“Yet ye made no denials when she ran into your arms.”
“Aside from the fact that I was stunned stupid to find Mavis waiting for me, and everyone claiming she is my betrothed, I couldnae humiliate her so by denying it before all of you. Mavis is a good woman and, weel, I did raise expectations. My plan was to return to her and gently end those expectations. I think this is her father’s doing and he has made it all far more difficult than it needed to be. Here, amongst all my kinsmen, it will be difficult to avoid offering her an insult or causing her some humiliation.”
“Weel, I would like to help ye untangle this, but I must leave in the morning.”
“For where?”
“Ardgleann. Do ye ken anything about it? I mean, aside from the fact that Alana’s sister Keira is alive and married again.”
Gregor told his brother all that Brother Matthew had told him and Alana. “He was pleased to hear that Liam had married Keira and would be laird of Ardgleann.”
“Liam has done verra weel for himself and will be a good laird. He has also found his soul mate.” Ewan smiled faintly. “He is having a wee bit of trouble convincing the lass of that, as his past hangs o’er him like a dark cloud, but I have faith that they will soon be settled.”
“Mayhap that can be used to keep Alana from rushing to her sister’s side,” Gregor mused aloud.
“Fiona has already put a stop to Alana rushing off to Ardgleann. She told the lass she cannae go anywhere until her injuries heal more. When that cannae hold her any longer, I suspicion Fiona will convince her that it would be best to leave Liam and Keira alone a wee bit longer so that they can sort out their troubles. That is, if ye wish Alana to stay here.”
“Aye, I do. She is my mate.”
Ewan nodded. “I had wondered. The way ye looked at Alana when Mavis flung herself into your arms made me think that ye had changed your mind about your choice of bride.”
“I had begun to change my mind shortly after being tossed into the Gowans’ oubliette. Sitting alone in the dark with nowhere to go can greatly clarify a mon’s thought. Mavis really is a fine woman, nay too hard to look at, with a fine purse as a dowry, and a bit of land, but she doesnae move me. I suspicion I could grow to care for her, feel some true affection for her, but I suddenly didnae want to bind myself for the rest of my days to a woman I could, at best, feel a mild affection for.”
“Nay, that path can lead to misery and the breaking of vows made. Which, as we ken all too weel, leads to e’en more misery. Yet ’tis true that ye cannae just cast her aside.”
“I ken it.” Gregor sighed. “It all requires a tact and skill with words I am nay sure I am capable of.”
“Then come with me to Ardgleann. That bastard Mowbray stripped the place of food and I am taking them some supplies. Ye can explain the need for such a journey, for there are many good reasons for it. And Mavis and her father did come here uninvited, so they cannae complain too loudly. They have also lied to all of us. We will be gone for several days, so that should give ye time to think o’er what ye will say.”
“A sound plan, e’en if it tastes a wee bit too much like a cowardly retreat from a mess of my own making.”
Ewan laughed softly as he stood up. “Think of it more as a strategic withdrawal to allow yourself to prepare for a battle.”
“That does sound much better.” Gregor hastily brushed his hair. “I wonder if Alana will brave the great hall tonight or also employ a strategic withdrawal.”
“Is she a proud lass?”
“Aye, for all that she doesnae think much good of herself.”
“Then she will be there. She willnae want to give ye the idea that she is hurt by what she may see as a gross betrayal.”
“Och, I dinnae think there is any may about it.”
“Seduced her, did ye?”
“We were lovers, aye.” Gregor heard the tone of defensiveness in his voice and inwardly cursed.
“We willnae argue o’er whether or not ye should have told her about Mavis but, weel, it doesnae surprise me that ye and Alana became lovers. Nay if ye are certain that she is your true mate.”
“Aye, she is. Although after this, it will be cursed difficult to convince her of that.”
“A prize is all the sweeter when ’tis hard won. And dinnae forget that she took ye as her lover. From all Fiona tells me of the Murray lasses, they are verra particular about whom they give their favors to.”
“I pray she is right. But first, I must get through a meal sitting near one lass who thinks she is betrothed to me and another who is the one I wish to marry, but who would probably like to see my head on a pike right now.”
Alana tried very hard not to stare at Gregor, who sat between Mavis and her father. Every bite of food she put into her mouth tasted like sand on her tongue and sat in her belly like a rock. Each smile Gregor gave Mavis stabbed Alana to the heart. He certainly did not act as if the betrothal was false. In truth, Alana was beginning to think Fiona was the only one who had any doubts about it.
In the few hours between arriving at Scarglas and this interminable meal, everything Alana had found out about Gregor only added to her sense of being the greatest fool in the Christian world. Not only had he neglected to tell her he was betrothed, he had also neglected to mention that he had two children, each born of a different mother, and neither woman one whom Gregor had been married to. He was obviously a lecherous dog and she had just been one more conquest amongst far too many. All his pretty words had been no more than empty flatteries meant to lift her skirts. The thought made her so angry she wished she could see his pretty head on a pike, or, more fitting, another far too well used part of him.
Gregor was pressed to tell everyone about his adventures. Alana noticed how carefully he told the tale, cleverly dancing around any hint that she might be more than a fellow prisoner, a woman caught up in the adventure whom he had been kind enough to bring home. He was far better at that than she had been when talking to Fiona. She knew he could not boldly announce to the crowd gathered in the great hall that she had been his lover, nor did she wish him to. Yet he did not act as if he had any intention of pushing Mavis aside, either, even in the most subtle of ways. Alana did not believe the look of warmth in his eyes when he occasionally turned his gaze on her. For all she knew, he looked at Mavis in the same way.
The question was—where did that leave her? He had used her, taken her innocence, yet she was not at all inclined to demand that he marry her. Alana did not want anyone to know how easily she had fallen for his smiles and sweet words. The truly sad thing was that she still wanted him, even as he sat there talking softly to his betrothed.
The only thing she could do was to ignore him, she decided. There would be no more kisses, no more lovemaking, and if possible, no more talking. Talking with Gregor was dangerous. Not only could he easily woo her back into his bed, he could probably persuade her to stay there even after he married Mavis. Alana knew that she could never shame her family in such a way. Or herself.
When Mavis laughingly fed Gregor a piece of apple, Alana decided she had had enough, more than enough. Pride had demanded that she attend this meal, that she show Gregor that she had not been crushed by his betrayal and his lies. As far as she was concerned, her pride had been placated now. Watching Gregor and his soon-to-be bride woo each other was putting Alana into such a passionate fury, she would undoubtedly spew out all the hurt and anger she was trying to hide if she did not leave very soon. Murmuring the excuse of enduring a very long journey and a multitude of aches and pains, Alana excused herself and headed for her bedchamber. She had already gotten halfway up the stairs when she heard someone hurriedly approach her and she had the sinking feeling it was the one person she would rather not see right now, perhaps not ever again.
“Alana, wait,” Gregor called as he climbed the stairs after her.
“For what?” she asked, slowly turning to look at him. “An invitation to the wedding?” The bite behind her words told Alana that she
was rapidly losing control over her hurt and anger. She was pleased, however, to see that her furious response had caused Gregor to halt his advance on her.
“I can explain—” he began.
“Can ye? Forgot her, did ye? From what I heard, that required only a matter of days, for ye had only just left her side when the Gowans captured you. That doesnae say much about your constancy, does it?”
“Alana, this is all a misunderstanding.”
“Aye, mine. I believed all of your pretty words, fool that I am. I dinnae believe I want to hear any more of them,” she said, turning to continue up the stairs.
She heard Gregor start after her again, but then Mavis called to him. Alana looked over her shoulder to see the woman standing at the foot of the stairs, frowning up at them, looking more curious than worried. Gregor looked down at Mavis and then looked back at Alana, his expression an odd mixture of annoyance and pleading. Alana directed a faint curtsey toward Mavis and then hurried away before Gregor could try to stop her again.
Once inside her bedchamber, Alana shut the door, barred it, and slumped against it. She was both relieved and sharply disappointed when, after several minutes of silence, it became obvious that Gregor had chosen to rejoin Mavis in the great hall. It hurt. It hurt more than anything else had ever done. Alana was torn between the wish to hurt Gregor as he had hurt her and an urge to leave Scarglas as swiftly as possible.
Stripping off her clothes, she donned the night shift Fiona had left out for her and crawled into bed. There was nothing she could do to hurt Gregor, although thoughts of taking a stick to him provided her with a few minutes of vengeful pleasure. She could not leave Scarglas yet, either. Fiona was right. Alana could feel her battered body protesting the journey down to the great hall to sup. Traveling anywhere now would be an agony. Even with Gregor’s aid, the last part of their journey to Scarglas had certainly given her more pain than she wished to experience again.
It appeared she had a choice between two sources of pain. She could endure physical pain by going to her sister at Ardgleann, perhaps even making her injuries worse before they got better. Or she could stay at Scarglas to heal from her injuries and endure the emotional pain of seeing her lover with his betrothed. This was most definitely one of those choices between a rock and a hard place, she mused.
“Then I shall stay here and be damned to the lying swine,” she muttered and burst into tears.
For a moment she tried to fight the urge to keep crying until sleep shut her eyes, but then decided to give her shattered emotions free rein. She had been thinking of winning Gregor’s heart, while it was now clear that he had none to give. Such a crushing disappointment was worth a few tears. Alana decided she would cry, then she would sleep, and then she would spend her remaining time at Scarglas pretending that Gregor MacFingal Cameron meant absolutely nothing to her, that she had completely cut him out of her heart and mind. Perhaps, if she lived that pretense for long enough and well enough, she would begin to believe it herself.
Chapter 17
“Gone? When? Where?”
Alana knew she was not hiding her shock well as she looked at Fiona for the answers to her snapped-out questions. She had come to the great hall to break her fast determined to be cool and aloof, to treat Gregor as if he were no more than a passing acquaintance. Instead, she had arrived too late to eat with anyone aside from Fiona and Charlemagne, and that woman had blithely announced that Gregor was gone. While it was true that maintaining her calm and hiding her pain would be a great deal easier if Gregor was not around, Alana still felt annoyed.
And a little bereft, she realized, and inwardly cursed. Alana was dismayed that she could be so pathetic as to be disappointed that she could not at least see the man who had so deeply betrayed her. Love, she decided, had no respect for a woman’s pride or dignity. Such feelings also told her that she had a dangerous weakness Gregor could make use of if he chose to. A mere day ago she would never have thought that he would sink so low as to take advantage of her feelings for him, but now she was not so sure. He had, after all, seduced her even though he was betrothed to another.
Suddenly realizing that Mavis was not around, either, she asked, “Did he go away with his bride?”
“Nay, and I still think she isnae his betrothed,” replied Fiona as she slathered honey on a chunk of bread.
“He didnae deny it,” Alana reminded her, dismissing Gregor’s claim that there had been some misunderstanding.
“I suspicion he wishes to sort this matter out in privacy, and there was none of that once ye arrived. How do ye feel this morning?”
It took Alana a moment to realize that Fiona was asking about her bodily injuries and not the state of her heart. “Still battered but nay as sore as I was yestereve.”
“Good. Ye probably havenae hurt anything inside of ye, then, or done more than raise a wee bump on your head. I didnae think so, but it was a worry. The pain will ease more each day.”
The pain of her body’s injuries would, but Alana doubted the pain in her heart would ever heal. Crying half the night had not lessened it, nor did anger. The outrage she felt over how she had been used and betrayed only helped her hide her pain. It did nothing to end it.
“So where did Gregor go?” she asked and inwardly cursed herself for a weak fool for even asking.
“To Ardgleann with Ewan,” replied Fiona as she peeled an apple.
“Without me? Without e’en telling me so that I might send word to Keira?”
“Ewan and Gregor will tell your sister all about your adventures and how ye fare. I think ’tis enough that she will hear how hard ye tried to reach her in her time of need and that as soon as ye are healed and strong again, ye will come and see her. The journey was planned ere ye and Gregor arrived and, considering all that occurred last eve, there wasnae much opportunity to tell ye. ’Struth, I was quite surprised when Gregor left with Ewan at dawn.” Fiona scowled. “My husband didnae see fit to tell me.”
And the man would pay for that, Alana thought and almost smiled. “It would have been nice to send e’en just a few words to Keira, a wee letter mayhap.”
“There is naught to stop ye from writing her one now. I believe there will be a lot of travel between the two keeps for quite a while. That swine Mowbray left little food for the people and made them late in starting the planting of their fields.”
“Can ye tell me much about this mon Liam Cameron? Brother Matthew swears that he is a good mon and will make my sister a good husband, but Brother Matthew sees good in everyone. Gregor said the same, but Liam is his cousin, and men cannae always see those faults in a mon that would make a poor husband. I feel certain Keira’s first marriage wasnae happy and I would like to think this one will be. He is a handsome mon, aye?”
“Liam is beautiful, although saying so tends to make other men gnash their teeth.”
Alana laughed, but quickly grew serious again. “And will he be a good and faithful husband?”
“Aye, I have no doubt of it. He and Keira are true mates.” Fiona filled a bowl with porridge and poured thick cream on it. “Your sister loves him and I truly believe Liam loves her. I am pleased ye have asked about them, for I think ye should wait to visit Keira until she and Liam can sort themselves out.”
“They are having some problems?”
“Just those problems two people can have when they love each other but havenae the courage to tell each other so.”
“I hope ye are right. I have dreams about her, ye ken,” Alana admitted quietly, a little uneasy about telling Fiona even though the woman had spent a lot of time with the Murrays before her marriage to Ewan.
“Havenae they told ye that she is happy?”
“Aye and nay. The dreams that made me come in search of her were verra precise. I e’en had a few ere I reached Brother Matthew and learned so much about what had happened to Keira. Since that time, I have had one that told me she was sad, verra sad.”
“Probably when she was grieving for all t
he harm done to Ardgleann and its people.”
“’Tis what I thought. But then, I have had a few others that are more feelings than dreams and she is happy, yet there is also a sadness in her heart.” Alana frowned, struggling to recall all she had felt. “And doubts. Definitely doubts. And, I think, a few fears, but of what I dinnae ken.”
Fiona nodded. “Now, doesnae that sound verra much like a woman who loves a mon but isnae certain how he feels about her? Such a thing can make a woman doubt herself, doubt him, and fear for her future.”
Alana thought about that for a moment, comparing it to how she had felt about Gregor before she had discovered his lie. “Aye, that does make sense. I think Keira may be with child.”
“That wouldnae surprise me. Liam is a verra virile mon.” Fiona looked at Alana and cocked one brow. “All the Camerons are.”
As the meaning of Fiona’s words settled into Alana’s mind, she almost choked on the honey-sweetened oatcake she was eating. Virile men made bairns. Gregor had already made two. She prayed he had not made a third. She would love the child and so would her family, but others would see only the shame, and her child would be only one of the many who could suffer for her recklessness. There was also the fact that she would spend a lot of time trying to convince the men in her family that nothing would be gained by killing Gregor. She had been right to think that passion had consequences for women and very wrong to think she could blithely ignore them.
“Weel, dinnae worry, I willnae let them hurt the fool,” she assured Fiona.
“I thank ye for that e’en though I ne’er thought ye would.” Fiona winked at her. “’Tis one thing for a woman to think of all the gruesome tortures and deaths she wishes to inflict upon the mon she loves because he hurt or angered her, but she would ne’er let such things really happen to him.”
Highland Lover Page 20