“When did you leave?”
I swallow, determined to tell him the truth as much as possible. “A little after one.”
Milo’s face twists into a scowl. “Your car was still there this morning.”
“Braden drove me home …” I know he’s going to ask, so I just say it. “… because I asked him to.”
He doesn’t ask if Braden stayed with me. I think he already knows the answer to that question by the way his skin is suddenly flushed a violent red. “You came to me!” he snaps. “You came to me and asked me to forgive you, to take you back! Why did you come to me like that if all along you intended to go back to Braden? Do you enjoy stabbing me in the back?”
My chest convulses as I try to hold in my sobbing. “No, of course not, Milo. I came to you because I want to be with you. I had no intention of going back to Braden. I wanted you. I only … I tried to stay away. I begged you to protect Braden so I didn’t have to. I knew I couldn't be around him, so I asked you for help. I tried to stay away … I tried.”
“You asked me to protect the man who stole you from me!” Milo screams. “How was that fair?”
I shake my head vigorously. “I know it wasn’t fair, but I asked you to do it because I knew I wasn’t strong enough.”
“You should have just let him die!”
Tears spill past my control at his harsh words. “You knew I couldn’t. I was willing to do anything you wanted. All I asked for in return was to know he was safe and alive. You couldn’t give that to me, so I did it myself. I didn’t want to be the one, but I was, and I couldn’t be that close to him and not fall. I’m so sorry.”
“You’ve given up on me? On us?”
“I’ve made a choice,” I say quietly.
“It’s the same thing,” he barks.
Maybe it is. I don’t respond. Milo’s stiffens at my silence.
“You’re not bringing him here for protection. I won’t allow it,” says angrily.
“It’s not your choice. It’s mine.”
“Screw around with him all you want on your own time, but I will not stand for him being here with us! There’s no point in having him around anymore. He can’t help. He’s useless. I don’t want him here!”
“You have no right to demand that. This isn’t just your operation. It’s mine,” I snap. “I want him here. You have no say in the matter. Braden can still help us. He’s not useless and you know it.”
“He has no talents, no purpose! He’s a liability,” Milo argues, his face slowly turning red.
“Even without talents, you know Braden still has a lot of tactical knowledge, leadership skills, and information that no one else in this group has. You know he can help. You’re angry at me. Don’t punish everyone else by turning away help.”
Milo’s hands bunch into fists before slashing out in front of him angrily. “Angry! Angry doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling right now!”
I don’t argue. I don’t block his emotions. I let his words and fury wash over.
“Why?” he asks. “Why was it that as soon as Braden popped up I wasn’t good enough anymore? After everything we had already been through together, why wasn’t I worth holding onto?”
“Milo,” I say, stunned by his words, “you were worth holding onto! I know I messed up and made mistakes, but I tried!”
“Yeah? Then why are we where we are now?” he demands. “You admitted the day he was taken that you were in love with him. You had already put me aside. You went crazy trying to get to him! Why can’t you just admit you had already written me off?”
Sadness coats my skin. “If you had listened to anything I said that day, Milo, you would have heard me say that I risked Braden’s life because I still loved you.”
Milo’s stares at me. “What?”
“I could have let Braden give me his Guardian Oath at any time. He wanted to. He begged me to let him, but I told him no. I knew the Guardians might take him and change him if I didn’t let him give it to me, but I still said no.” I have to pause to control my emotions. Tears are burning inside my skull again, but I try to get through what I want to say without letting them fall. “I told him no, because I knew that the second he gave me his Oath my feelings for him would overpower how much I loved you. I couldn’t do it, Milo. I didn’t want to let you go, not like that. I loved you, don’t you understand that?”
There is a second of hesitation before Milo’s anger doubles. “If you would have just stayed away from him after he tried to kill you then everything would have been fine!”
I know how much agony I have forced on him, but a deep well of resentment builds in my chest. “I begged you to help me stay away from Braden. I begged you!”
My own anger softens some when Milo’s voice calms and says, “If you really loved me, you should have been able to stay away from Braden when I asked you to.”
My shoulders sag. “But I loved you both. If it had been you in danger with no one to watch over you, I won’t have abandoned you, either.”
“But would you have gone back to me like you have with him?” Milo asks. “That’s what you’re telling me, right? You’re choosing Braden over me.”
“Yes,” I say through my anguish. “And I don’t know if I would have gone back to you if the tables were turned.”
I think of what I said to Braden, how thinking I had lost him forever nearly broke me, that thinking of losing Milo couldn’t compare. Changing nothing else, if it were Milo I had gone to see last night … I can’t tell him the results would have been the same. I don’t want to lie anymore.
Milo looks away from me. “There was so much more I believed we would be … you and me. I saw us defeating the Guardians together, rebuilding the world, making things right.”
“We’re still going to do all those things,” I tell him.
Rounding on me, fury bursts around him like a poison cloud. “I saw us doing those things together! This was our plan! Something we were going to bring to the world together! Well, not anymore.”
Panic grips me. “What? You’re giving up?”
“No,” he snaps, “but this is the end of us. The only thing you are to me now is a way to crush the Guardians. I am not your friend, or anything else. We have nothing except for this mission. If it weren’t for that …” His fists tighten into angry knots. Energy builds around him, humming with the desire to be let free. I take a frightened step back. Milo doesn’t seem to even see me anymore. The same look I saw right before I watched the Seeker’s body crumple under the force of Milo’s bullet returns. When Milo speaks, his words drive me back another step.
“You can give me the Guardians. That’s the only reason you’re worth anything to me now.”
Milo storms away through a cloud of hatred. I sink against the hood of Lance’s car, shaking. I can’t make it stop. Naturalism fails me completely. If Milo ever finds out about Braden being my Socius, about me breaking that bond by stealing his talents and dooming this entire endeavor if I can’t figure out how to reverse the Serqet … thinking of what that might do to him scares me. Suddenly, I am back to lying in order to save my own life, and everyone else’s as well.
Chapter 19
Shatter
Spread out across the table are the schematics for Drake’s hacienda. Saying they weren’t easy to get a hold of would be as big of an understatement as saying my mom and I aren’t close. Lance still won’t tell me how he found out who the builders were, but I suspect hacking into his dad’s secure computer last night had something to do with it. I just hope he covered his tracks. Even though his dad isn’t speaking to him right now, I know he would never turn in his own son to the Guardians. However, if someone else found out Lance stole confidential information, there would be nothing his dad could do to protect him. The danger Lance put himself in isn’t lost on me as I pour over the plans.
I’m not the only one with my eyes glued to the drawings. Plans are already forming as Lance’s eyes flick over the lines. Braden and Dean
are pointing and discussing. Cole Vera is practically lying on top of the table trying to get a look at every inch of the papers. The only one missing is Milo. That’s been his status for two days, ever since he found out about me and Braden.
He made it clear that breaking Guardians into little pieces is still his number one goal, and I was no longer anything more than a tool to get him there, so I forced myself to text him about this meeting as soon as Lance told me he had the plans this morning. I haven’t heard from him. I didn’t expect him to text me back with thanks or congratulations for Lance’s achievement, but I did expect him to show up and look at the plans. His absence is beginning to worry me. Add that to the nauseating feeling I get every time I think about having to see Milo again, and it’s enough to make me wish I hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning.
“That is one monster security system,” Lance says, breaking the concentrated silence.
“The massive wall of rock surrounding three-quarters of his property is more security than most people would ever need,” Cole pipes in. “He’s cut off any approach but the front door!”
Braden shakes his head. “The wall isn’t as big of an obstacle as you might think, but handprint scanners, security cameras, and I’ll guarantee there are at least two dozen guards on the perimeter alone are much more of a problem than the rock wall.”
“That’s a lot of men to take down,” Dean says solemnly.
My ears perk up at that comment. “Take down? We’re not killing all of those men.”
The guys in the room stare at me. The incredulity in there expressions gets on my nerves immediately. “We don’t have to kill them all. Incapacitating them will work just as well.”
They’re still looking at me like I’m crazy. “Am I the only one who’s thinking about how it will look if Drake’s cleaning lady shows up the next day and finds a house full of blood and bodies? Who do you think going to get blamed for that?” I point at myself, daring them to tell me I’m wrong. “If all anyone can figure out the next day is that Drake’s guards were knocked out and he disappeared, who’s to say he didn’t leave all on his own. We’ve heard rumors that he’s planning something against Howe. That’s reason enough for him to bail.”
Slowly, grudgingly, they all start nodding. Thank goodness.
“Actually getting in there to do any incapacitating,” Lance says, emphasizing his dislike for the word, “isn’t going to be easy. Every inch of this guy’s property is under three different forms of surveillance.”
“Let’s take them one at a time, then,” Braden suggests. “Cameras are by far the least difficult to around …”
“If you have an AV wizard,” Lance interrupts, “which we don’t.”
“We’ll find one.” Even if I have to employ some manipulation, I’ll make sure we have someone to take care of any video feeds floating around Drake’s hacienda.
“The guards,” Braden continues, “are going to be Seekers for sure. Libby has already proven Ciphers can get past them, but that hardly means we can walk right in there.”
A defensive posture pulls Lance upright. “Ciphers? I am not being left behind again!”
“Neither am I,” Braden agrees.
I try to put in my two cents on the topic, but Braden talks over the top of me.
“The Seekers inability to see Ciphers gives us an advantage, but not enough of one. They still have eyes. The Concealment techniques you’ve been teaching everyone could be the answer to hiding both the Ciphers and non-Ciphers, but only if enough people can get them to work. So far Libby, Milo, and Hammond are the only ones who’ve perfected the invisibility technique. And I don’t think any of them can shield a second person yet.”
Finally, I get a chance to speak. “There are others I’m sure can learn, but we need a number. How many people do you think it will take to get in there and grab Drake? If I don’t think we can get enough people trained in a short enough time, we’ll have to come up with another idea.”
“Fifteen,” Lance offers.
“At least twenty,” Braden counters. Lance starts to argue, but he‘s stopped by Braden’s raised hand. “You know a lot about Guardians, thanks to you dad, but you don’t know everything they’re capable of. Fifteen might be able to do it, but twenty will be better. And I think it’s still in the realm of what we can manage.”
Braden looks over at me for confirmation. In my head, I count up the members of my team I think are capable of using their Concealment well enough to be useful. A few seconds later, I nod hesitantly. “Twenty might be pushing it, but I think we can manage.”
“Okay,” Lance says, “then that leaves tactics. How on earth are we going to get into this guy’s fortress?”
Not even Braden has a quick answer for that question. We all fall back into silence as our attention returns to the schematics. Dug out of sandstone and lava rock, Drake’s hacienda is very well protected. Even with Concealment going full-tilt, walking up the driveway is out of the question. Cole starts to say something when the groan of an opening door makes him pause. Something about the innocuous sound alerts everyone. Eyes turn toward the creak.
Palm flat against the solid oak door, Milo glares at everyone in the room. Lance and Braden step closer to me. Their protective movements only irritate Milo more. No one moves. No one says anything, either. I think everyone expects me to take the lead since I’m the one who caused this awkward confrontation. I open my mouth, but finding the right words seems impossible as the hurt, guilt, and ache of seeing him again bear down on me.
“You couldn’t be bothered to wait for me?” Milo demands as he finally steps into the room.
Cole, who has never cared much for Milo, glances at the phone perched in his hand. “It’s like noon. Libby’s text said to meet her here at—”
My razored glare cuts him off. Pointing out that Milo should have showed up two hours ago like everyone else is not going to help the situation. Cole shoves his phone into his jeans pocket, quiet now. I drag my voice back from wherever it was hiding, and say, “Sorry, Milo. We weren’t sure if you were coming, but now that you’re here you can help us figure out how to get past Drake’s guards.”
I know he heard me, but my words drift past him like they never existed. Milo’s eyes are locked on Braden. He marches forward. I tense, readying myself for his reaction. Movement to my right startles me, because that’s where Braden is standing. Milo’s voice cuts through the room.
“Braden’s here? You don’t need my input now that he’s back?” The sneer in his voice makes me cringe.
“Milo,” Braden says, “maybe we should step outside.” He moves away from me and toward Milo. I grab at his hand, but he slips away from me.
“I don’t need you to tell me what to do,” Milo snaps. “I don’t need you to tell me what you think, either, or how to get into Drake’s place. I don’t need you to train me, or criticize my technique or decisions. I don’t need you at all.”
My lips beg me to defend Braden, to calm Milo. I want to intervene. I don’t need the quick shake of Lance’s head to tell me what a bad idea that would be. For two days, I have been terrified of this moment. I had hoped to avoid it, but I know it needs to happen. Keeping these two apart isn’t realistic. It kills me, but I stand back and stay quiet, and say a silent pray that they won’t hurt each other.
“If it were only your decision,” Braden says to Milo as he approaches him slowly, “I would leave right now. I know you’re angry with me, and I deserve your anger.”
“Don’t patronize me,” Milo growls. “Don’t act benevolent and understanding after what you did! You took her from me. You don’t understand my anger. You don’t know what it feels like to lose her!”
The air in the room crackles as Braden’s emotional control weakens. Panic begins trickling through my veins. Lance tenses up, but doesn’t move.
“I do know what it feels like to lose her,” Braden says. His hands clench and unclench. “I know what it feels like to be physically tortured bec
ause I loved her so much and could be turned into a weapon to kill her. I know what it feels like to have her life in my hands and hate myself for wanting to take it. I know what it’s like to be in love with her and be certain she’ll never love me in return.”
Braden takes a breath, and I fear Milo will lash into him. He stays eerily silent. Bottled rage simmers like a furnace gone molten.
“I have lost Libby again and again. To you. To a forced Oath. To a lost Companion.” Frustration and anger, laced with compassion ripple out from Braden. “I know I took Libby away from you, and I’m sorry you were hurt because of me. That wasn’t my intention when I first sought her out. I just wanted to know who she really was. Falling in love with her just happened. She wanted you for so long, and I tried to give her what she wanted in the end, but how could I make any other choice when she came to me? I couldn’t let her go. I couldn’t live without her.”
“And I can?”
Braden loses it. “You’ve done it well enough for the past year!”
Milo’s cloudy grey eyes darken to blackest night. “What is that supposed to mean?”
"How many times did you put the Ciphers ahead of her? How many times were you too busy to be there when she was scared, or exhausted, or in pain? How often did she cry on your shoulder?” Braden demands. “Libby didn’t seek me out all those times. You left her alone and I stepped in to do what you should have.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Milo says angrily.
“I know that I was there and you weren’t.”
Braden’s accusation electrifies the air. Every muscle in Milo’s body bunches into power-filled knots. “I was trying to rescue the Ciphers!” Milo yells. “Why am I the only one who understands that? I was focused. I needed to be focused. I was trying to save them!”
“So was everyone else,” Braden argues, “so was Libby. All she wanted was for you to care as much about her as you did the Ciphers.”
Milo flings his hands up. “There were more important things to worry about!”
Darkening Chaos: Book Three of The Destroyer Trilogy Page 17