by Chapel Byrne
“Wait, which half?”
When Lina stuttered, he laughed and said, “Anyway.”
He walked slowly around her. “I think we should start by seeing what your fire is like. Where in your body is it? If you have it outside your body, what’s it like? That sort of thing.”
He stopped in front of her, facing her. “When I looked at you, it’s like you’re all fire, but every fire has the places it burns hottest. For me,” and his eyes went a little far away, but hard, “the core of my fire is that place in your guts where the rage and pain live. It’s like a furnace here.” He put a hand on his stomach. “And from there, it’s like that’s the heart of my fire’s circulatory system. The same way that I’ve got a complicated web of veins and arteries, I’ve got a complicated web of fire.”
He took off his jacket and laid it on the hood of his car. After a pause, he said, “I’ll just play it entirely safe, so I can show you most visibly without having to worry.” And he methodically stripped off all his clothes, setting them neatly on his car, with his shoes by the tires.
Lina noted that, in fact, he did appear uniformly tanned everywhere. When he turned to face her, she looked away quickly, but he was unabashed. He walked to where he’d stood before so that Lina was aimed safely away from the car.
He caught her eyes checking him out and he dramatically joked, “Hey! My eyes are up here.”
She blushed and he grinned.
“Now, the reason that I’m naked and not trying to touch you, yet, is that I want to show you what I mean about my fire.”
He didn’t look away or even close his eyes to concentrate. It was like he inhaled, and she could suddenly see that he had veins of fire under his skin, just like he’d said. It looked complex enough that she wondered if he had fire instead of blood. She expected his flesh to char. Instead of slightly glowing from it, she expected his blond hair to burn away.
Slowly, she moved toward him, her hands out. She hovered them over his skin, and she could feel the heat. She tentatively moved a hand closer, but it was clear that, at the moment, touching his skin would be like touching the burner on a stove. She looked up at him, eyes wide. “Whoa.”
He nodded. “Exactly. So, when I want fire in my hands, it’s pumping from here.”
He pointed to his stomach again, and Lina could see the glow as if his flesh were just a grate across the flames.
“But, like blood, because it’s already pumped all through me, it’s instantaneous to start.” And a flame leapt up on the tip of a finger he had lifted. “And, when I’m done, it’s like I’m tightening the path again and pulling it back behind my flesh. Which is also what I’m doing to make it so that I’m not always obviously made of fire.” As he spoke, the flames turned down, leaving him looking like a normal person again.
Lina put her hands over the flesh as she had before. “It cools pretty quickly,” she noted.
“It does. I’m lucky that way. Though, when I was younger, it took longer. I guess it’s more learned control than luck,” he said.
He circled her again. “So, let’s figure out whether you’ve got a fire circulatory system or something else.” He stood in front of her expectantly. Then he raised an eyebrow as if to prompt her.
It took her a moment to catch on. “Oh. Strip. Right.” She did so, trying not to be shy, reminding herself that he’d done more than just see her naked before.
When her clothes were in a pile beside his, she turned back. Instinctively, she folded her arms over her breasts.
He rubbed her shoulder kindly. “It’s okay. Nothing to be embarrassed about.” He looked closely at her, as if looking for fiery arteries. “If you close your eyes and try to find the fire, trying to actually see it instead of just imagining it, can you?”
She shook her arms out, trying to match his composure. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure what to do, so she tried to see if she could feel warmth. She felt the cool concrete of the garage floor. She felt the warmth that seeped off Shane. She felt…She thought, perhaps, behind her ribs and just below her breasts, she felt warm inside. Without opening her eyes, she tapped her skin at the spot. “I think it centers here. This is where I feel warm.”
Shane laughed. “I’m lucky I didn’t get myself hurt last night. I’m so used to thinking of fire as centered in the guts that I thought moving my hands up to your chest would keep me safe from the main burn.” He put his palm flat on her chest. “Here?”
Lina nodded.
“Do you mind if I just feel to make sure it’s here and not lower?” He sounded serious, not like he was making excuses to touch.
“Go for it.”
“Just try to feel like you’re letting it crackle away. Not roaring, but not damped down as much as it seems is your norm, okay?” He carefully laid his palm on her, multiple times, for a breath or two, as if he could feel the warmth.
She asked, “Can you actually feel it?”
“Yeah. You might be able to. Here, I’ll place your hand.” He put her hand on her belly. “This is to give you a sort of baseline. Try to remember how warn that was. Now…” He lifted her hand from her belly and put it on the spot she’d pointed to. “Feel that?”
She didn’t even have to think about it. “Totally!” She grinned.
“Chances are that, by some instinct, you’ve just been holding it back. Something in you sensed that it wasn’t normal, and your survival instinct pulled it back. Or maybe it’s something that lies dormant until ignited. Which means maybe, accidentally, I did that last night.” He sighed. “If that’s the case, I apologize. It seems like that sort of thing should be your choice. But, it’s burning now. So, have you ever done relaxation things? Yoga or guided meditation or anything?”
She couldn’t hold back the laugh. “Sorry. No. Definitely no. Very much not the way my life was. I mean, I know about it and I’m not against it, but it’s not like I got to have a chai latte after my weekly yoga class.”
“Then you’re stuck with me, and my main skills are talking artists down from panic attacks. So. I want you to inhale, long and even. As you exhale, I want you to just let go of any tension in your muscles. It might help to shake your arms or something.” He moved back so she could shake her arms without smacking him. “And I want you to understand that your breathing is massaging your insides. Feel that. Feel it letting you ease up on whatever is holding the fire. But just ease up. A little.”
She stood breathing, trying to feel what he meant about her insides. After a few breaths, she said, “Are you sure it’s physical? What if it’s just, like, a psychic thing?”
Doubtfully, he said, “It’s possible, but I’d bet my soul that it’s physical. I’m going to just put my hand back on your chest. Sometimes, like calls to like.”
The hand on her chest seemed to help. Almost as soon as she started her next exhale, she felt something open, just a little.
He whispered, “Calmly, without tensing whatever just let go, open your eyes.”
She looked down. Where Shane had appeared to have veins just like a circulatory system, it looked like she had major channels that ran through each limb. The major channels had tiny channels that radiated straight out from them to end at her skin.
When she looked up at Shane, he was examining her, his eyes slightly wide. He looked like a scientist who was too busy trying to understand a discovery to give in to the wonder of making it.
Slowly, he pulled his hand away. The channels stayed.
She asked, “Does one go up my neck? I can’t see it, obviously, but I think I feel it. Like, it ends in my brain and there’s a bunch of the tiny channels that extend from where it ends. Sort of radiating out like…I don’t know…Like a dandelion head?”
“Yeah, I see what you mean.” He walked around her. “It looks the same on the back as the front. I don’t know if you can see or tell, but,” and he traced the routes as he described them, “there’s a channel that radiates up from the core. It branches, with one arm go
ing up to your brain, like you said. And there are two that go across your shoulders and into your arms. And there’s a channel that radiates down from the core. It goes all the way down to your groin, where it splits to become the two channels that go into your legs.”
“I feel a little warmer,” she said. “Is that real or in my head?”
He hovered his hand over her arm, over her belly. “You’re definitely warmer. You’ve actually been a little chilly, but you seemed slightly less chilled after last night. And now…” He nodded. “I’d definitely say you’re warmer.”
He smiled at her. “Good job. Next step, of course, is you need to gently tighten whatever you released so that you can look like a normal girl again.”
“Okay. Let’s try.” She closed her eyes so that she could focus on the sensations in her chest.
“Can you describe what it felt like when it loosened?”
Lina nodded. “It felt…circular. Um, like in science fiction movies when there are those round doors that seem to swirl open and closed? But it was a muscle in my chest.”
“Cool. So, try to remember where that muscle was and what it felt like when it opened, except do it in reverse. Closing.”
It took her a few moments to find it, to make it happen, but she could feel when she got it right. She opened her eyes to confirm. She put her hand in front of the spot on her chest so that her thumb and the side of her hand touched her chest. She made a fist, the fingers spiraling in, just like it seemed the muscle had done.
Shane mimicked her. “Like that?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool. Now, open it without my hand to help.”
They spent a while like that, with Lina practicing opening and closing whatever it was that held her light closed. Shane encouraged her to keep going until she could do it with her eyes open, even if it took a little extra effort.
He walked over to pick up their clothes, signaling that they were done. “Can you grab shoes, please?” As they walked into the house, he said, “I’d suggest only doing that somewhere like my garage, maybe your shower. You want to make sure you don’t accidentally unleash fire on things or people you like.”
He paused at the bottom of the steps. “You can probably leave the shoes there. But I believe you needed to come upstairs and see if you can find any skeletons in my closet.” He smiled suggestively. “I’m sure I can find something up there to make it worth the extra steps.”
His bedroom was as sleek and modern as the first floor. But the bed was soft and it seemed Lina’s awakened fire only heated her appetite more. She pursued Shane with a hunger that matched his own.
CHAPTER 6
The next night was Lina’s first time out with Shane for work. There was a band that had been getting some attention, so he needed to catch a show and go to their afterparty. Lina just needed to hang out and, hopefully, enjoy. Shane had reassured her that she didn’t need to be as smooth as him.
He said, “If you felt like pretending the people are customers at work or like you are also a rockstar in the making, that would be great. If not,” he tossed her a grin as they sped down the road, “you are also welcome to be my problematic girlfriend.” He laughed, then said more seriously, “I’m just glad it will be you there, not some random pretty face.”
Things started off well enough. They were on the list and the band was actually pretty good. Shane just nodded his head to the beat, but Lina danced a little.
At the party after, she mostly just tried to be amused as she listened to Shane schmooze and wield his charm. It was crazy how he managed to make everyone his friend and make them feel good. How he eventually eased them all into agreeing with his opinions and suggestions while making it seem like they’d always felt that way.
As the night wore on, the party got a bit less comfortable for her. People were getting sloppy drunk and the drugs had come out. Couples were well on their way to sex all over the rooms where people were hanging out. When Shane was offered drugs, he gave Lina a little look out the side of his eye and told them he was already sorted. When they offered Lina drugs, Shane squeezed her hand and turned them down for her.
Lina was tired and the amusement had worn thin. She went in search of a couple of beers, just to have something to do and to avoid being too sober for however much longer the party lasted. Temporarily not attached to Shane, the lead singer from the band they were there to charm swaggered up behind her.
He groped her and said, “Hey, girl, why don’t you ditch that guy you’re with?” He laughed, a nasty sound. “I’ll give you more than the mouthful he’ll give you.”
Lina wanted to freeze, but then she remembered she was full of fire. She stood up straighter and turned to snort disgustedly at the guy. She wanted to say something clever, but nothing came to mind, so she just made her way quickly back to Shane.
He took one look at her face, and his eyes narrowed. He took one of the beers she’d grabbed, then took her free hand and pulled her over. He made it look like he was probably whispering something dirty in her ear as he asked, “What happened?”
“The lead singer just groped me and hit on me.” She tried to sound like it was no big deal, but she could tell her voice was shaking a little.
The crowd had thinned enough, or found its way onto couches or corners. When Shane scanned the room, it was easy enough to spot the guy.
He pointed. “That one?”
Lina nodded.
Shane looked around, his jaw clenched, then flicked his fingers toward the singer. If Lina hadn’t been looking, if she hadn’t known that he had fire in him, she wouldn’t have noticed the tiny spark that spend from Shane’s fingertips. Almost immediately, the alcohol in the glass the singer was lifting to his mouth flared. The man yelped in pain and surprise as the flames jumped out at his face.
Gently, Shane pulled her toward the door. Lina kept glancing back, but she didn’t say anything until they were in the car. She was too shocked.
Once Shane was in the car, before he even had his door closed, Lina demanded, “What were you thinking?”
Shane grinned at her. It was humorless and vicious. “I was thinking that he deserved to burn. That anyone who grabs a girl without her permission, especially if that girl is you, deserves fire.”
Frustrated, she asked, “Is that what you do with your fire? Is that what you think it’s for?”
“What else is fire for?” He sounded like someone delivering an angry sermon. “This world is full of horrible people. I don’t just mean people who do things that feel good. I don’t mind the pleasure seekers. I mean the ones who abuse and take advantage. Who act like nasty animals. And one of the only things in this world that can clean that is fire.” He growled, “Some of them deserve to burn for a very long time.”
“Did…did someone do something to you or to someone you love?” she asked timidly.
He snorted. “Do they need to? Do I need more reason than to look around at the world?”
“I, uh, I didn’t realize you hated people so much,” she said, confused. This was so unlike either the charming façade or the friendly and clever side he’d shown her before.
“Why do you think it’s so easy to just show them the charm, the mask? They don’t really deserve anything else.” His voice was hard and rough.
Trying to wrap her head around it and reconcile what she thought he was with this anger, she asked, “So, charm is to get your way and fire is…What? I just…I didn’t expect this.”
“Fire is for burning things down, for reducing things to ashes, so that they can be swept away and something better can come. Fire is for suffering, for punishing those who deserve it.” He didn’t sound like he was getting any more worked up, but he was accelerating. The car now whipped through the streets of Austin.
Lina decided to choose her battles. She didn’t ask him to slow down, but she said, “No, you know what, fire isn’t just destruction. My fire is for, I don’t know, like, heating kettles, warming people on cold nights, burning d
own the patriarchy. Stuff like that. And I refuse to see it your way, to let fire trap me in some kind of anger.” She glowered, “There’s plenty of anger and hurt. I don’t need to bring fire into it.”
“Are you serious?” he demanded. “You really think your fire is for…all that goody-two-shoes stuff? You really think that it’s not for destruction?”
She set her jaw and quietly said, “That’s exactly what I think. And if you’re going to insist that fire is just for messing stuff up, maybe I’ve made a bad choice here.”
The only sound was the engine, roaring as they sped through the night. Lina hoped that Shane was considering what she’d said. She was mainly thinking about looking like she wasn’t scared. Calling him out had gone against a decade of experiences. Inside, the battered girl she was trying not to be was cowering in the corner of her mind.
“I’m not sorry that I got that jerk who groped you. But I’ll keep my opinions about fire to myself. I won’t do that sort of thing around you again,” he said, his tone making it clear that there wasn’t room for much compromise.
She sighed. “I’d obviously prefer you totally changed your view and never used fire for…revenge or whatever.”
Trying to turn the tone of the conversation to something less like a fight and more like a discussion, he asked, “You’ve honestly never thought, in the short time since I showed you your fire, how satisfying it would be to go and roast your ex? Or at least burn down his house?” With a note of hunger in his voice, he said, “I would seriously buy us plane tickets right now if you wanted to fly up and unleash your fire on him tonight.”
Her brain flashed back to just a couple nights previous when she’d briefly pictured herself incinerating Brad and had kind of enjoyed the image. She blushed and quietly said, “We shouldn’t do that.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Shane smile triumphantly. Softly, he said, “So you’ve at least pictured it. Well, good to know your fire has some heat to it. Now,” and his tone shifted again, got a little bit jovial, “tell me more about burning down the patriarchy? I feel like we can find some common ground on that point.”