He’d started unbuttoning his shirt when he heard a soft tap on his door. He opened it. Leah stood in the hall. Kaden had apparently gone on to bed, because their door was shut.
Seth’s heart hammered, panic threatening. “Leah, I meant it when I said I can’t do anything—”
She shook her head. “No! No. I…I just wanted to say good night. And thank you.” She looked up at him. “And you didn’t give me my hug when you got here tonight.”
He laughed but it came out sounding harsher than he intended. “You sort of caught me off guard with that outfit.” This one wasn’t much better, especially now that he knew what was under it. Or rather, what wasn’t.
After a long moment, he opened his arms to her. Even though he tried to lean his upper body into it, to keep her away from his hips and feeling his hard-on that demanded attention, she pressed into him. Not lewdly or even seductively.
Desperately.
When he realized this, he relaxed and held her tightly, worried she’d cry. But she didn’t, despite clinging to him like a drowning woman.
It took several minutes before she relaxed a little. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I know this sucks for you. I’m sorry.”
“Hey.” He made her look at him. “Stop. If things were different and we were single, I’d…” Suddenly, that sounded like a really stupid thing to say under the circumstances.
But she smiled again. “Yeah. I would, too.” She rested her head on his chest for a moment longer and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it.
“Just…go easy on me, okay?” he said. “You guys are going to fry my brain at this rate.”
She stretched up and kissed his cheek. He was a little taller than Kaden’s five eleven and knew that would be an adjustment for her.
“Just remember, I can and do have the ability to stop anything I don’t like,” she assured him. “I always have. There have been times in the past I’ve red-lighted a scene. Kaden usually does before I do, but I have. So don’t ever worry about going too far. As long as you respect the safe word, you won’t hurt me.”
She left, quietly closing the door behind her.
* * * *
Seth got up around two a.m. to get a drink of water. Leah had left a robe hanging on the bathroom door for him. Instead of getting dressed he pulled that on. When he opened the door he heard a soft, strange, rhythmic noise he couldn’t quite place.
The house was dark. A few carefully placed nightlights and his familiarity helped him make it to the kitchen without incident. The noise sounded louder now and almost sounded like…splashing?
He spotted a dark shape on the lanai. When he stepped out the kitchen slider, he saw Kaden standing in the shadows, staring at the pool and leaning against the wall near the sliders leading to the master bedroom.
The pool light wasn’t on. In the dark water, Leah maintained a blistering pace down and back. He knew she swam a lot, one of the reasons Kaden had the large twenty-five meter pool built, but…day-amn.
Kaden didn’t look at him, never took his eyes off the pool. He leaned in as Seth stood next to him. “Your first lesson. Never leave her alone when she’s like this,” he murmured.
“Does she know we’re watching her?”
“No. If she cries before she gets out, she’ll be okay. If she comes out looking like a fucking zombie, I’ll immediately take her to the playroom.”
Seth stared at Kaden. Kaden smiled in the dark. “Sorry. That’s what we call it. Sounds better than ‘dungeon,’ don’t you think?”
Seth stood vigil with Kaden for nearly an hour. He couldn’t believe she was still going when she finally pulled up short at the shallow end and stood, gasping, leaning against the edge. She stood frozen for several minutes, then sank beneath the water.
A low moaning sound floated out of the pool, accompanied by a flurry of bubbles. She broke the surface and took a long, hitching breath before sinking below the water again.
Kaden nodded. “That’s good.”
“What the fuck?”
He looked at Seth. “She’s screaming.”
She repeated this for nearly ten minutes before resting her head on her arms on the pool’s edge, softly crying.
Kaden nodded again and gently tapped Seth’s arm, pointing to the kitchen sliders. They went inside and closed the door behind them.
“What the fuck?” Seth asked again.
Kaden shrugged. “She wears herself out in the pool, pushes herself to the point of physical exhaustion. I mean, she can’t spank herself. She promised me she won’t cut herself, although right now I’m scared she might not be able to keep that promise if we can’t keep on top of things. She punishes herself. If it was daylight, she’d probably go run five miles or something. She hasn’t had to do this in a long time. I thought she might do it last night but she didn’t. She was too exhausted from crying.”
“How will I know?”
Kaden looked grim. “You’ll know. You might think you’ll sleep through it, but you’ll get to the point where if she rolls over in bed at night, you’ll know it.”
Seth glanced out the sliders, where in the soft moonlight he watched Leah crying in the pool. “Shouldn’t we go out there to her?”
Kaden shook his head. “Not right now. Not in a case like this.”
“Fuck.”
“There will be times she’ll come to you and outright ask to play.”
“Play? Is that whips-and-chains-excite-me code?”
Kaden smirked. “Yeah. Whatever. There will be times she gets bratty.”
“Bratty?”
“I know. It’s a lot to explain. When she’s bratty, sometimes she needs play, and sometimes she needs punishment.”
“Whoa.” Seth rubbed his forehead. “If whipping her isn’t punishment, what is?”
“Withholding.”
“Huh?”
“Not letting her play. You’ll learn the difference about what she needs.”
“You’ve so fucking confused me now, I’m lost.”
“If a kid begs for ice cream in a store and pitches a tantrum, do you give it to them?”
“What the fuck do I know about kids?”
“Well?”
Seth sighed. “I don’t know. I guess not.”
“You don’t give it to them. It’s rewarding bad behavior if you do. A lot of times you’ll know from her body language, how she’s talking, interacting with you. You’ll see her start to…I call it ‘dull down.’ It’s like she’s zonked out. Not just tired. Like she’s detaching. It’s fucking spooky. You’ll learn to tell the difference between normal tired and that. Then she needs a session. Under normal circumstances our regular trips to the club are enough to keep her going without extra sessions. We might have very light play sessions here during the week.
“But now…” He looked out the sliders. “I’m hoping once the shock wears off and she’s helping teach you that it will give her enough to focus on and I can back off on the sessions for a while. We’ll have to keep a close eye on her.”
It sounded both weird and right for Kaden to say “we” when talking about her. “Why aren’t we out there with her right now?”
“Because when she does something like this and can find release on her own, it’s better for her to handle it on her own. It’s helping her cope in a healthy way. She’ll come find me—or you now, too, I guess, depending on what’s happening—if she needs aftercare.”
Seth rolled his eyes. “Great. More vocabulary.”
Leah climbed out of the pool. Now it registered in Seth’s mind that she was naked. In the low light he hadn’t noticed before.
Kaden headed for his bedroom. “I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
Seth finally got his drink of water and returned to his room in a daze.
What had he said yes to?
Despite his swirling mix of emotions, he knew he couldn’t back out now.
Chapter Four
Seth awoke to the smell of coffee and…
Leah was a great cook. He remembered his stay with them after his surgery, when she cooked every meal for him. They’d spent a lot of time talking while he was with them, with Kaden gone to work every day. Leah stayed home and took care of him. She was always comfortable to talk to.
He rolled over and looked at the clock. Seven thirty.
He was about to get up when he heard a soft tap on his door. He pulled the sheet back over him because he’d slept naked. “Yes?”
The door opened. Leah peeked in, smiling. Despite her puffy eyes the smile looked genuine. “Coffee.”
He nodded. “Thanks. I’ll come get some in a minute.”
She pushed the door open. He was relieved to see she was wearing a long T-shirt in addition to the collar. “No, silly. I have your coffee.” He realized she carried a steaming mug.
“Oh. Thank you.” He nervously smoothed the covers to hide his morning boner, then realized that might have made matters worse.
She walked the mug over to him and set it on the bedside table. “You don’t have to thank me.”
“Um, it would be rude if I didn’t, babe.”
“I owe you, not the other way around.” She took a deep breath as her smile faltered before she regained it. “I’ve got maple bacon, scrambled eggs, and I’m starting the French toast now.”
“Jesus, Leah. I’m going to look like a water buffalo in a month.”
Her playful grin finally reached her eyes. “Don’t worry. I’ll help whip you into shape.”
She left him laughing.
* * * *
He’d take a shower at his brother’s before he went to class. He dressed, then walked out to the kitchen. Leah stood at the stove. The place smelled great. He had to admit he’d really missed this. During his earlier stay, he’d quickly grown to love being with Leah and Kade.
It felt like a home. In a way he’d never felt, even with his ex-wives.
“Where’s Kade?” He took his usual place at the counter.
“He’ll be out in a few minutes.” She walked over and took his mug without asking, poured him more coffee.
“Thanks.”
She started to say something, but he held up a hand. “Listen. Y’all are just going to have to get used to me saying thank you.” Leah smiled again. He studied her. “I’m still convinced this is a really whacked-out nightmare or something. No offense, hon.”
He wished he’d kept his fucking mouth shut, because she looked sad again.
Kaden’s dying.
She nodded. “I know,” she whispered. “Me too. No offense.”
They both froze, then nervously laughed. He stood and held out his arms. She went to him, and he hugged her. For once his cock decided to behave.
“You know,” he said, “after a month you might get sick of me and toss me out on my ass.”
She pressed tighter against him. “No. Never. We’d never get sick of you, Seth. I’ll never get sick of you.”
He retook his seat while she returned to the stove. “So what does one wear to a dungeon?”
She laughed. “You’d be surprised. Jeans are okay if you want, for tonight. Black jeans if you have them. I don’t think Kade’s will fit you.”
“Don’t feel like wearing clam diggers, even if I thought I could pull them over my gut.”
“Hey, no short jokes. I can’t help it you have long legs like a freak of nature.” Kaden rounded the corner and clapped Seth on the back. “Sleep okay?”
He nodded.
Kaden crossed the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Leah from behind, kissed the back of her neck. “Good morning, angel.”
“Good morning, handsome.”
Seth felt a little uncomfortable and tried not to watch but couldn’t help it.
He also couldn’t help the thought that both sickened and excited him, that maybe she’d say something like that to him one day.
kaden’sdying
Crap.
* * * *
Seth tried to focus on what Kaden was saying and not on watching Leah at the stove. Even with the long T-shirt, he still made out the sweet curve of her ass beneath the fabric. Kaden reached into his shorts and handed Seth a set of keys.
“For the house, cars, everything. You need a set.”
Seth hefted them. He currently had two keys, one for his car and one for his brother’s house. It felt weird having a multitude of keys again. “Thanks.”
“The playroom code is also 1218.”
“I’m not ready to tackle that yet.”
“You need to know it anyway.”
They ate in relative silence. When they finished, Leah automatically cleared their plates and gently refused Seth’s offer to help. She grabbed a personal organizer and pen from her purse. “What’s your class schedule?”
Twenty minutes later, she had all the information she needed from him. Seth had to get moving to make it to class. He hugged Leah good-bye. Kaden walked him out to his car.
He looked aged, even from the day before. It saddened Seth to realize he wasn’t going to grow old with this man, sharing stories about kids and grandkids on a front porch somewhere while they put mileage on their respective rockers. Somehow, the thought that Kaden wouldn’t be around had never, before this, crossed his mind. If anything, he thought he would be the one dying first, strong and steady Kaden always there like the moon in the sky.
“What time do you think you’ll be back?” Kaden asked.
“My class is over at one. I’ll go back to Ben’s and start packing.” He snorted in disgust. “Won’t take long. I don’t have very much.”
Kaden nodded at the Ridgeline. He’d bought it a couple of months earlier. “Why don’t you take my truck? Make it easier on you.”
Seth started to protest, then snapped his mouth shut.
Kaden’s grey eyes met his and that fucking mental heart beat—
kaden’sdyingkaden’sdying
—threatened to take him over and drive him to his knees.
“Okay,” Seth said.
“We’ll have dinner before we go. We’ll leave around eight for the club.”
Seth nodded.
Then Kaden hugged him. He tried not to listen to the haggard, choked sound of his friend’s breathing because Seth knew it would send him over the edge.
After a long moment, Kaden stepped back and wiped his eyes. “Thanks, man,” he hoarsely said. “Seriously.”
Seth looked at the ground. “I’ve got to tell you, I’m not comfortable with some of this. I mean… Okay, yes, she’s beautiful. But she’s your wife.”
“Not anymore,” he whispered.
Seth dumbly stared at him, horrified. “Dude, you’re not dead yet! Please, don’t rush things.”
Kaden sadly smiled. “I decided the easiest way for me to get through this is to rearrange my thinking a little. It makes it easier that way. When I’m gone, she’s going to be your wife. Right now, she’s not my wife anymore, and she’s not yours. She’s ours.”
“You are fucking whacked. Even for a goddamned attorney.”
Kaden laughed. “Yeah, tell me about it. I’ll be honest, when I thought about it that way, something inside me was okay with it. I felt so fucking jealous and angry that you’ll have all these years with her that I won’t. I knew I had to get through that somehow, because she needs me to teach you and I can’t let my ego get in the way of that. When I thought about her being ours…” He wiped his eyes again. “Yeah, it’s fucking whacked. Give me what I can hold on to, buddy. Okay?”
Seth nodded. “Okay.”
Kaden helped Seth get his books and a few other things he needed and put them in the Ridgeline. It felt weird driving it, even though he’d driven it before.
It felt…
He shuddered.
kaden’sdying
* * * *
His sister-in-law had the day off from work. When Seth walked into the kitchen, Helen turned, smiled, and then her face fell. “Seth? What’s wrong?”
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He sat at the table, his head in his hands.
“Kaden’s dying,” he sobbed.
He barely felt her comforting arm around his shoulders as he cried.
* * * *
Somehow, Seth made it through class. Helen helped him pack when he returned. He didn’t tell her everything about their new arrangement, only that Kaden and Leah had asked him to move in with them because of the obvious, that he wanted Leah to have help with him as his illness progressed. He did hint that Kaden was worried about Leah’s state of mind and wanted Seth there to take care of her as much as to take care of him.
Helen looked sad. “They’re so sweet. You guys have been friends for so long. Ben will be upset to hear about Kaden.”
“I don’t know how many people he’s telling right now. Tell Ben not to tell anyone yet, okay?”
She nodded. “Right.”
When all his stuff was crammed into the Ridgeline, Helen hugged Seth. “Give us a call. Don’t be a stranger.”
“I appreciate you guys putting up with me. I feel like the neighborhood stray dog everyone takes pity on.”
“Hey, don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve had a rough time. I’m sorry about Kaden.”
He struggled not to cry again. It’d been hard enough to hold it together during class. He didn’t want to break down in front of Leah and Kade.
“Thanks.” It was after four when he started for their house. Halfway there, he pulled into a Publix parking lot and cried again. How was Leah holding it together? He was a fucking wreck.
After twenty minutes he put himself together and pulled into their driveway a little after five. Kaden walked out, smiling, as Seth backed up to the garage. He already had the tailgate down by the time Seth climbed out.
“Glad to see you, buddy. I sort of worried you might have second thoughts.”
The Reluctant Dom (Siren Publishing Ménage and More) Page 6