~It is what it is. Life is never just pretty and perfect, or ugly and crazy. Life is what you perceive it to be. If you end up seeing nothing but the bad, that's what it'll be. If you open your eyes and mind, you may find the good, and that's what your life will reflect. It's never black and white. Death is black and white. Luke was right. Life is every shade of gray under a rainbow of colors that are as bright as you let yourself imagine. Life doesn't make sense unless you perceive it through your selfless heart instead of your selfish ego.~
"What is this? Some kind of ancient wisdom?"
~No, just simple observations.~
"What is it you're trying to tell me?"
~That I can finally see you. Can you see me? I want to hug you, comfort you because I do love you like no one else. Remember that next time you hate yourself. I love you like no one ever will!~
"Gosh, what's gotten into you?"
~You did! You put me through hell and back!~
"What about me? I went through hell and back, too!"
~See? That's what I'm talking about. Here I am telling you how much I love you, how much I worried about you, and all you can think of is your own self. I get it. You're a teen. That's what teens do. But please, promise me when it comes to life changing events, like a suicide, you'll take a step back, take a moment to relax, and think of those you'll take down with you. That's all I'm asking.~
"Fine! I'll do that. Isn't it what I've been doing anyway? Why do you think I let you in my head in the first place?"
~Thank you. That's all I need to hear. You don't have to promise me you will never kill yourself. I understand it's important to you to have that option, knowing you can always end this life. What you’ve got to remember is that once you do it, you're all out of options. This is the final one. Once you die, you're choices are gone. You can't come back. That's it. You can't play one more song or write one more lyric. You're gone. It sucks because you're gone and everyone and everything else is still here, but you can't be a part of it.~
"I get it! Enough! I promise I'll think it through next time. I won't rush home to tie a rope around my neck. I will take my time to think about it!"
~What did you feel when you saw all those nasty comments that pushed you over the cliff?~
"Humiliation. I was humiliated. Brenna called me a thief, a criminal, and who knows what else. I'm not a thief or anything that she said, but I still felt humiliated."
~What color is humiliation?~
"It's colorless at first. It's what you want to be—transparent. I wanted to be transparent so no one could see me walk by. But it turns beige as you feel naked; beige that darkens as you think you're somehow dirty."
~Never let anyone look right through you. No matter how humiliated you are, you're still a human being. Trust me, you do not wish to be invisible.~
TWENTY-THREE
Teenage Revenge @TeenageRevenge
not all angels come with wings #angels #innervoice #hope #freedom #friendship #love #family #music
~Looks like you don't need me for hashtags anymore.~
"I'm getting the hang of it."
~So what about them? What about angels and inner voice? Are you talking about me? Am I the angel here?~
"You're a little too full of yourself. No, you're not my angel, you're still my inner voice. I do appreciate all you've done for me, but don't push it."
~Good enough. Hey, you got a text. Who is it?~
"It's Luke. He said to meet at Angelica's house in half an hour."
~I bet you he found something.~
"Like what?"
~Something about Angelica's computer. I don't know, I just have this gut feeling.~
"You don't have a gut."
~It's figurative.~
"Hey!"
~Can't you be more polite? Can you say something like, Hi, Angelica?~
"MJ!" Angelica called.
"What's up?"
~What's up? Really?~
"I got you something," Angelica said.
"What is it?"
~Open it.~
"Open it," Angelica said.
"It's a locket."
~What's in it?~
"Where did you get Stanley's picture?"
~Where do you think?~
"Kids posted a lot of them on his Facebook page. I picked this one because he has this really neat, kind of crooked smile. It's like he's saying something with his eyes and his smile," Angelica said.
"This is my favorite picture of Stanley. I can't believe you picked this one."
~I don't believe in coincidences and neither does she.~
"I know you and Stanley were close. I also know you haven't been the same since he died. He must have been like an angel to you when he was still alive. You should keep this locket with you and think of Stanley as an angel who's still with you. He may be dead, but he'll never die inside your heart. You still care about him. You still hurt when you think about him, so that's your proof he's with you. I only gave you the locket to remind you of that," Angelica said.
"There's an empty space."
~Of course there is. Lockets usually have two spaces for pictures.~
"You can put your own picture there. That way, you'll be there with Stanley," Angelica said.
"Can I have your picture too?"
~I am shocked! Where did your shyness go?~
"Sure, I'll e-mail one to you," Angelica smiled. "Promise me one thing."
"What?"
~Why do I think I know what she's going to say?~
"You'll hold on to the locket each time you're thinking suicide," Angelica said.
"I will."
~I'll make you.~
"Hey, guys!" Luke said. "Here's your laptop, Angel. I found something in it."
"Awesome," Angelica said. "Let's go upstairs to my room. I can't wait to see what it is."
"Angel? Did Luke just call her Angel?"
~Why not? By the way, why did you ask Angelica for her picture?~
"Isn't it obvious? I thought you knew it all."
~I do. But I want to hear it from you.~
"Yes! She does remind me of an angel. And yes, I'm beginning to like her like I did Stanley. That's why I want them in my locket together. Happy?"
~Yes. Thank you.~
"Ugh..."
~You're welcome.~
"Ugh!"
"Okay." Luke closed the bedroom door. "I found the hacker who hacked Angelica's laptop."
"No way!"
~Yes way!~
"I've got goose bumps," Angelica said.
Luke took a deep breath. "The virus got in through your e-mail, of course. That was easy to find especially since you never empty your trash e-mail folder."
"Oops." Angelica made a funny face and shrugged.
"Look," Luke opened the laptop for everyone to see. "This is a RAT or a Remote Access Trojan. It sits there and waits for the connection from the user of this software. Once connected, the hacker will have full access to your files including your web cam."
"This is freaking me out," Angelica said.
"I played with this last night, and it seems whoever hacked your computer before is still accessing it. I saw it come on at one point, so I quickly taped your web cam with two layers of duct tape so no one could see me while I went to search the IP address the hacker was connected from," Luke said.
"Nice choice of color," Angelica smiled.
"Sorry, I only had this bright green duct tape," Luke shrugged.
"I think it looks good on the silver laptop."
~At least that creep can't see us!~
"Anyway," Luke continued, "this hacker is not that good. He didn't even use TOR, which is what the more sophisticated hackers use. TOR will allow you to communicate on the net anonymously. It's pretty much impossible to find your identity if you use TOR. This dude is not very smart. I bet you it was some kid copying a real hacker at best."
"What makes you think so?" Angelica asked.
"Here," Luke pointed at the screen. "I used
TCPView to see all of the current network connections on your computer. See this screen? All connections seem legit except the one at the top. Its name is aab.exe and it's in listening mode. I checked it out earlier and it has no legitimate program assigned to the port number, and it is stored directly in your Program Files folder where it has no business being. I'm not gonna bore you with all the details of what I did, but basically I used a bunch of programs to pinpoint the geographical location of the hacker and then I used a trace route process to find the exact location of the hacker's IP address. It didn't take that long to get this e-mail address since I already had a clue what it might be."
"What is it?" Angelica jumped from her seat. "What's the e-mail address?"
"Here," Luke clicked on the e-mail in Angelica's trash folder.
"I don't believe this," Angelica slumped back in her seat.
"What? Who is it?"
~I don't like the sad look on her face.~
"Jessica," Angelica said. "I thought she was my friend."
"Was she really?"
~What are you getting at?~
"Did she defend you after the rumors started?"
~Oh! I know what you're getting at!~
"No, she didn't," Angelica said. "But she didn't spread them any further either."
"That doesn't mean anything."
~I'm afraid you're right about that.~
"I'm positive the Trojan came from her e-mail, Angelica," Luke said. "I doubt someone hacked her e-mail just to hack you. Seems like a lot of extra steps and, like I said, this hacking is not very well disguised. This is the work of an amateur."
"What do we do now?" Angelica said.
"It's your decision," Luke shrugged. "I can do whatever you need me to do."
Angelica thought for a while and then said, "Can you hack her computer back?"
"You mean like access her files?" Luke said.
"Yeah," Angelica said.
"I already did," Luke said.
"Did you find it?" Angelica said.
"Yep," Luke said.
"What did you find?"
~Probably the picture of Angelica that someone posted on the Instagram. Maybe it was this Jessica who posted it.~
"I didn't find just the picture," Luke lowered his gaze.
"What else was there?" Angelica's voice was dry.
"A bunch of videos," Luke was still gazing at the computer keyboard.
"What videos?" Angelica raised her voice.
"Of you mostly working on your laptop," Luke looked up at Angelica. "But there was one video that recorded the incident you told us about."
"You mean…" Angelica's voice trailed off.
Luke nodded. "It's about fourteen minutes long. Most of the video is you doing your homework but then Roger comes in and you two have an argument. Everything you told us, how it went down, is there."
"I want to see it," Angelica said.
"Are you sure?" Luke said.
"Yes, I'm sure!" Angelica said.
"Do you want me to leave?"
~See? You CAN be polite!~
"No, stay," Angelica said. "I already told you what happened. I have nothing to hide."
TWENTY-FOUR
Teenage Revenge @TeenageRevenge
I caught a wounded angel's tear, it seeped into my palm and left a glimmer of hope #angels #betrayal #tears #hope #hurt #friendship #videos #hackers
~Your hashtags are all over the place.~
"You should be glad I'm finally doing my own hashtags instead of criticizing me."
~I'm not criticizing, just suggesting you could organize them better.~
"It's my Twitter account. My tweets and hashtags are spontaneous. Get your own account if you want to be organized."
~Sorry for trying to be helpful.~
"Do you think Angelica thought it was rude for me to leave the room?"
~More like awkward. I think you pretending you had to go to the bathroom right when the video showed Roger yanking on her jeans made her feel uncomfortable.~
"I didn't want to watch it. I can't help it. It didn't feel right for me to watch it."
~I think I know why.~
"Why?"
~Maybe because you think of her as some kind of an angel. I mean, look at your tweet for crying out loud!~
"Maybe. I just didn't like seeing her get hurt. That's all."
~I think she understands. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Let's go back. I'm sure the video's done.~
"I'm sorry, Angelica," Luke said.
"About what? That you found this? Are you kidding me? This is the best news I've gotten since this happened to me!" Angelica said.
"What do you mean?" Luke said.
"I'll tell you what I mean, but first, get rid of this virus and everything that could possibly spy on us," Angelica said.
Luke started to pound the keyboard.
"I'm sorry I left. I didn't want to see the rest of the video. I'm sorry."
~This is something you don't have to apologize for.~
"No," Angelica shook her head, "don't apologize. I didn't want to play the video to make you uncomfortable. I needed to see what was in it. It was important for me to see it. You see, Roger is suing my mom for the custody of my sister. Before this video, I had no proof of what he did. This video is gold. It's my proof. I also know the picture on Instagram was from this video. Now I finally have the chance to make things right."
"There." Luke clicked one last time and stretched like a cat. "It's clean. Your laptop is as good as new."
"Thanks," Angelica said. "Now, this is what I plan to do. First, I need to back up this video. I need a copy somewhere safe in case my computer gets hacked again. Second, I'll show it to my mom and her lawyer. I think with this evidence, the a-hole will drop the lawsuit because the last thing he needs is to be disbarred and face the cops."
"Sweet! Great job, Luke!"
~I am so excited I can barely contain myself!~
"Third, I'll have a chat with Jessica," Angelica's face hardened. "She'd better have a good explanation for this."
"That may be a long shot."
~I agree.~
"And finally, I may post this video," Angelica said.
"Post it? Like for everyone to see it? Where?" Luke said.
"I don't know yet," Angelica said.
"Why would you want to do that?"
~I'm asking the same question here.~
"I haven't figured it out yet," Angelica said. "I'd like the people who posted all that garbage about me to see what really happened. I feel like this is the only way I can defend myself. I know it's a little bit too late now, but better late than never."
"You need to be careful about this," Luke said. "Remember, once you post something, it'll be out there forever. You can never take it back. You have to be absolutely positive that this is something you want to do and that you'll never regret it."
"I know, Luke," Angelica said. "This is a big decision and I have to think of the lawsuit and my mom, my sister, and who knows what else. I just wish I had a way to tell my side of the story without leaving the video out there."
"Hey!" Luke got up and began pacing the room. "Did you know that you can send 15-second videos on Snapchat?
"Really?"
~As if you needed more crazy ideas!~
"Yeah," Luke said. "I could put together a sequence of 15-second videos that pretty much tell the whole story and group chat it to the people in your old school. You just need to get their phone numbers."
"I think that is a great idea, Luke," Angelica said. "I need to talk to Jessica first. Let's meet back together tomorrow, and I'll tell you what I found out."
"Sounds good," Luke said.
"Good luck, Angelica."
~Why can't you be that nice to me?~
"Why are you complaining? I AM nice to you."
~You're joking, right?~
"No, I'm not. Have I ever called you a bad name or something?"
~It's not about names. It's about the attitude
.~
"Oh! It's about the attitude, I see. Well, that cuts both ways."
~You still need to treat me like everyone else.~
"Whatever. Like I said, maybe my attitude hasn't been the most positive, but you're no angel either, trust me."
~Getting through to you is not an easy job.~
"Then I guess we're even."
~Why do I feel like we're not?~
"That's your problem."
~See? There! You DO have an attitude!~
"This is nonsense."
~Again! Attitude! Attitude!~
"Be quiet! I don't wanna talk about it!"
~What do you want to talk about?~
"That whole video thing."
~You mean Angelica's decision to post it?~
"Well, she hasn't made her decision yet, but it's kind of weird, don't you think?"
~I don't know. This is a tough one, even for me. On one hand, she is right. She needs to set the record straight if she wants to put this whole thing behind her. On the other hand, the Internet can be evil, no doubt about that.~
"I just don't want her to get hurt again or regret posting it."
~You're not giving her enough credit. She's smart and I think she'll think this through, unlike someone else I know...~
"What's that all about?"
~Relax, it was a joke.~
"I'm not laughing."
~There is one thing you should take away from the video story.~
"What's that?"
~What happened to Angelica was bad, really bad. It almost got her killed. But look at how much good it added to her good pile in the end! She now can help her mom fight the a-hole and save her little sister. She can defend herself and put the past behind her. I think, in the end, the Roger incident, the hacking and the video were all designed to make her stronger.~
"I'm listening."
~And remember this: Even bad things can lead to good stories.~
TWENTY-FIVE
Teenage Revenge @TeenageRevenge
even bad things can lead to good stories #angels #hope #hurt #friendship #teenagers #goodthings #badthings #laughter
~You stole my line!~
"Like I said, go get your own account."
~You know I can't do that! I'm invisible!~
"And I'm not and never will be! So you have your invisibility and I have my Twitter account. I think that's fair."
Choking Game Page 15