Chapter Twenty
December thirtieth dawned cold and rainy, perfectly matching Seth’s mood. While the day quickly cleared, his mind did not.
Leah seemed to sense his need for space and didn’t hover.
He pulled on sweats and went for a run, his sneakers squishing on the wet asphalt as he tried to run his foul mood out of his mind.
Tomorrow night they’d have the last party of the season, fifty guests expected to show up.
Seth felt tired. He wanted it over with so he could relax and quit worrying about whether or not his fake smile looked right. He was tired of watching friends and family force smiles. He was sick of their private comments to him, how sorry they were, and that they were there for him if he needed anything.
Bullshit.
All words. Well-meaning words, but when the time finally came, Seth knew it would be up to him and Leah to shoulder the burden while others uncomfortably withdrew with their worthless platitudes.
He didn’t want to lose Kaden. He wanted to lose the world and spend the time they had left together, alone with his friends.
He’d also realized he loved Kaden. Not in a “hey, you’ve got a cute ass” kind of way, but more than friend or brother.
And looking into the barely masked faces of their friends and family didn’t help Seth handle things any better.
Leah quietly fixed him breakfast. Later that afternoon, he settled on the couch and played Wii Bowling with Kaden.
They curled together in bed later that night. While tired, Seth was content to lie back and watch Kaden make love to Leah. Seth held her, softly whispering to her while Kaden made her climax.
* * * *
Last party. Kaden wanted to keep the lights and displays up until the first weekend in January, which was fine with Seth. It would take him a week or more to dismantle everything. He’d already laminated the sketches so he could have them for next Christmas.
In case.
Leah had bought him several dozen large plastic tubs. He would carefully store and label everything to make it easier to find next November.
Especially since he suspected he’d be putting it up alone.
Seth resisted the urge to drink, saving it for the midnight champagne toast. As they counted down, Leah dragged Seth and Kaden into the kitchen and kept a firm grip around their waists. When midnight arrived, she kissed Kaden, then Seth, and hugged them tightly to her.
“I love you both,” she whispered. “My boys.”
Kaden nuzzled her ear. “I love you, too, babe.”
Seth kissed her other cheek. “Me too.”
Once all the guests had left, Seth and Kaden talked Leah into going to bed and leaving cleanup for morning. With all three of them exhausted, it wasn’t hard to talk her into going to sleep, cuddled together.
* * * *
Seth gave up trying to sleep in his own room. Leah rarely allowed it. Sometimes she would settle for him staying out in the living room late, giving Kaden private time with her. When Seth tried to talk to Kaden about it, reason with him, his friend shrugged.
“She wants us both with her. If it doesn’t bother me, why should it bother you? You’re not feeling guilty again, are you?”
Yes.
“No.”
“Liar.” Kaden smiled. “It’s okay. If it bothered me, I’d tell you guys. Seriously. Have I ever hesitated to ask for alone time with her before?”
Seth shook his head. No, he hadn’t. Although Seth hadn’t asked for alone time with her, Leah seemed to make sure he always got a little, at least once or twice a week, usually in the morning.
In Seth’s brain, an invisible calendar ticked down. Not with dates and days and neatly marked squares, but more of a gauge, like a fuel tank. Right now, the level still floated in the lower end of the green region even though it had dropped somewhat over the past few months. The needle now dangerously hovered near yellow. Next would be orange, followed by red, each zone progressively narrower than the last. Then…
Black.
Seth knew damn well two years wasn’t realistic, even though he prayed for it. If Kaden was still here next Christmas…it would be a miracle.
Kaden kept Leah away from his appointments. While Seth didn’t want to lie to her, he knew he couldn’t keep rebuffing her attempts to get all the details.
Kaden focused more on the ropework than he did on the whips now that Seth had regained most of his confidence. Seth started working with the four-footer but wouldn’t use it on Leah yet. He needed to fine-tune his control with it first. Less forgiving if he nailed her with it, less room for error despite its shorter length.
* * * *
For Valentine’s Day, Seth again presented them with a weekend alone. This time he took off, rode the bike up to Pensacola to spend the weekend with a former Army buddy who was in town for a family reunion. When he returned late Sunday night, Leah raced outside to greet him when she heard the rumble of the bike.
She nearly tackled him before he could get the kickstand down. “I missed you!” She threw her arms around him and hugged him as soon as he stepped off.
“I missed you, too, babe. How was the weekend?”
He didn’t miss the sad cloud behind her eyes. “It was good. We had fun.”
From the look on her face, Seth suspected she’d spent a lot of time in the playroom working through her growing grief.
Kaden read the newspaper on the couch. When Seth walked in, Kaden put the paper down and took off his glasses. “Hey. How was the ride?”
Seth dropped his bag on the floor behind the couch so he could pull off his jacket. Before he could say anything, Leah had grabbed it and carried it back to his room. “It was fine. How are you feeling?”
Kaden shrugged. “Same ole.”
“She okay?”
“Probably better with you back.”
Kaden gave them all a belated present. He’d had three matching bands made, two for the men and one for Leah, to wear on their right hands. An intricate, twining vine like the one in the tattoos, with a tiny triskelion engraved on it. Kaden slipped Leah’s ring on her hand, then the other ring on Seth’s.
“Still not doing you,” Kaden said with a grin.
Seth hugged him. “Ditto, buddy.”
But he looked at the ring and it…felt right. Like the three of them belonged together in an unofficially official way.
* * * *
Time ticked on. While Leah was out grocery shopping one day, Seth walked into the den and caught Kaden with a pained look on his face, bent over in his chair. He rushed to his friend’s side.
“What’s wrong?”
Kaden shook his head. “Just a little pang, that’s all. Feels better if I lean forward.”
“Do you want me to call the doctor?”
“What is he going to do? He’ll tell me to try chemo or dope me up to the gills. It’ll pass in a little while. It always does.”
Seth’s heart chilled. “How long have you had this pain?”
“Off and on for a few weeks. It goes away if I lean forward for a while.” He looked at Seth. “Don’t say a word.”
Seth swallowed hard but nodded.
* * * *
The men’s birthdays were just a couple of weeks apart, Kaden’s first. Seth told Leah he would sleep by himself that night after they had a small cake following a meal of Kaden’s favorites, allowing Kaden alone time with her. The next morning she slipped into Seth’s room and brought his coffee, then snuggled into bed next to him.
“Good morning,” he said.
She kissed him. “Good morning.”
“How’d you sleep?”
“Not nearly as good as I do when you’re both there.” She rolled over and rested her chin on his chest. “I want a night alone with you for your birthday.”
“That’s not necessary.” When her face clouded, he sighed. “All right. Quit pouting. Your face will fucking freeze like that.”
She laughed. “Thank you.”
“Li
ke I can say no to you.”
* * * *
For Seth’s birthday she cooked all his favorites and fixed apple pie for dessert. Seth tried not to feel guilty when later, as they were sitting on the couch watching TV, Kaden leaned over and kissed Leah good night.
“See you two in the morning,” he said with a smile, winking at Seth.
Leah snuggled tightly against Seth’s side. “Well?”
“Well what?”
Her hand settled in his lap. “What now?”
He kissed her, slowly brushing his lips across hers. “We’ve done things your way. Tonight, we do them mine.”
Seth wouldn’t let her rush him. He took his time teasing her, tasting her, gently flicking his tongue against hers.
She tried to squirm, and he held her tightly until she relaxed against him. Eventually he pulled her across his lap, curled in his arms, still kissing her.
“I love you, babe,” he whispered against her throat as he slowly worked his lips south. “I love you so much.”
Her fingers tangled in his hair. “I love you, too.”
He made her look at him. “I’ll let you keep your collar on tonight, but it’s just you and me and no protocols or titles or anything. Okay?”
“Okay,” she softly agreed.
He stood, carrying her to his bedroom. He used his foot to push the door closed behind them and then gently laid her on his bed. If he was supposed to enjoy this night guilt-free, he would take full advantage of it in a way he usually didn’t push for.
Seth took his time, carefully exploring her body with his lips and hands, forcing reality out of his brain. He could pretend she was his without a looming cloud of grief to taint his emotions.
He made love to her, taking his time, the way he always wished he could. Gently, tenderly, easing her through two climaxes before he finally entered her and slowly stroked.
“Look at me, babe,” he whispered.
She opened her eyes.
“I love you.”
She smiled. “I love you, too.”
He felt his release build. “There will be a lot of nights I need this and not the other stuff,” he said.
She nodded. “I know.”
“I’m going to have to be enough for you.”
“You are.”
“I promise I’ll take care of you and love you, babe. Forever.” He grabbed her hips, thrusting.
“I know.” He leaned forward and her hands slid down his hips, around his ass, her fingers brushing against his balls.
“I’ll do nearly anything you need done, but I’ve got to be enough for you.”
Her nails gently raked against his sac, sending a pleasant shiver through him. “You are. Now shut up and fuck me good, baby,” she whispered in his ear.
That finished him. He cried out when he came. Leah wrapped her arms and legs around him, tightly holding him. When he caught his breath he rolled them over, still inside her, Leah on top.
He thought she’d fallen asleep when she spoke. “What do I have to do to convince you?”
“What?”
She lifted her head. “You and him and no one else. Ever. You guys are like twins.”
Seth snorted. “Not even fucking close.”
She nodded. “Yes, you are. Maybe you don’t see it, but I do.” She laid her palm along his cheek. “I want you to believe me.”
It was still hard for him to believe she wanted him in the first place, not when she had Kaden. If Kaden wasn’t enough for her, how the hell was he supposed to do it all?
He kissed her palm and rolled to his side with her still nestled in his arms. “Let’s go to sleep, babe.”
It felt so good, so right holding her. Good enough to keep the mental heartbeat away that night.
* * * *
They still went to the club on occasion. Seth preferred not going alone with Leah, even though he would if Kaden asked it of him. Seth realized he didn’t enjoy the public sessions as much as he did their private ones.
“Why is that?” Kaden asked one morning when they were discussing it out of Leah’s earshot in the den.
Seth shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I feel self-conscious for one thing. And I don’t like her being naked.” With things open between the three of them, it was fun incorporating sex into their private play.
Hottest sex of his life.
Kaden leaned back in his chair. “You need to find what works for you. She’ll understand. What she gets from a scene is different than what you get from a scene. You can tailor things to work for you and for her. You can save the more intense stuff for at home.”
“She won’t mind?”
“No,” Kaden said. “I mean…” He laughed. “Between you and me, I don’t like her being naked either. She saw it once with someone else, asked if we could do it.” He took his glasses off and looked at Seth. “That one took me a while to get used to.”
“I bet.”
“I mean, I don’t mind her being naked with you, obviously. That’s different.”
* * * *
Later that afternoon, Seth ran out to the grocery store and left Leah at home with Kaden. Seth tried to limit Kaden’s exposure to crowds as much as possible. He didn’t want him getting a cold or something that, with his already compromised immune system, could put him at risk for worse problems than he already had.
No sense in speeding up the inevitable if they could avoid it.
When he returned over an hour later, they were on the couch, Leah naked and straddling Kaden’s lap. While Seth didn’t look over the back of the couch, he guessed what was going on.
“Whoa, sorry, guys. Didn’t mean to interrupt,” Seth joked on his way to the kitchen.
Kaden laughed. “You’re not. Why don’t you hurry up and get that stuff put away and come join us?”
“Don’t have to ask me twice.”
The irony struck him that now, the better part of a year since this crazy mess started, he didn’t have to be asked twice.
He put the cold stuff away and walked out to the living room. Seth suspected it was a bad day for his friend, easier on Kaden to sit up, less uncomfortable than lying down. Not that Seth would say anything about it and spoil the mood.
Leah rested her head on Kade’s shoulder, her eyes closed, her hips moving in a slow, seductive grind against his lap.
Seth detoured to the bedroom and grabbed the bottle of lube. He’d finally popped his cherry, so to speak, in that department. Now that he knew it wouldn’t hurt her, he had no qualms about taking her from behind.
And she sure loved it.
He stepped behind her and stripped, dropping his clothes to the floor. He’d started going commando because it was easier logistically considering how often Leah jumped him or vice versa.
Seth stroked her back, drawing a soft, pleasant moan from her. He kissed the nape of her neck. “I think I know what you want, don’t I, baby?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
She stopped moving as he lubed her and himself, then carefully nudged his cock against her puckered ring. Kade reached around her and gently spread her cheeks.
“Tell me what you want, babe,” Seth said, grabbing her hips.
“I want Master and Sir to fuck my brains out.”
Both men groaned. Seth slowly slid home.
Kaden pushed her up. Seth wrapped his arms around her and played with her nipples while Kaden stroked her clit.
“Are you going to come for us, love?” Kaden asked.
Her head lolled against Seth’s shoulder. “Yesssss,” she sighed.
This was one thing Seth knew he would miss…after. Leah loved having them both together. He still couldn’t claim to understand how Kaden felt compersion, but as the odd man out, Seth no longer questioned it. He couldn’t honestly say if their positions were reversed that he could be so magnanimous.
He also knew damn well that…after, there would be no more sharing.
Seth cupped her breasts in his palms, tweaking her pebbled nipples bet
ween his fingers. He gently nipped her neck and she shivered. “Don’t be stubborn,” he coaxed. “Give it to us, baby.”
Her body responded to their touch, tensing, her muscles throbbing around them as their combined efforts drove her toward release. She reached behind her with one arm and slipped it around Seth’s waist. With her other, she grabbed Kaden’s free hand. She cried out, and both men felt her muscles clenching around them as her orgasm hit.
When they knew she’d finished, Seth lowered her into Kaden’s arms and thrust inside her as Kaden drove into her from underneath. It didn’t take them long to finish. As Seth’s release took him he braced himself on the back of the sofa so he didn’t fall on them.
Breathing heavy, he kissed her shoulder and carefully withdrew. “You okay?”
She nodded against Kaden’s shoulder, her eyes closed and forehead damp with sweat.
Seth went to clean up and brought her back a wet washcloth. Then he sat next to them on the couch, and Leah shifted position so she was curled up with both of them. Something else he’d miss, the quiet cuddling together after they were all spent. Something he’d never felt before this all happened.
Something he’d never felt with his exes, or anyone else for that matter, except for that one time years ago, together with Kaden and that girl…
Seth closed his eyes. Occasionally he’d lie in bed in the mornings when he woke up and pray he’d open his eyes and find himself in his bed in his brother’s house, the past several months a strangely twisted dream.
That wasn’t happening.
How could it have taken so long to find this peace? And now that it was within his grasp it was also slipping away, day by day, before his very eyes.
* * * *
Two weeks later, Kaden surprised them. “We’re going to Disney!” he announced.
Seth looked up from the morning paper. “What?”
“I made the reservations. It’s been years since I’ve been. I want to go.”
Seth hoped the “we” meant Kaden and Leah. He was definitely not in a Mickey Mouse mood. “I’m sure you’ll have a blast.”
The Reluctant Dom (Siren Publishing Ménage and More) Page 27