“Honey?” she asked, smiling companionably.
“Uh,” Jet stammered, grimacing. “It’s a term of endearment,” she said, “I use it a lot.”
Fadiyah closed her lips, pursing them, then nodded, and said, “Okay.”
Jet blew her breath out, thinking she’d gotten out of that one thankfully. She often forgot that she was dealing with an Iraqi woman and needed to be careful about, not only the way she spoke, but how she looked at the girl, smiled at the girl. And she certainly by any stretch of the imagination shouldn’t flirt with the girl! It was difficult sometimes, because Fadiyah did have a playful side, and Jet couldn’t help but want to tease her and make her smile. The problem was, the lesbian in her was quite attracted to the girl, and that lesbian had a big mouth.
The soldier was ever mindful of the fact that if and when she left this house, she would never see this girl again and she could not in any way cause her to shame her family. Girls in Iraq could be killed for bringing shame to their family and it was the last thing Jet wanted to do. She’d already established that Fadiyah’s mother had died three years before, and that Fadiyah was the one taking care of her younger brother, Abdul, and her father, Farshad. Thus far, neither of the males in the household had even looked in on her. It was traditional that a woman’s area was never entered into by the males of the household. It was for that reason that Jet and Fadiyah were able to talk freely without too much concern of offending the men in the house.
Jet steeled herself and levered herself up on her left elbow, hissing in pain as both her back and chest complained. She grabbed a handful of mattress with her right hand and pulled herself over so she lay on her left side. She relaxed then, breathing heavily from the effort of moving. A sudden feeling of nausea hit her then, and she closed her eyes against the onslaught.
“What is it?” Fadiyah asked, seeing Jet pale suddenly.
Jet shook her head, her eyes still closed as she fought the nausea. “Just moved too fast I think,” she said, out of breath.
“Then rest,” Fadiyah said, moving to sit again, her eyes on Jet.
Jet nodded, trying to blow her breath out slowly to ease the sick feeling. She fell asleep a little bit later.
Images were flashing in her mind: her parents, their house in Edmonds, the explosion, the image of Skyler the last time she’d seen her, and then came that familiar ache. The images continued to flash through her mind, even as something else pushed into the foreground of her consciousness, it was hot, it was so hot… Why was it so hot? You’re in a desert, idiot, her mind said. Skyler had always reminded her of that, “You’re not in Seattle anymore, babe…” But this was a different heat, it was moist… humid… Why was it so hot?
Fadiyah saw Jet’s head starting to move around. Her hair fell over her cheek and Fadiyah immediately reached out to brush it back. That’s when she felt the fever.
“Oh no…” Fadiyah whispered to herself.
She could see that Jet was sweating, putting her hand more firmly on Jet’s forehead she gasped at how hot her skin was.
“No, no…” Fadiyah said, moving to get up and going into the other room to get water and a rag.
After wetting the rag, she began pressing it to Jet’s face in a desperate attempt to cool the fever. She watched helplessly as Jet started to writhe, moaning softly. Fadiyah reached out, brushing her hand over Jet’s hair, noting that even her hair was hot. She put the wet rag to Jet’s neck, remembering what she’d been told about pulse points. She stroked Jet’s hair, trying to soothe her, even though the girl wasn’t conscious. Jet’s feet moved and that’s when Fadiyah realized that Jet was still wearing her combat boots.
Fadiyah pushed the leg of the BDUs up and unlaced each of the boots, taking Jet’s boots and socks off. Getting up she got another rag, wet it and put it to the soles of Jet’s feet. That was when she noticed the tattoo on Jet’s ankle. She stared at it fascinated for a moment, but knew there were more important things to worry about.
She moved back to Jet’s head, and continued to change the rag, wiping her face and putting the rag on her neck, stroking her hair all the while. It worried her that the fever had come on suddenly, and she was afraid that an infection was setting in. Fadiyah knew if Jet got an infection at this point, she would most likely die. They had no antibiotics or ways to fight an infection. She did not want this woman to die; she was her friend now. Tears stung the back of Fadiyah’s eyes, not wanting to lose anyone else in her life.
Jet’s eyes opened, and she felt Fadiyah’s hand on her cheek, and saw tears in Fadiyah’s eyes. She immediately covered Fadiyah’s hand on her face with her own, her fingers lacing through the other girls. Fadiyah smiled sadly at the gesture.
“You have a fever,” Fadiyah told her. “You need to conserve your strength…”
“You’re worried,” Jet whispered.
Fadiyah looked back at her, wanting to deny it, but unable to lie. She nodded.
Jet closed her eyes for a moment, swallowing convulsively, then nodded as she opened them again to look at Fadiyah.
“If I don’t make it,” Jet said, her voice gravelly.
“Do not say that,” Fadiyah gasped.
“Fadi,” Jet said, her tone strident. “You need to listen… You need to burn my uniform and just get rid of the body, bury my dog tags somewhere far away…” She was out of breath, but she continued, her words halting as she began to feel dizzy. “Don’t try to tell the military, do you understand?”
Fadiyah shook her head, she wouldn’t listen to this, she couldn’t.
“Fadiyah!” Jet gritted out. “You have to understand.”
Fadiyah’s tears spilled over, and she looked away. Jet closed her eyes, she couldn’t handle tears right now. She felt Fadiyah’s hand on her cheek again, and took it in her own, kissing Fadiyah’s palm. Her lips lingered against Fadiyah’s skin for a few extra moments. Then she put her head back down on the pillow, giving in to the desire to pass out.
Jet started awake to the feeling of a cool finger on her ankle. The fact that she felt it on her bare ankle made her realize that she was no longer wearing her boots. The fever seemed to have abated, but her head still ached madly. Moving her head to look down toward her feet, she saw that Fadiyah was looking at her ankle closely. Jet closed her eyes, knowing exactly what had Fadiyah fascinated.
“What happened to my boots?” Jet asked.
Fadiyah turned her head to look at Jet, smiling brightly. “You are awake,” she said, her voice happy.
“So it seems,” Jet said, grinning.
“The fever has gone,” Fadiyah said.
Jet nodded, her look expectant.
Fadiyah looked down at Jet’s ankle again, and then looked back at her. “I took your boots off to help cool you down,” she explained. “What is this?” she asked then, touching Jet’s ankle.
Jet licked her lips to wet them, stalling. “It’s a tattoo,” she said.
Fadiyah gave her a foul look. “I know that,” she said. “But what does it mean?”
Again Jet hesitated. Glancing at the small table next to the bed, she saw a cup of water sitting there. Reaching out she picked up the cup, and Fadiyah immediately moved to help her take a drink.
“Thank you,” Jet said, dropping her head back against the pillow.
Fadiyah nodded, then looked at her, waiting for an answer to her question.
Jet’s arms were up near her face. She rubbed her chin against her arm, trying to think of a way out of this line of questioning.
“It’s, um,” Jet said, stammering, “it’s a symbol for people like me.” She hoped that would end the questions. It didn’t.
“People like you?” Fadiyah queried. “Americans?”
Jet grinned. “Well, yeah, some of us are Americans.”
“What do you mean?” Fadiyah asked, ever curious.
Jet rubbed her entire face against her arm, for once in her life not happily admitting her lifestyle. She was afraid that it would ruin the bond
she had with this girl. She’d never been in that position before.
“Jet?” Fadiyah queried again.
Jet blew her breath out in a burst. “It means I’m gay,” she said.
“Gay?” Fadiyah repeated, her look perplexed.
“Homosexual,” Jet clarified, knowing it was more likely a word Fadiyah would recognize. She was right.
Fadiyah blinked a couple of times, then nodded slowly. Jet waited for her look to change to one of disgust or anger, but it didn’t. Jet bounced her foot in subdued agitation as she waited to see what Fadiyah would say or do next.
Fadiyah noticed Jet’s foot moving repeatedly, she looked at Jet in askance.
“I have ADHD,” Jet said.
“ADHD?” Fadiyah repeated.
“Didn’t get to that part in the classes?” Jet asked, grinning despite her tension.
Fadiyah just looked back at her blankly.
“It’s a cognitive disorder,” Jet said. “It means that my mind goes too fast and tries to be everywhere at once. A lot of times it comes out in some kind of repeated movement,” she said, gesturing to her foot.
Fadiyah looked surprised. “Is it painful?”
Jet burst into laughter then, shaking her head. “No, hon, it’s mental, it’s…” Her voice trailed off as she shook her head, at a loss for trying to explain something that was part of her.
“It’s me.”
Fadiyah nodded again. “How do you slow your mind down?” she asked, moving to sit down in the chair next to the bed again.
“Right now,” Jet said. “I don’t, really. Usually I take medication that helps. Or listen to music to give me something constant to focus on remotely while I focus on what I need to somewhere else.”
“That sounds very hard,” Fadiyah said.
“It definitely has its moments,” Jet said, nodding.
Fadiyah smiled at her then, and Jet returned the smile, relieved beyond words that Fadiyah seemed okay with the fact that she was gay.
The night before Ashley was supposed to leave to go back to Washington, Jet took her to dinner and they sat talking for hours. Once back at the house, they made love and lay together afterwards. Ashley glanced at the clock, it was two in the morning.
“You have to work tomorrow,” she said, grimacing.
Jet grinned. “Don’t worry about it.”
Ashley was lying in Jet’s arms, and she couldn’t begin to imagine how strange it was going to be to go home to Greg. She hadn’t been kidding when she’d told Jet that she was more butch than her husband. She had called him a total of once during her time in Los Angeles; it had been about a three minute call. In the end she’d hung up thinking that she wasn’t sure if she could even face him.
“How am I going to do this?” Ashley asked, her thoughts on going back.
Jet’s fingers stroked her bare shoulder, as she looked up at the ceiling.
“Go back and tell him you want out, if that’s what you want,” Jet said.
Ashley moved to look up at Jet. “I want what this feels like,” she said, indicating to their bodies lying together.
A grin tugged at the corner of Jet’s mouth. “Are you gonna get this with him?”
“I doubt it,” Ashley said, “and part of me doesn’t even want to find out.”
“Why?” Jet asked.
“Because,” Ashley said, “because I feel connected here.” Again. she indicated to their bodies and put her hand on Jet’s chest, touching the tattoo again.
Jet looked back at her, her look somber.
“But you know there’s no future here,” Jet said, her tone cautionary, “with me.”
Ashley moved to lever herself up on her forearms. “Yes, I know,” she said, her tone clear. “You don’t do love. But I want this… this kind of thing. To feel a deep connection with someone and have passion and heat… and love too.”
Jet nodded, understanding what Ashley meant. In her heart of hearts, she wanted that too, but she didn’t think it was something she’d ever have, so why bother thinking about it?
“It’s up to you, babe,” Jet said. “I can take you to the airport in the morning. You can go home, tell him you want a divorce and be back in time for dinner if you want. I just don’t want you to leave him thinking that something’s changed here…”
“I know,” Ashley said again, feeling like Jet was trying to push her away and irritated by it.
Jet detected the irritation and narrowed her eyes slightly, Ashley caught the look and returned it.
“I get it, okay?” Ashley said. “I’m not leaving my husband thinking I’m going to come back here and build a love nest with you, okay? Jesus…”
Jet couldn’t help but grin at the ire she heard in Ashley’s voice. It was amazing how much she’d changed in just the two weeks she’d been there. She had more confidence and was aware of her own value. Jet honestly hoped that something had clicked inside Ashley, something that told her she didn’t have to settle for mediocre to be loved.
“Don’t you grin at me Jet Blue Mathews…” Ashley said, narrowing her eyes.
“Then don’t be so fuckin’ cute when you’re mad,” Jet replied.
“I swear to God, I’ll hit you…” Ashley said, scrunching up her face.
“Yeah, that’ll hurt…” Jet said, rolling her eyes.
Ashley started laughing then, and the spent the rest of the night talking about whatever came to mind. They both finally fell asleep at four in the morning, and the alarm went off at six.
“Oh God…” Jet said, groaning. “I changed my mind. Divorce him in a text and let’s go back to sleep…”
Ashley chuckled, turning over and looking at Jet. Her eyes surveyed this handsome, wonderful woman in amazement. Two weeks before, she wouldn’t have believed how different she felt. She was still completely dazzled by Jet Mathews, but for a completely different reason. She now knew more about Jet and in knowing more, she found that Jet was even more incredible than she’d believed before. She’d also discovered that Jet was human with hurts and wants like anyone else; it had endeared her more to Ashley.
Laying her hand on Jet’s cheek, she looked down at her.
“You are so amazing,” she said, her blue eyes shining.
Jet looked back at her, her face tranquil. “I’m just me,” she said.
“And who you are, is amazing,” Ashley said.
“Okay,” Jet said, not looking like she believed a word of it, but also too tired to argue.
Ashley looked considering for a moment, then gave Jet a direct look.
“Will you tell me about this?” she asked, touching the medallion tattoo.
Jet looked back at her for a long minute. “It was an IED in Iraq.”
Ashley stared back at her in shock.
“It would have killed me, but a Shia family took me in and saved my life.” She touched the tattoo that she’d already told Ashley was a Shia religious symbol. “They did it despite the fact that if I’d been found in their home, they would have been slaughtered like cattle.”
“Oh my god, Jet…” Ashley said, shocked more than she’d thought possible.
Jet nodded. “Yeah,” she said simply.
“I guess I can understand why you don’t talk about it much,” Ashley said, her tone gentle. “Thank you for telling me though.”
Jet smiled softly. “Figured you should know.”
Two hours later, Jet walked her to the security checkpoint. Turning, Jet took her in her arms, pulling her close and leaning down to kiss her softly on the lips. Then pulling back she looked down at her.
“You do what feels right when you get there,” Jet said. “I will be here for you, no matter what, okay?”
“Okay,” Ashley said, suddenly feeling tearful.
Jet saw the tears in her eyes, and gathered her in her arms again, holding her close.
“It’ll be okay, Ash…” Jet said.
Ashley nodded her head, forcing herself to step back and look up at Jet.
�
��Thank you,” she said, her eyes looking up into Jet’s. “For everything.”
Jet nodded, smiling.
Ashley turned and determinedly walked up the ramp to head to the security checkpoint. There were a few times when all she wanted to do was run back down the ramp and back into Jet’s arms, but she knew she needed to do this herself.
She landed at Seattle Airport three hours later. She texted Greg to tell him her plane had landed. Walking to baggage claim, Ashley felt almost numb. She’d texted Jet to tell her she’d landed as well.
Jet had texted back quickly. “Good flight?”
Ashley had sent back a sad face.
“You can do this, babe,” had been Jet’s response.
She’d yet to hear from Greg. Standing at baggage claim she finally got a text from him, “At the curb.”
So romantic, was Ashley’s thought.
She hauled her bag out to the curb. Seeing the light blue Nissan Leaf, she almost wanted to laugh. Compared to Jet’s Maserati, the Leaf looked pitiful. As she walked up to the car, Greg popped the trunk, then proceeded to sit in the car and wait for her to put her bags in the back.
Ashley thought about Jet, and how she would never let her touch a heavy suitcase. Shaking her head she rolled her bag to the back of the car and after barking her shins a couple of times, got the bag in the trunk. Finally, she got in on the passenger’s side of the car. Looking over at Greg, she saw the straggly brown hair and the boring brown eyes. It was everything she could do to stay seated in the car, he didn’t even lean over to kiss her hello.
“Thanks for your help with the bags,” Ashley said sarcastically.
Greg looked back at her for a second, then shrugged. “I didn’t want to get a ticket.”
“Uh-huh,” Ashley said, thinking that Jet wouldn’t have cared.
“Greg…” she said as he carefully signaled and pulled away from the curb at the dizzying speed of five miles an hour. “We need to talk.”
Two hours later she was on the phone to Jet as she threw stuff into a suitcase.
“I hope you were serious this morning,” she said, her voice out of breath, “because you have completely ruined me for wussy men.”
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