This is it. The moment I've been waiting for. The moment I finally become a man. A moment I'll never forget for as long as I live.
I close my eyes and lean forward, seeing her do the same just before our lips meet. Her lips are soft, and taste faintly of cherry lip balm. It's wonderful. I hear her take a deep breath through her nose, and I know that this is going to be one of THOSE kisses. One that, if this were a movie, would have every girl in the theater turning to their boyfriend, expecting the same. From somewhere in the distance romantic music plays, as if this was an old black and white movie.
Amazing, beautiful, fearless Kelsey. My girlfr…
“Hey, space cadet!” Logan said from across the kitchen table. “Can you pass me the Coke?”
I blinked, over and over again, and the daydream dissolved into nothingness. A half-eaten Anzio's pepperoni and sausage pizza lay in the open box in front of us, right next to half a mound of cheesy bread. Pop was looking over his shoulder at the local news that was playing on the TV in the next room, but Logan was looking at me like he wasn't sure whether the aliens had returned my brain to my head or not.
If I wasn't blushing in the daydream, I sure as hell was now. Noticing my brother's suspicious grin, I slid the two-liter bottle of Coke over to him. I thought for sure that he was going to say something to embarrass me further or get me in trouble with Pop, but instead, he just nodded. A nod of approval.
Huh? Wait just a minute …
We locked eyes, and a long unspoken conversation passed between us. It had been a week since I last teased him, and I'd seen a huge change in his behavior since then. He wasn't moody anymore. He was smiling.
I smiled back. In spite of all the fights we'd had over the course of our lives, he was still the best friend I'd ever had. For the first time since Mom died, I saw the brother that I loved. That I missed. That I admired, despite being three years older. “Why're you so happy?” I asked, pulling another slice out of the box.
“Same reason you are, I guess,” he said. Pop was still focused on the TV, not really listening.
I beamed. “Are you saying you now owe me a month's allowance?”
He snorted. “Well, I wouldn't go that far, but … maybe there are some girls that aren't gross.”
“It's the one from your drawing, right?”
He nodded. “Yeah. She comes and talks to me at recess all the time now. She's really nice.”
Finally, Pop turned his attention back toward us. “What are we talking about?”
“Well, apparently my girl-hating little brother has a little girlfriend now,” I replied, both shocked and impressed at the same time.
Pop's eyebrows went up. I thought he was going to launch into another lecture about not getting involved, or him being too young for that or whatever, but instead, he broke into a wide grin. Yeah, little man's growing up. “Is this the girl with the glasses? From your Math class?”
Suddenly realizing he was the center of attention, Logan looked down at his plate. “Yeah.” He had turned beet-red in embarrassment.
“Did you find out her name yet?” I asked.
He nodded, but didn't look up. “Sophie. Sophie Devereaux.”
“Tell me about her,” Pop said, genuinely interested.
Logan's face was getting even redder by the moment. “She's just … nice. Most of the other kids just leave me alone, but she … she's different. I don't even know how to describe it. It's like she knows I'm sad, and she just wants me to feel better.” He looked directly at me. “She's not my girlfriend, okay?”
“Okay, okay,” I said, taking another bite. “But just to be clear, she is a girl and she is your friend, right?”
Anxious to get the attention off of himself, he fired back, “And what girl has got you all zombie-faced?”
Pop then turned his head and looked directly at me. His eyebrows went up so high I think they disappeared into his hairline.
“Well?” Pop asked curiously.
After a very long pause that felt like it lasted hours, I finally mumbled, “She's not my girlfriend yet. I mean … either. Not my girlfriend either.” Yikes, that sounded lame.
Suddenly, Pop turned his attention to the window right next to the table. He used his fingers to pry open two of the horizontal blinds, creating a hole wide enough for us to peek through. As the three of us watched, a police car cruised by the house. I wondered if it would stop, but it just kept on driving down the street, finally disappearing from view.
I looked at Pop, whose entire body had visibly tensed up. A bead of sweat glistened on his forehead.
“Everything okay, Pop?” Logan asked.
Slowly, he nodded. “Yeah, boys. Everything's fine.”
Pop was such a bad liar.
Chapter 14
~ DAY 19 (Fri.) ~
ETHAN
I woke with a start to the sound of pure terror. Through my closed bedroom door, or perhaps it was the wall that divided our rooms, I heard my brother screaming bloody murder.
I was up and out of bed in a flash, flinging my bedroom door open. Pop was already striding down the hallway, purposefully reaching for the knob on Logan's bedroom door. We locked eyes for a moment, and I could see the concern etched into his face.
Dammit. Another nightmare. We were both thinking it, and we both knew we were both thinking it.
I watched as Pop opened the door. Logan was sitting bolt upright in his bed, and the look of terror and grief on his face was one I'd seen more than a dozen times in the last few months. He'd gone several weeks without any nightmares, though, and we both hoped that they'd passed.
Upon seeing both of us in his doorway, he stopped screaming, his cries tapering off into a painful sob. Without a word, Pop rushed to Logan's bed, sat down and hugged him, holding him close. Logan just buried his head in Pop's shoulder, whimpering. Pop just kept on holding him, softly whispering, “It's all right, son,” in his ear until gradually, the cries faded into nothingness.
Pop looked back at me, still standing in the doorway, and nodded silently. I got this, he's saying. I nodded as well, and went back into my room, closing the door.
Climbing back into bed, I looked at the clock. It read 2:38 a.m. I laid my head back on the pillow, but I knew sleep wasn't going to come to me anytime soon. All I could do was think about Mom.
It'd been months since she died, but it still felt like it happened only a week ago. None of us – not Pop, not my brother, not me – had really had the chance to properly deal with it. And that was the worst part … we couldn't talk to anyone about it except each other. But Pop had so many other things to worry about right now, and keeping us together as a family was one of those things.
Grabbing the pillow out from under my head, I put it over my face and cried into it, as quietly as I could. I was the big brother, I had to be the strong one, no matter how weak I sometimes felt. I had to keep it together, whatever it took.
* * *
This morning's episode with my brother had been on my mind all day. I was quieter than usual sitting with Baz and his friends in the cafeteria, choosing instead to move my overcooked mixed veggies around my lunch-tray with my fork rather than join in the conversation.
“You comin' over today, boss?” Baz asked me.
“Yeah, I guess,” I said, barely looking at him.
“Come on, pal!” he retorted. “We gotta practice for your big debut tomorrow!”
Baz told me on Tuesday that he and his bandmates had indeed scored a gig at Westridge Mall on Saturday. They and a few other local kid-bands would be playing at an event sponsored by some local charities that opposed bullying, illiteracy, and drugs. The idea of actually singing a song, even a short one, in front of a crowd of hundreds of people, both exhilarated and terrified me.
And as if that wasn't enough, I still hadn't asked Kelsey if she wanted to come with me. How should I play it? Should I tell her I'm singing, or should I just invite her to the concert and then surprise her when I get on stage?
&
nbsp; Oh, God … what if I suck? What if I totally screw it up? She'll be too embarrassed to ever talk to me again! Maybe I should just bail right now …
I tried to keep the nervousness from my voice, but failed. “I don't know, Baz …”
“What's a matter?” Bailey interjected, grinning wickedly. “Ya chicken?”
Baz picked up the core of the apple he'd just finished and threw it at him, catching him right on the forehead. “Shut yer cake-hole, ya stupid arse,” he said angrily. Bailey looked like he was about to retaliate, but after seeing Baz's livid face, he slunk back down in his seat. Tim and Dean just chuckled into their hands.
Turning back to me, he said, “Listen, bud, just come over after school, and we'll practice, okay? If ya don't think yer ready, ya don't have to sing.”
I exhaled in relief. “Thanks, man.”
“No prob. Kelsey's coming with ya tomorrow, though, right?”
“Of course she is.” I wondered how convincing I sounded. “What time does your set start?”
“About three.”
“We'll be there,” I said.
I looked at my watch. If I was going to ask Kelsey to come with me to the concert, I was going to have to do it in the next couple of hours.
Can guys my age have heart attacks?
* * *
I made my way very slowly toward the bleachers after leaving the cafeteria, running through different ways to ask Kelsey out. When I saw her look at me and smile, though, I quickened my pace, not wanting her to think that I wasn't eager to see her again. Jeez, I'm a mental case already … and I haven't even gotten to the hard part yet.
She smiled as I took my seat next to her, and I smiled back, but inside, my brain was going at warp speed. Do I try and hug her? No, it's too early in our relationship for that, don't want to come on too strong. Handshake? No, idiot, that's too grown up. Fist-bump? Hmm, I guess that'll work.
I held out my hand, and she wasted no time bumping it. Whew.
We made small talk, gabbing about nothing for a few minutes, while I mentally psyched myself up. I hoped like hell I wasn't shaking; my heart was beating so fast. After a few moments, though, the conversation dwindled down to nothing, and I found myself staring at her, not speaking.
It took me a few seconds to catch myself, but then I realized she was doing the same thing to me. Just staring. A few seconds later, it had become a contest. My eyes widened and I smiled, and she did the same thing. She'd taken the hint. Oh, it's on. Staring contest smackdown!
We both leaned forward, not taking our eyes off each other, making silly faces like a couple of goofy kindergarteners, until finally, Kelsey averted her gaze, and she started chuckling. It was a ridiculous moment, but I couldn't help but start laughing too.
I figured, now's the time. Now or never. I reached over and grasped her hand in mine. I half-expected her to pull away, but she didn't. I squeezed her hand gently, and she squeezed it right back.
Our eyes met again. Do it now, you moron! “Uh, Kelsey, I was wondering …” I trailed off, my mouth suddenly as dry as the Sahara.
“Yes?” she asked, breaking out into another amazing smile.
I gulped. “Uh … are you doing anything tomorrow afternoon?” I almost had to force the words out, but thankfully, I was able to do it without stuttering.
She lowered her head slightly, but still kept her eyes on me. “Are you … asking me out? On a date?”
Show confidence! You can do it! “I guess I am. Yeah, I am.”
“What'd you have in mind?” She still hadn't let go of my hand.
“Well, Baz's band is playing at this charity kids' event tomorrow at Westridge Mall. He invited me to come watch. I was hoping you could … you know, join me.”
Her face went blank. I was certain she was thinking about ways to turn me down, but she smiled again. “That sounds fun.”
For a few seconds I stared in disbelief. “Really?”
She edged her body closer to me, leaning in. We were only a couple of feet apart now. “Promise to buy me one of those delicious soft pretzels they have there and you've got a date.”
Holy …
“You got it,” I replied immediately. If she'd asked me to buy her a car, I probably would've agreed just as quickly.
“Okay,” she said after an awkward pause. “What time should I meet you there?”
“How about two-thirty?”
“I'll be there. Wait for me at the food court. And give your hoodie the day off, okay?” She smirked.
“No problem,” I said, not even stopping to realize that I didn't have a closet full of other options at the moment. “You think you'll recognize me without it?”
She winked at me. “Oh, I'll know who you are. You'll be the guy not wearing a hoodie, holding out a soft pretzel toward me. With a side of the tangy mustard sauce that I love so much.”
My grin was huge. “Yeah, that'll be me all right.”
Oh my God. I have a date. With Kelsey Callahan. Tomorrow!
Gulp.
* * *
Logan and I got back from Baz's house at 6:30, where two Big Macs were waiting for us. Logan seemed a lot better since his nightmare this morning, for which I was grateful. He and Sean were starting to become really good friends, which was great to see. The kid deserved a good friend.
I appreciated the irony that two brothers, in a new school in a new neighborhood, had each found best friends that were also brothers. There were times that I missed all of my old friends from my previous school, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I'd never really gotten close to any of them. They were my buds, cool to hang out with, but it never really went deeper than that. Baz was different. His love of music, his rock-and-roll spirit had ignited something in me that I never knew existed.
Joey and Elijah had watched with some amusement while I fumbled through the lyrics of “Blitzkrieg Bop” a few times, which was inexcusable, as I'd had the song memorized since I was seven. It took a few more tries to get our harmonies down, but by the time we called it a day, I was convinced I could actually get on a stage and sing.
As I ate my burger, I felt almost giddy with anticipation. All I needed now was Pop's permission.
“Pop, do you mind if we go to the mall tomorrow afternoon?” I asked, breaking the silence.
He turned to face me. “Why?”
“Um … There's this big charity event thing. Baz's band is playing. Can we go?”
He looked at me seriously, and then smiled. “I don't see why not. I have to go talk to some people tomorrow anyway, and I don't want you to get bored hanging out by yourselves on a Saturday. What time's the event?”
“Two to five,” I replied.
He thought for a moment, then nodded. “I'll have to let Gillian know, but there shouldn't be any problems. You can arrange a pick-up time with her tomorrow. Just make sure you wear your watches.”
Logan beamed. “We will, Pop.”
My mind drifted into la-la land again. Tomorrow, I'm going to get on stage and sing. And Kelsey will be watching. She'll be so surprised. I'm going to knock her socks off. And then … who knows?
She'll be my first kiss. I can just feel it.
Chapter 15
~ DAY 19 (Fri.) ~
KELSEY
It was only me and Penny at our table today at lunch. Bree texted me this morning that she'd woken up with a slight fever, so her mom decided to keep her home, while April had gone on a field trip with her Social Studies class to a local historical museum.
I remember telling myself that I would make an effort to get to know Penny better, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. “So, Pen, you doing anything this weekend?”
“Not really,” she said. “I have to get back into doing my stretching exercises, though.”
“For what?”
“I'm going to be starting up dance classes on the weekends soon,” she said, smiling.
“Really? That's great! Ballet?”
She chuckl
ed. “Not since I was seven. I took a few lessons in contemporary dance back in Buffalo, but I kinda stopped once I moved out here. Glad to be doing it again.”
“Oh, I see how you are,” I said teasingly. “I'm sure you've got some strong, handsome dance partner in tights all picked out.”
She smiled, and I saw her face reddening. “You're so bad.”
“Well, can I help it that I've got a certain someone of the male persuasion on my mind right now?” I grinned cheekily.
“More than just your mind, I'd say.”
My jaw dropped. “Oh, now who's being bad?”
“Relax, Kelse, your secret's safe with me,” she replied with a wink.
We both turned our heads, looking toward the boy's section. I could just barely make out Ethan, who was at his usual table, sitting next to Baz and his friends. It made me so happy that he'd finally found other guys with whom he fit in.
Ethan and I had really gotten to know each other quite well this week, and we were set to spend another recess period on the Island today. Staring at the back of his spiky-haired head, I sighed dreamily.
I turned back to Penny, who mockingly matched my dreamy sigh with one of her own. Her face broke into a wicked grin.
“Wow, you are in an evil mood today,” I said, smirking.
“Come on, I'm just messing with you,” she said, reaching over and squeezing my hand. “I'm really glad you found a nice guy. It's about time some boy found out what I already knew.”
“Thanks, Pen,” I said, touched by the sentiment. “Now if only we could find one for you.”
A puzzled look crossed her face. “For me?”
“Yeah,” I said, smiling again. “Now that we've proven that not all boys are frogs, we need to find you a prince.”
Her face turned a deep scarlet. “That's okay, Kelse, you don't have to do that.”
Now it was my turn to look puzzled. “Why not?”
She looked in both directions, making sure no one was within earshot, before leaning forward and whispering, “Can you keep a secret?”
“Of course,” I whispered back.
Ethan's Secret (James Madison Series Book 2) Page 9