“Perhaps I don’t want to get it over with,” he said, stopping outside her room. “Invite me in, Myrina.”
“What?” He expected an invitation into her room to, what? Fuck her in the name of science. This had gone way past the awkwardness and embarrassment she’d envisioned.
“This was your idea. Invite me into your room so we can fuck, Myrina.”
Like hell she would. “Listen, Judan, let’s get one thing straight. This was not my idea. This was the, yes, scientific solution I found when I ran the test scenarios. I’m sorry if it offends your sensibilities. This isn’t exactly how I conduct my—”
“Affairs?”
“Your word, not mine,” she said.
Talk about ironic. He was throwing everything he could back at her. Making the past couple of days together sound cheap and ugly, after she’d spent agonizing hours in the lab face-to-face with the reality of the genetic code for Rakanasmara embedded within her DNA. From her conception her unknown parent had gifted her with the ancestral marker.
She’d had no choice in the matter and, if she hadn’t met Judan, might never have known of its existence. She’d never really had a choice whether to accept or reject Rakanasmara. It simply was. No, her real choice was what to do about it. What to do with Judan.
And now it seemed he was taking that choice out of her hands, too. She wanted to hate him for diminishing their time together, but she couldn’t. Hadn’t she done the same? How must he have felt when she’d pushed him away?
“The door’s open.”
She walked into her room without a backward glance, only to feel trapped moments later when the door swished closed. Judan was in the room with her.
“Pour me a glass of spring water,” he said. Commanded.
She remembered they’d drunk spring water the first night they’d met in his room and he’d backed her against the door. She wasn’t interested in initiating another Dakokatan ritual. Not now.
“Get your own damn water,” she said, rounding on him. “Better yet, you can turn around and walk right back out again. I don’t want to fuck you.” I want to make love.
Well crap. Where had that idiotically impossible wish come from? From the place that remembered the teasing, the urgency, the devotion they’d each shown to the other’s needs and the ultimate surrender. His. And hers. None of those feelings were in this room right now.
“Do you know what the final Rakanasmara ritual involves?”
Double crap. Instead of walking out of an embarrassing situation, she’d walked straight into the most uncomfortable topic she could think of. How was she supposed to answer? The Dakokatans might not make love, but she was sure they did a lot more than fuck. She knew firsthand they did, because she’d experienced it. Besides, since he’d asked the question the ritual had to involve more than basic biology.
“I’m sure you’ll tell me.” Her tone was all false bravado. She was at an uncharacteristic disadvantage and they both knew it. Everything she did know about Rakanasmara she’d learned from Judan, because she’d never gone back to study the information on the data-chip.
He stood facing her, all green skin and stark features. An intimidating presence that dominated the room, dwarfing her and her meager possessions. He looked every inch a Ktua, a leader of his people.
“The man entices his woman to his bed with the promise of his seed begetting the children they both want.” His voice was rough, harsh even, and he turned away once he’d told her.
The blood drained from her face, leaving her feeling light-headed. She took a step back, but her feet had lost their coordination and she stumbled against the desk. She clung to it, steadying herself. Here she’d finally started to believe and now it turned out Rakanasmara really had been a sham after all.
“I…I can’t.” Her denial caught in her throat, strangling the words.
He whirled, a frown marring his rugged features. “You’ve announced your intention to fuck me for the sake of science. What do you mean you can’t?”
The first time she’d ever told anyone and he’d misunderstood her. His anger didn’t make what she had to say any easier.
“I’m sterile,” she said. “I can’t have children.”
“Eight years ago.” It was a statement, not a question.
She nodded, barely noticing that his voice had sounded halfway normal. So he’d wondered about the source of her anxiety attacks after all. He’d expected her to do her job despite the anxiety, but he hadn’t really forgotten the issue.
“Tell me what happened.”
Just like that. As if the story was so easy to tell. She’d only ever told Dr. Smith. And now Judan had made an educated guess. He wanted to know.
Why should she tell him anything?
A thin line of perspiration broke out along her forehead. To prove what she’d known all along. That he couldn’t—didn’t—really want her.
“A group of us were returning from a field assignment when we ran into trouble. We were able to send a distress signal before we crash landed. The planet hadn’t been studied, not properly, but our initial test showed it could sustain life. Our lives.”
He was listening to the bare facts of her story as if she were weaving the most fantastical tale instead of a nightmare. The elation that all twenty-two of them—students, teachers and crew—had survived the crash had been short lived.
“We soon realized we were in big trouble. The planet didn’t like being invaded—that’s how it interpreted our crash—and attacked with full force to drive us out. We couldn’t leave without a functioning ship, of course, so we were stuck. Had to make do. The weather patterns shifted rapidly. We barely found enough shelter and warmth from the storms, but they weren’t our biggest problem.
“By the time a rescue ship arrived, the winds were carrying a plague. Evacuation began immediately, but three of us didn’t make it off in time.”
The full irony of her story hit Myrina. Just this afternoon she’d told Judan and Vand they couldn’t possibly have been all-knowing and were, therefore, not responsible for Lorre’s death. Yet she’d blamed herself for years for the consequences of her act of heroism. She’d chosen to stay on that planet longer than nearly everyone else. She’d chosen to give her place in line to the next person and the next and the next. Spending so much damn energy caring for everyone else she forgot about herself.
“The next thing I remember I woke up in a hospital bed. I was the only one of the three to survive.” Surprisingly, the intense pain she expected materialized instead as a dull ache. As Dr. Smith had promised, time and distance had lessened the bitter memory. “Parker was the one to tell me I would regain perfect health, except… I was sterile.”
A spasm of pain crossed Judan’s face as she finished her story. Myrina bit back a cry of anguish, forcing herself to turn away so she wouldn’t have to see his rejection so clearly.
“No. Don’t think that.” His own hoarse cry seemed so close she jumped at the sound of it.
In the next instant she was in his fierce embrace.
“Don’t you know I experience your pain?” He pulled her closer.
Damn the man. His touch made her yearn for this, for the safety he instinctively offered. It wasn’t fair to come so close and… If she’d learned anything by now it was that life wasn’t fair.
He tipped her chin up. “Everything will be all right,” he said.
She shook her head. “Until today I never had a past,” she said. “Eight years ago I lost the chance to have a family of my own.”
Judan had lost a brother. Tragic, yes, yet for a time he’d at least had Lorre in his life. Despite their differences, he had Vand with him to share his grief. And back home another brother and a mother and a small boy with whom he could share memories. So many people, while she had never had one. And one twist of fate had robbed her of even the option of giving and sharing life with someone who was truly a part of her. All she had was this life, right here, right now and she’d blown it.
> “I can’t do this,” she said. “I’ve had casual, um, relationships with men before but not like this. I won’t do it like this.”
“I know,” he whispered. “This isn’t exactly how I expected my first time to be, either.”
“What?” Startled, she pushed him away. She couldn’t possibly have heard correctly. He stepped back but still kept his hands resting lightly on her arms. “You mean you’ve never…” She stopped, at a loss for words.
“Actually had sex with a woman before? No.”
“But…” She stopped again, trying to wrap her mind around what he was saying. “So you’re trying to tell me you’ve only…” What was she going to say? He’d obviously engaged in oral sex before, except even then he’d admitted no woman had ever touched him.
“Myrina,” he whispered her name, refocusing her attention on him. “Like you, I’ve had cheap thrill affairs before.” He paused, quirked a smile and shrugged. “But none of them was Rakanasmara, so I waited.”
Triple crap. Now she definitely wasn’t going to bed with him. He’d waited. Actually saved himself. For the woman with whom he would share Rakanasmara, who would be his life partner. The woman whom he could entice into his bed and give children to.
And what had she done?
Told him he had to fuck her. She’d made it sound exactly like a damn science experiment. She would not do that to him. He would just have to wait a little longer. For what or whom, she wasn’t exactly sure, since he would only ever share Rakanasmara with her. But she ignored that complication.
“We can’t complete the ritual. I can’t give you children. I can’t give you what you want.”
The muscles in his jaw ticced. She thought about backing away, but, before she had a chance, he grabbed her and hauled her up on her toes. His green eyes flashed with frustration. “You have no idea what I want.”
I thought you wanted me. She blinked. Had she really expected him to repeat those three words? To declare himself. To reassure her.
“I need to take a shower,” she said and pulled away. Maybe if she scrubbed hard enough she could cleanse away some of her guilt. “You know your way out.”
But, once the door closed behind her, she slid to the ground and hugged her knees close to her chest.
If the job is so easy, find out what’s wrong, impress the man and get sent back. She should have followed Fenton deMorriss’ advice, except the job hadn’t proven so easy after all.
She was glad she’d told Judan about the accident and set the record straight. She was glad she’d walked away rather than have him think she really would fuck simply for the sake of science. She was miserable.
Weary and dejected, she stood and stripped off her clothes. Leaving them in a pile, she walked across the floor and stepped into the rounded shower stall. She rested her hand against the opposite wall and bowed her head. The warm, cleansing steam that shot out of a series of vents set into the wall massaged her sore muscles from all angles but couldn’t erase the pain.
She was a damn fraud. She hadn’t been out in the field in eight years and in all that time she’d arrogantly believed she had all the answers she needed in her lab. How was she going to save seventy-seven other people when she couldn’t even rescue herself?
She turned at the soft squeak of the shower door sliding open and there he stood magnificently naked, his hair crackling like a living flame around him.
“Myrina.”
“Oh, Judan.”
His name on her lips was little more than a cry of need. Damn the hormones and pheromones and genetic triggers that worked so superbly. Damn customs and rituals. Damn her weaknesses and limitations. Her resistance to him was zilch, nil, nada. She simply couldn’t say no. Didn’t want to, despite the imminent danger to her heart.
He stepped inside the stall, closing the door behind him. Instantly, steam filled the small compartment again. Turning into his embrace she was caught in a firestorm. The green blaze in his eyes cut through all her doubts. If there was one thing that was perfectly true, perfectly clear about this relationship, it was that at least on this level Judan Ringa wanted her.
His mouth descended and captured hers. The Ktua campaigning for her surrender. His hunger was a live, devouring entity. His tongue plunged into her mouth, demonstrating the one act they had yet to share together. Her resistance all but shattered and she gave him what he asked for.
After two nights at the mercy of his exquisitely talented hands and mouth and hair, her body was primed to respond. She arched against him, melting under their mutual body heat. Her nipples, taut and aching, were crushed against his chest. And, when his hand ran the length of her spine, pulling her hard against his fierce erection, her pussy wept.
Yet, even as she gave herself to him, she demanded a piece of him. Just as insistent, she dueled for a taste, a touch, anything she could get her hands on. Hands. Hers slid up his arms. Got no further than his shoulders and hung on for dear life when he began trailing kisses along the edge of her jaw.
Sweet heavens.
Each brush of his mouth sent a trail of fire straight to her womb. Ravenous, she bent to kiss his shoulder, gorging on the taste of him. That unique, desalinated flavor of Dakokatan skin. Intoxicated. That’s what she was. Inebriated by the large sample of male Dakokatan flesh. She traced the twin lines of scar tissue.
Still, much as she wanted to, she couldn’t totally surrender to him. “Judan,” she whispered against his skin.
He pulled his head back to look at her, his features suddenly sober. And yet, there was no mistaking the banked lust or the deep desire etched in the rugged lines of his face. The wanting was still there, still as powerful, still as compelling. He made a fiercely intense lover, this Dakokatan man with the mane of wild hair.
“I want you, Myrina. For tonight let that be enough.”
Chapter Thirteen
By the Third Moon, if Myrina said no, he’d go mad.
If he didn’t bury his cock deep inside her this eve, he’d go mad.
Undoubtedly he already was mad because he’d done his best to drive her away, even while his body had screamed at him to accept her cheap thrill offer.
Would it have been so bad to take what he could get? It would be easy enough to do so even now. She was in his arms, her naked body pressed against his. Her eyes wide with indecision.
A groan caught in his throat. No, he couldn’t do that to her. She had to tell him yes or no.
He hardly dared to breathe as he waited. Wanted. More than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. Because those pale green orbs confirmed that, despite her initial offer, his Little Warrior had a conscience. Whatever happened between them tonight would not be a fuck for the sake of science.
She sighed and pressed a little closer. His hands roamed across her back, pulling her a little tighter within his embrace. Offering her the safety he’d neglected to give her earlier in his arms. In spite of her strength of purpose, she was delicately made. The top of her head barely reached his collarbone and his hands easily encircled her waist. He barely felt the weight of her head resting against his chest.
She was his. His to protect and he’d failed miserably.
Sweat trickled down his back and the front of his chest. He wanted to blame it on the shower’s steam, but knew it would be a lie. Her hand reached up between them and flicked his hardened nipple. A growl rumbled in his throat and he fought for control.
When she flicked his nipple for a second time, her stomach rubbed against his engorged shaft. He closed his eyes, but it was no use. The smell of her skin, her touch, she herself unleashed his sexual energy. From deep inside him the energy core raged to life, shooting its heat straight through his cock. The bulbous head pressed hard against her as it grew. The tiny hairs covering her stomach tickled and teased the sensitive hole as it expanded to double its size. His balls pulled tight and he shuddered.
Her tongue, slightly rough and warm, licked his chest. “Show me, Judan Ringa,” she whispered. “And
for tonight I’m yours.”
His body instantly obeyed her command and he shot pre-cum onto her stomach with a hoarse cry. She trembled against him and his nostrils flared as he caught her answering scent.
He bowed his head and hugged her tightly against him, not caring that his essence coated both their bodies. With a tiny moan of pleasure, she rested her head against his chest, her hand covering his heart. He kissed the top of her head.
She’d come to him as the scientist with a solution and he’d reacted in anger. Hurt that she’d once again found a way to shut him out. And scared that maybe, after all, she was right. What if the bond between them was as fake as the Rakanasmara simulation the Outposters were going to experience tomorrow?
He couldn’t accept that. Any more than he was willing to accept that his anger had cost him. That instead of winning, he’d lost Myrina.
Uncertainty rode him, but, for tonight he would take what he could get.
Steam pounded against their bodies, washing away the last of the tension between them. Mist rose from the floor, fogging the glass door and enclosing them in their own world. This moment.
He needed to appreciate it. Enjoy her. He needed to…
Push her away from him. “Turn around, Myrina.”
“What?” She lifted her head, looking a little dazed, and frowned up at him.
“Turn around.”
“But…”
She sputtered a protest, only he wasn’t listening. His mini-ejaculation had only primed his cock. Still as hard as a meteor it jutted proudly toward its destination. After days and nights of wanting her, he wouldn’t last much longer. Especially when each of her sighs and moans of pleasure fanned his skin and heated his blood. And her soft caresses sent tiny shock waves through his system. For the sake of his sanity, he had to prevent her from touching him until he’d buried himself deep inside her.
But therein lay the challenge. Unlike a Dakokatan woman who knew better than to inflame a man’s passion in the heat of Rakanasmara, his Little Warrior seemed determined to instigate a riot. She craved his skin, touching and tasting him at every opportunity. And challenging him for her right to do so.
Love Partner Page 17