Isabella read the words and felt her eyes wanting to close.
IsabellaMartinez1: That was almost hypnotic. I feel like I’m about to fall asleep.
BlackVelvetBitches: Oh cool! So, it’s not silly or weird to you?
IsabellaMartinez1: No. I mean, I could poke holes in the scenario if I were to think about it logically. However, that’s obviously not the point here. It’s seems like a good way to relax and to keep unwanted thoughts at bay. Very clever, Miss Black.
BlackVelvetBitches: Shush, you’ll make me go red. Anyway, if you think that might work, you shouldn’t sit here talking to me. You should go and use it while you still feel sleepy.
IsabellaMartinez1: You’re probably right. Are you going to go try it too?
BlackVelvetBitches: Sure. Why not? I’m actually starting to feel tired now.
IsabellaMartinez1: Let’s try it, then. Thank you so much for your help tonight. I appreciate it more than I can say.
BlackVelvetBitches: Stop thanking me. I was glad I could help. :-) Talk sometime tomorrow?
IsabellaMartinez1: Absolutely. Good night, Erin.
BlackVelvetBitches: Good night. Sweet dreams.
Isabella read the scenario about the hole in the ground once more, making sure she remembered the gist of it at least. Then she put her iPad down and pulled her blanket up to her chin. She started to imagine walking out into the woods on a warm summer’s night, heading for that hole in the ground. She imagined the climb down and getting into the little nest of soft bedding. She made her breathing slower and deeper with every step, just as Erin had said. She could almost feel different parts of her brain shutting down, as she focused on the simple scenario. When she imagined being on the cozy mattress and the candle burning out, she fell asleep.
The second she was asleep, the relaxation scenario changed to a dream. A dream where Erin was with her in that mass of bedding in the underground hollow, lying behind her, spooning her gently, and breathing warmly against her neck. It was the nicest dream Isabella had experienced in years.
Chapter 17
The Unavoidable Chat
Monday was a busy day, and for once, Erin was happy about it. She threw herself into her work, and she enjoyed talking to people—weird for an introvert usually drained by polite small talk and speaking to strangers. Today, however, she was happy for anything to keep her mind off Isabella and the fact that she should probably stop talking to her.
Her body was eager to move, as if it were trying to take over from her brain and heart, the causes of her agony. Every chance she got, she exercised; her blood coursed through her like hot rivers, as her muscles flexed. It was so easy. She only had to envisage herself doing the move and then do it. Her muscles, tendons, and nerve endings followed her orders and completed the motion. If only everything in life was as straightforward.
Still, the workday ended, and eventually she had to go home. When she entered the apartment, her laptop was perched on the table, taunting her; pushing her and stabbing at wounds that hurt enough already.
She should’ve eaten out somewhere—anywhere. She put her jacket back on and hit the stairs. She was nearly dead from exhaustion by the time she reached the ground floor.
Deciding against the subway, she took a slow walk to cool down and ended up outside a fast-food place. She put aside all pretense that she was even going to try to eat healthily tonight.
When she’d finished her giant burger, she sipped her drink while watching the people around her. Most of them were talking to each other or busy on their phones. The unbidden knowledge that she had the Skype app on her phone popped into her mind. She could talk to Isabella right now, if she was online, of course.
Erin squeezed her eyes shut and groaned inwardly. Even if she did, what would she say? She couldn’t just ask for a video chat and sit there and stare at Isabella. She’d have to talk to her, which meant it was decision time: either keep in touch and hope that her crush faded, or tell Isabella how she felt and stop talking to her. Neither option appealed. Should’ve just stayed lonely, kept my head down, and not started talking to her.
She was getting bored, and all the happy people talking to each other were bringing her down even more. It was time to go home and turn on the damn laptop. Whatever happened next, well, she’d just have to deal with it. Like always.
Slowly, she worked up the nerve to go home, turn on the laptop, make some coffee, and open Skype. After all that, Isabella wouldn’t even be online yet. She assumed it was still far too early, being only 8 p.m.
She walked over to the apartment’s only bookshelf and ran her finger across a bunch of comics. Picking out Batwoman Hydrology and the first issue of Bitch Planet, she flopped down on the bed. When she’d finished both, knowing them almost by heart, she kept going through her collection. As she read, she listened for any notifications from her laptop. It was almost ten when it pinged. She dropped her comic on the floor in fright.
She picked it up and threw it on the sofa before hurrying to the table and sitting down.
IsabellaMartinez1: Good evening, Erin. Are you here?
For some reason, Erin could hear Isabella’s voice saying those words inside her head and goose bumps erupted on her arms. She groaned at the involuntary response.
BlackVelvetBitches: Yeah. I’m here.
IsabellaMartinez1: Well, that’s good news. I was hoping you would be online so that I wouldn’t have to wait until midnight to talk to you.
Erin’s heart pounded. Isabella, though cautious and polite as usual, seemed genuinely happy to see her. Erin bit her lower lip and decided to just go for it and ask the question her mind couldn’t stifle.
BlackVelvetBitches: You’d have waited for me if I wasn’t here?
The reply was lightning fast. Clearly, Isabella didn’t even have to think about it. Or debate the honest response.
IsabellaMartinez1: Of course.
Erin’s breath caught in her chest, and she suddenly felt warm. That reply couldn’t be better. Then Isabella sent another message.
IsabellaMartinez1: If I’m to be uncomfortably honest, nothing except sleep and Alberto needing me would keep me from trying to talk to you. I’ve had to admit that to myself.
Erin made a squeaking noise and stared at the words, reading them over and over. In lieu of a response, Isabella sent another message.
IsabellaMartinez1: Was that inappropriate? I’m afraid my social skills are a bit rusty. Alberto’s conversation doesn’t exactly keep me in good practice. Most of his conversation consists of noises that sound like “mmmhhhhmm” or “dadadah.” And vast amounts of crying, of course.
Despite her emotional state, Erin laughed.
BlackVelvetBitches: Look, I don’t know what you’re complaining about. That sounds like perfectly reasonable talk to me. Leave the kid alone. He’s doing his best! :-P
IsabellaMartinez1: I’m sure he is. Nevertheless, I’m glad to be talking to you.
BlackVelvetBitches: Not as glad as I am. I’ve missed you.
She had sent the words without thinking about it. But as soon as she saw them—black, barefaced, unflinching little letters on a luminescent, bright-white screen currently being read by Isabella—she freaked out. She quickly typed another message.
BlackVelvetBitches: Whoa, now look who’s being inappropriate! Sorry ’bout that!
There was no reply. Erin flexed her biceps nervously. Over and over and over again. Until, thankfully, a message popped up on her screen.
IsabellaMartinez1: No need to be sorry. I’ve missed you too.
Erin gave a happy yelp and punched the air. In the back of her mind, she knew it changed nothing. In fact, it might even complicate things further. But right now, she didn’t care. Isabella had missed her. Missed her. And she was comfortable enough to admit it. Erin wanted to say something to lighten the mood and make Isabella comfortable.
BlackVelvetBitches: Glad to hear it! I was worried you hated me for making you learn those stretches. :-D
&nb
sp; IsabellaMartinez1: No, the stretches will do me good. Besides, it was nice to finally see you.
Something suddenly dawned on Erin.
BlackVelvetBitches: Oh yeah, I forgot. I’ve seen you more than you’ve seen me.
IsabellaMartinez1: Yes, and it’s hideously unfair.
Erin chuckled as she typed her reply.
BlackVelvetBitches: Are you pouting? I imagine you pouting.
IsabellaMartinez1: Well, then I’m sure you’re now imagining me rolling my eyes at you, as that is what I’m doing.
BlackVelvetBitches: Fine! I won’t mock you and your pouting. ;-) Let me make it up to you. Hmm, I can send you an embarrassing picture of me? That way you get your revenge, and you will have seen about as much of me as I have of you. It’ll be fair again!
IsabellaMartinez1: Tempting as that is, I have a better idea. But I’m not sure you’re brave enough.
Erin furrowed her brow.
BlackVelvetBitches: Okay, well I’m always up for a challenge. Try me!
IsabellaMartinez1: What if I call you, and you have your camera on as we type to each other? Then I can see your facial expressions as you respond to what I write. But neither of us will talk, so we don’t wake Alberto.
Erin chewed her lower lip. This was risky. What if Isabella could tell by her expressions or body language that she had a crush on her? But then, maybe that would be for the best? She wouldn’t have to make the decisions if Isabella could just read it all on her face?
BlackVelvetBitches: All right. With one condition. After a while, you switch your camera on too!
There was a pause, and Erin wondered if Isabella was thinking that over or if Alberto had woken up.
IsabellaMartinez1: Deal. You’re on camera for five minutes while we text chat, then I’ll switch my camera on too. No sound, just writing and seeing each other’s faces. My room will be poorly lit, I’m afraid, but that can’t be helped.
BlackVelvetBitches: That’s fine. I saw the lil’ man well enough in that light, so I’m sure I’ll see you too. The iPad will light you up a bit.
IsabellaMartinez1: Okay, I’ve switched the sound off. You can call me now.
Fear and excitement mingled in Erin’s chest, the tendrils reaching down to take root in her stomach. She wondered what she looked like right now? She’d showered at the gym and applied her usual sparse makeup after work, but that was hours ago, and the evening hadn’t exactly been kind to her since. She thought up an excuse to go check.
BlackVelvetBitches: Hang on, I’m not quite decent. Let me go pick up a sweater.
IsabellaMartinez1: Oh. Yes, of course. Call when you’re ready.
Erin hurried to the bathroom. She put some concealer on the rings under her eyes and tinted lip gloss on her pale lips. Spraying some of her Adidas perfume, she realized Isabella wouldn’t be able to smell her. She was just freaking out. She hurried back and quickly threw a hoodie on over her shirt so that her excuse seemed legit.
BlackVelvetBitches: Right. Calling you now.
She clicked the button to make a video call. Part of her hoped that Isabella would have another technical fail and accidentally answer the call by clicking the camera button too, meaning that the video call would be shared right off the bat.
Sadly, Isabella knew what she was doing this time and clicked the button to answer normally. All Erin could see was Isabella’s static profile picture and the little square on her screen showing her what Isabella could see, her own tired face. She muted her microphone so she couldn’t wake the kid, not totally sure that Isabella had turned down her own sound properly.
IsabellaMartinez1: There you are, Miss Black. Decent now, I see. Might I ask what you were wearing before?
Erin was about to wince at her stupid lie. She now had to come up with a reason for why she hadn’t been decent. Then she remembered the camera and turned the wince into a shy smile, one which came from the heart.
BlackVelvetBitches: Oh, you know. Just a tank top without a bra. No one needs to see that shit, so I covered up.
She stuck her tongue out toward the camera and grinned, not caring if the gesture was childish.
IsabellaMartinez1: Thank goodness you covered up. A woman in her late thirties like me can’t be subjected to braless women. I’ve never seen one of those before. I could end up scarred for life.
BlackVelvetBitches: Chill, Captain Sarcasm-o! So, late thirties, huh? Wanna put an exact number on that?
IsabellaMartinez1: Not really, no.
BlackVelvetBitches: Oh, come on! Don’t make me guess.
IsabellaMartinez1: I’m not telling you. And you can stop making that exasperated face. I can see you, remember?
Erin looked at the camera and gave it her most faked, toothpaste-ad smile.
BlackVelvetBitches: Better?
IsabellaMartinez1: It’s an improvement, but it would be better with a real smile.
Erin looked down at the table, feeling suddenly shy. Then she took a deep breath and looked up at the camera, smiling in as heartfelt a manner as Isabella’s presence usually inspired.
There was a long pause before Isabella replied, and Erin tried to cover her uneasiness by drinking some of her coffee. Then she was faced with a new problem—avoiding a grimace at how cold and bitter the coffee had gotten. She cursed at how bad she was at this sort of stuff.
IsabellaMartinez1: I hope you don’t mind me saying this, Erin. But I really can’t fathom how you can be single with a smile like that.
Erin stared at the words and forgot to breathe. Then she remembered that Isabella could see her and tried to defuse the situation by sticking her tongue out at the camera again.
IsabellaMartinez1: Ah, yes. Of course. That’s the reason; you’re childish and rude.
BlackVelvetBitches: I am not! You just make me nervous!
IsabellaMartinez1: Oh. I’m truly sorry. I don’t mean to. I just can’t seem to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself when I’m talking to you. I’m not usually this weak.
There was such intimacy and openness in those words that Erin was dumbstruck. She stared at the words and then straight into the camera, willing Isabella to look into her eyes and see what she was feeling.
Neither of them typed for a while. Erin wondered if Isabella was avoiding her gaze or if she was sitting there, in the Floridian evening, looking back and reading what was in Erin’s eyes. Erin swallowed hard and broke the spell as she typed.
BlackVelvetBitches: Turn on your camera. Please. I need to see you.
Isabella didn’t reply. But after a while, Erin’s screen rearranged. Isabella’s camera came on, and the screen filled with a dimly lit room and the face of the woman Erin had so quickly and unwillingly fallen in love with. Isabella swallowed visibly and tried for a smile, but it looked forced.
Erin licked her lips and then mouthed the word, “Hey.”
This time, Isabella’s smile looked real as she mouthed back, “Hello.”
Goose bumps formed on Erin’s arms again and on the back of her neck. Isabella seemed so close. She was right there. It felt like Erin could reach out, let her fingers go through the screen, and touch Isabella’s cheek. It looked soft and warm, but then, all of Isabella looked soft and warm.
Isabella frowned a little and then looked down to type.
IsabellaMartinez1: Erin. What are we doing?
Erin looked at the words. Her heart pounded painfully hard, and her head swam. She had to decide right now. If she wanted to keep chatting every night and hope that her crush faded, she had to make a joke, break the tension, and talk about something else. If she wanted to tell Isabella how she felt…it had to be now.
Her hands shook over the keyboard.
BlackVelvetBitches: I don’t know. But I know that I’m kinda, you know, falling for you. Which is wrong! I know that. But I can’t help it, and I don’t know what to do.
She looked up, needing to see Isabella’s face as she read those words.
Those beautiful features looked tense, almost
afraid. Isabella looked up from the message, and for a few heartbeats, their eyes locked over the Internet connection. Then Isabella looked down to type before returning her gaze up to Erin’s.
With trepidation, Erin looked down to read the reply.
IsabellaMartinez1: I’m coming to terms with the fact that I feel the same, both when it comes to falling for you and not knowing what to do. I do know that I need to think about all of this. Until this moment, everything has been hypothetical. Now that I know there is something developing between us, I need to think about what that means. I have to consider Richard and Alberto. Would it be horrible of me to leave the chat now?
Erin swallowed hard again and looked up. She searched Isabella’s face. She saw worry and doubt, but she wasn’t looking at a woman so freaked out that she would never contact Erin again.
BlackVelvetBitches: No. We both need to think about this. And I’m not gonna lie. After I’ve thrown up from an anxiety attack, I’ll probably be ugly-dancing all over the apartment to celebrate that you like me.
She saw Isabella laugh on the screen, and her heart clenched. She had to type out her thoughts.
BlackVelvetBitches: Fuck, you are so beautiful!
IsabellaMartinez1: So are you. And don’t call me “fuck.” I have a name.
Erin chuckled at Isabella attempting to match her bad jokes and looked up at the screen to see Isabella try to hide a smug smile. She shook her head at the smiling woman and then looked down at her keyboard to type.
BlackVelvetBitches: So, I’ll talk to you tomorrow?
IsabellaMartinez1: Yes. Oh, and there should be a package delivered to you tomorrow.
BlackVelvetBitches: Yay! Is it my coffee?
IsabellaMartinez1: Among other things. Erin, I’m going to hang up now. I’m far too overwhelmed by all of this.
Long_Distance Coffee Page 16