Her lips curved into a warm smile. She placed her tiny palm inside his and gave it a hearty shake. “Your name means ‘son of Elyx,’ which doesn’t give me much to work with, but it’s nice to meet you, too.”
“Get over here.”
With a rough tug, he sent her colliding into his chest, then wrapped both arms around her waist to crush their bodies together. She relaxed into him and rested her cheek near his shoulder, then made a sound of contentment that was satin to his ears. Sacred Mother, she felt so good, all soft curves and heat, the sweet scent of her hair filling his space with oranges and cloves.
When she tipped her ivory face toward his, he brushed her mouth in a gentle kiss. He took her lips tentatively at first, just a light, inviting sweep that let her set the pace. She rose onto her toes and hooked her arms around his neck, then tilted her head and ratcheted up the passion by a thousand blistering degrees. She kissed him like he was a soldier heading to war, never to return. It went on for several heart-pounding minutes until their breathing turned choppy and they broke for air.
“Gods,” he said with a groan. “I missed you.”
Clutching his sweater, Cara panted and licked her swollen lips. “Me, too.”
“Show me.” Aelyx took her face in his hands, relaxing his focus to experience her rush of sentiment for him. He had to feel it; he craved it more than he could stand.
Cara shook her head, glancing around them in an unspoken message that there were too many witnesses to risk Silent Speech. Then a mischievous twinkle gleamed in her eyes. “Take me to the penthouse, and I’ll show you a lot more than that.”
His lips parted while a jolt of excitement lit him up inside. Did that mean what he thought it meant? Was she finally ready? He lifted his brows in a question.
“We only have ten hours together until I leave again,” Cara said in a voice that made her intentions clear. “I can think of better ways to spend our time than kissing in the parking lot. How fast can you get me to your place?”
The answer: twenty-three minutes and thirty-seven seconds, a new land speed record set by David, for which Aelyx was infinitely grateful.
In an epic display of restraint, Aelyx managed to keep his hands to himself long enough to get Cara behind his bedroom door, and then it was a free-for-all as they clawed at each other in an unchecked compulsion to get closer. They stole clumsy kisses while tugging off shirts and shoes, pants and socks, tossing their clothes to the floor in a haphazard trail toward their final destination.
Once there, they fell to the bed in a tangled heap.
The sensation of Cara’s body beneath him, her heated skin fused to his own, was the purest form of pleasure Aelyx had ever known. He didn’t think it could possibly feel any better, but then she used her hands to explore him, sparking to life a thousand nerve endings that had once lain dormant.
He touched her, too, discovering the secret places that made her breath catch and her muscles tense. It was heaven. Lacing their fingers together, he pinned both hands above her head, then whispered against her lips, “You still have the implant, right?”
She drew a shuddering breath and nodded, so flushed and beautiful it almost hurt to look at her. “You won’t get me pregnant.”
“And you’re sure this is what you want?” Gods, please let her say yes. If she changed her mind now, the pressure building inside his body might actually cripple him.
Cara squeezed their linked hands. Her face glowed with the certainty he’d hoped for. “I’m sure, and I love you. I want you to know that.”
He nuzzled the tip of her nose and murmured, “Show me.” He wanted to connect with her on every level, body and mind, to share their sensations and create a unified memory. Their first time together might not be perfect, but it was theirs.
But instead of meeting his gaze, Cara slid her mouth over his throat and wrapped both legs around his hips. He tried to catch her eye, but with each attempt, she arched and shifted against him while hiding her face. Aelyx kept her hands fixed on either side of the pillow and rose onto his knees, beyond her reach.
“Why won’t you look at me?” he asked.
Cara squinted her eyes shut, shaking her head. “Not now. After, okay?”
Something was clearly wrong. Cara had rarely shied away from Silent Speech.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Slowly, she opened one eye, then the other, but stared at his exposed chest instead of his face. “Nothing. I just want one perfect night with you. After everything we’ve been through, don’t you think we deserve it? Let’s talk in the morning.”
Aelyx didn’t like the way that sounded. The desperation in her voice implied this “perfect night” would be their only night. He reminded her of what she’d told him months ago when he’d struggled to reveal his own secrets. “If we can’t be honest with each other, we’re no more than strangers.”
She met his gaze, pleading with her eyes. “I want to be with you. Please? I swear I’ll tell you everything after—”
“No,” he insisted. “Or I won’t be able to stop thinking about it.” When she hesitated, he promised, “You can trust me.”
She sank into the pillow as if to disappear. “I’m afraid you’ll hate me.”
Hate her? Fear snaked its way up the length of Aelyx’s body and settled in his heart. “Did you meet someone else? At the Aegis?”
“No, nothing like that.”
“Elire, you have to show me, or I’ll imagine the worst.”
After several long seconds, she gave a resigned nod and locked her watery blue eyes with his. A single tear spilled down her temple, disappearing into her hair as she opened her mind to him. Aelyx lowered to his elbows and peered deep inside, holding his breath in cold fear. When he felt the swelling of her love for him like a billow of heat inflating his lungs, he sighed in relief.
But right on the heels of relief came a chill of dread.
Now he understood what she had tried so hard to hide. Cara had changed her mind about the colony. He would return to L’eihr after the alliance ceremony, but she planned to stay behind. The certainty within her was almost tangible. Cara was no happier on L’eihr than he was on Earth.
Which meant they couldn’t be together.
When Aelyx had first learned to play sticks, an older clone had knocked him flat on his back to the unforgiving ground. More than pain, Aelyx remembered the panic of not being able to breathe. He’d opened his mouth and gaped for air, his eyes bulging and face throbbing for what seemed like an hour. He felt that way now, breathless and aching and utterly terrified.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I really tried.”
Aelyx wanted to speak, but his tongue lay dead. He knew how hard she’d fought. Her frustration was his own—he’d felt it.
“Nothing’s changed.” She cupped his cheek. “I still want this. I want my first time to be with you. Let’s have our perfect night and figure it out in the morning, okay?” Softly, she stroked the edge of his jaw and rose up to kiss his lips. “Please?”
His mind was swimming. Drowning. He had to gain some distance and think.
Rolling to the side, he pressed both palms to his eyes and tried to force the blood flow back to his brain. His body pleaded with him to give Cara what she wanted—he’d waited so long for this—but she would take a piece of him if they went any further, and as much as he loved her, he’d never get it back. If he walked away now, he’d spend the rest of the night with a leaden cramp in his belly, but that would hurt far less than a lifetime replaying the memory of joining himself with the only girl he’d ever loved.
“We’ll make it work,” Cara insisted. “We’ll find a way to see each other.”
Aelyx finally found his voice. “How often? Once every few years?” Their relationship would never survive the distance. The slow passage of time would drive them apart—and eventually into another pair of arms. Young as they were, it was as natural and inevitable as the rising
of the sun.
“I don’t know, but at least I’m willing to try,” she snapped.
He pushed onto one elbow. She made it sound like he’d put no effort into their relationship. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Another tear spilled down Cara’s cheek as she jerked the blanket to cover her body. “It means I’ve practically turned myself inside out to make a life on your planet, but you won’t even consider staying on mine. There’s no compromise.”
“I can’t believe you think that.” He’d gladly stay on Earth if humans would stop trying to kill him all the damned time. But that was beyond his control. “The colony is supposed to be the compromise.”
“But it’s not. The Way isn’t giving humans an inch.”
“You’ve only been on the council a month. The charter isn’t even written yet.” Aelyx couldn’t believe she’d accused him of quitting too easily. “Maybe if you—”
“If I what?” she interrupted. “Work harder?”
“Yes!” He hadn’t meant to shout, but panic rushed through his veins.
“Why don’t you work harder?” she yelled back.
“What do you think I’ve been doing all these months?” Traveling from one city to the next, going to bed without knowing where he was. Dodging assassination attempts. Missing her like crazy. “I’ve been fighting nonstop for this alliance.”
“Only because you’re the reason it failed to begin with!”
The words stung, real as any slap. Not a day had passed since Eron’s death that Aelyx didn’t regret his role in sabotaging the alliance. “You think I’ve forgotten that I helped get my best friend killed?”
Cara bit her lip while her breath hitched, and Aelyx pinched the bridge of his nose to try and calm down. He didn’t want to do this. They were fighting dirty and getting nowhere.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “That wasn’t fair.”
Nothing about this was fair. “Is there a chance you might change your mind?”
“Is there a chance you might change yours?”
When he didn’t answer, she broke into fresh tears.
Slowly, and with great deliberation, Aelyx stood from the bed and picked through the trail of clothing on the floor until he’d dressed. Cara sobbed the whole time, causing his head to ache in unison with his feverish body. He couldn’t stay with her, not without breaking down. He had to escape as far as this luxury high-rise prison would allow.
“You can sleep here,” he told Cara, facing away because he couldn’t bear to watch her cry. “I’ll take the guest room.”
“Aelyx, please…” Her voice was thick with tears, threatening to break his slippery grasp on control. “Don’t go. Not yet. Let’s talk about this.”
He moved toward the door, though every cell in his body weighed him down and fought against it. “I’m not angry with you.” He paused with one hand squeezing the doorknob. “And I hope we can still be friends.”
Friend, the Irish translation of her name. How horribly, painfully prophetic.
Chapter Nineteen
Cara dragged a crumpled tissue beneath her nose and padded into the kitchen, where Mom was unloading the dishwasher while Dad pressed against her from behind. He lifted the dark curls from Mom’s neck and replaced them with nibbles and kisses.
“Nice to see nothing’s changed since I’ve been gone.” Cara dropped onto the nearest chair, too exhausted to stand after the walk from her bedroom. The simple act of pulling on her bathrobe had drained her.
“Oh, honey.” Mom abandoned the dishwashing to wrap Cara in a warm hug. “Are you ready to talk yet?”
Cara shook her head. She’d told Mom about the breakup, but she didn’t want to rehash it. Thinking about Aelyx made her heart pinch.
“I hate seeing you like this.” Mom smoothed a palm over Cara’s loose hair in a comforting sweep. “When was the last time you ate?”
“Yesterday, I think.” Cara had nearly gagged on her Reese’s. As if to prove she was still human, she’d choked down both peanut butter cups, but her body had punished her for it. She’d felt sluggish and queasy ever since.
“Want me to make your favorite breakfast?” Mom asked. “It’ll only take a minute.”
Hell must have frozen over, because the idea of Mom’s triple-chocolate-chip pancakes sent Cara’s stomach into a somersault. “No, thanks.”
“Sweetheart, why don’t you call Tori? She always makes you feel better.”
“I did.” The inside of Cara’s nose tingled, and she grabbed a fresh Kleenex from her pocket in time for a vicious ker-choo. Groaning, she dabbed beneath her raw nose while sliding a glare at the empty doggie bed in the corner. Mom had boarded Linus at the kennel, but the fluffball had left behind plenty of pet dander. “She’s taking me to the mall for a girls’ day.”
Mom arched a stern brow. “Not without your brother.”
Cara huffed a sigh, but secretly she was glad to have Troy home. Colonel Rutter had done them a huge favor by assigning Troy to her security detail. This was the first time in three years their entire family had slept under the same roof, and it reminded Cara of simpler days when her biggest problems were acne and frizzy hair.
“Fine,” she said. “He can come, too.”
“And I want you to eat something,” Mom said. “What’s it going to be?”
Cara scanned the open pantry for her options: Captain Crunch, coffee cakes, fudge Pop-Tarts, Nutri-Grain bars, and sweetened oatmeal. None of it appealed to her. Maybe her nutrition counselor had been right when he’d likened sugar to a toxic drug.
“I guess I could eat some eggs,” Cara said.
Mom squeezed Cara’s shoulders. “Coming right up.”
By the time Mom finished making breakfast, the back door swung open and Troy bounded inside from his daily jog, the pits of his SEMPER FI T-shirt soaked with sweat. Cara noticed he’d tried to maintain the bulk he added on L’eihr, but he’d begun to thin at the shoulders. He tugged his earbuds free and nodded at the frying pan. “Got extra?”
“That depends,” Mom said. “Do you feel like tagging along to the mall with your sister and Tori?”
He made a sour face, which Mom took as a yes.
“Good. Then I’ve got plenty to spare.” Mom dished out two plates and set them on the table in front of Cara and Troy.
They ate in silence until Cara remembered something. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure Mom and Dad were out of earshot. “Elle told me to say hi and that she misses having you as a roommate.”
Troy paused with a bite of scrambled egg suspended an inch from his mouth. “For real?”
“Mmm-hmm. She said taking off her shirt feels anti-climactic now.”
His focus softened and he shook his head in wonderment. “What a pair.”
“You’re such a pig.”
Shrugging a shoulder, he crammed in the rest of his eggs and spoke with one cheek full. “Yeah, well, if this pig’s gonna spend his last day of vacation following around your skinny ass, he’s getting a free lunch out of it.”
Cara smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever. “You think my ass is skinny?”
He rolled his eyes so hard he probably glimpsed his own brain.
“Thanks for coming to the mall,” she told him. “I’ve missed you.”
Troy watched her for a long moment before ruffling her hair. “You’re welcome. Dorkus.”
The inside of Tori’s car smelled the same as Cara remembered—a mixture of leather, fruity hair products, and Cool Ranch Doritos. It wasn’t a scent she would describe as pleasant, but it evoked happy memories of away games and summer. After giving her best friend a long-overdue hug, Cara strapped into the passenger seat and used the rearview mirror to ensure no orange strands were peeking out from beneath her blond pageboy wig. Her disguise would work if nobody looked too closely at her auburn brows or the freckles dotting her cheeks.
“Here.” Tori handed her a pair of oversize sunglasses, then slung a bronze wrist atop the stee
ring wheel, narrowing her kohl-lined eyes at Cara’s sweatpants and matching gray hoodie. “If you’re going for the whole ‘burned-out soccer mom’ look, you nailed it, babe. Nobody will recognize you like this.”
Cara frowned and glanced again at her reflection. Maybe she should have worn a little makeup, at least to conceal the redness beneath her nose. After her shower, she’d plucked her favorite cosmetics from her bag, but then the whole ritual seemed kind of pointless. Who decided freckles needed to be covered up? Who said eyelashes had to be thick and black and unnaturally long? Cara thought she looked fine without her cheeks dusted or her lips painted. Nobody wore makeup on L’eihr.
But you’re not on L’eihr now.
“Hey,” she said to Tori. “Lend me some gloss, will you?” When Tori produced Gritty in Pink, Cara smoothed on a heavy coat. Her lips shimmered in the sunlight, but they felt sticky and unkissable. Not that she had anyone to kiss.
“That’s a step in the right direction,” Tori said. “Now let’s find an outfit to show off that hot new body of yours.”
“Can we not talk about my sister’s body?” Troy asked from the backseat. “A trip to the mall is torture enough.”
“So put in your earbuds,” Tori said.
He followed her advice, then rolled down the rear passenger window and signaled to the unmarked SUV behind them that they were ready to go. The driver flashed his lights twice, and Tori pulled onto the street.
“E can’t make it,” Tori said over the hum of the engine. “But he says hi and he hopes you change your mind about living among the L’osers.”
Cara ignored the argument bait, relieved that Eric couldn’t join them. She didn’t harbor any residual feelings for her ex, but it was still awkward seeing him with her best friend. “Tell him I said hey.”
“Tell him yourself tonight at Jared Lee’s kegger.”
Cara slid her best friend a skeptical look.
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