Waiting For Mr. Ashwell

by K. Sterling

  Therefore the love which us doth bind, but fate so enviously debars is the conjunction of the mind, and oppositions of the stars.

  Ash recognized the poem and his mind started reciting it as his hand brushed over the page. It was so worn, it felt like cloth. Suddenly, Ash couldn’t see. Tears spilled from his eyes and he held the page away so he wouldn’t get it wet. He blinked and looked at the items in front of him. The compass from Ned’s father, his mother, his sister and this piece of poetry with his name all over it. Ned had kept them all together. Ash’s throat was clogged with emotion and he tried to swallow past it. He looked up and Ned brushed the tears from Ash’s cheeks.

  “I ripped that out of a book when I was fifteen and wrote your name on it every time I read it. I carried it in my pocket for years.” Ned whispered. Love and joy crashed through Ash and he couldn’t stop the watery laugh that burst from him. Ned kissed it from his lips then looked down at the box. “All these little bits of rubbish are from places we went and things we did.” Ash gasped as memories started to rush through him; games of chess, skipping stones at the big lake, hide and seek in the ruins of the old abbey…

  “Ned!” Ash’s voice was hoarse as he reached for him. Ned’s arms closed around him and Ash knew Ned could feel his tears against his neck but he didn’t care.

  “It’s always been you, Ash. Always. I could never love anyone else. I could never give you up, it would be like cutting out my heart.” Ned breathed the words against Ash’s ear. Ash raised his head and his lips fell upon Ned’s. He tried put everything he felt in his kiss but he knew it would never be enough. He felt tears on his face and realized they were Ned’s. Ash pulled back and Ned’s eyes swept lovingly over his face. “I loved you from the first moment, Ash. It was like a star had fallen from the sky. I decided stars must be like tiny suns, just little balls of fire. They had to be because whenever I got close to you, the heat was so intense. Sometimes, you blind me, you’re so brilliant and beautiful. You eclipse everything, Ash. When you would leave, it was so dark, you took all the light with you.” Ned’s voice wavered and Ash cried as he closed his hands around Ned’s face and brushed his lips against his.

  “You are everything, Ned. You are the inside of me. I would be empty if I didn't have you.” Ash started pressing kisses all over Ned’s face. He started with his lips, then his eyes, his forehead, his cheeks… He was reverent and grateful as he said Ned’s name over and over again. When he returned to Ned’s lips they were curved.

  “This room, the way it looks and feels, this is what its like inside of me when I’m with you.” Ned whispered against Ash’s mouth. Ash laughed softly.

  “When I came in here I thought it looked like there was a tiny sun in the middle of the room and you were glowing, right in the middle of it.” Ash said as he stroked Ned’s cheek. Ned raised his head and Ash felt Ned’s hand close around his.

  “I will have this man as my wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony. I will love him, comfort him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep only unto him, so long as I shall live.” Ned’s voice was clear and strong as he said the vows. Ash wept with joy and love. He hauled in a ragged breath and waited until he could trust his voice.

  “I will have this man as my wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in holy matrimony. I will love him, comfort him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health. I will forsake all others and keep only unto him as long as I shall live.” Ash wasn’t sure if he’d repeated the words exactly, he’d never paid attention to wedding vows. But he felt every word as he said them. Ned was crying as his arms closed tight around Ash.

  “I am yours, Ash. Everything that I have and this box of rubbish are yours.” Ned whispered. Ash shook his head.

  “It’s not rubbish, Ned. Everything in that box is precious. There isn’t anything that I would want more than what I have in this room. My whole life is in this room.” Ash said as he took Ned’s lips.

  Epilogue

  Twenty Years Later

  “These bloody Corn Laws…” Ned mumbled under his breath as he rubbed the back of his neck. He tapped his finger against his jaw then started sifting through the papers in front of him. He’d seen an opinion somewhere that he’d liked. He found the page he was after and sat back in his seat.

  Ned felt warmth on the side of his face and his eyes flicked toward Ash. Ned caught him staring before Ash’s eyes fell to the book in his hands. The Corn Laws would have to wait. Ned leaned so that he could see Ash around the side of the page.

  Somehow, Ash kept getting more beautiful as he aged. He was still powerful and elegant and he could still turn into a savage at the blink of an eye. Ned felt his body tightening. Perhaps… He pretended he didn’t see Ash’s eyes leave the book. Ned licked his lips and acted like he was unaware of Ash’s eyes drifting down his chest. He shifted as he unbuttoned his coat and reached for the letter he was supposed to be responding to. Instead, Ned waited for Ash’s eyes to return to his book before he carefully looked at the grey hair at Ash’s temples. It drove Ned crazy, that grey hair. Ash looked so much more dignified and sophisticated. It made Ned want to tease and arouse Ash until he was demanding and ravenous. He loved when Ash lost control. And Ash was losing control, it was slipping away from him slowly. Ned could feel it from across the room. He licked his lips and heard a very faint groan. When he was sure Ash wouldn’t see, Ned looked at him again. He saw the wrinkles at the corner of Ash’s eyes, the fine lines crinkled when Ash smiled and laughed. Those, Ned decided, were his greatest achievement. Those were his. Ash would probably say the grey hair was because of Ned but those tiny lines belonged to him. They were one of the first things he saw in the morning and he kissed them as he came awake, until his need to kiss other parts of Ash’s body overwhelmed him.

  “Ned.” Ash’s voice was deep and thick. Ned gripped the arm of his chair as his erection became insistent.

  “Ash?” Ned managed to keep his face straight. Ash set his book on the table.

  “Run.” Ash commanded.

  Ned grabbed the desk as he sprang from his chair and dashed through the study door. He skidded into the hall and then sprinted up the stairs. Ned could feel Ash behind him as he turned down the hallway and bolted toward his bedroom door. He made it through and dove onto the bed as he heard the door slam behind him. Ned rolled onto his back and saw Ash just before his body covered Ned’s, pressing him onto the mattress.

  Ash growled as their mouths collided and his hands were everywhere, quickly unbuttoning and pulling clothes open and away. Ned moaned in approval as he wrapped a leg around Ash’s waist. Ash’s hand closed around Ned’s thigh and pulled it tighter around him as his lips slid along Ned’s jaw toward his ear. Ned shivered as Ash’s breath thundered, hot and moist in his ear.

  “I love you, Ned. And I need you. Now.” Ash breathed against him as he ground his hips. He was very hard and very large as he rubbed against Ned’s now very painful erection.

  “God, I love you!” Ned whispered urgently as he pulled Ash’s shirt free from the waistband of his breeches. “Anything you want, Ash. Just don’t stop touching me.” Ned panted. Heat washed down his neck as Ash’s teeth grazed his skin.

  “As if I’ve ever had a choice.” Ash breathed as his hand slipped between them and worked at the falls of Ned’s trousers.

  Eighteen Years Later

  Alex felt his mother’s hand curl around his and he squeezed as he stared down at the freshly laid dirt. Uncle Ned was there. He had been laid to rest the day before, next to Uncle Ash. Alex felt a tear slip from his eye and slide down his cheek and his nose started to burn. He missed them so damn much. Uncle Ash passed away a little less than a year ago and Uncle Ned declined quickly afterward. They were together again. Alex smiled. He knew they were happy.

  They could’t stand to be apart. Alex had never seen two people that fit together better. They were
truly halves of a whole. Uncle Ned always teasing and laughing, Uncle Ash always pretending to be stern and disapproving. But when they looked at each other, they brightened and were content.

  He looked at the monument, it was blank on Uncle Ned’s side and Alex started to think of what he’d have the stone carvers write. Alex wished there were words that could describe who his uncle had been to the man he now laid next to and that he could put them to stone. They wouldn’t want that, Alex told himself. They had always been very private.

  Alex had seen them together at the ruins once, years ago. He’d been riding and saw them from a distance. Uncle Ash was standing behind Uncle Ned and had his arms around him. Alex watched as Uncle Ash let his head fall as if he was whispering something in Uncle Ned’s ear. Uncle Ned smiled and his hand reached back and cupped Uncle Ash’s cheek. It had been one of the most beautiful moments Alex had ever witnessed between two people. He’d felt blessed to have witnessed it, then he quietly turned his horse and rode back to Elston.

  It was the only time he had ever seen the two of them embrace like that and he was probably the only person to ever do so. They had always been so careful, so discreet. Their families knew of their relationship, they were simply “Ned and Ash”. You never mentioned one without the other, they were never apart. Whenever Alex heard them referred to as friends by people outside of the family, it always seemed strange and so inadequate. From a very young age, Alex understood they were deeply in love and that it was very much like the love his parents shared. As he grew older, Alex felt lucky to have witnessed such strong examples of romantic love. He’d held out until he found it for himself and was grateful.

  “I miss them so much, Alex.” His mother whispered shakily. Alex clenched his jaw until he felt like he could speak.

  “Me too.” It was all he could manage without crying. She rested her head against his shoulder.

  “But they’ll be together forever and that’s all they ever wanted.”

  Want to read samples of my upcoming books?

  Follow me on Twitter

  @BawdyBookWriter

  And My Blog!

  Bawdybookwriter.worpress.com