‘Hawk!’ I point frantically to the side of him, praying that he’ll understand. Hawk looks at me blankly, copying me. I want to tell him to stop pointing behind me, it’s not after me - it wants him. Then, just like in the horror movies, after what feels like an eternity, realisation hits both of us.
We slowly turn away from each other, and the terror roots me to the spot. I close my eyes and hold my breath as I’m smothered by the darkness.
I’m screaming now, and I can’t breathe, the darkness is suffocating, and I can feel its hands pulling at me.
‘Nevaeh honey its okay. It’s Mum. Nevaeh.’ I blink as she pulls the remains of the duvet off me before sobbing uncontrollably into her arms. She rocks me maternally, like she used to before the grump, wiping my tears away.
‘What’s happening to you lately, Nevaeh? Amber has called so many times and she’s really worried. She said you had an argument with some boy at the end of last week.’
I nod sniffling before pushing myself back up, my head hurting. She propped my pillows behind me, something else that hadn’t happened for a while and I smile gratefully.
‘Mum, they’re just not my type, that’s all it is – promise.’
It’s the first time I have really lied to my Mum but what else can I tell her? That this ‘boy,’ had once read my mind? That they all believe in totems and that my moods affect nature itself? Even I didn’t believe that and heaved a sigh. I miss Hawk the most, even though I don’t understand any of it. My heart feels like it has been torn in two. I take a deep breath, thinking of the texts from both Amber and Hawk. Hawk was the hardest to ignore, and now he is in my dreams all the time. Mum mutters something about teenagers while she’s straightening the duvet round me. I’m enjoying the attention but I also know it’s her way of dealing with worry – fussing.
‘Mum, don’t worry. I’ll call her. I’ve also had a lot of homework. Mr Harris has been putting on the pressure for the finals.’
Mum hesitates between tucking down the side of the duvet and watching me. She’s frowning, and for a brief moment I wonder if she knows that I’m not telling the whole truth. If she does suspect, she isn’t saying anything, and I’m relieved when she finally stands up.
‘Nevaeh, come with us today, we’re going to see Dad’s sister, Maria. I know how you love her cooking.’ She smiles when I grimace before shaking my head. Aunt Maria cooks everything that crawls and then some. Memories of the last dinner, paella and something else, made me gag, even now. Why she didn’t stick with her Spanish roots, not even my Dad, her brother could understand.
‘I don’t want to leave you like this Nevaeh, come with us; I can do with the company and support.’ She added, laughing. Maria also insisted on speaking Spanish even when Mum was around and Dad spent most of the time translating. It was as if, she had never truly accepted my Dad marrying a non-Spaniard.
‘I don’t know why she’s her Mum, all she does is complain about everything.’
After another few attempts, they leave, and I jump in the shower before heading downstairs to make coffee. I breathe in surprise at the aroma of the Turkish coffee, our favourite. Dad doesn’t really like it.
‘Love you too,’ I whisper blowing at the top. It’s a small thing, but since the birth of the grump Mum and I haven’t spent any
time together. For me, it means she still sees me. Inside my room, I almost drop the coffee on the floor.
‘What the hell are you doing here?” I hiss automatically pushing the door half closed behind me. It’s instinct, even though they won’t be back for hours.
Hawk half smiles from my bed – the bed he’s now lying on. I stare at him in shock. I can’t believe that anyone would dare to do this and feel like my jaw has disconnected. Maybe it works on other girls, but not me. He keeps pointing at the vase of flowers next to him. It takes me a few seconds to realise that he must have brought them. I pale, they’re bluebells. That’s what they found me surrounded by the day I went missing. I was five years old and according to my Dad, I looked like a flower fairy. Only my parents and I knew this.
‘Is this some joke? Did someone tell you about the bluebells?’ I whisper. He shakes his head and stands up. ‘Nevaeh, I just brought you bluebells – they’re everywhere, and you didn’t strike me as a rose sort of girl.’ His voice sounded hoarse and I was pleased he couldn’t hear the way my heart was thumping. I notice the open window.
‘I thought only vampires needed an invitation?’ I mocked. He smiles, shaking his head again, this time more slowly.
‘That’s just a story, real vampires just have to hand a girl flowers.’ He plucks one of the bluebells from the vase and hands it to me, bowing low. I take it, looking at him suspiciously. What was he up to? Maybe, this is another one of my dreams and he’s not even real.
‘Nope, flesh and blood.’ He grins patting his arms before throwing himself back onto the bed. I frown. He sounded like he answered me. This was the second time; he’d guessed what I was thinking. He’s still grinning, but this time he’s put his hands behind his head like he’s really enjoying himself. I fume.
‘I’d like you to leave please.’ My voice is cold.
‘Why?’
I look at him then, like he’s an idiot. Maybe he is an idiot wrapped up in good looks. Did he just giggle?
Hawk gets up, and then seems to change his mind, and this time, he’s sitting on my dressing table chair. Was he insane?
I notice a lump of clothing and underwear nearby and swoop down to pick it up before depositing it in my laundry basket. I can feel his eyes watching me, and heat rises in my cheeks.
‘Right, I’m going to ask you again, why did you climb in my window?' I arch my eyebrow, a technique I’d picked up from Mum. It doesn’t go unnoticed, and I feel my cheeks burn when he gives a low whistle. I step towards him angrily, my fists clenched. He raises his hands in defence.
‘Ok…Okay…first of all I’m not trying to be a Romeo, and I didn’t climb through the window. I flew through.’ He almost whispered the last part.
I stared at him in shock.
‘Did you just say flew?’ The memories of wings flapping flood back.
He nods - his eyes more serious and he holds his hand up. I shot him a look but didn’t speak.
‘I’m not finished. I wasn’t finished last week. You keep running away Nevaeh. Once you’ve listened – I’ll go, deal?’
I frown. This wasn’t a negotiation.
‘Okay?’
I’m distracted by the way the sunlight seems to illuminate him and his hair has fallen down over his eyes again. He seemed so young then, angelic.
‘Nevaeh, there are two worlds around us - seen and unseen. The world as we know it is moving towards a new age. Ever heard of the Indigo children?' I shake my head, confused by where this was going. It felt like an odd conversation to have in my bedroom.
‘They're a new phase,’ he interrupts my thoughts.
‘You'll find most of them are adopted, and some of them feel disconnected. Look at all the programmes about psychic or gifted kids; they’re starting to get noticed.’ I slowly nod; I had seen some of those programmes, but what did this have to do with me?
It has everything to do with you. Why do you think I'm here?
I was about to ask what he meant when I suddenly realised what he'd just done. I thought back to last week. Hawk had folded his arms and was smiling, but his eyes were anxious, as if he was trying to read my next move.
Read...he just read my mind.
No, you just opened yours to mine. Remember, I know you, and you know me.
He smiled wider than before, and I felt like someone had thrown cold water on me as I gasped for breath.
‘What the hell is going on?’ I looked at him in horror. Hawk’s eyes were serious then as he walked towards me, and I backed away nervously.
'Nevaeh, I have to show you who you are.’
‘Who am I? Some freak?’
‘Then we’re all freaks, you know why? Because of who you are.’
I ignore him and turn away, concentrating more on zipping up my jacket. My hands are shaking, and I find it difficult to see through my tears. Memories of that night, of them all laughing, pour in.
‘I’m not listening to this.’ I snap. ‘Any of it, get out of my room.
‘Nevaeh.’
His voice sounded desperate and I whirl round.
‘Look, I'm nothing like you, you don't know me, and that little conjuring trick, the reading the mind thing? Pathetic!’ I bite back sarcastically.
Hawk shifts his feet uncomfortably, and I notice how his shoulders have suddenly slumped. I immediately feel terrible and want to tell him, but he has his back to me, facing the window. Part of me wants him to go out that way, just to see him fly. My eyes scan his broad back, and the way the t-shirt spreads between his shoulder blades. I can almost imagine wings there - they would suit him. I still can’t believe he is here, and my heart is pounding so loudly, I’m sure he can hear it. I feel nervous and self-conscious in the silence. My room isn’t untidy, but it is unprepared for visitors. I’m noticing small details now, right down to the pillow he has been lying on – it still has an indent in it and I know that I’ll sleep on that tonight. I’m noticing other small details as well, like my pink bra peeping out from underneath the pillow that he’s been lying on and flush in horror.
‘Nevaeh.’ He half turns towards me, his eyes seem faraway, and I wish I could read his thoughts.
‘Let’s go out. The group has been asking about you. Amber says you’ve been holed up inside.’ That got my back up. I haven’t been holed up, I’ve been happy, doing my own thing. Then I realised, that’s why he was really here, they had asked him to come. I felt like I had been stabbed.
‘And what?’
‘You thought you’d volunteer?’ I know I’m sarcastic but why do guys always use other people to make an excuse? Not that I have a lot of experience. Why can’t he say that he missed me, like I miss him? I know you, and you know me, what a load of rubbish, I think miserably. If you really knew me, then you’d know I don’t want to go out, or hang out with the group. That I’d rather… I stop, realising what I’d just done and shot him a look. His look said it all, he had read my mind again and I’m furious at the invasion.
‘Get out, damn you.’ I hiss, blinking away the tears.
His eyes widen, and he tries to grab me, but I push him away or maybe he lets me push him away. Either way, he gets the message.
‘Nevaeh, stop it!’ His voice is hard and I pause breathing heavily. I watch the way he rubs the back of his neck, looking at me strangely. Maybe, this is not what he expects. Well, wrong girl! What did you expect some fluffy bunny? I think of Jo-Jo then. He hovers near the door, and I feel like my heart is breaking but it doesn’t put my mouth in gear.
‘Not the door Hawk, why don’t you fly out the way you came in.’ I blurt, instantly regretting my tone. I had never been so sarcastic in all my life. I don’t know what it was about him, but he brought the worst out in me.
Hawk flinched and gently closed the bedroom door while I held my breath. I watch as he strides past me and throws himself out of the window. I didn’t expect him to do that and by the time I got over the shock, and uprooted myself, there was no trace of him. I’m nervous when I can’t see him in the garden or the woods below. A caw from above catches my attention and I squint in the sunlight, cupping my hands over my eyes. The room felt lonely all of a sudden, which was weird, because there was only ever me here. I felt like a switch had been thrown, and instantly knew I wanted him back, damning myself for being so stupid and hoping he can hear my thoughts as I try to call him back. ‘Hawk,’ I whisper, leaning further out. There’s no answer, in my head or otherwise and I pull away, feeling my eyes well up. I’m such an idiot. I have this hot guy in my room and what have I done? I throw myself onto my bed, burying my head in the pillow he’d laid on, groaning miserably.
‘You’re not so bad yourself.’
I turn over slowly; half afraid the voice wasn’t real.
I don’t have time to look at him, and gasp as he kisses me then. It’s so passionate, that I feel like my breath has been knocked out of me. I don’t even try to resist, not again, not ever again. His lips lock onto mine perfectly, just like I imagined they would. I push my fingers through his hair, enjoying the sensation, everything was real this time, and I didn’t want it to end. What I didn’t expect was to feel myself drifting upwards. I keep my eyes closed, dimly aware of the floating sensation and put it down to this new experience. I had never felt such a sense of pure bliss and my body drank it in thirstily. When I do look up at him, only then, am I aware of the way he is holding me, feeling the length of his body against mine. I don’t know why I suddenly felt the urge to open my eyes but I did.
I’m aware that I tried to say something but it sounded more like a strangled warble in my throat. Nothing in this strange world that I’d become entwined in could prepare me for this.
I’m staring at us, another us, below. We look frozen, locked onto each other like sculptured figures meeting, embracing again.
I look at him questioningly, and he smiles.
‘Trancing.’
‘Trancing.’ I repeat, staring numbly from us to them.
Falling fear
THE DAY BEFORE
The sounds echoed in my dreams, and I could hear the humming of their wings. For those who walked, I could hear their feet tread the ground. For those who swam, I could hear them slice through the water.
‘Where are you?’ I whispered holding my hands out.
I couldn’t see anything, the mist was too thick. But I could hear them and felt their fear.
Were they running away?
I can’t believe it has been three weeks since I met Hawk. Everything seems to feel slower, and I’m learning more about the group – Hawk is teaching me. I have tried trancing on my own every chance I get, even though he told me not to. I try to tell him that it is similar to my meditations except mine was more like dreaming and with him, it felt like an out-of-body experience.
Lately, when I meditate, it feels as if someone is tuning into me, and they’re close, so close that if I don’t pull myself free, I ‘m scared I won’t come back. The last time was the worst. I went to my special place and lay down on the carpet of flowers, but it didn’t feel relaxing like before. I could feel someone watching me. I didn’t know what to do; I was so frozen with fear. It felt like forever, before I was certain it was safe. My legs sprang into action, as I flew up the steps of the temple to lie near the statues’ sandaled feet. I felt safer there and knew that whoever it was, they couldn’t reach me. This was my sacred place.
The woods have become our unofficial meeting place, mainly because I’m still not keen on introducing him to my parents yet. I don’t want to share him and I’m worried about their reaction. It was unknown territory. They have already experienced Amber, and I think Mum is still trying to get over the shock. Amber didn’t hold back for her visit. She even added a few purple streaks to her pitch-black hair.
‘Peel back the layers Mum, and she’s quite cool when you get to know her.’ I had whispered.
She didn’t get the chance; the grump took one horrified look at her, before opening her mouth and screaming like the devil had possessed her. I had bundled Amber to my room while Mum calmed down li’l sis. My Dad brought us Sunday dinner – a rarity in our house, but I didn’t mention it and Amber seemed oblivious as usual. I was always surprised at her, for someone who was so sensitive; she wasn’t sensitive enough about her looks, always drawing the wrong attention.
School had been chaotic; everyone worrying about exams, except for me. I breathe in deeply - my life couldn’t be more perfect. I almost run home, not to get away from anyone, but to someone, to Hawk. I love that he’s waiting for me, and like now, still can’t believe I’m with him. Doubt creeps in, and pa
rt of me wonders if it’s going to last. I sit there for a few moments and worry before noticing that the sunlight that had been spilling so perfectly through the trees had disappeared.
‘Don’t you dare,’ I warn, looking up at the dark shape of the clouds that threaten to spill towards us. I don’t want anything to ruin my afternoon with him.
Hawk props himself up on one elbow, before following my eyes to the sky.
‘Nevaeh, I know I told you, you were special, but clouds can’t hear, especially ones that are that far up in the sky.’
I turned to look at him, scowling. He arches his eyebrow, copying my technique and grins. I’m starting to think that the weather is my own mood monitor. I frown; I don’t want moody clouds interrupting another glorious day with my soon-to-be boyfriend. I find myself consciously pushing the worry away, thinking of sunlight and almost gasp when it returns. As if sensing my fluctuating mood, Hawk sits up, brushing the grass stains from his hands before holding his hands out to me.
‘Time for another lesson, I need you to be prepared – just in case.’
The sunlight disappears again, and I know without looking that the clouds have returned. Hawk looks at me uncertainly, and I sigh more dramatically and grumpier than ever before.
‘Is this another one of those ‘I’m not going to tell you, I just like to look mysterious. I’ve already been to school.’ I snap. I’m not in the mood today. My dreams were getting more vivid, and lately I’ve had the weirdest feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like something is going to happen – something I can’t control. Hawk frowns bending his head to look at me questioningly. I shake my head, just as bewildered as he is. He kisses me gently and I know without looking that the sunlight has reappeared. Everything in the woods feels alive and happier again.
Heaven's Children (Earth Totem) Page 4