It even eats other monsters? That’s nasty!
Come to think of it, the people at the Guild had warned me about something called a Dungeon Mimic.
They’d said Sense Foe would detect it easily, but…
But survival of the fittest was apparently alive and well in this dungeon.
This really was one tough world.
5
“Turn Undead!”
The zombified corpses vanished at Aqua’s spell.
How many undead had we defeated by that point?
I was glad to be navigating by the thermograph-like glow of my Second Sight skill. If I’d come across this many zombies with a regular torch in my hand, I would’ve run home crying long ago. There were so many undead, it would’ve qualified as clinical trauma.
“Hey, don’t you think this is strange? All these undead? There’s just too many. You need an Arch-priest in your party just to come in here. Doesn’t look like there’s any treasure around, anyway. Wanna go home?”
This dungeon was basically supposed to be practice for neophyte parties. But there was no way a fledgling group could handle this many undead monsters.
Despite using her magic left and right, Aqua showed no sign of tiring.
I guess that was the upside of being a goddess of…whatever.
But Aqua or no Aqua, I figured we should be getting out of there soon.
“You’re right, we didn’t find any treasure, but I got to cleanse a lot of undead, so personally, I’m happy. Wait—hang on. I can still smell one from over that way.”
My Sense Foe skill was silent, but this seemed to be Aqua’s day.
Deep in the dungeon, Aqua went up to the wall that blocked our path and began sniffing around like a cat that was high on catnip.
None of my skills seemed to go off or alert me about anything.
But Aqua was on her game, and she seemed to think there was something ahead.
We began checking every inch of the wall with our hands. Ten minutes passed. More.
We hadn’t found signs of anything, and I was about to suggest we go home, when—
A part of the end of the wall suddenly rotated to one side and opened. We hadn’t done anything to make it happen. It had opened from the other side.
A low, mumbling voice came from beyond:
“Do you have a Priest with you?”
6
Inside, the room held only a bed and chest of drawers, along with a table and chair. The chair was next to the bed, and someone was sitting in it. On top of the table—was that a lamp?
“Ah, well met, good afternoon—or is it good evening now? I’ve no idea what time it is outside…”
With my skill, I could see only the outline of the person who had greeted us.
I asked his permission, then lit the lamp using Kindle.
The lamp revealed the speaker: A robe concealed his eyes, and a bit of dried-out skin hung from his bones, but he was a skeleton.
“I am Khiel. The notorious spell-caster who created this dungeon and kidnapped the nobleman’s daughter.”
Once upon a time, an Arch-wizard named Khiel was walking through town when he chanced to see a young noblewoman and fell madly in love…
But Khiel, knowing his love could never be, threw himself into his magical studies.
Time passed, and Khiel became known as the greatest Arch-wizard in the land.
He begrudged no one his magic and gave his all for his country.
Khiel earned the praise of many, and a banquet was thrown at the castle to honor his achievements.
“I wish to reward your deeds,” the king said. “Name any one wish, and I shall grant it.”
And Khiel said:
“I have but one wish in this world that has never come true. That is for the one I love, who is oppressed, to be happy…”
“Saying that, I carried the young woman away,” Khiel concluded with a hint of pride.
“So, what? You’re saying you’re a good Wizard, not an evil one? That the girl’s parents gave her to the king as a concubine to curry favor with him, but the king didn’t care for her, and his wife and the other concubines hated her, and you took her away from that loveless place? That kind of oppressed?”
At my words, a dry clacking came from Khiel’s throat.
“More or less. And when I proposed to her, she agreed immediately. During our elopement, we had a little to-do with the king’s army. Oh, that was fun! Incidentally, that’s my love right over there. Don’t you just adore the line of her clavicle?”
I looked where Khiel was pointing. On the small bed was a collection of bleached bones, laid out neatly.
…What was the deal here?
Beside me, Aqua was glaring at Khiel with fiery eyes. She was probably desperate to send him to the afterlife.
“And so,” Khiel said, “I’ve a request for this young woman here.”
“A request?”
Khiel nodded at me…
“Would you kindly send me to the next life? You look like you’ve got the power for it.”
7
Aqua was intoning the words of the spell slowly, deliberately, one by one.
The once-great magician had placed his hand on the arm bone of the woman he had loved as it lay on the bed.
According to Aqua, the woman had already moved on peacefully, with no regrets.
So really, we needed a magic circle big enough for only Khiel, but Aqua had put a little extra work in so that now it encompassed not just the bones of his wife but the entire room.
Apparently, Khiel had sustained a mortal wound during his battle with the king’s army—but to protect the noblewoman, he was even willing to abandon his humanity and become a Lich.
I hadn’t expected to find myself admiring a Lich, but it was hard not to be just a little bit impressed.
Or maybe it was just because the only other Lich I’d met was Wiz, whom Aqua had so thoroughly abused, and this one just looked good in comparison.
When she became a concubine, the noblewoman could hardly leave her house, but then she took on the State with a dramatic flight that led her around the world, until it ended here in this dungeon.
They’d lived as fugitives, with no freedom, and yet Khiel said she had not complained even once, always ready with a laugh.
“Was I able to make her happy?” Khiel murmured. Then to us, he said, “This is a great help to me. It’s rather surreal—the undead can’t kill themselves. I was waiting here to simply crumble into dust, but I must have awakened from my long sleep when I felt your great holy power.”
Khiel made that dry clacking sound that passed for laughter as the soft white light of the magic circle embraced him.
Aqua finished her chant.
And then, with a look of kindness I’d never seen from her before, she smiled at Khiel.
Who is this woman?
I could barely believe my own eyes, but Aqua was saying to Khiel gently:
“Khiel, Arch-wizard who abandoned the divine plan and made yourself a Lich. By the name of Aqua, goddess of water, I forgive your sin… When you awaken, you will see an unnaturally busty goddess named Eris. If you can accept that it may not be as man and woman, that your ages may be far apart—then tell her. Tell her you wish to meet your love again. I’m sure she will grant your wish.”
She sounded so serious. Who was this?
As I goggled at the incredible change in Aqua, Khiel bowed his head deeply to her, there in that room full of light.
“Sacred Turn Undead!”
The Lich vanished—as, for some reason, did the woman’s bones.
That left only Aqua and me, unable to say anything.
Finally, I said quietly to her:
“Let’s go home.”
8
We were working our way back to the surface. I was babbling to the silent Aqua, heedless of the risk of attracting monsters.
“Hey, you really think that undead will be able to meet his love again?”
; “…I don’t know. Well, I’m sure Eris will manage something.”
“Oh,” I murmured at Aqua’s curt answer.
In an attempt to change the subject, I said cheerily, “Well, what do you know? It turns out that Lich was a good guy after all. He gave us the treasure he had in that chest of drawers—said he didn’t need it anymore. I don’t know what it’s worth, but we can split it up when we get back to town.”
Aqua’s shoulders stiffened a little at that.
“…Right. Let’s use it carefully, for their sake,” she said, a little louder and livelier than before.
There was a long pause.
In an attempt to break the silence, I decided to ask something I had thought should maybe wait until we’d reached the surface and Aqua was feeling better.
“Hey, Aqua. You remember what he said?”
“…About what?”
She still sounded a bit subdued.
“About waking up because he felt a great holy power. Do you think we ran into all those undead in this dungeon…because you were here?”
“?!”
Aqua stopped cold at my question. In a strained voice, she said, “I-I-I really don’t…think…that’s the case…”
It was about as unconvincing as answers get.
“…Come to think of it, when that Dullahan attacked us, all his Undead Knights went straight for you, remember?”
“?!”
She went even stiffer. I silently put some distance between us.
She scurried up to stand close again.
“Hey, Kazuma, why’re you keeping away from me? Shouldn’t we stick near each other so we’ll be okay if any monsters attack? A-and another thing! Can you even see the chalk marks I left with your weak night vision?”
I blanched for a second.
Aqua seemed to sense her opportunity and launched a chattering verbal assault.
“Heh-heh, that’s right! You won’t get away with abandoning me that easily! We’re on equal footing here! In fact, I’m the only one who can see the markings and get rid of the undead—you’d never make it out on your own! I’d say I’m holding all the cards here! If you understand, then you’d better start calling me ‘Lady Aqua’ like a real goddess and telling everyone in town about the wonderful deeds I did today…!”
As Aqua blathered on, something howled from the darkness of the dungeon. It was probably responding to her voice, given how loudly she was declaring her superiority.
Sense Foe confirmed that something was heading straight for us.
“…”
I silently pushed myself against the wall and melted into the darkness with Ambush.
“Kazuma, wait! Hey, why are you using Ambush all by yourself? I—I’m sorry! I was wrong! I was wrong; please let me use your Ambush, too! I’m sorry, Kazuma! Dear Kazumaaa, heyyy!”
9
When we got back to the log house, Megumin greeted us expectantly with:
“I somehow figured it would turn out like this, but may I ask what happened?”
“W-waaaaah! Kazuma, he—He…!”
Megumin patted Aqua on the head comfortingly as the goddess wept behind me.
“Don’t try to blame this on me! You’re the one who’s some kind of undead magnet! They wouldn’t even leave us alone on the way out! I take back the nice things I said about you!”
“B-b-but I can’t help it! I was just born with all this vitality and holiness! Or, what?! You think I should repress my holy aura until I’m basically just a hikiNEET like you? Do you know how the Axis followers all over this world would grieve?”
“See? She isn’t even a bit sorry! Hey, you! Go back down in that dungeon and find the dirt from under the fingernails of that Lich and his wife! Then maybe a tiny bit of their sweetness will rub off on you!”
“A hikiNEET is telling a goddess to learn from a Lich?!”
As I was prying Aqua’s hands off my neck, Darkness broke in:
“A Lich and his wife?” she murmured, and shook her head.
I gave her and Megumin the gist while I fended off the weeping Aqua’s attempts to grab me.
“Aqua said the wife moved on without any regrets, though. How well do you think she coped with the fugitive lifestyle? The Lich said something about wondering whether he’d made her happy. I wonder if she was.”
I was just sort of muttering to myself, but Darkness replied:
“She was. She must have been. Being on the run must have been the happiest time of her life—I’m sure of it.”
Her words seemed somehow profound. And a smile, just a little sad, played across her face.
Chapter 3
May Love Reach Out to This Ghost Girl!
1
I was heading for one particular place, Aqua close behind me.
I had Darkness camped out at the Guild, the better to grab any juicy quests as soon as they came along.
Megumin had been off somewhere all morning. She had a way of disappearing once in a while, and I had no idea where she went.
Our party was not well-balanced.
It was pretty one-sided, at any rate.
Aqua was a decent Priest, but our main tank, Darkness, was so tough that healing magic was rarely called for.
Megumin at her most powerful could hold her chin up against any other Wizard—but she could be at her most powerful only once a day.
What we needed was reliable firepower.
Which left me to learn relevant skills, but even with a sword, I could only do so much in battle. Adventurers aren’t known as the weakest class for no reason.
I’d really like a skill that could be a main weapon for us.
That was what brought me to that shop, flush with an unexpected new level-up from the dungeon crawl the other day.
“All right, we’re here. Now listen up, Aqua, because I’m only saying this once. Don’t make trouble. No fights. No magic. Understand?”
We were in front of a small shop dealing in magic items.
Aqua looked at it and shook her head at my warning.
“Honestly, Kazuma, what makes you think I’d do any of that? What do you take me for? I’m not some street punk or bandit or whatever. I’m a goddess. Divinity!”
With Aqua still whining behind me, I opened the door of the shop.
The little bell on the door gave a pleasant jingle, announcing our entrance to the shopkeeper.
“Welcome to—Whaaa…?!”
“Huuuh?! There you are, you stinking undead! You have a shop here?! I, a goddess, have been sleeping in the stables while you’ve been running a business?! How brazen for a Lich! In the name of the gods, I ought to burn this place to the grouwowow!”
Aqua had forgotten my instructions to not make trouble as soon as she walked through the door. I gave her a gentle smack with the hilt of my dagger.
She crouched there, rubbing the back of her head, while I greeted the cowering shopkeeper.
“Hey, Wiz, it’s been a while. I told you I’d come.”
2
“Hmph. It looks like you don’t even get tea in this shop.”
“Oh, p-pardon me, I’ll b-bring some right away!”
“No, you won’t! Who ever heard of a magic-item shop that served tea?”
I stopped Wiz, who was all too ready to take the bait of Aqua’s malicious attempts to get her out of the way.
I’d never been in a magic-item shop before. I looked around, nonchalantly picking up something close at hand.
It was a small potion bottle.
“Er, that explodes if you hit it too hard. Please be careful.”
“Erk, seriously?” I quickly put the bottle back.
When I picked up the one beside it…
“Oh, that explodes if you open the stopper…”
I set it down gently and took the next in line. “What about this one?”
“It explodes if you add water.”
“A-and this one…?”
“If you heat it.”
I stopped.
“O-o-of course! That shelf just happens to be my Explosion Line!”
Oh, so it was. Magical items weren’t what I had come here for, though. I ignored Aqua, who had taken it upon herself to make the tea, and turned to business.
“Wiz, I recall you said something about teaching me Lich skills. Well, I’ve got a few skill points lying around now. Think you could teach me something?”
“Pfft!”
“Eyyaah!”
Aqua had done a spit take at my request, and her tea was now all over Wiz.
“Hold on, Kazuma, what are you thinking?! Lich skills? Lich skills?! I wondered what you two were talking about when you took her business card! Well, Liches don’t have any skills you’d want to learn! Nothing good would come of it! You hear me? Liches love damp, dark places, you know—they’re basically giant slugs!”
“H-how could you—?” Wiz was on the verge of tears after Aqua’s furious tirade.
“Hey, slugs, snails, I don’t care. You don’t usually get a chance to learn skills from a Lich, right? And they’d have to be pretty powerful in combat. Think about our party—could we handle a crowd of powerful opponents right now?”
“Hrk… As a goddess, I cannot stand by and watch one of my followers learn…Lich skills…,” Aqua muttered, but she reluctantly stepped back.
Wiz got an uneasy look and said tremblingly, “‘As a goddess’…? Is—is that why you were able to eliminate me so easily with Turn Undead? Are you really a goddess?”
Uh-oh.
I guess a Lich would recognize a goddess. Even if I personally doubted her credentials.
“Well, I guess you’re not likely to go spreading it around. I am Aqua—yes, the very goddess worshipped by the Axis Church! Stand back, Lich—!!”
Love, Witches, & Other Delusions Page 6