m romantically linked with him.” I’d had enough fake romance rumors swirling around me.
“My dear, at your age, you deserve some romance. I know life has hit you hard, but it isn’t over. I wish I could rule on your mother’s death
, but the healers are of mixed opinions. Your father and aunt have provided the names of other suspects to track down. It’s taking time, and the Bachal are also demanding a lot of attention. I don’t want to make the wrong decision,” she said.
I couldn’t beg or protest that I was sane yet again. The future was dark, and right now, I wanted things to be easy. “Thank you, Your Majesty. I’m resigned to whatever decision you make. Considering how Minnette feels about me, I doubt I’d be a suitable Royal Seer for her, anyway. It might be easier to select one you and Minnette both get along with and can groom.” I knew Ember would be the likely next choice.
“Don’t feel sorry for yourself, Kimess. You are the ruler of the fifth family and the Royal Seer. You command respect and possess power few in our country do. Don’t give it up so easily. Definitely don’t give up your life.” Her expression softened to a more motherly smile.
“I serve at the pleasure of the queen. You’ll do what’s right for the realm. I know that, and I’m ready for whatever decisions you come to. I didn’t intend to sound sorry for myself. All of your family sacrifices for the country, and I’m prepared to do that, as well, if it’s what you need me to do,” I replied.
“That I understand. Nemal will escort you to the mausoleum to see your mother.” She patted my hand.
I hopped up from my chair. “Thank you!”
“You’re welcome. Now, go back to your portrait and make time for the guests.” She pointed at the door.
After a quick curtsey, I hurried out. It was a small move for the queen, but it meant so much that I didn’t even question why she’d made Nemal my guard for the visitation.
“Are you ill?” Faldar asked at dinner.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m distracted. It’s been a long day, and I have one more task this evening. Did you have a good day?” I asked.
He smiled. “I did. Don’t worry, your friendly warning was heeded.”
“You know, you’d be perfectly accepted and welcome here. Safe. I’m concerned for your family finding out,” I said softly so only he could hear.
“I appreciate that. Though Remmy has not made his situation public,” he said.
“Royalty has its challenges. Technology lets us make genetic children from two male or female individuals, but some do not regard that as guaranteed bloodlines. Not quite natural, you see. I disagree, but he doesn’t need to worry. He won’t sit on the throne, anyway. It’s more of the reaction he’s avoiding. You are in a much tougher spot.” I hit the point hard.
Faldar looked around, and his expression grew dark. “I know. No one else has absolute proof of…I have heard of your troubles. Your mother. Remmy told me what might happen to you.”
“I wasn’t asking for anything. I just want to help you,” I said.
He smiled. “Well, if I need help—I know who I can come to. And if you find yourself with a sentence you can’t live with, you may rely on my kindness to get you to safety.”
Relief shot through me in the oddest way. I didn’t want to live in the world he did, but I wanted to live. In the queen’s chamber I’d nearly accepted my death. It might be better than living with serving Minnette. Options might be few, but they existed.
“Thank you,” I said.
As the dinner broke up, I saw Remmy, then Faldar, leave for the gardens. Nemal approached, and I took a deep breath.
“Ready?” he asked.
Nodding, I stood and wobbled a bit. My nerves were a wreck. He took my arm and wrapped it around his. So strong and solid. He smelled good, and somehow it relaxed me. We were always calm when we were together, even if we disagreed. The warmth of him reassured me. I was alive. No wonder Remmy had mistaken things.
“You’re too quiet, Kimess,” he said.
“I’m waiting for the interruption. The delay. Minnette to block my path,” I said.
He chuckled. “I won’t allow it.”
“Why you?” I asked.
The muscles in his arm tensed. “You’d rather it be someone else?”
“No, I didn’t mean that. Remmy said something.” I needed to be quiet, or I’d piss off every friend I had.
“Remmy is so busy with Faldar, I’m shocked he had time to talk to you,” he said.
“I tracked him down after Minnette…Never mind. She has it in for me, but she has it all wrong.” There was no reason to put ideas in his head.
“Minn is lashing out extra hard lately. People like you better,” he said.
“That’s not it. She lost her fiancé publicly. Someday she’ll learn to take help and be nice. Or she won’t be a popular queen.”
We arrived at the tower that contained all the vaults stacked high on several floors with winding stairs and walkways for access. There were rooms on the floor above where people were held in the early days. They could confess their crimes, starve, or jump to their death. I’d always been curious to see that area. As children, LeFawn and I had tried to sneak up there but were caught by guards. Tonight, we were just going to the level of the mausoleum.
Stepping onto the lift platform, we stood close together as the doors wrapped around us. Nemal hit the level, and we traveled to the top. I hugged his arm tighter until the doors opened again. He led me to the room.
I walked in alone. She lay there, just like she was sleeping. Her hands folded, face calm, and body preserved. She wore navy blue, and her hair was styled like she always wore it, a functional bun with tendrils at the sides.
Marel had printed out a small version of my digital picture, and I pulled it from my pocket. Gently putting it under her hands, I tried to get a vision of her death. There was no struggle. No pain as she prepared the bath and took her herbs. She felt drowsy fast and slipped under the water. If someone killed her, they’d tampered with her medication, and she had no idea. She didn’t suffer.
Relieved, I kissed her forehead and mentally said my goodbyes. We never needed words.
“We should go,” Nemal said.
I turned. He’d walked into the room. Anyone but him, or my cousins, and I’d have ordered them away from her. Nemal kept his distance and was respectful.
“It wasn’t violent,” I said. “I couldn’t get a vision before. When I found her, I was panicked.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
“I will be. Thank you. I wish my cousins could go home. Ember needs a normal routine. I miss my room and my things. The castle is amazing, but it’s not where I live. I can work here every day, but I need to know I have a life coming.” I closed my eyes and pushed down the fear.
“You’ll be fine. I know plenty of people are on your side. Insisting you are sane and a huge asset.” He hugged me.
Wrapping my arms around his chest, I never wanted to let go. My body relaxed, and my brain wondered if Remmy was wrong. I felt safe and excited.
The sensations of safety and excitement quickly faded. “That could be me next,” I whispered.
He pulled me back to look him in the eye. His hands cupped my face. “No, don’t think that way. You’re going to be the Royal Seer until you’re an old woman. You will keep this country safe and serve more than one queen.”
“I just want to live, for now.” I smiled and stepped in closer for another hug.
He had other ideas, and I was never so grateful that I could read minds as just then. He brushed his lips over mine, and it was more intense than any flash of visions or display of lasers in the world. I returned the kiss briefly, but the second I remembered where I was, I stepped back.
“Sorry,” he said.
“I’m sorry. I can’t here. And Minnette would…” I hated blaming her for everything, but it was easier. The queen wouldn’t likely approve, either. A power grab by me? The guilt of enjoying a bit of life while my mother hadn’t even been laid to rest properly welled up. She’d liked Nemal, but this wasn’t the time. It probably wouldn’t be allowed even if we wanted it. Combining families like that, it simply was bad form.
Besides, I’d just seen my dead mother with my own eyes. I had to look out for myself, because no one else would. “Minnette already is trying to prove I’m crazy and get me locked up or killed.”
“I won’t let her,” he said.
“She’ll be queen. Our queen. We have to serve her. She knows it. We have to find a way to work with her. And until your mother passes judgment, we can’t even think about anything in the future. I’m too young for anything serious.” I had a list of reasons why not.
He smiled. “You’re right. Remmy would say I’m taking advantage.”
“I’m not helpless!” I snapped.
“No, but you’re vulnerable. Kissing you in the room with your mother’s body. What sort of jerk am I?” he asked.
“If I wanted to stop you, I could’ve shoved you away with my mind. You aren’t stronger than my mind.” I stalked out into the hallway, fighting my own shame overload.
He followed me. “I know, but you’re right. You need to know your future and protect your family before you can think of anything personal. Anything more.” He brushed a strand of hair from my face. “I won’t make your life harder.”
Annoyed, I mentally pushed him back two feet. “Don’t pity me. I’m not a child.”
He closed the distance and grabbed my chin. Our eyes locked, and I mentally dared him to do it. He kissed me, and before I lost myself in the temptation, I pushed him toward the lift platform.
He scowled. “You never use your powers like that.”
“I will if I feel the need. Most men aren’t foolish enough to test my powers.” I smiled. Remmy had been right. To some extent about Nemal, anyway. “I’m sorry. I just can’t handle any more emotion or worrying about anyone else, right now.”
“We have time.” Nemal stood up straight with eyes straight ahead.
There was so much that I did like about him. He never gave up. He wasn’t in line to be king, but he took pride in his work and his family. Plus, he was crazy enough to like me when I might be killed. What girl could resist that?