by S. Celi
“We’ll just keep walking,” I told Josh when I saw his eyes widen and his mouth drop open. “Like, it’s nothing. No big deal.”
“You sure?”
“Do we have any other choice?”
Evan kissed Laine a few times on the neck, the type of typical public display of affection he always favored when it came to her. I never saw them go so far as to make out in the hall, but as a couple they always did just enough to let everyone know they were together. As he kissed her, her eyes closed, and she rolled her head back against the metal of the locker. I couldn’t read her mind, but something about Laine’s expression told me she enjoyed this. As I realized that, a few pieces of my heart broke off and faded away for good.
She would never do something like that with me.
“Come on.” Josh tugged on my arm, and I noticed that I’d stopped walking in the middle of the hallway. “Class.”
“Right.” I cleared my throat, and pulled my gaze away from Evan and Laine. “Class.”
“Just a few more weeks,” Josh replied as he pulled me into the classroom for first period. “A few more weeks and you can forget about her forever.”
MONDAY, APRIL 29TH
BIG EVENTS ON the calendar never passed without some sort of tradition at Heritage, and prom was no exception. Tension and excitement about the biggest dance of the year accelerated the week before it, and it started with the fifteen juniors and seniors on prom committee. They charged around school selling tickets, each of them hoping to win a free limo ride to the dance by selling the most. They also wore something “prom-themed” each day of the week leading up to the dance. On Monday it was custom T-shirts, Tuesday it was tuxedo tees. On Wednesday they donned boutonnieres and corsages, Thursday brought out the faux prom court crowns, and Friday, they donned coordinated blue, green, and black outfits, the colors of this year’s dance.
I had to give them credit for enthusiasm, since most of the outfits looked hideous.
As was also tradition, a voice came over the loudspeaker Monday afternoon during sixth period, about fifteen minutes before the final school bell rang for the day. I couldn’t tell who the voice belonged to because of the muffled sound system, but that didn’t matter because I already knew just what that person wanted to announce. We all did.
“I have here . . . the nominations for . . . Heritage High Prom Court!” the voice said. All around me students tittered, gasped, and rumbled with excitement. “Six names—three boys, and three girls—are on this year’s list.”
I gave Mark a knowing look. These names didn’t even have to be announced, and the voting had no point whatsoever. Everyone knew who would win this competition. They might as well just crown Laine and Evan now.
“Monica Hargrove. Jillian James, and Laine Phillips! Ladies and gentleman, your nominations for Prom Queen.”
Since my classmates broke out into a loud round of applause around me, I joined in, too, with a slow clap. I didn’t want to give too much of my energy to something so ridiculous.
“She’ll win,” Mark said to me, under his breath. “Laine always wins everything.”
I didn’t reply, because I didn’t need to at all. Why argue with the facts?
“Vince Freeman, Neil Harris, Evan Carpenter! I give you the nominations for Prom King.”
I rolled my eyes as I heard the cries of excitement from the rest of my classmates. Didn’t they expect this? Didn’t they know Evan, Laine, Jillian and the rest of them were all going to be named as the Prom Court? Wasn’t this just a script?
“Evan will win,” I told Mark. “He’s already won.”
“You’re probably right,” Mark replied. He hesitated. “Are you upset that she’s taking Evan to prom?”
“Who?”
He gave me a friendly punch on the shoulder. “Come on, man.”
I feigned indifference. “What? You thought I’d be upset about Laine? Why would I be upset?”
“Well, since she got back together with him . . . and you like her so much . . .”
“I don’t care about that anymore,” I lied. “She’s going with Evan. Just like she should.”
He frowned, and started chewing on the end of his pen. “I don’t think they’re that happy.”
“Sure looked happy to me the other day at his locker. And she’s always hanging off him.”
“You know how people are sometimes. They just act okay when they’re really not.” Mark shook his head. “Something about her eyes.” I rolled my own, and he changed his tactic. “Are you going to the prom anyway?”
I shrugged. “Hadn’t really thought about it,” I lied again.
WEDNESDAY, MAY 1
JOSH ASKED ALLISON to prom after school, in the hallway in front of his locker. By then we all knew they’d go to the dance together anyway, so the whole thing was just a formality. I still felt a twinge of jealousy when he made a big production out of asking her at this end of this stupid song and dance routine he’d made up in the bathroom earlier in the week.
Why did Josh get to have a girlfriend and I didn’t?
“Of course I’ll go with you,” Allison said. Then she kissed Josh in front of me, Nathan, Mark, and a few other kids who hadn’t rushed out of school after the last bell rang. She seemed to make him really happy, and they reminded me of one of those paintings about opposites—the artsy girl in dark vintage clothes kissing a nervous guy who liked to wear polo shirts and dark jeans. Kinda cute when you thought about it.
Good thing I had taken to hiding all my emotions under dark clothing and a permanent scowl.
“Are you guys going, too?” Allison asked once she broke the kiss, and we headed to the front door of the school.
“Um, yeah,” Nathan muttered, as if this was the first time he’d ever thought about it.
“Sure,” Mark said. “I mean, it’s prom.”
“I’m not going,” I said. I pushed open Heritage’s glass front door, squinting as the light from the afternoon sun hit my face. “No reason to.”
“Come on dude.” Josh linked his hand with Allison’s. “You have to go.”
“No I don’t,” I replied. I didn’t want to talk about this. I wanted to go, but I wasn’t going to. No way. Laine would be at prom with that asshole Evan, and all it would do is shove the fact that I would never be with her in my face. I didn’t need that kind of torture. I might have been a lot of things, but I wasn’t a masochist.
“But prom is the biggest night of the year,” Allison replied, sarcastic. “You have to go, Geoff.”
“No, I don’t.” I shifted my backpack from one shoulder to the other as I thought about all the things I could do instead of going to prom, like study for the upcoming AP tests, go see a movie, or play Candy Crush. Yeah. I could find plenty of things to do. I didn’t need some idiotic dance to fill up my time.
Allison knocked me on the arm with her free hand. “Come on, it’s not like getting dressed up and going to the dance is the worst thing you could do on a Saturday night.
“Why? So I can see her—with someone else?”
Allison stopped walking, and regarded me. “Wow. You really do care about Laine, don’t you? It’s not a rumor.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure you heard plenty.”
“Well, of course I did.” She hesitated. “Everyone has, I mean. People like to speculate.”
“You mean they like to talk.”
“Whatever, Geoff.” She gave me a half-smile. “It’s kinda cute that you like her so much. Very sweet.”
I nodded in Josh’s direction. “Who would have ever thought Allison was a softie?”
“Of course she is.” He threw his arm around her. “And you have to go. You have to. It won’t be the same if you don’t.”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “I thought maybe I might stay home and work on my World of Warcraft score.”
Everyone laughed, except me. Once the words escaped me mouth, I heard how pathetic I sounded. Jesus Christ. I needed to get over Laine Phillips and ac
cept the fact that she and I would never be together. The sooner I did that, the sooner life would get back to normal, and I could go back to dreaming about the day I would leave Robert “Suburban Hell” Hill.
And that’s when my life would start for real
FRIDAY, MAY 3RD
NATHAN HAD A weird look on his face when I walked up to my locker before first period. He stared at me with the same intensity someone would give a beloved science project. I knew him well enough to know just what he was thinking.
“I told you guys. I’m not going to prom.” I dropped my book bag on the floor and opened up my locker. My whole academic life stared at me from its insides: thick binders, science texts, planners, and well-worn notebooks, waiting for me to cart them off to another meaningless class. It made me want to roll my eyes, slam the door shut, and walk out of school.
“Come on. You have to go.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?”
“You know Laine’s going to win Prom Queen.” Nathan leaned up against the locker beside mine, crossed his arms, and studied me. “Huge night for her. Don’t you want to see that?”
Sure I did. No doubt. Even if she had rejected me, I still wanted to see her get every award and accolade she deserved. Laine was a beautiful person, inside and out. Of course I wanted to see her win Prom Queen. Prom would be one of the greatest nights of high school for her, even though it would also be a horrible night of hell for me.
“Whatever,” I said. “It doesn’t matter at all.”
“What doesn’t matter?”
Laine’s voice, which came from somewhere behind me, made me jump. When I turned around she stood there, smiling at me with that infectious, model-esque grin of hers. She looked perfect in pair of dark jeans, simple white T-shirt and scarf. Not that she ever looked less than.
“Hey, Geoff,” she said, adding a half-smile once she said my name. Nathan gave me a knowing look, and signaled that he’d see me later before disappearing down the hallway.
“Laine. Hey. Good to see you.” I cleared my throat. “So. Are you, um . . . are you excited about prom?”
She raised her eyebrow. “Should I be?”
“Oh, whatever. You know you’re going to win this. I mean, everyone loves you . . . Prom Queen is in the bag,” I stuttered. Jesus Christ. I was sounding like some kind of idiot. I might as well just drool over her and then start masturbating. Fuck me.
No, fuck everything.
“Nothing in life is guaranteed, Geoff,” she said skeptically.
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not.” She pouted. “I mean it. I’m not betting on anything.”
If I’d been in the wrong mood, her constant chipper nature and sunny-side personality would have really gotten underneath my skin. As it was, though, I tolerated it. Scratch that. Maybe I even liked it a little. It certainly kept me interested.
“You’ll win,” I told her. “You always do.”
She rocked back and forth on her heels. “So, um. Are you going to prom?”
“Probably not.”
“That’s a shame.” She glanced down at the floor, and I wondered if she was embarrassed. “I was kinda hoping you would. Just so . . . well . . .” She broke off her sentence, and her eyes widened as something over my shoulder caught her eye. I turned and saw Evan halfway down the hallway. He slammed shut a locker with one hand and started walking toward us, his big body parting the cliques of other students gathered together in the hallway. Evan didn’t look at any of them. He just kept his eyes on the two of us.
“Shit,” Laine said. “I should . . . anyway . . . um . . .” She backed away from me, her head still turned. The natural rosiness of her cheeks faded away and the skin around her eyes tightened. Whatever was wrong with her, it had to be pretty bad, because I had never seen that kind of tense body language from her before. Frantic to figure out what to do, my attention flicked back and forth between her and Evan. As he got closer, I saw more of his expression. A scowl danced across his face, and he lumbered down the hallway like a disgusted Paul Bunyan.
“I gotta go, Geoff,” Laine said, but just as the words came out of her mouth, Evan made a sharp turn into one of the classrooms about twenty feet away from us. He stared at us as he did it, a deep, menacing frown projecting his annoyance, until he disappeared behind the classroom door.
Laine exhaled, and the large heave of her chest startled me. “Wait, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I guess. I don’t know, maybe.” Some of the color in her face returned. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
She laughed, but it sounded forced. “I’ll probably pay for this later.”
“Pay for what?”
“Oh, nothing. It’s nothing.” She pulled back her shoulders, and shook her head. “Just forget I said that.”
“Why would you want me to forget it?”
“Geoff, it’s nothing.” The way she said my name told me to stop asking questions. “Just—I just hope you’ll come to prom. That’s all I wanted to say.”
“Really?” I still couldn’t let go of the way I’d just seen Evan look at her. Like he owned her. Like he expected something from her. Like he expected something from me.
“I mean it, Geoff. I wish you would come.” She grinned at me, and some of the old Laine had returned. “Come on. If nothing else, well, it’s prom. The last school dance we’ll ever go to.”
“Well, I don’t know—”
“Just think about it.” She smiled at me, not only with her mouth, but with her eyes. Goddamn it, why did she have to be so darn cute?
The bell rang, saving me. I didn’t have to make a decision about prom right then.
In the end, Josh convinced me. More than that, he bought my ticket to prom. After school he stopped at the at the booth the Prom Committee set up next to the auditorium, but I didn’t think anything of it because I knew he had a date with Allison. When he whirled around with a conspiratorial grin on his face, though, I knew.
That loyal bastard.
“Prom is on,” he said, as he walked up to where I waited for him next to the stairs. “Get ready for a night you will never forget.”
“You mean, a night you will never forget,” I said, making my way down the first few steps and hoping that I read my friend’s expression wrong. “Your night with Allison.”
“No way.” He waved a stack of tickets in my face. “I’ve got three tickets here. Me. Allison. And you.”
“Come on. You know I’m not going. I already told you and Allison.”
“Yeah, you are. You’re coming.” He handed a ticket over to me, but I didn’t take it. It disgusted me. It might as well have been covered in mucus. “You don’t even have to pay me back, Geoff.”
We stood outside the building now, and all around us students rushed to get in their cars and head home, or to practice. Electricity hung in the air, too, through hushed chatters, girls shooting their prom dates shy glances, and conversations that focused on flowers, dress colors, and tuxedo sizes. This wasn’t just any weekend. This was the start of prom weekend. The best weekend in all of our shared high school experiences.
Or so they all said.
“Everyone’s going,” Josh said, after a couple of seconds of just staring at me like I had a disease. “Everyone.”
“Well, not me.” I thought about Blake and Bruce. They had dates, of course, two sophomore cheerleaders that hung around their lockers laughing too loud, and who seemed to like the twins for their status on the state championship football team. In fact, I suspected those girls just spent time with my stepbrothers so they could get to the dance themselves. Underclassmen girls were always pulling shit like that. It was something of a status symbol to date a guy two years older, and even more of a triumph to show up at prom.
Not that Blake and Bruce cared if those chicks wanted to use them. They seemed to like having two younger girls follow them around, as if they were Greek gods. Every night at dinner this we
ek they’d been talking about prom, and all week I had wanted to be sick at dinner. Those fuckers always got everything they wanted. Everything.
“Come on man, school dances are overrated,” I said, trying to sound like I didn’t care and wondering why no one would accept this answer from me. I didn’t want to go. No big deal. Why couldn’t anyone understand that?
“Whatever, Geoff. If you don’t go, Evan wins.”
I squinted at my best friend. “What makes you say that?”
“He gets the girl, for sure. He spends the whole night with her, and you won’t even see ‘er. You’ll just be home alone, like some sack, while everyone else in our class has the time of their lives and gets laid.”
“Like you and Allison, right?”
“Yeah, like me and Allison.” He turned a little bit defensive as he shoved the ticket into my hand. “At least I’m going to get a shot at it. Besides, plenty of people go to prom alone.”’
“No they don’t.”
“There won’t be another prom, Geoff.”
I chuckled. “Now you sound like my mother.” She’d been trying to get me to go to the dance, too. She worried I’d miss out, and regret it forever. I kept telling her that only idiots worried about stuff like that, but she didn’t believe me for even half a second.
He had a point.
Plus, I had a tuxedo already. I got it for Mom’s wedding to David, and it still fit. I even had two ties, and one of them might work.
“Okay,” I said, still somewhat reluctant. This dance could go either way. “I’ll go, but not because I want to. Just for you, Josh.”
He laughed and gave me one of those knowing looks. Something told me that he wanted me there for his own entertainment. Oh well. I was going to the biggest dance of the year by myself. What the fuck could go wrong?
SATURDAY, MAY 4TH
“YOU LOOK REALLY nice,” Mom said from the top of the stairs. “My baby, all grown up. So handsome.”