“All right, say your prayers! ’Cause I’ve got my special extra-powerful anti-demon… Huh? Kazuma? I think you’d better stay back; there’s no telling what she might do to a man like…”
Wordlessly I stood between Aqua and the succubus. I took the girl’s hand and led her to the entryway.
“H-h-hey, what’re you doing, Kazuma? That thing’s a demon—she came to suck the life out of you!” Aqua shouted shrilly.
Megumin, who had initially been stupefied by my state of undress, now leveled her weapon at the succubus again and fixed the demon with a glare.
The succubus whispered to me, “I-I’m sorry, sir! Forget about me—I’m just a monster! I admit a spirit barrier was unexpected, but we succubi pride ourselves on our ability to sneak to a customer’s bedside. This situation is entirely due to my inexperience. It won’t do for you to embarrass yourself, sir—please, pretend you don’t know me! Let her think I’m a wild succubus and exorcize me…”
Carefully keeping the succubus behind me, I turned to Aqua and Megumin. I reached back and gave the demon a push toward the door.
Then I looked at Aqua and Megumin and put up my dukes.
“S-sir?!” the succubus whispered anxiously.
Aqua scrunched up her brow. “Um, what are you doing? As a goddess, I can hardly let some demon just walk away from me. Now, if you like that pretty face of yours, step aside!”
Was she a goddess or a street punk?
“Aqua, Kazuma might be under the influence of that succubus right now! He’s been acting strange—going on about dreams and preferences. You damnable monster—how dare you put me through that…that humiliation! I’ll kill you!”
There was Darkness, wearing a shirt and short skirt, her feet bare and her hair still sopping.
I took an involuntary step back at the sight of her bellowing tearfully.
“Kazuma, you are taking this much too lightly,” Megumin said with a touch of exasperation and a cold look at the girl behind me. “She may be cute, but she is a demon, a monster, and our enemy.”
That stare shook me to the core, but I didn’t back down.
I gave the succubus another shove: Hurry up and get out of here!
Aqua saw me. She took a step forward and settled into a crouched stance.
“Looks like you and I are gonna have to get serious here. Fine. Come and get me! Once I’ve beaten the pudding out of you, I’ll send your little friend to the next life!” Then, with a shout, she flew at me.
The succubus gave a screech in her small voice: “Siiirrr!”
There were some trusts you couldn’t betray, like a secret your friends had shared with you.
And there were some things you had to protect, like the sweet little demon whose only goal in life was to give some succor to lonely, horny men.
I clenched my fists.
“Bring it on!!”
The whole mansion was filled with our shouts, our hollers, our roars.
8
“……”
I could feel a silent gaze on my back as I quietly crouched in the corner of the garden, working.
I was cleaning the gravestone, as I’d taken to doing regularly.
“If you’ve got something to say, say it already. Anyway, I can’t believe you just went along with all that.”
“…! ……”
Standing behind me, Darkness seemed about to say something, then stopped.
She’d been hovering there silently, arms crossed, for some time. Frankly, she was making it very hard to work.
I’d taken a pretty epic beating the night before—it was three against one, after all—but at least I’d managed to help the succubus girl escape.
And Darkness conveniently assumed that whole episode was due to the succubus controlling me.
“…You really don’t remember anything about last night, correct? You have no memories of being under the succubus’s control?”
That was what she finally said. She really wanted to be sure.
“Sadly, no,” I replied. “I just remember having a very pleasant dream.”
Far be it from me to disabuse her of her very helpful assumptions.
It was better for both of us that way.
“I—I see. That’s…good. It…is what it is. Just an accident. It’d be better for me to forget it as well.” She paused. “But…well, you were so forceful, and it scared me a little, but it was also…not bad. Although I didn’t appreciate your trying to do as you pleased with me just because I’m unworldly.”
“Unworldly? You can’t be as sheltered as you look. Get some common sense, already! Nothing that happened last night was my fault. I lit the lantern and put the sign on the door; what could you possibly have thought—?”
“S-so you do remember? Was a succubus really controlling you?!”
Darkness shook me by the shoulders, but I barely gave her a glance as I kept cleaning.
I didn’t know who or what had played this ridiculous prank on us. But I was sort of grateful that they had.
Thus we finally established ourselves. We’d checked food, clothing, and shelter off the list; we’d manage the rest somehow.
I finally had a place to call my own in this world.
I expected to sleep very well that night.
And I would have, too. If it hadn’t been for one little public announcement that rang out through the streets and threatened everything…
“Destroyer alert! Destroyer alert! Mobile Fortress Destroyer is in the vicinity of this town! All adventurers, please prepare your equipment and come to the Adventurers Guild! All other residents—please evacuate immediately!”
Chapter 5
May We Do Away With This Outrageous Fortress!
1
By the time I got back to the house, it was pandemonium.
“Run awaaay! Run far, far awaaay!”
Aqua was busy turning the house upside down. Megumin, it seemed, had already packed—just one small suitcase. She was sitting nearby with a cup of tea, looking philosophical.
“Flailing about now will not do any good. We are going to lose our home and everything we own anyway, so why not raid the Demon King’s castle immediately?”
Getting my stuff ready to head for the Guild, I looked at them dumbly.
“Um…what’s with you two? What’s going on around here? There was an urgent announcement. Get your gear, and let’s head to the Guild.”
Aqua and Megumin seemed to notice me for the first time.
“What are you talking about, Kazuma? You’re not thinking about fighting Mobile Fortress Destroyer?”
Aqua sounded like she couldn’t quite believe it. She stood at my side, clutching her pillow.
I, for one, had no idea what was happening. I’d only heard the announcement.
True, the voice on the PA system had sounded pretty frazzled. That made me suspect things were bad.
“Kazuma,” Megumin said, “Mobile Fortress Destroyer, the biggest bounty on offer, is heading for this town. By the time it leaves, we can expect not so much as a blade of grass will remain—other than the followers of the Axis Church, I suppose. Even you cannot be so reckless as to fight it.”
“Hey,” Aqua whined, “why does everyone talk about my cute little followers that way? Wiz did it, too. Why is everyone so afraid of them? They’re all good, normal people!”
Megumin’s explanation, though, didn’t quite click for me.
Actually, I’d been hearing about this thing for a while now. I didn’t know what a “mobile fortress” was, but it sounded awfully big.
“Can’t you just handle it with an Explosion, Megumin? It sounds like it’s big enough for that you’d see it coming from a mile away. One good magical blast wouldn’t do it?”
“I am afraid not,” she said. “Destroyer is equipped with powerful magic barriers. One or two Explosions would not harm it.”
Geez, what is this Destroyer thing?
“My followers are all perfectly good people! Megumin, l
isten to me! Those nasty Eris followers must have started those rumors people are spreading! Everyone loves Eris so much, but she’s such a pill! She’s even less merciful toward demons than I am, and she’s a total wild child! I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she comes down to the mortal realm when she’s got time to kill! Respect Axis! Respect the Axis Church! Please!”
“Aqua, is it not enough for you to constantly claim you are divine? Must you also badmouth our Lady Eris?”
“Claim? It’s true! You have to believe me!”
I realized I didn’t see Darkness around anywhere.
“Huh? Where’d Darkness go?” I asked Megumin. Aqua had our Arch-wizard by the shoulders and was shaking her violently, on the verge of tears. “She should’ve gotten back before I did…”
“She is shut up in her room.”
If it’s not one of them, it’s another!
I had no idea what Destroyer was, but I’d finally gotten a house in this dang town, I’d finally become a regular at some dang shops, and above all—there was still something I had to do in Axel.
I might have failed yesterday thanks to Aqua’s spirit barrier, but next time…!
Without them, in fact, I might have been out of debt and out of Dodge long ago.
What if those kindhearted demons had to move their shop to some other town? Who’s to say they’d get enough business?
Well, first things first. I had to get my stuff and head to the Guild…!
“Sorry I’m late! …Huh, what’s with you, Kazuma?” Darkness asked the moment she saw me. “Hurry up and get ready. I assume you’re going to the Guild?”
She came down from upstairs wearing a set of heavy armor I’d never seen before. Over her usual armor she’d donned a cape of chain mail, and she’d even mounted a detachable shield on her left arm.
Maybe it was some sense of herself as a woman that kept her from putting on a helmet, even with all that.
I guess she hadn’t gone to her room in order to get ready to flee. She’d gone to make sure she had on her best equipment.
She did have her Paladin-like moments.
She probably felt she couldn’t leave the townspeople to their fate.
“Hey, you two, take a lesson from her! Don’t you care about the house—the town—we’ve lived in all this time? C’mon—Guildward ho!”
“What’s with the impassioned plea, Kazuma? Your eyes are really…sparkling. And we’ve lived in this house for, like, one day.”
2
“Yo, Kazuma! I knew you’d come! I had faith in you, buddy!”
When we reached the Guild, equipped with everything we had, we ran into Dust, who was also heavily armored.
I knew I could count on you guys to be here, too.
Keith and Taylor were with him.
I looked around the Guild Hall.
It was filled with adventurers of every stripe, wearing whatever they thought would give them the best protection.
They must love this town, too.
Was it just me, or did it seem like men were disproportionately represented in the crowd?
Come to think of it, I knew most of the people there. A ways away, I even saw Mitsurugi, who had come here from Earth like I had, bearing a magic sword.
He hadn’t noticed me yet, and I was just as happy not to have anything to do with him.
Maybe I would just keep my distance.
Finally, it seemed, enough adventurers had gathered.
“Everyone! You have our sincere thanks for responding to today’s emergency announcement. We will now be offering an urgent quest for the defeat of Mobile Fortress Destroyer. We request all present to participate in this quest, regardless of class or level. If it is judged impossible, everyone will evacuate the town together. You are Axel’s final bastion. Our fate is in your hands!”
The Guild employee had to shout to be heard over the din.
Employees then gathered around a table in the middle of the tavern area to create a kind of impromptu council room.
Wow, this really isn’t business as usual. This is tense.
Is Destroyer as dangerous as all that?
“We will now begin an emergency strategy meeting, everyone. Please be seated!”
Each of us obediently found a seat. How many adventurers did they have here? More than a hundred bodies had to be packed into the huge Guild Hall.
When I’d gotten a table, I took a good look at the adventurers around me.
…Erk. Mitsurugi was looking this way. He was staring straight at Aqua, who was fiddling with a cup of water to pass the time.
“All right, then. First, let me explain the current state of things. Ahem, does anyone need an explanation of Mobile Fortress Destroyer itself?”
A few of us, myself included, raised our hands.
The Guild employee nodded.
“Mobile Fortress Destroyer is a colossal golem initially developed by the country of Noise, a world leader in magic technology, as a weapon to be used against the Demon King’s army. It is shaped roughly like a spider, and its construction consumed a massive amount of the national budget. It is the size of a small castle, but the abundant use of magical metals means it is far lighter than it appears. It uses its eight giant legs to move at speeds exceeding those of a horse.”
Most of the people in the hall were nodding along as if they already knew all this. Apparently Destroyer was just that big a deal.
“Its size and speed are its most salient characteristics. It moves with tremendous quickness, and not even a large monster would survive being stepped on by one of its eight legs. In addition, powerful magic barriers, in keeping with Noise’s magic-technological standards, constantly protect it. For this reason, magical attacks against the fortress are all but meaningless.”
Expressions all over the room darkened at that.
It was dawning on all of us what a losing fight we were in.
“Hence, we must rely on physical attacks; however…if you get close enough to attack it, you will be crushed to death. Ranged weapons like arrows and catapults are therefore preferable; however…due to the magical alloys used in its construction, arrows bounce off Destroyer, and it can easily dodge any catapult that flings rocks large enough to assault it. Additionally, its torso boasts an autonomous midsize golem to defend from above against monster attacks, along with a turret to shoot down airborne objects. Further still, the upper torso is equipped with Battle Golems for offensive use.”
…Yikes.
“On the subject of why Mobile Fortress Destroyer is rampaging to begin with, its original designer is said to still be aboard, controlling the golem even now. Given its speed, the fortress and its eight legs have already decimated much of this continent. Destroyer makes no distinction between people and monsters. It is widely believed that the only feasible response to Destroyer’s approach is to abandon the town, wait until the fortress has passed, and rebuild. We may go so far as to consider it a force of nature.”
The racket in the hall had been replaced by a silence so complete you could hear a pin drop.
“At present, Mobile Fortress Destroyer is headed straight for this town from the northwest… Ideas, anyone?”
All I could think was, This has to be, like, the ultimate difficulty level.
One adventurer raised his hand.
“Um, what happened to Noise, this ‘world leader in magical technology’? Surely they could develop some countermeasure against the fortress? Or at least tell us its weakness?”
“Noise was annihilated. It was the first victim of Destroyer’s rampage.”
There was a pause.
“…Anyone else?” the employee said hopefully.
Someone else raised a hand.
“Could we build a gigantic moat around the town…?”
“That’s been tried. An alliance of Elemental Masters worked with the spirits of the earth to create a giant pit, into which Destroyer fell. That did go as planned. However, the fortress’s mobility was unhindered—it
simply jumped out of the hole. The plan had been to seal it in by rolling a rock over it, but they didn’t have time…”
“……”
Everyone simultaneously fell silent.
“Anyone else…?”
A third hand went up.
“How is the Demon King’s army resisting it? Hasn’t it trampled his castle? How are they protecting themselves from Destroyer? Has it at least inconvenienced them?”
“Word is that a powerful magic barrier protects the Demon King’s castle, beyond human strength to break. At the moment, the castle seems to be quite intact. It’s nothing to them if some wandering monsters get run over.”
Then the employee continued, “Anyone else?”
3
It was a tough meeting.
Someone suggested that we could use ropes to climb up on the fortress, but someone else pointed out that it was too fast for that.
How about a gigantic barrier, bigger than Destroyer itself? someone said, but the employee responded that walls had been tried before, and Destroyer had simply gone around them or smashed through them. At that, everyone was quiet.
Magic wouldn’t work. Get too close and it’d crush you. Aerial attacks would be shot down.
And it was quick as a wink, to boot.
No wonder Aqua and Megumin had been so set on running away.
At the table next to ours, Taylor seemed to be getting tired of the futile talk.
“Hey, Kazuma,” he said suddenly, “you’re an idea man. Got a plan for us?”
Yeah. As if.
I appreciated the vote of confidence, but my only idea to speak of had been to have Megumin blast it from afar, so I had run out of suggestions at about the time we heard its barriers neutralized magic.
I thought for a long moment.
Its barriers neutralized magic.
I turned to Aqua, who was killing time by drawing a picture on our table with the water in her glass.
“Hey, Aqua. You remember Wiz saying that if just two or three people were maintaining it, you could probably break through even the barrier around the Demon King’s castle? Maybe you could break through Destroyer’s—Whoa!”
Love, Witches, & Other Delusions Page 11