Then his phone was ringing. They both ignored it. It continued, a ring tone that was hard and loud, breaking the magic of the moment. Reluctantly, she loosened her hold and he pulled back to answer it.
“Luke, where are you?” Hannah asked. “Is Ava with you?”
“Of course she is. Okay,” Luke said and hung up.
Ava cursed under her breath as he ended the call.
“Your brother’s there. I guess they were looking for you. Us.”
“I heard,” she said, already standing and wanting very much to crawl into a hole.
Without a word, she took his arm and he led her to Winnie. She mounted and sat waiting for Luke to do the same then gather Winnie’s lead rope.
They rode back, but she didn’t laugh this time. It felt like the magic between them had been broken. Because she wasn’t normal. She was thirty–one and her big brother was here to pick her up.
Ava had been mostly quiet on the ride back. Lost in her own thoughts, maybe? He’d definitely been lost in his. He was in trouble. Deep trouble. The longer he’d kissed her, the dimmer all the reasons became for not getting involved. On any level. But hell, he thought, approaching the barn, he didn’t even know what level they were on.
The second they were inside the barn, Hannah was there, taking the reins of Ava’s horse. Luke swung off of Newman and led him to the metal ring hanging on the wall outside his stall.
“Sorry,” he heard Ava say as she dismounted. “We lost track of time.”
A tall, lanky man stood in the aisle of the barn. His sandy blond hair was neatly trimmed, matching his dark dress pants and long sleeve dress shirt with tie. His brows were pinched together over pale blue eyes as he eyed his sister then Luke.
“Not her fault,” Luke said, coming up beside her. “I went the long way. Didn’t realize it was so long.”
A beat passed with the man sizing him up. Luke held out a hand. “Luke Walker.”
The man stepped up and took Luke’s offered hand. “I’m Ryan Bennet. Ava’s brother.”
“Well. Nice to meet you.”
“I didn’t expect you to be out riding,” he said to Ava. “I had thought…” He laughed to cover himself. “I guess I thought you were riding around a ring or something.”
“I usually am, but—”
“Ava knows what she’s doing,” Luke said, noting Ryan’s gaze shift to the dried leaves in Ava’s hair. The man’s expression went from slightly annoyed to highly suspicious. Luke smiled at him, then reached out nonchalantly and pulled a twig from Ava’s hair.
“Good grief.” Ava huffed. “If you two are having some kind of stare down, pissing contest, you can knock it off.”
“Just a small one,” Hannah said pleasantly. “How was the ride?”
“It was great,” Ava said with a genuine smile. “Winnie is a sweetheart. I’m sorry you got pulled away from home. We should have come back sooner.”
“She is and not a problem. It’s easy to lose track of time out there.” Hannah slid her eyes to Luke and he read the question there. Just what were you doing that you lost track of time?
“Thanks for stepping in,” Ava said, but she wasn’t looking at him.
“No problem.”
Luke watched her take her brother’s arm and walk out of the barn. One part of his brain said it was a good thing her brother had interrupted. The other part of his brain said, bullshit. Then again, he lost all sense around that woman.
Ava got in her brother’s BMW, slammed the door, and buckled her seat belt. She didn’t speak until he had the car turned around and was climbing the hill. “I’m sorry you had to wait but please don’t treat me like a child. It’s bad enough I have to have my brother come and pick me up like I’m one of the kids Hannah works with.”
“I’m not treating you like a child,” Ryan said, pausing before he made the turn onto the main road. “I’m looking out for you. Like I should have looked out for you in New York.”
“You mean with Blake? Thanks for that. Just remind me again that a sighted person would have seen it coming.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Didn’t you?” She sighed. “Forget it.”
“Why were you riding with Luke and not Hannah? I thought she was the instructor or whatever.”
“Because we’d planned a trail then we waited out what looked like a storm coming. By the time it passed she needed to go relieve her sitter. Luke was there. He offered.”
“Mmm. And you were late because you went the long way?”
Ava drew in a long-suffering breath at her brother’s skeptical tone. “Well since I can’t see, I’m not sure which way we went, but we did stop off and talk for a bit. I’m allowed to do that, right?”
“Shit,” her brother murmured like an apology.
“It’s fine. And I am sorry, okay? I’m sorry you had to wait and I do appreciate the ride. I just wish I didn’t have to get a ride. It makes me feel like a child.”
They were both silent for a moment and she felt slightly guilty for her brother’s discomfort.
“I’m not getting involved with him, so no need to fight for my honor or anything. I won’t be here long enough to get involved with him or anyone else. Dad’s doing well,” she said, to get the conversation moving away from herself and whatever she might be thinking about having or not having with Luke. “We did his therapy this morning and he did great.”
“I heard. Mom said she didn’t think he was doing it right, or for long enough.”
“Of course she did. But you know how she is.” Ava shrugged. “She worries, especially when she’s not in control. ”
“I’m worried about Mom doing it all.”
“She’s not doing it all,” Ava said.
“For how long? Do you know yet when you’ll be going back?”
“I originally asked for eight weeks. It’s already been three. I could maybe get another four, but I can’t ask for more than that. That’d be three months and I need the paid leave to pay my rent.” Her boss knew about the consulate job she’d applied for. He’d actually given her a raving recommendation. She didn’t want to put him in a bad position by asking for too much.
“You know you could find something around here.”
“Right. A lot of diplomatic translators needed around here? Please don’t start.”
“It wouldn’t have to be diplomatic. Hospitals need translators. The District Attorney’s office, and… other places.”
“You sound like Mom. Please don’t give her any more ideas.”
“Fine. Is it so bad I miss my little sis?”
“Yeah, right. If I lived here you wouldn’t have time for me and you know it.”
“Not true, but okay. I don’t want to fight with you. It’s too sad when I always win.”
“In your dreams.”
They were silent a while. She thought he might bring up the baby Connie had mentioned, and debated if she should.
“I’ve been worried about you,” he finally said.
“Why?”
“Why? Because he hurt you. That’s why.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“It was a year ago,” she said.
“He hurt you, Ava, and I’m just saying… be careful.”
“I am careful.” So careful I don’t plan on letting anyone close enough to hurt me like that again.
Which is why the way she felt when Luke kissed her terrified her.
“I also heard about Italy,” her brother commented.
“Great.”
“Mom’s in a royal tizzy.”
“Mom’s in a royal tizzy when the market doesn’t have her preferred brand of yogurt.”
“True.”
She spent the rest of the drive thinking about Italy. She hated to think of it as a fresh start, because that would imply that she needed one. She didn’t. But a change was good, especially one as exciting as Italy.
Exciting changes.
Luke.
She sighed. Wha
t would have happened if her brother hadn’t interrupted? As nonchalantly as she could, she ran her right hand into her hair, searching for leaves. She could still feel his mouth on hers, the weight of his body.
Instead of obsessing over a kiss in the woods, and with a man who felt and smelled and kissed like Luke Walker, she spent the rest of the drive feeling frustrated over the need to be carted around everywhere. She’d much prefer contacting Uber or another riding service than relying on someone else and their schedule.
It was exactly like she’d told Luke, it made her feel small, less than. There’d been a time not so long ago her husband, her best friend, had made her feel like that more than anyone.
It was that day, the day Blake hadn’t picked her up that she’d known it was over. Or she should’ve known.
She’d told Blake she could take the bus, or a cab, but he’d insisted.
“No way,” Blake had said. “No bus. I’ll pick you up.”
He’d been all about driving since the surgery, even in the city where it was a nightmare. Or so he said.
She waited on the sidewalk, Blake was already late and she felt a little turn in her stomach as her bus pulled away. The nearest metro was eight blocks away which is why she’d offered to take a cab. Or the bus that had just pulled away. But Blake had texted twice that he was on his way.
By the time he finally got there she was an ice cube. A pissed off ice cube.
She got in, slamming the door of his new car.
“Sorry,” he said. “So much traffic you wouldn’t believe it.” She could tell by his tone he was smiling. Never having the option to drive before, driving in traffic was fun for him.
“I could have been home by now. If you say you’re going to pick me up, do it. I could have gotten a cab thirty minutes ago.”
“Are you saying you’d rather be in a cab?”
She huffed frustrated and let her head fall back. It’d been a long day. “I’d rather be home.”
“I knew this was gonna happen,” he said clearly annoyed. “I knew eventually you were going to get upset about it or, I don’t want to say jealous, but—”
“Are you kidding me? I’m not jealous that you can see, Blake. I’m happy for you. I’ve been nothing but happy for you this whole time.” Why was he trying to pick a fight when he should be apologizing? But it seemed all they did now was fight and make up.
“Everything’s different now,” he said softly.
“Really? Why is it different? Because you can see and I can’t?”
“Yes, Ava! Yes, it’s different! I’m sorry but it is. I can’t be responsible for you.”
“What? I have never once asked you to be responsible for me. Ever. You offered to pick me up. I waited for you. If you can’t come or you don’t want to come, then don’t offer. I’ll take the train or a cab or the bus like I always have.”
“Okay,” he’d said with a heavy sigh. “Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
But deep down she knew that wasn’t the problem. That wasn’t the reason. The truth was, he could see now and he could see that he didn’t want to be with her anymore. It took him two more excruciating months to admit it.
15
“Yo,” Luke said, answering his cell.
“Hey,” Zach said on the other end. “Why can’t you return a text?”
“I’m driving,” he said, reaching to turn down the radio. “Safety first.”
“Right. You’ve been driving since yesterday.”
Luke ignored that. “What’s up?”
“Darts at Dudley’s Thursday night.”
“With your guys? Sure. I could do that.”
“No, not my guys. Hannah has decreed we’re going to do something as a family. She said she doesn’t feel part of the group, that we do stuff together, yada, yada.”
“The only stuff we do is working around the farm.”
“I told her that. And she said she feels left out because we do guy stuff.”
“Well, isn’t drinking beer and throwing darts kind of a guy thing?”
“Right,” Zach said. “Let me know when you tell her that because I want to watch.”
“Mmm,” was all Luke said, thinking better of the guy thing comment.
“It’s important to her,” Zach added when Luke didn’t reply.
Luke sighed.
“Come on. It’s a couple of beers. A game. You can do that.”
“I’ve got a lot to do on the cabin.”
“You can spare a couple of hours. Come on. She’s been trying to fix it so all our schedules match up for weeks.”
Luke tapped his finger on the steering wheel.
“If you say you can’t go because you have to work on her cabin, she’ll probably cry or something.”
“That’s low.”
Zach laughed. “You’ll manage. I’ll even give you a few hours Saturday to help you make up the time.”
Luke appreciated his brother’s confidence in him and there were a couple of things he could use a hand with. “Okay. Deal.”
He hung up, turned the radio back up, but continued to tap his finger on the steering wheel. Family night.
They’d had those, he remembered, when he was young. Lots of them before Hannah had been born. His parents with four boys. Then maybe a couple with Hannah, a toddler, then… They were gone. Just like that. No more family nights. No more hair rumples from his mom. No more how was your day from his dad. Just… gone.
The music in his truck was replaced by the music in his head. Church music. Funeral music. Too loud and too optimistic.
The church had smelled of candle wax and the incense usually reserved for Good Friday and Easter. He’d mostly thought it was cool, but not on that day. On that day it had made him sick. The smooth wooden pew was hard but he didn’t shift like he usually did during Mass. The starch in his collar scratched his neck but he didn’t pull at it.
Coughs echoed hollowly. People sniffed and blew noses. Dim, cloudy–day light came through the stained-glass windows on either side, leading to the front of the church. His dad’s coffin was covered in white and a lot of green. His mom’s in white and green but with pink mixed in. To tell them apart since the coffins were the same?
Some of his friends were there, most with their parents; a few he knew weren’t even Catholic. A good excuse to skip school, he thought. He’d skipped school a few times, made his dad look at him with disappointment in his eyes.
There’d been a lady right behind him belting out the words of returning home and being with God. He hadn’t sung, not a word, and it had taken all his strength not to turn around and tell her to shut the hell up.
His younger twin brothers, Zach and Dallas, had cried and accepted the hugs of the people who’d come to say they were sorry. His older brother Nick had held a crying Hannah.
He’d held nothing. Nothing but anger and regret.
Ava was just getting into bed with an audio book when her phone buzzed with an incoming call. Not expecting any calls tonight, she’d turned the audio off that would have announced the caller.
She sighed, considering leaving it until tomorrow. But it could be work. Could be Luke, she thought, though he didn’t have her number and they hadn’t spoken since they’d gone riding three days ago. Not that she didn’t still think about that kiss.
With a sigh, she put aside her iPad and grabbed her phone to answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey. Ava.”
Blake. Her heart didn’t thump like it did when she was with Luke. It stopped, as if just hearing his name froze her in a place she hated being.
“Hi,” she said coolly. She really needed to tell him to stop. Stop calling, stop emailing. But wouldn’t that seem like she wasn’t over him? She didn’t want him to know just how badly he’d hurt her.
“Just checking in. You didn’t return my email.”
“Sorry. I’ve been busy.”
“I get it,” he said cheerfully. “How are things going? How’s your dad?”
“He’s good.” As if you care. Her parents had been almost as heartbroken as she had. She hated knowing that part of their hurt was because they thought Blake had been their daughter’s only chance at love. At a normal life. And they couldn’t have been happier when he’d regained his sight.
Now our daughter who insists on living in a faraway city will have someone to take care of her!
“Yeah? That’s good. How long do you think you’ll be down there?”
“I’m not sure yet.”
“Oh, well. I wanted to tell you that um… Well…”
Good grief. He always stalled when he was nervous. Like when he’d dropped her coffee on the way home or broken the butter dish. Again. She used to try to help him out. Fill in the blank with something funny. She had no desire to help him now so she let the silence hang.
She couldn’t imagine what was so hard for him to say. After all, he’d managed pretty well telling her he didn’t love her any more, that he wanted a divorce. That he’d found someone else. Oh, he’d hemmed and hawed but he’d gotten it out.
“I’ve asked Emily to marry me. She’s um… well…” He let out a nervous laugh. “We’re having a baby.”
Everything in her slowed. Her breathing. Her blood flow. She should say congratulations. She tried. She opened her mouth, but the word just wouldn’t come out.
He hadn’t said Emily’s pregnant. Not Emily’s having a baby, but we’re having a baby.
And hadn’t she known he’d be like that? An all-in, hands on kind of dad. If he could see, that is. Because they’d decided together not to have kids. That it wouldn’t be fair for a child to have two totally blind parents and even more than fairness, they’d both been concerned about safety.
“Ava. Say something.”
“What do you want me to say? Congratulations, I guess, would be the right thing.”
“I know you think that’s part of the reason things didn’t work out between us, but—”
“Things didn’t work out between us because you met someone else, Blake. While we were still married.” She didn’t know if he’d cheated physically, didn’t trust him when he said he hadn’t and wasn’t sure if it mattered. He’d moved on to someone else right under her nose and she hadn’t even known.
Waiting On the Rain Page 12