by Diana Palmer
They wandered hand in hand through the wooded park, where a group of folk musicians was playing to an audience of young people seated on the grass. It was a balmy spring day, and Kenna was holding Denny’s hand and should have been on top of the world. But her mind was on that big, dark, lonely man who’d lived so long with his grief that he’d forgotten how bright and beautiful the world could be. She wanted to soothe the lines of pain in his face and give him peace. She wanted to sit and listen to him and love him all her life.
Tears misted her eyes and she bit her lip to stifle them. She missed him so. And he was probably out consoling himself with some woman, she thought suddenly with a flare of violent, unreasonable jealousy. She could picture him with a blonde, someone who’d remind him of his beautiful Jessica—his dark skin and curling body hair pressing down on smooth, pink flesh.
She gasped, and Denny stopped to stare at her. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she said quickly. “Let’s go closer.”
They stood just outside the circle of spectators and listened to a bluesy folk song about lost love, while Kenna tried her best to forget the embarrassing picture that had painted itself boldly behind her eyes. Why should she care what Regan was doing? He had told her that he wasn’t going to involve himself with anyone ever again, except physically, so why should she care if he did it with some other woman? Some sophisticated woman on the pill who wouldn’t complicate his life by getting pregnant or clinging to him. Tears burned her eyes. He had to numb the ache, of course, from time to time. She shouldn’t begrudge him what little peace he could find. But she did, she did, and she wanted him!
Denny clasped her hand, and grinned down at her. She smiled back. This was nice. Pleasant. Just a friendly kind of camaraderie that would have put her on top of a cloud once. Now all it did was remind her of what she could never have. Regan had spoiled her for any other man.
They finished their work for the day and Denny took her home. She invited him in and cooked supper for him. As the week went on they spent a lot of time together, and Thursday night after he’d taken her to see a science-fiction movie, he kissed her at her front door.
It wasn’t bad. Very nice, in fact. But his lips were cool and gentlemanly and very tender. Nothing as fierce and demanding as Regan’s. The insistent intimacy of his kisses could make her blush even in memory. Denny was nothing like his stepbrother.
He moved back, smiling at her strange expression, because he thought he was responsible for it.
“You shouldn’t do that,” she said softly. “Margo...”
His brows drew together. “What would Margo care?” he asked harshly. “She’s off in Argentina with that ever-so-suave neighbor of hers, probably having a ball every night. So what would it matter to her if I kissed you?”
So that was it. They’d had a fight and Margo had taunted him with another man, and he was jealous and hurt and wanted to get even. She almost smiled, but caught herself in time to spare his pride. Let him think he was succeeding in catching his secretary’s eye; let him salve his ego. Thank goodness she was over her crush on him, or it would have cut her to ribbons, being used as he was unintentionally using her.
“Suave neighbor, huh?” she murmured, peeking up at him through her lashes.
He shrugged. “Some guy she’s known since she was a kid.”
“Oh, those are dangerous, all right. But she’s supposed to be back tomorrow, isn’t she?” she added.
He seemed to brighten. “Supposed to,” he agreed. “Well, I’ll say good-night. See you in the morning.”
She smiled. “Of course.”
He started down the hall and looked back over his shoulder. “Heard from Regan?”
Her own eyes clouded. “No,” she said gently, turning back into her apartment. “Good night.”
She hadn’t heard from Regan for the whole week, nor had she expected to. Apparently he’d decided to give Denny a clear field and let her do what she pleased. That hurt, too, that he didn’t care enough to fight for her. But why should he, when he didn’t want her, except briefly and physically?
* * *
“Do you want to ride up to Gainesville with Margo and me in the morning?” Denny asked on Friday afternoon, just before Margo was due to return. Now he seemed to feel guilty that he’d been courting Kenna, and didn’t know what to do about it.
“No,” she told him. “I’ll wait for Regan. I’m sure he’ll be back in time for the anniversary get-together.”
“He promised Dad he would,” he agreed, “and Regan never breaks promises. Don’t forget to pack an overnight bag, Mom’s got a room ready for you. The four of us will find something to do.” He looked hunted. “Kenna, about this week...”
She touched his arm lightly. “It’s been great fun. But only fun,” she said. “I know you’ve missed Margo. I was glad to fill in for her.”
He flushed wildly and averted his eyes to her desk. “God, I’m sorry,” he ground out. “I didn’t realize until this morning that you might have gotten the wrong idea.”
“I didn’t,” she assured him with a genuine smile. “I know how it feels to miss someone until you ache.”
His eyes came up to probe hers. “Regan,” he said.
She shut down her computer. “Time to go home, counselor. Margo will be waiting.”
“Kenna, don’t let him hurt you,” he said suddenly.
She laughed bitterly. “Now you tell me.” She sighed.
His hands gestured helplessly. “You’re such a babe in the woods, and he’s an old fox. I don’t know how to put this...”
“He doesn’t prey on lambs,” she told him gently. “He told me so himself, and he’s stuck to it. The problems are all on my side, not his. He’s been perfectly honest. We’re...friends,” she said, almost choking on the word. “Because that’s all he has to offer, and he won’t take any more than that. And yes, I’ve offered,” she said harshly. Tears moistened her long lashes. “On my knees...!” Her voice broke, and Denny grimaced.
“You poor kid,” he said with genuine sympathy, and pulled her gently into his arms. He held her while she cried, his face in her hair, his whole posture comforting. Nothing but that, only comfort.
But to the big, dark man who opened the door and stared into the office, it looked like far more than comfort. His face contorted and he hesitated uncharacteristically before he suddenly set his lips in a thin line and slammed the door behind him.
Kenna and Denny burst apart. Her heart seemed to shake wildly as she saw Regan standing there, staring at them. She knew instinctively what he was thinking, and there was nothing she could say.
“Welcome home,” Denny said brightly. “Have a good trip?”
Regan nodded. His eyes went to Kenna. “Don’t let me interrupt anything. I just came in to pick up my mail.”
He went into his office and slammed that door, too. Denny raised his eyebrows and looked down at Kenna with a speculative smile.
“Well, well,” he murmured. “Someone’s in a snit.”
She giggled at the wording, despite the fact that her heart was breaking. Well, he’d told her to go after Denny, hadn’t he? What was he so angry about?
“Think it’s safe to ask if he wants any dictation taken before I leave?” she asked, dabbing at her eyes.
“Let me get out the door before you ask him, if you don’t mind,” he said, glancing toward Regan’s office. “My insurance has lapsed, and I don’t want to get caught in the crossfire.”
“Rat, deserting the sinking ship,” she accused. “Go ahead, leave me here alone with the dragon.”
“Regan keeps ice in the bar behind his bookcase if there are any bruises,” he advised. “See you tomorrow. I hope,” he added.
She stuck out her tongue at him. He left, and the office became deadly quiet.
> Gathering her wits, she knocked briefly at Regan’s door and opened it.
He was standing by the window, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a cigarette. The beige suit he wore made him look bigger, and she hesitated in the open doorway. He didn’t seem approachable anymore.
“How was your trip?” she asked after a minute, feeling his coldness like an Arctic breeze.
“Fine, thanks.”
She glared at his broad back, picturing him with dazzling women dripping diamonds and sensuality. “I’m leaving,” she said shortly. “Do you need anything before I go?”
He turned, his dark eyes blazing, narrowed, as they searched over her like hands feeling for breaks. “I’d have thought you’d go with him.”
“He’s going to pick up Margo at the airport,” she began.
He laughed shortly. “Tough luck, honey. What happened, didn’t you measure up?”
So that was how it was going to be, she thought miserably. The truce was over, the friendship was dead. They were going back to earlier days and hostility. Well, if that was how he wanted it, it was fine with her!
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she asked with a cold smile. “How about writing out my paycheck, counselor, so that I can cover my bills? Denny forgot.”
“Why didn’t you pick his pocket?” he asked with a mocking smile. “You were close enough.”
“Yes,” she agreed with a wistful smile and a sigh. “I certainly was. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all your help, Mr. Cole, it sure did the trick.”
He moved closer, his face hardening. “Have you slept with him?”
Her eyes popped. “That’s none of your business!”
“The hell it isn’t. Have you slept with him?” He took her by the shoulders and actually shook her, his face frightening. “Well?”
She swallowed. “No!” she said quickly, intimidated by the tone as well as the bruising grasp.
He let her go abruptly and moved to his desk. “Make sure he’s through with Margo before you tangle up your life, will you?” he asked as he pulled out the big office checkbook.
“Is that actually concern for my welfare I hear?” she asked in a quavering tone.
“No,” he returned, busy writing the check. “I don’t want to have to pull Denny out of a paternity suit.”
She couldn’t remember ever wanting to hit anyone so much—not even Regan. Her body shook with rage, but she suppressed it. She had a feeling he’d enjoy it if she attacked him.
He handed her the check and she took it with trembling fingers, her face white as a sheet. She didn’t even try to thank him; she couldn’t manage it.
She turned and walked back out. It took only a minute to clear her desk and put on her sweater and get her purse out of the drawer. But she was aware of him the whole time, watching her.
When she started to leave he stepped in front of her, blocking her path.
She wouldn’t look up. “Will you let me by, please?” she asked as calmly as she could.
He took a deep breath, and it sighed out like an ode to weariness. “I’m sorry.”
The apology was unexpected. It surprised her into looking up, and at close range his face was startling. It had new lines, deeper lines, and it was drawn. He looked as if he hadn’t slept or rested since he’d been gone. That made her even madder, because she imagined him carousing till dawn in New York.
“You look horrible,” she said bluntly. “Too many late nights on the town, counselor?”
“Jealous?” he taunted.
She flushed, averting her gaze to his vest. “I don’t have the right to be jealous. Our relationship is all play-acting, remember? To fool Denny. To make him jealous. To take him away from Margo so that I can marry him and live happily ever after. And what the hell does it matter to you who I sleep with?” she added in a temper, glaring up at him.
Her face was extraordinarily lovely in anger, bright as a penny, radiant, animated. He looked at her as if he were starving for the sight of her.
“I don’t think this is a good time to go into why it matters,” he said. “Are you coming home with me tomorrow?”
She swallowed. “Denny said I could ride down with him and Margo.”
“You’ll ride down with me. I’ll pick you up about nine. That will give us time to take the boat out on the lake, if you like.”
She nodded.
He tilted her chin up. “You look lovely today,” he said.
She searched his dark eyes and smiled faintly. “I wish I could lie and say you looked the same. You should have rested instead of painting the town red.”
His thumb caressed her chin idly. “I haven’t had a woman since Jessica died, Kenna,” he said quietly.
She felt the color leave her face. “But those women in the paper, and Denny said...”
“What did Denny say, that I had a line at my door?” He laughed bitterly. “Denny knows even less about my private life than you do. I don’t have affairs. Not since the day I met Jessica, and not since her death. Sex for its own sake appeals to me about as much as working in the nude.” He let go of her chin and moved back toward his office. “I’ve been trying to help find enough evidence to convict a client’s wife of attempted murder. It seems that since he wouldn’t agree to her terms, she decided to get rid of him without the formality of a divorce. And in a much more final manner.”
“My God,” she breathed. “People do the craziest things to each other.”
“Yes, they do,” he replied harshly. “The woman’s going to face some hefty criminal charges, too. My client is an old friend. He asked for help, and I couldn’t refuse him. That,” he added curtly, “is why I look dragged out, not because I’ve been sleeping around.”
She drew in a slow, steady breath. “I was jealous,” she admitted softly, avoiding his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
She opened the door to leave, but he came up behind her and his hand covered hers on the doorknob. She didn’t turn, although she could feel the length of him, warm and powerful against her back.
“I won’t let it happen,” he said in a strained tone. “We agreed at the beginning that we’d doll you up for Denny’s benefit, and that’s what we’ve done. I won’t let it happen, Kenna, I won’t...!”
She was trembling, and he felt it. She knew he felt it, because all at once he caught her arms and whirled her against him. The hold he had on her was crushing, but she didn’t protest. It was all of heaven to be in his arms again, to feel the strength and warmth of them, while she drowned in the scent and sight of him.
There was a tremor in his arms as they molded her against him, and she slid her own arms under his jacket, taking pleasure in the warmth of the muscles barely concealed by his shirt and vest. Her breasts were crushed softly against him, and she loved the hard brush of his thighs on her own. She loved everything about him, every single thing.
His breath sighed out unsteadily at her throat, but he didn’t kiss her, or make any effort to increase the intimacy of the embrace. He simply held her against him, and that seemed to be enough.
“No more,” he said finally, relaxing his hold a little. “We’ve got to let the bomb defuse itself. I can’t live like this.”
She knew instinctively what he was talking about. Her cheek nuzzled against his chest. “Why don’t you just take me to bed?” she asked quietly. “There has to be a first time....”
“Yours isn’t going to be with me,” he said. He let her go with a hard sigh, and his eyes were weary. “I can’t offer you anything except a temporary liaison. An occasional weekend. That’s not my style, and to hell with what Denny thinks.”
She searched his dark eyes. “Regan, is it because of Jessica?” she asked gently. “Is that why you...why you don’t sleep around?”
“Look who’s asking that ques
tion,” he remarked curtly. “Why don’t you sleep around?”
She laughed at the irony of it. “I’m a woman. You can’t get pregnant, you know.”
“That isn’t the only reason you’ve kept your chastity,” he murmured with a knowing smile.
She grimaced. “Men are supposed to be different.”
He laughed softly. “I sowed my wild oats years ago, Kenna. I know what it’s all about, the mystery’s all gone.”
Her eyes searched his quietly. “It isn’t for me,” she said. “Books and reality are worlds apart.”
His chest rose and fell heavily as he studied her face. “That will give you something to look forward to, when you marry,” he said finally. His eyes clouded. “With Denny, perhaps.”
She lifted her chin proudly. “Perhaps,” she agreed coldly. “I have to go.”
His fingers held her upper arms tightly for a minute, and something dangerous lingered in his eyes. “I can’t take the risk again,” he said enigmatically.
“Oh, be safe, by all means,” she agreed. “Never walk in the rain, you might catch pneumonia. Never go on a trip, the plane might crash. Never love, she might die!”
His face contorted. “What the hell do you know about love?” he asked harshly.
Her eyes fell and she pulled away from him. “I know more than you think,” she said with enormous dignity. “I know how it hurts.” She turned away and walked out of the office, leaving him standing there alone.
Chapter Eight
Kenna had looked forward to a beautiful day for the Coles’ anniversary party, but she woke up to a driving rain outside her apartment window. It wasn’t the best possible omen and she had to force down a feeling of utter dread. There was one bright spot, and that was the thought of spending a few precious hours with Regan outside the office. If only it hadn’t rained. In the speedboat they could have been alone.
She dressed in navy blue slacks and a blue-and-white-striped blouse, carrying the sea-colored gown that Regan liked so much to put on that night for the party. She felt dreamy as she packed her small overnight bag. Perhaps Regan would dance with her, at least.