by Ruso
42
This god did not have much of a house. Fifteen or twenty of his followers were crowded into a stone outbuilding that seemed to have been hastily cleared for the purpose. There was no statue. No shrine. No sacrifice this evening, either. Tilla was relieved about that. Galla did not seem the sort to be involved in murdering babies and drinking their blood, but she had heard that this dreadful practice was the reason the followers of Christos were only marginally more popular with Rome than the Druids. Mind you, much of what the Romans said about the Druids was lies too.
When she asked about the sacrifice, Galla assured her that it had already been done. There was no sign of it. Tilla glanced out through the crack between the door-frame and the wall. All she could see in the narrow streak of vision was a massive kiln and a stack of wood ready to fuel it.
There was no blood – just a motley selection of food and drink that the worshippers had brought and laid on the cloth in the middle of the floor. Galla had brought the bread she had saved from her lunch. Tilla, who had misunderstood her invitation to meet her brothers and sisters, was embarrassed to find that she had come to face a new god empty-handed. But what could she have brought? The fleece stuffed under her bed was inedible and she could not imagine a god – or anyone else – wanting the grape-and-feet juice she had helped to produce yesterday. Casting her eye over scattered loaves of bread, grapes, olives, two cheeses, small cakes and a platter of cold chicken, she considered the offering she had made to the goddess in Nemausus. Hair would definitely be wrong here.
‘Those who have, bring to share,’ explained Galla, evidently sensing her discomfort. One child had brought a striped cat, but since the sacrifice had already been carried out, it was presumably safe curled up on her lap. Two old women arrived without gifts and sat huddled under their shawls by the edge of the cloth. Moments later one of them appeared to be chewing. Either she was sucking her teeth from habit or she had sneaked something from the cloth before everyone else started.
The man who seemed to be the leader welcomed everyone to the supper, ‘especially brother Solemnis, who has brought greetings from our friends by the river at Arelate …’ Brother Solemnis was a bony youth with buck teeth. ‘And it’s a joy to welcome two new sisters.’ He glanced at one of the old women. ‘Agatha from the town, and …’
Tilla said, ‘Darlughdacha,’ at the same moment as Galla said, ‘Tilla.’
‘But you can call me Tilla,’ she conceded. The god would not know her by her British name anyway.
‘You’ve come a long way.’
‘From Britannia.’
‘It’s a delight to have you here, Sister.’
She found herself returning his smile, surprised and a little suspicious that these people were so glad to see her. This was the warmest welcome she had received anywhere since they had left home.
‘You must take our greetings back to the believers in Britannia,’ continued the man.
‘I do not think there are any,’ she said.
‘Then the Lord has a job for you!’ The man seemed happy to hear this. ‘You will have the honour of telling them the good news!’
Everyone looked so pleased at this prospect that Tilla decided not to explain how few Britons would be interested in announcements from the far end of Gaul, good or otherwise.
Someone started singing. Others joined in. Knowing neither tune nor words, Tilla was obliged to listen. It became clear that this god welcomed both those who could sing in tune and those who only thought they could. Things would have been much improved by a few pipes and some dancing, but the food was taking up the only space left on the floor, and for some reason nobody suggested going outside. Indeed, even the singing was surprisingly restrained, although some of the participants closed their eyes and began to sway as if deeply moved. When it was over Galla leaned across and whispered, ‘It is safe here, but it is best not to draw attention.’
By the time the leader had thanked Christos at length for the food and everyone had opened their eyes again, several little cakes had vanished from the platter and both old ladies were sucking their teeth.
Privately Tilla thought that the leader would have been wiser not to speak to Christos about eating his flesh and drinking his blood. It was the sort of thing that got people into trouble. She suspected this group had been badly advised. They did not have a proper priest: the man in charge was dressed as an ordinary worker. It was the same at home. Her mother had always said that since the Druids went into hiding, odd ideas had been allowed to flourish like weeds.
‘We will eat and drink together until the Lord comes,’ announced the leader.
‘He is coming tonight?’ whispered Tilla, wondering whether this was an illicit party and the lord who owned the building would expect to find his workers at their duties.
‘We never know,’ said Galla.
No one seemed very worried. Perhaps they had set up some sort of a lookout. For some reason Tilla was reminded of a long-dead aunt who had set out a bowl every evening for her absent husband even though everybody knew he had set up home with another woman down in Eburacum.
During the meal the leader and another man took turns to entertain the diners with Greek read from a battered scroll, while a woman translated into Latin. The story was not a patch on the stories they had at home. It was not a story at all. It seemed to be just some sort of letter urging people somewhere else to cheer up because their god was looking after them even if they ran out of food or clothes or if people attacked them. For a moment she wondered what was the point of worshipping a god who refused to defend his followers, then it occurred to her that this was uncomfortably close to the situation at home.
When most of the food was gone and one of the old women had hidden half a loaf of bread under her shawl, it was time to pray to the god again. Tilla glanced around at the faces: the two old women, five or six sun-browned men with the hard hands and patched tunics of farm slaves, the girl stroking the striped cat, the leader and his wife, three women who were not wealthy, a couple of child slaves, and the bony youth from Arelate. All had their eyes closed. She supposed they were busy trying to picture the god they could not see but who, according to Galla on the way over here, was everywhere and loved everybody. Tilla let her own eyes drift shut and tried to imagine this god, but without success. How would you recognize him? Without a statue to show what he looked like, or even a tree or a rock to mark his special home, how could anyone tell whether he was somewhere – or nowhere?
Since it seemed anyone could pray and everyone wanted to, the prayers went on a long time. Some of them were in Gaulish or Greek. One of the ones she understood was a request to the god to protect and guide the Emperor.
Tilla pursed her lips. If any of them had seen what his Army had done in the north of her land, they would not be praying for the Emperor.
She whispered in Galla’s ear, ‘Why are we praying for him?’
‘He is appointed by God to rule over us.’
‘Didn’t the Army torture your Christos to death?’ What was the matter with these people?
‘We must try to love our enemies.’
‘But if you love them, they are not your enemies, are they?’
Galla opened eyes that shone with something alarmingly close to passion. ‘Exactly!’
Tilla felt herself growing impatient with this naivety. After the punishment the Emperor’s Army had suffered at British hands last season, the only reason a legionary would embrace a Briton would be so that he could stab him in the back instead of the guts.
As the prayers rambled on she began to wish that, since this god was everywhere, his followers would talk to him in their own time and not bore everyone else with their daughter’s barrenness or their husband’s bad temper, their chronic lumbago or their nephew who had been daft enough to sell himself to a gladiator trainer. But instead of wishing it was over, people seemed to be urging the speakers on with scattered cries of ‘Amen!’ and ‘Yes, Father!’ Perhaps they were tr
ying to keep themselves awake.
Someone thanked the god for the brother from Arelate and prayed for the brothers and sisters facing the temptations of that wicked city full of foreign sailors. The brother from Arelate, evidently untroubled by the insult to his home town, politely responded by praying for the believers here and thanking the god for the kind hospitality they had shown him, then prayed for willing mules and a clear road home tomorrow.
Sister Agatha declined the leader’s invitation to pray, although if she had any manners she would have given thanks for all the food the god must have seen her quietly stashing away under the shawl.
‘Sister Tilla, would you like to pray?’
She hesitated. ‘Does the god understand British?’
Eyes drifted open. Heads turned towards the leader. It seemed no one had asked this question before.
‘The Lord will understand,’ he said, ‘but for the sake of the brothers and sisters, Latin or Greek would be best.’
Tilla nodded and stood up. ‘I will do my best.’ She closed her eyes, stretched out her hands and took a deep breath.
‘Mighty God who is everywhere!’ She had never tried praying in Latin. It felt like trying to run in somebody else’s shoes. ‘This is Tilla, Darlughdacha of the Corionotatae amongst the people of the Brigantes in Britannia.’ Nobody else had bothered to introduce themselves, she remembered now, but the god who was everywhere might have been busy somewhere else when she was named the first time. ‘I pray you will free my people from the Army who have stolen the land that is rightly ours and hunted down and murdered our holy men and women.’
She paused to draw breath. The ‘Amen’ that filled the gap was hesitant. ‘I pray you will heal the Medicus’ foot even though he is proud and stubborn and will not rest it.’
This time the ‘Amen!’ was fulsome.
‘Make his family wise and his sisters honourable.’
‘Amen!’ She was doing better now.
‘And I ask you to reveal the true poisoner so he will not be blamed for it.’
Silence. She opened her eyes and caught several worshippers swiftly closing theirs.
‘Great God, make his sister-in-law strong and comfort her mourning for her brother and may she know she will see him in the next world.’
There was a chorus of ‘Amen!’ and ‘Yes, Lord!’
‘And the man or men, or woman or women, who gave them that rotten old ship, may they never rest!’
A lone ‘Amen!’ from one of the old women.
‘May their crops wither and die!’ Someone coughed. ‘May their intestines tangle and rot!’ Tilla was conscious of a stifled giggle. She had to concede that traditional curses did sound rather odd in Latin.
‘Give them toothache that cannot be cured,’ she continued. ‘May their eyes fail and their skin itch and flake and be covered in warts!’
A fervent, ‘Amen, Sister!’ from the same old woman.
‘Amen,’ she concluded, and opened her eyes. Everyone seemed to be staring at her. Evidently they had never heard a British prayer before.
‘Ah – thank you, Sister. That was a very unusual prayer.’
‘I am not used to praying in Latin.’
‘Never mind. I think everyone understood.’
‘Well done, Sister!’ observed the old woman. ‘That was the best praying we’ve had in weeks!’
The leader gave a message of blessing from the lord who had, as she had expected, failed to turn up. Evidently his people were used to it. The blessing sounded well rehearsed.
Brother Solemnis’ slack mouth dropped open when Tilla tapped him on the shoulder and whispered, ‘I have something to ask you, Brother. You are from Arelate. Can you tell me anything about a ship called the Pride of the South?’
A flush rose from his neck and began to spread up his face. He managed to stammer an apology for knowing nothing at all.
As the cloth was having its crumbs shaken off outside the door, Tilla overheard one of the women saying to the leader, ‘That’s exactly the sort of thing I mean, Brother.’ The woman glanced at her before adding, ‘We need proper rules about who can speak.’
‘I’ll think about it, Sister.’
‘The believers in town have a rule that says …’
Tilla and Galla left the conversation behind and went outside. The sun was below the horizon, and in the failing light the rows of newly turned amphorae laid out to dry behind the kiln looked like a regiment of sleeping pigs. A woman she had not seen before was walking along one of the rows, counting and noting something on a writing-tablet. Remembering where they were, Tilla whispered, ‘Who is that?’
‘The widow Lollia Saturnina,’ came the reply.
It was true, then. She was pretty. She owned a successful business. And she could read and write. Even worse, Galla now said, ‘You will meet her. I hear she is coming to the house to dinner tomorrow.’
As they set out to walk back between the rows of olive trees to the Medicus’ house Galla said, ‘It is as well to be careful what you pray about, Sister. People talk.’
Tilla wrenched her mind away from Lollia Saturnina. ‘Even about prayers?’
‘I’m afraid so.’
They were interrupted by a couple leaving the meeting who wanted to say goodbye. As Tilla stood waiting for them to finish chatting with Galla, an idea began to form. It was a ridiculous idea. It was an inspired idea. It was an idea that seemed to have come from somewhere outside herself.
As they walked between the gnarled and stunted olive trees she said, ‘How would you know if your god was telling you to do something?’
Galla thought about that. ‘Some people hear a voice,’ she said. ‘But I never have. I suppose if I had an idea about a good thing, and it would help somebody, I would try to do it.’
‘If your god told you to do something but somebody else might not like it, what then?’
‘We must obey God rather than man.’ Galla sounded as if she was quoting something.
‘And is it true what it says in that letter from the Greek man? Your god will protect his people whatever happens to them?’
‘God loves us,’ Galla assured her. ‘If we keep the faith, there is a place ready for each one of us in heaven.’
Tilla voiced the problem that had been niggling at the back of her mind: ‘But you meet in secret.’
‘That doesn’t mean we have to put ourselves in danger on purpose.’
‘Would your god protect me in Arelate?’
Galla stopped. ‘Why would you go there?’
‘I am only thinking about it,’ explained Tilla. ‘Arelate is the place to find out about the missing ship. I was thinking, if this Brother Solemnis has a cart …’
‘You can’t go somewhere on your own with a man. And Arelate is full of sailors, and where there are sailors there are bad women.’
Tilla said, ‘But your god is everywhere.’
‘What about Master Gaius?’
‘The Medicus is a problem,’ Tilla agreed.
‘There are many things you don’t understand about the faith.’
‘I understand what it is to lose a brother.’ She also understood that if she did not find a way to avoid it, she was going to have to eat her first ever Roman dinner tomorrow night in front of the Medicus’ family and be compared with the rich and beautiful Lollia Saturnina, who knew how to read and write.
Before Galla could object, she gathered up her skirt and ran back down between the trees, past the squat boundary stone and the drying amphorae and into the yard, where the driver was standing chatting to some of the workmen. ‘Brother Solemnis!’ she cried. As his skinny neck reddened and his eyes widened in alarm she said, ‘I may need to go to Arelate. What time do you set off in the morning?’
43
The surface of the bench was still warm beneath her, but the late-evening air was mercifully cool. Tilla wrapped her hands around her shoulders and gazed at the house that was the Medicus’ home, but not hers. A yellow glow around the dining-
room shutters reminded her of how he had changed the subject when she asked if he was thinking of marrying Lollia Saturnina.
A shape appeared in the doorway, clattered down the steps and hurried towards her. Resolving itself into Galla, it hissed, ‘Mistress Cassiana is coming!’
This was good. Cass was friendly. Perhaps they could talk over the problem.
‘I think she’s cross with us!’
Tilla frowned, wondering what she had done to offend now. Before Galla could explain, a second shape emerged from the house, and Galla fled.
Cass seated herself on the bench, folded her arms and said, ‘I hear you cursed the person who supplied the ship.’
Tilla felt her stomach clench. She wished she had said her prayer to the god in private. What had possessed Galla to relay it to her mistress? She said, ‘I was trying to help. I know what it is to lose a brother.’
‘Galla told me because she is loyal,’ explained Cass, answering her unspoken question. ‘She wanted me to know before I heard any gossip.’
When Tilla did not reply, she continued, her tone suddenly sharp, ‘What do you know about it?’
Tilla wished she could crumble away into the dry ground under her feet. Even trampling about in that slimy grape-trough was better than feeling the churning in her intestines. The only people who had shown her much of a welcome since she had arrived here were Cass, Galla and the worshippers of Christos. Galla had kept a secret from her mistress out of kindness, and Tilla had just betrayed her with that stupid prayer.
‘I know Galla is a follower of Christos,’ said Cass. ‘I don’t care about that. My brother was one too. What do you know about the ship?’
Tilla cleared her throat. There was no way out of this but to tell the truth. ‘Galla heard a rumour that it was a rotten old ship that should never have gone to sea.’