by Deb Kastner
“This much I already know,” Zach said. “Get to the good stuff. Do I know her? What’s her name? What does she look like? And then we’ll get to Woman Number Two. Same questions, same order. I’m dying of curiosity here.”
“There’s the rub,” Ben admitted, shaking his head and snorting. “I don’t know her full name, and I definitely have no idea what she looks like. ‘She’ Number One, that is. I know a little bit more about the second woman.”
“Come again?” Zach said incredulously. “Now, let me get this straight. You have a problem with a girlfriend you’ve never actually seen and whose name you do not know.” Zach whistled in surprise.
Ben punched the control to set the treadmill into a full-out run and wiped his brow with the blue towel draped around his neck.
“I didn’t say she was my girlfriend.”
“But you obviously have some feelings for her or you wouldn’t be bench-pressing two hundred pounds.”
“I do care about her. It’s not that.”
“So what’s the problem? I don’t get it. Given that you don’t know what she looks like, I’m guessing you met on the internet, right? But don’t people usually post their pictures on those dating sites?”
“Oh, no. It wasn’t a dating site.” Ben scoffed and shook his head, causing sweat to drip over his forehead and sting his eyes. “You think I’m that desperate?” He paused. “No, don’t answer that.”
Zach’s dark eyes glittered puckishly and his lips quirked as if he was forcing himself to hold back his ridicule, but he didn’t say anything.
“I’m taking an online Spanish class,” Ben explained. “I thought it would be a good idea to get a second language under my belt before going off on my mission. Anyway, I got hooked up with her, Veronica Jayne, on a group project.”
“And you fell for her.” It wasn’t a question, but Ben treated it that way.
Ben shrugged noncommittally. “Kind of. Well, I mean, I have to admit I’ve thought about it. She’s a really nice girl. We’ve been privately emailing each other for weeks now, and we have great conversations together.”
“Conversations? She’s a nice girl? Seriously, dude?” Zach barked out a laugh. “You are so clueless.”
Ben tensed at the insult, almost causing him to lose his balance on the treadmill. He turned it down to a walk so he could cool down—both his body and his temper.
“And it doesn’t bother you at all that you don’t know her last name and have no idea what she looks like?” Zach made it sound like Ben was crazy for not demanding a picture right away. Would that have made any difference in how his friendship with her had progressed? He hoped he was better than that.
“Of course I’ve wondered.” He stopped the treadmill, stepped off and leaned over to stretch his calves. He averted his gaze from Zach’s, staring at his own toes to avoid having to see the amusement in his partner’s eyes.
“But you never asked for a photograph?”
“I didn’t want to scare her away. Besides, if I did that, she’d want a picture of me, and that would scare her away. Same with our last names. I wouldn’t want her doing an internet search on me. I know it’ll happen eventually, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”
Zach tilted his head. “Dude, have you looked in the mirror recently? You’re not exactly Quasimodo.”
“I have a mental picture of her,” Ben responded defensively. “She says she works in a flower shop. She’s really feminine. I imagine her wearing floral dresses that go down to her ankles, and I’m positive she has pretty hair and kind eyes.”
“And a long, hooked nose. And pointed teeth. And don’t forget green skin,” Zach added, chortling in amusement at himself. The guy was always clowning around, but Ben wasn’t in the mood for a joke.
He stiffened, ready to take offense, but then he started thinking about it, and he had to admit Zach had a point. He shook his head and laughed. It was funny. He was taking everything way too seriously.
“In all honesty, I’ve been thinking about asking her for a picture of herself for a while now, now that we know each other fairly well. I wouldn’t say it’s a romantic relationship. Not yet, anyway. I can’t deny the thought has occurred to me on more than one occasion that it might turn into one at some point. We’ve been talking about meeting in person once we’ve committed to Sacred Heart.”
“What’s Sacred Heart?”
“A Christian stateside mission. They help people in disasters with food and shelter and such and also try to take care of their spiritual needs. Veronica Jayne and I are both applying to serve there.”
Zach whistled. “Cool. I knew you were interested in doing Christian mission work eventually, but I guess I didn’t know you were heading that way so soon. So how long would it be until you enlist?”
“Not long now. We both want to finish our Spanish course, and then we’ll meet in the summer for orientation at a facility they have in Houston.”
“But now you don’t want to wait that long to meet her.”
“No. I don’t. I don’t think I can because of something Vee said.”
Zach raised his brows. “Vee Bishop?”
“Yeah. You remember how she dressed up for the Easter banquet? Blue dress? High heels?”
Zach laughed. “Apparently I don’t remember it as well as you do,” he teased. “No, seriously. Everybody in town knows about Vee’s presto change-o, frumpy-dumpy into super-gorgeous woman that no man could keep his eyes off of. Even people who weren’t there at the banquet have heard about it by now. You know how Jo is about spreading the gossip around—especially something as interesting as that.”
“Vee isn’t frumpy-dumpy,” Ben retorted protectively. “I don’t know how she felt, but the whole thing made me uncomfortable. I know she was aware of it. People were treating her differently. Better.” Ben knew he sounded defensive in his tone, but he couldn’t seem to help it.
“Well, I’ll be,” Zach said, his eyes narrowing on Ben. “I never would have guessed that one.”
“Excuse me?”
“You have a thing for Vee Bishop. She’s Woman Number Two, isn’t she?”
The way Zach said it, he almost sounded like one of the elementary-school bullies Ben had had such problems with growing up. Ben and Vee, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Kissing Vee? Ben swallowed the emotion that rose into his throat, not even wanting to acknowledge it was there. He wasn’t ready to go where his thoughts were leading him. He didn’t even want to identify whatever feeling it was that was swelling inside his chest.
Hence, working out at the gym until his muscles were screaming, though he would never tell Zach that. Veronica Jayne had only been a part of it.
“I don’t have a thing for Vee.” His denial sounded false even to his own ears.
“Right.”
“Okay,” Ben amended. “Maybe I do have a little problem with Vee. Ever since the banquet I can’t seem to get her out of my mind. The way she looked when I first saw her across the room in that gorgeous blue dress, so slender and beautiful—I can’t even begin to describe it. And her eyes...” He shook his head.
“It sounds to me like other people weren’t the only ones who were seeing Vee in a different light.”
Ben sighed and dropped his gaze to his shoes. He was ashamed of himself. “You’re right about that. And that’s what bothers me.”
“That you have feelings for Vee?” Zach picked up a set of free weights and started working his biceps again.
“No. That I didn’t realize I might have feelings for Vee until she showed up in that knockout dress.” Ben’s muscles had had enough torture for one day, so he straddled a bench and leaned back on his arms instead of joining his partner with the free weights. “What kind of a man does that make me?”
“Human,” Zach answer
ed immediately. “Maybe you knew you had feelings for Vee and you just didn’t want to admit it to yourself.”
“Maybe. But it still bothers me that I could be so shallow. I thought I was better than that, which was why I didn’t mind that Veronica Jayne and I didn’t exchange pictures. God isn’t concerned with appearances. He looks at people’s hearts.”
“That’s true,” Zach agreed. “But God also made women incredibly attractive to men. It’s in our nature for us to notice when an especially pretty woman walks by. I don’t think there is anything necessarily wrong with that.”
“For me, there is. Going all brainless around beautiful women is one of my stumbling blocks. I got into a lot of trouble when I first got back into town after serving in the National Guard and started dating again. All of a sudden there were dozens of pretty girls who wanted to hang out with me—with me—and it went to my head. I made a lot of bad decisions and stupid mistakes. Mistakes that ended up hurting people I cared about. I don’t want that to happen again, and I’m terrified it might. I’ve got to reel it in. Do you understand what I mean?”
“Which is why you’re so flipped out about this other girl, Veronica Jayne, right?”
“Exactly. I don’t want to mess up our friendship because I can’t handle it when I find out what she really looks like. What if I don’t find her attractive? I know—that makes me super shallow, right?”
“And Vee? She’s back to her old hair-in-a-bun, super-tough-attitude self now, you know.”
Ben sighed internally. It didn’t matter to him what Vee wore. It didn’t even matter that she’d always disliked him. He had feelings for her either way. Which was entirely irrelevant, not only to this conversation, but to his life.
“It doesn’t matter how I feel about Vee. She can’t even stand to be in the same room with me. It seems like she’s just barely tolerating my presence when I’m around her, though I think it’s been a little bit better lately.”
“You’ve told her how you feel?”
“Of course not. But I can tell you without a doubt that she has some kind of problem with me. I only wish I knew what it was.”
Zach burst out laughing, and it took him a moment to contain himself enough to speak. He was holding his belly, snorting and huffing.
Ben rolled his eyes.
“Dude, you really are clueless.”
“You think?” In Ben’s opinion, clueless didn’t even begin to cover it.
“Seriously. You really don’t know why she doesn’t like you very much?”
Ben shook his head and made a bowing motion with his hands. “Enlighten me, oh wise one.”
“You just told me what your problem is.” Zach flashed a knowing grin.
“And that would be?” Ben was a little annoyed at the way his friend was dragging this out, but at least it seemed like he had an answer to Ben’s problem. Zach did know women. After all, he was married to one.
“Vee’s best friend is Olivia Tate,” Zach explained, drawing out the words as if Ben would be slow to comprehend.
Which he definitely was.
“Olivia,” Zach repeated. “Vee’s best friend. Your ex-girlfriend. Just think about it.”
Chapter Nine
Vee stared at the blank computer screen and sipped absently at her caramel latte. She was in her usual place in the back corner of Cup o’ Jo’s Café, but this was anything but a usual day.
She had to break things off with BJ, and she didn’t know how she was going to do that.
No, that wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t as if she and BJ were actually an item, so it wasn’t like they were breaking up or anything. But they were both well aware that the potential to become more than just friends had been there since the first day they’d met. They’d even talked about it, making the decision to wait until they met in person at the Sacred Heart Mission to pursue anything further, anything that might be construed as romantic.
But she had to be honest and admit, at least to herself, that even after they’d come to their agreement, she’d harbored these now preposterous-sounding private fantasies about the moment when she and BJ would finally meet in person for the first time...
She’s at the first orientation meeting for the Sacred Heart Mission. Seated at the far end of the room, she’s scanning through the packet of informational materials she’d been given, excited to finally be pursuing her ambitions. She’s finally here, making her dreams a reality. Her heart is pumping, and her mind is swirling in dizzy circles with all the adrenaline pumping through her.
Suddenly it’s as if the atmosphere itself grows warmer. More humid. Harder to breathe. She knows instinctively that BJ has entered the room.
She glances toward the door, knowing this moment is going to change her life—change both of their lives. Her eyes meet BJ’s, and the world is turned on its axis.
He is the most handsome man she’s ever laid eyes on, just as she knew in her heart that he’d be, and better than she could even have imagined.
Reality alters when he smiles, and she knows for certain that they’ll be together forever.
She has found true love.
Ridiculous. Pure, utter poppycock.
She had to let it go and get on with her life. Her real life.
And that meant being brutally honest with both herself and with BJ. She respected him enough to want to clarify her new perspective directly and without any delay.
She’d been living in this fantasy world of Prince-Charming-rides-in-to-save-the-day for long enough. She hadn’t realized the truth about her relationship with BJ until the day Ben had come with her to visit her father, when reality had struck her like a slap to the face. She was using BJ to avoid real life because she couldn’t handle the grief she felt after her mother’s death.
She was hiding in cyberspace.
And it was time to come back to earth.
She didn’t know if it would be a wise idea to remain friends with BJ at all, as much as she liked him as a person. She wasn’t sure she could completely annihilate the fantasy, and if she couldn’t, she could never embrace the reality.
She supposed she could wait until they met in person at the mission to make any final decisions on the matter. If, indeed, they ended up at the same mission at all. Vee was having her doubts about that, too. Maybe it would be better for both of them if she applied to a different agency and they made a clean break. Perhaps they should simply finish their Spanish project and call it all good between them.
The internet provided a false sense of intimacy. And she was no longer kidding herself—it was false. A woman could present herself any way she wanted to be—and Vee had done just that. Yes, in some ways she had been more open with BJ than with anyone else—she hadn’t been lying when she’d said that he knew her better than anyone else. She’d felt comfortable showing him parts of her personality that no one else knew about. But she hadn’t shown him everything. Veronica Jayne was who she was, but there were distinct differences in how she’d presented herself online and the way the people in Serendipity saw her.
No doubt BJ had done the same. Maybe there were other sides to him beyond the strong, soft-spoken man Vee imagined him to be.
There was absolutely no way to know if they’d even get along in person, much less be romantically inclined toward one another. They’d never even exchanged pictures, though they’d been emailing each other personally for at least a couple of months.
Who did that?
Naturally, she’d pictured BJ to be a handsome man with bold features and strong arms, but for all she knew the guy had a hump on his back.
Even worse, lately when she imagined what BJ looked like, the image of Ben Atwood persistently entered her mind—probably because he was, in fact, the best-looking man she knew. Objectively speaking, that is.
And how mes
sed up was that?
Must. Face. Reality.
“Okay,” said a light, lilting voice from the other side of her computer screen. Olivia, of course, with the worst timing ever. “I have got to know what it is you were thinking about just now.”
Ben.
Vee was thinking about Ben. She certainly couldn’t say that out loud—especially to Olivia.
“If you must know, I’ve been keeping a secret from you,” Vee said on a sigh. That ought to pique Olivia’s interest enough to keep her from suspecting Vee’s mind was anywhere close to dwelling on her ex-boyfriend.
It did. “Oooh! Secrets. I love to hear about secrets. Spill it, girlfriend.” She set her plate on the table and slid into the chair across from Vee.
Olivia was the exact opposite of Vee—her tall, graceful body was highlighted with short, thick, pixie-cut red hair she’d gotten from her mother’s Scottish roots and emerald-green eyes that had at one time or another enthralled practically every single man in the town. Not only that, but Olivia was as bubbly and outgoing as Vee was reserved and antisocial. Yet somehow despite the odds they’d become fast friends in elementary school and had remained that way throughout their adulthood.
“I’m warning you—this one’s a doozy.”
“Better and better,” Olivia murmured, leaning closer so she could share the moment.
“There’s this man...”
Olivia squealed loud enough for many of the patrons sharing a meal at Cup o’ Jo to turn and glance in their direction, curiosity written on their faces.
“Olivia,” Vee begged, “will you please be quiet about this? I’d rather not have the whole world aware that I have a problem.”
“Okay, okay,” Olivia agreed, scooting around to Vee’s side of the table, pulling her cheeseburger and French-fry-laden plate along with her. “Now, spill the beans. Who is this man, and why have I not heard about him?” She peered at the empty computer monitor as if she’d find the answer there.
“His name is BJ.” Vee nodded toward the computer screen. “I met him in my online Spanish class. We’re doing a project together on the advantages of knowing the Spanish language when we work in stateside Christian missions.”