by Deb Kastner
“Why are you being nice to me?”
Of course the question came out sounding defensive. When had she become so cynical? She tried again. “I don’t understand you. You should detest me for the way I’ve treated you.”
His gaze widened, and his eyes shimmered with an emotion she did not immediately recognize.
“Vee,” he said from deep in his throat. “Do you really not know, honey?”
He reached out tentatively and stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb, then ran his fingers across her jaw.
She knew she should turn away, but no man had ever looked at her the way Ben was looking at her now. No man had ever touched her with the combination of strength and gentleness he was showing her. No man’s fingers had ever quivered as they slid across her cheek, showing vulnerability within that strength.
His other hand joined the first, tenderly framing her face, tipping her chin up with his thumbs.
“Vee?” he said again, but this time it was a question.
She wasn’t certain just what she said in that moment. She was pretty sure it wasn’t a real word. Probably more like a strangled sigh.
She pressed her palms to his chest. His breath was warm against her cheek and he continued to hold her gaze, but he didn’t move a muscle.
Was he waiting for her to push him away?
She didn’t. Instead, she tangled her fingers in the wet cotton of his shirt and pulled him toward her, standing on tiptoe until his mouth met hers.
Warmth flooded her senses. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears. The world spun around her and there was nothing but Ben.
Only Ben.
His kiss was tender. Searching. Wonderful.
And it scared her to death.
Vee broke away with a cry of dismay and darted off in the other direction as fast as her shaky legs could carry her.
This time Ben didn’t follow her.
Chapter Eleven
Ben wasn’t the kind of man to kiss and tell, but he was in a world of trouble, and he didn’t know where to turn for help. He was so confused he couldn’t even bring himself to return to the church to pick up his nephews. Instead, he’d called Jo Spencer and asked her to bring them—and his hat and his boots—by the house.
Even now, after a restless night’s sleep, his head was still swimming.
What had possessed him to kiss Vee Bishop? Talk about a gigantic step in the wrong direction.
Not that he regretted kissing Vee. At that second, and even now as he thought about it, he had very much wanted to kiss her. He still did.
He just shouldn’t have.
Kissing Vee complicated every part of his life. It wasn’t anything a cup of coffee could cure, but he thought going to Cup o’ Jo was a good first step. Maybe Jo would have some good advice for him, or perhaps a jolt of caffeine might set him straight, though he highly doubted it.
What did a man do when he was headed down the wrong road? He’d made a mess of this whole thing. Vee might never speak to him again.
And then he had Veronica Jayne to consider. He’d only just sent her his picture. She might interpret that to mean something more than it was, which of course he hadn’t considered until after he sent the photograph. What if she thought he was leading her on?
He’d made that mistake in the past with women, and whatever happened, he didn’t want to hurt Veronica Jayne. She was special to him, and he cared for her, even if it was something completely different than what he felt for Vee.
He was no longer caught up in wondering what Veronica Jayne really looked like, and he wasn’t madly checking his email to see if she’d sent her photograph. He simply didn’t feel for her the way he felt for Vee, even if he was unable to put words to exactly what his feelings for Vee were.
Honestly, the last thing he should have been doing was pursuing a relationship with any woman right now. He could not be in a less-stable position than he was at this moment—in a transition phase on his way to mission work. That was his calling. He couldn’t just drop it and suddenly become the kind of man Vee would want in her life.
Not that he knew what kind of man Vee wanted, or if she wanted a man at all. The truth was, he had no idea how Vee felt about what had happened between them, other than the fact that she had freaked out and run away.
And that wasn’t exactly a good sign, was it?
He’d definitely caught her off-guard. He’d caught himself off-guard.
What was he going to say if he had to talk to her? Obviously, he would have to talk to her. Eventually. He wasn’t a man of words. He preferred action—only in this case, it was action that had gotten him in trouble.
With an inward sigh, Ben entered Cup o’ Jo and walked up to the counter to order a double espresso—the strongest thing they served.
As always, Jo was behind the counter waiting on customers. She was always about, setting the tone of the café to be like a second home to her customers and friends. She made everyone feel welcome, and no matter what kind of day Ben was having, she always managed to make him feel better.
Jo had a never-ending set of interesting T-shirts, a different one every day of the week. Today her shirt proclaimed If It’s Broke, Fix It.
Ben frowned. That was definitely a skewed version of the old cliché.
Jo set his cup of coffee before him with a speculative look on her face. She was only quiet for a second before speaking her mind.
“Did you fix things, dear?” she asked bluntly.
Ben raised a brow. “I’m sorry—fix what?”
Jo shook her purple dishtowel at him. “You know perfectly well what I’m talking about. Between you and Vee. I could tell there was something going on there. First you take off after her during the carnival. You didn’t even bother to dry yourself off with a towel. Now, I don’t mind one whit that you called me in to help with Nigel and Felix yesterday, but if you think you’re keeping me in the dark with what’s happening between you and Vee, you’ve got another thing coming.”
Ben downed his espresso in two gulps and choked on the bitter aftertaste.
“Well, did you get a chance to talk to her?” Jo was nothing if not straightforward to a fault.
Ben’s face flamed. Talking wasn’t exactly what happened between him and Vee. Not that he would tell Jo that.
“A little bit,” he answered vaguely.
Jo leaned over the counter and tapped him on the shoulder with a closed fist. “Well, then, talk a little bit more, son. Make the effort. I promise she will be worth it.”
What was she talking about? Despite the fact that Jo was like a second mother to him—or maybe because of that—he definitely did not like the feeling that the woman was inside his head.
He slid the mug over the counter without meeting Jo’s gaze. Maybe if he didn’t quite look at her...
“Thanks for the brew,” he said, turning away so she wouldn’t see the confusion and angst in his eyes. Clearly she was reading something into nothing—or was that nothing into something?
Spinning around turned out to be an even greater problem because Vee had just walked in the door with Olivia. They were both dressed in sweats and running shoes. Vee’s hair was in a ponytail, not a bun, which startled Ben. The swing of her hair made her look so—feminine. She’d clearly been working out—her face was flushed and wisps of hair that had escaped her ponytail framed her heart-shaped face—yet she looked so lovely, all ruffled and not quite put together.
His heart jumped into his throat. She noticed him just seconds after the moment he saw her. Their gazes locked and held while Ben’s mind spun wildly, searching for the right words to say in the singularly most awkward moment of his life.
“Hey, Vee. Olivia.”
So smooth. Cary Grant could take lessons from him. If he could have slapped himself u
pside the head without anyone noticing, he would have.
“Did you enjoy the carnival?” Olivia teased, picking up the conversation and running with it. “I heard the water was nice and cold.”
Ben could almost see the layers upon layers of emotional barriers going up around Vee.
Obstacles he didn’t know how to cross.
He made a choking noise. Clearly, he wasn’t able to fix the problem at all. He didn’t have the vaguest notion how women thought.
He tried to look nonchalant, to force casual words from his lips. He really did. But there was nothing there. His head was whirling and his thoughts were screaming and he knew if he didn’t leave that moment, he would make an utter fool of himself.
“Ladies,” he rumbled from deep in his throat. He planted his cowboy hat on his head, tipped it to them with a nod and tried very hard not to run as he passed by them, heading for the exit and the fresh air he so desperately needed.
A man had to breathe, after all. And around Vee Bishop, that was impossible to do.
* * *
“He did what?” Olivia screeched, reaching for Vee’s elbow and shaking her with great enthusiasm.
“Can you please lower your voice?” Vee whispered coarsely. “In case you didn’t notice, Ben is sitting right across the room from us.” Ben had stepped out of the café for a moment, but now he was seated in the back corner opposite her, slumped behind a computer screen.
Olivia snickered. “Oh, I noticed, all right. It was hard not to, with you two acting all weird around each other.”
“Can you please, please not make a big deal out of this? You are going to make me sorry I told you anything.” Vee buried her head in her hands.
“Oh, like you could keep something as monumental as this from me. Not going to happen. I already knew something was brewing between you and Ben, but I had no idea the soup was done. How long have you two been an item? Was it just after the carnival or have you been keeping it under wraps for longer than that?”
“You have the oddest metaphors,” Vee commented, chuckling despite the fact that her best friend was putting her on the spot. “I’m begging you not to make this—” she paused slightly “—episode into more than it is. Ben and I are not a couple, nor do I think we ever will be.”
Olivia lifted a brow. “Really?”
“If we were—and I’m not saying that’s even a possibility—you’d be the first to know.”
“I want to hear details. Play-by-play, girl. I want to know it all. I’m still in shock to learn that he kissed you.”
“You’re in shock,” Vee responded with a groan. “I’m completely stunned. I don’t know how it happened, let alone why.”
“Well, duh. I know why.”
“How fortunate for you,” Vee replied dryly. “You were there at the carnival when Jo suggested that I win a date with Ben if I dunked him, right?”
“Oh, yes. And you sooo dunked him.” Olivia laughed. “People are still talking about it. Adding ten feet to your throw. That was pure genius, Vee. Pure genius. Everybody thought so.”
“Everybody but Ben. My actions were foolish, that’s what they were. I left right afterward, and then I started feeling badly about the way I’ve been treating him, especially back at the dunking booth. I wanted to apologize to him, but I wasn’t ready to talk to him when he came chasing after me. I hadn’t even prayed about it.”
“Dunking Ben wasn’t a big deal, hon. I’m sure he doesn’t hold it against you.”
“Maybe not, but don’t you agree that I ended up humiliating him in front of all of our friends? I made such a big deal about not going out with him that it made it seem like I thought he was a bad guy, someone I would never date. How awful was that?”
“It was only because you were flustered. And you had good intentions, even when you were turning Ben away. You were thinking of me, being loyal to me. That’s a good character trait when taken in context. Surely he understood that when you explained it all to him.”
Vee’s face flamed and she choked on her coffee.
“We didn’t exactly get to that part.”
“So are you telling me he just dashed up from behind, whirled you around and planted one on you? How incredibly romantic.” Olivia sighed deeply, resting her chin on her palm. Her gaze turned dreamy. In Vee’s opinion, Olivia was enjoying this whole situation far too much for her liking.
“How appalling, you mean. I can’t even look him in the eye. And just in case you hadn’t noticed, he’s clearly avoiding me, too. It’s pretty obvious that he thinks that kissing me was the wrong thing to do. It was a mistake that never should have happened.”
“There is nothing at all obvious happening here. You’re reading way too much into his every single move. He may look like a big lug, but Ben is a very sensitive man, Vee. He feels deeply, but he doesn’t always show it. You know how guys are. They keep everything locked inside. I have a good notion that he’s infatuated with you and isn’t sure what his next move should be. I mean really, how do you follow a dramatic kiss like he gave you?”
“I haven’t a clue.”
“Maybe he’s just giving you space to process what happened. Maybe he’s getting his nerve up to ask you on a proper date.”
Vee inhaled deeply and darted a glance at Ben. His gaze was squarely on the computer screen in front of him.
How did she feel about all that had happened? Did she dare put a name to it? Label or classify it? Where, exactly, were her emotions pointing when it came to Ben Atwood?
And more to the point, how did he feel about her?
* * *
Awkward.
That’s how Ben was feeling. Completely out of his depth.
He slunk down a little lower in his seat, wishing he could disappear or at least find a way to get out of the café without having to pass by Vee again. He was still staring at an empty computer screen. When he’d sat down to write an email, he’d come up blank. He’d quickly decided that soliciting advice from Veronica Jayne was a bad idea. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
That said, he didn’t know what to do.
It was almost as if he were in high school again, getting flustered when the girl he liked walked past. Only this wasn’t high school, and he’d already kissed the girl he liked.
He didn’t know whether that was an act of courage or flagrant foolishness. He’d sought God’s will, but so far had come up empty-handed. If the Lord was directing him, he must be missing the clues.
He had his life here in Serendipity, but his dreams and his future lay in stateside mission work. His attraction to Vee Bishop grew stronger every day, but what good could come from that?
She was too intense and independent a woman to expect her to change her plans to suit him, and he wasn’t the kind of man who could leave his wife behind at home while he was off doing mission work. And that was assuming his attraction to her was reciprocated at all.
She had kissed him back—he was positive of that. Actually, she’d more or less initiated the kiss. But he could analyze the moment to death and never figure out how she felt about him.
Then there was Veronica Jayne, his mystery flower girl. He held no illusions now that they could try to date—not with the strength of his feelings for Vee. But he still hoped that he and Veronica Jayne could remain friends after their class was done.
He’d been praying and praying that he would someday be as strong on the inside as he was on the outside, but spiritual growth was a lot more difficult than physical growth. Building muscles on his biceps and chest was a cakewalk compared to trying to sort out his current emotions.
The one thing that he did know was that he was falling for Vee—hard. He didn’t know whether she returned the sentiment, and he definitely didn’t know how God would have Vee fit into his future, but there it was in blac
k and white.
Now he needed to make a plan and make it work. Vee wasn’t going to make this easy on him. For one thing, she was completely immune to his charm, or whatever it was that other women saw in him. She wasn’t flirtatious like they were—not that he knew what to do with a flirtatious woman any more than he knew what to do with a scrupulously unsociable one.
How could a man feel so completely hopeless and yet utterly hopeful at the same time?
Only a woman could do that to a man.
One woman. Vee.
Ben wiggled the computer mouse to bring the screen to light again. He opened his email account and quickly scanned down the list, wondering if he’d find the familiar moniker that usually awaited him.
Veronica Jayne.
Except there was no email from Veronica Jayne. Not a word and not a picture.
Had he scared her away by pushing their friendship forward too quickly? Had he shaken her up by sending her his picture?
It figured. He was somehow managing to make a mess of all the relationships in his life.
It just figured. With a growl of frustration, he closed the browser and stalked out of the café without so much as a backward glance.
* * *
“Did you ever check your email to see if BJ sent you a picture?” Olivia queried with a sly smile that bespoke more than a little curiosity.
“I thought you were trying to get me to see the good side of Ben Atwood. I can’t do that and worry about BJ at the same time. Not that I’m admitting to feeling anything for Ben, mind you.”
“Of course you’re not. You’re going to be as muleheaded about Ben as you always are with everything. And just so we’re clear, my main goal in life right now is to make you see that Ben is a good man and deserving of a chance. But that said, it never hurts to have a backup plan, don’t you think?”
Vee felt like Olivia had pushed her in the chest.
A backup plan? Is that was BJ was?
If she was being honest, she had to admit that he might have been so, at least at some point. Perhaps that’s what he always had been, the guy she’d had in her cyber back pocket in case the real thing—a face-to-face relationship with a man—never materialized.