When she was finished, she’d grabbed Alberto and climbed the stairs to talk to Erin. Now, here she was, listening to Erin carefully trying to prompt her to have the life-shattering conversation that she’d just had. She realized she was grinning.
Erin did too. “Why are you smiling like that? Are you okay?”
“Yes, Erin. I’m fine. I’m smiling because I am one step ahead of you.”
She told Erin everything and was met by stunned silence at first.
“Well, fuck me,” Erin said.
Chapter 21
Figuring Out the Next Step
Erin didn’t know what to say about Isabella and Richard’s decision. She tried to keep the obvious relief off her face, out of respect for Isabella and what she must be going through.
“That was really brave. It can’t have been easy,” she said sincerely.
Isabella gave a laugh that sounded more like a scoff. “No. It certainly wasn’t. I’m glad it’s done, though.”
There was a noise, and Erin saw Isabella look down to the floor.
“Hang on, Alberto’s starting to fidget. I think he wants to come up,” Isabella said.
She placed the iPad on some form of stand on the table and then reached out of view. When she came back up, she had Alberto in her arms. He was wearing what looked like tiny baby jeans and a dark blue sweater that matched Isabella’s dress perfectly.
Erin looked back up to Isabella’s face and grinned. “Hey, Martinez…?”
Isabella looked up.
She felt her smile grow bigger. “Did you and the lil’ man color-coordinate this morning?”
Isabella looked confused. She looked down at her own outfit and Alberto’s. When her gaze returned upward, her lips were pursed. “That was a coincidence, Erin. I do not dress him to match my outfit. He’s not an accessory.”
“Whatever you say. You both look good in blue, though.”
Isabella smiled a little. “Thank you.” She looked down at the baby, lying in her arms and yawning. “Alberto. Say thank you to the nice lady.” Alberto didn’t make a noise, so his mother prompted him by tickling him. He squirmed and gave a giggling squeak.
“Was that supposed to be a ‘thank you?’” Erin asked through her laughter.
Isabella raised her eyebrows. “Excuse me. Just the other day you were saying I shouldn’t be so hard on his lack of conversation skills and that he’s trying his best.”
“You’re right!” Erin held up her hands. “I’ll take the weird giggle noise as a sign of gratitude.” She looked from Isabella’s face down to the baby in her arms. “You’re welcome, kid.”
Alberto kicked his feet a little, stopped, and held very still for a second, then burped loudly. It was a sound that couldn’t have come from such a small body.
Erin laughed so hard she almost fell out of the chair. She looked up to see Isabella just barely hiding a smile. When Erin’s laughter died out, Isabella looked down at Alberto and said, “That wasn’t very nice, mi vida.”
Alberto didn’t reply. He just lay there and looked up at her. Erin was looking at Isabella too, with two warring emotions buzzing around her head. The first was that Isabella was so lovely when she was being tender with her son, and the other one was about how sexy it was when Isabella spoke Spanish, even just a couple of words.
But she was determined to keep her mouth shut on both subjects. Isabella was just barely single, and Erin didn’t want to take advantage of the situation. So she just sat there, smiling at her and enjoying watching her beam down at Alberto and stroke the baby’s hair.
In the end, though, Erin had to end the comfortable silence. “So, um, we have a while to talk before he needs to sleep, right?”
“Yes, we have some time. He needs a bath tonight, but there’s no hurry.”
Erin froze at the look of those intense eyes meeting hers. “Right. So, um, should we talk about what happens next? Or do you want to wait with that?” Erin felt an uneasy sensation in the pit of her stomach. Was she pushing this too much and too quickly?
“We can talk about it. Just don’t expect me to make any big decisions right now. I’ve had a bit of a stressful evening.”
“No! No, of course not. I just wanted to tell you that I don’t have any expectations. About you and me, I mean. You are just starting the process of a breakup, and you have to focus on yourself and Alberto. I wanted you to know that I understand. I won’t try to worm my way into anything, as long as you know that I’m here for you and that you can talk to me, and not just as someone who has a crush on you but as a friend. Breakups suck, and I want to be here for you.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me. I think what I’ll mainly need from you is distraction. Talking to you makes me happy. And I’ll probably need a lot of that through this process.”
Erin bit her lip around her own smile. “That sounds like an awesome job. I accept the position. I’ll be your, um, what is it called—the clown guy who entertained old kings?”
Isabella furrowed her brow. “The court jester?”
“That’s the one! I’ll be your court jester.”
“I believe court jesters were meant to look silly and comical, not as breathtaking as you are.”
Erin stopped dead and stared at Isabella openmouthed. She hadn’t expected a huge compliment and a clear flirtation like that. She didn’t know what to answer.
Isabella adjusted her grip on Alberto, moving him up to her shoulder and patting his back. But her eyes were on Erin. Her smile looked playful. “Close your mouth, beautiful. You’ll catch flies.”
Erin clamped her jaw shut and tried to hide what was probably a goofy smile while tucking some hair behind her ear. The evening was just getting better and better.
“Anyway, back to what you were saying. I’m glad you are not expecting me to jump straight into a relationship right away, and a long-distance one at that. Both for my sake and yours. This is not just because I am emotionally unstable right now, nor because we have only known each other for a short while, but because you deserve better than being my rebound relationship.” Her smile was replaced with a look of tenderness and solemnity.
Erin nodded with an earnestness she hoped showed on Isabella’s little iPad screen. Alberto was fussing at Isabella’s shoulder, and it looked to Erin like he was trying to bite her.
“He’s looking for food,” she explained. “I’ll have to rearrange the order of things tonight. I’ll feed him and then give him his bath. Would you mind hanging up? I can’t reach the iPad.”
Erin didn’t want to end the call. She would happily sit there and watch Isabella give Alberto his baby bottle for hours on end, anything to get more of Isabella and her cute little kid.
Dreamily, she said, “Why don’t you go ahead and feed him? I don’t mind. I just like your company.”
Isabella looked right at the camera with an incredulous look. Erin wondered what that meant and frowned deeply.
“What? I don’t mind if you can’t talk while you feed him,” Erin said in confusion.
“That’s not what concerns me, Miss Black. It’s the fact that I have to take this dress halfway off. Not to mention unclasp my bra and then…well… I’m not sure you should see what is inside that particular garment just yet.”
Erin felt like her world was in the middle of an earthquake. Shit! What did she just say? She hadn’t considered that Isabella breastfed the kid.
“Oh my God! Isabella, I’m so freakin’ sorry. I thought you were going to feed him with a bottle. I mean, I am all for the desexualizing of breastfeeding, but I didn’t mean to sound like I was pushing for you to take your dress off in front of me or something. Fuck, I’m such an idiot!”
Isabella laughed, and it seemed to come all the way from her toes. It was a deep, musical laugh that made Erin all warm and fuzzy. This was how she wanted to make Isabella laugh, without any inhibitions or concern. Shame I had to make a complete ass of myself to do it.
When she’d recovered from her fit of la
ughter, Isabella smiled at her. “Don’t worry. I assumed there’d been some form of miscommunication. Hopefully one day, I’ll get to undress in front of you for more interesting reasons than feeding Alberto. For now, I think I’m going to go put my pajamas on and then feed him before he eats my collarbone.”
“Okay, I’ll hang up the call. Uh, but before you go, I have to say it again… Isabella, I’m so sorry.”
Isabella adjusted the fussing baby and looked back to Erin. “For what? My breakup or suggesting I strip on camera?”
“I-I…I didn’t…” Erin stammered, tripping over her own tongue.
Something like pity appeared in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m just toying with you now. It’s far too much fun, and you are impossibly cute when you blush, Miss Black. No need to apologize. I’ll try for some sleep tonight, I think. So I won’t be back later. Want to Skype tomorrow night?”
“Of course! Text chat at midnight, or video call before Alberto’s bedtime again?”
Isabella smirked. “I suppose that depends on if you want to see me again or if you just want to talk.”
“I think you know I want both. Really, really want both,” Erin said before swallowing hard.
Why do I feel so nervous now? It’s not like I’m inviting her on some kind of date.
“Me too. Seeing you is quite addictive, Erin. Just as addictive as chatting to you has been since that first night, actually. I’ll video call you tomorrow then? About nine thirty?”
“I’ll be here with bells on,” Erin said enthusiastically.
“Now that sounds like an interesting sight. Good night, preciosa. I hope you can sleep.”
“Same to you. Oh, and Isabella, text or call me on my phone if you need to talk tonight. Anytime you need me, I’ll be here. I mean that.”
“Thank you so much.” Alberto started crying, and Isabella hushed and rocked him. “I better go feed him before he gets angry. I’m afraid he’s inherited my temper.”
“Well, that serves you right, Martinez. Now, go get that dress off and feed the kid!”
It wasn’t until she had said it that she started worrying about ordering Isabella to take her clothes off, even for innocent reasons. She bit her tongue, cursing it for all the dumb stuff it always said.
Mercifully, Isabella was too busy with Alberto to stop and tease her about the remark. She just gave her a quirked eyebrow and walked out of the room.
As she watched her leave, Erin realized that she was probably going to her bedroom to get changed. She closed her eyes and forced her lovesick brain not to think about Isabella undressing.
With one last look at the empty chair where Isabella would no doubt spend the night, Erin sighed and ended the call. It shocked her how completely she had fallen. No matter how slowly Isabella needed to take it, Erin hoped that deep down, Isabella felt the same way.
Chapter 22
Bookshops and Backs
Isabella, and a soundly sleeping Alberto, had driven to the nearest shopping mall after breakfast. Isabella’s mind was swimming with all the changes that were coming her way, so she had to get out of the house for a while. She had to let everything digest in her mind. After some pacing in the kitchen, she had decided to go somewhere that always calmed her, a bookstore.
With Alberto cozy in his stroller, she wandered the aisles, looking at the book covers and spines. Just for a moment, she dared to daydream about seeing her name on a book on one of those shelves.
She picked up a Kate Atkinson book but then reminded herself that while she loved to buy and own books, she didn’t have much time to read lately. She shouldn’t waste money or accrue more belongings, now that she was going to move out. It only meant more to pack, more to haul, and more to store.
Her phone vibrated in her handbag, almost waking Alberto. She quickly retrieved the phone and groaned when she saw that it was Judith calling.
“Hello, Mother.”
“Isabella? Where are you? I can hear people in the background.”
“Alberto and I are in a bookstore. We needed a little excursion.”
Judith scoffed. “You brought him with you? I cannot for the life of me understand why you are so glued to that child. It’s not good for him, Isabella. He’s going to grow up to be far too dependent on you. Even worse, he’s going to assume that everyone in his life is going to dote on him. Just you wait and see. He’ll be crying for his mother at every hurdle. You are stifling the boy.”
Isabella stopped walking and closed her eyes for a moment. “Am I to assume this is heading toward the nanny argument again?”
“Yes, actually. Having a nanny would solve two problems. It would break his dependency on you, and you could return to work, ensuring that at least one of his parents has a proper career. And brings in the sort of money that will send Alberto to Harvard.”
The last sentence had been said under her mother’s breath, but it was still perfectly audible. Judith Martinez didn’t say anything she didn’t want the world to hear.
“I have made financial arrangements for Alberto’s future. You don’t need to worry about that,” Isabella muttered.
“But I do worry, Isabella. I worry that in your refusal to listen to someone who has been in your situation, you are damaging your son. It’s not healthy to take him everywhere with you.”
Isabella wanted to argue with that. She wanted to bring up all the times she felt abandoned when she grew up. All the times when her mother should have been there. School plays. Marie breaking her arm. Isabella’s first breakup with a boy. But Judith was busy working, playing golf, going to art exhibitions, gossiping with her acquaintances from different charity boards, or getting a manicure—anything that didn’t involve Isabella or Marie.
Her shoulders slumped, as she played out the flip side of her mother’s arguments. Maybe she was too clingy with Alberto. She was well aware of that possibility and trying to work on it. But there had to be a balance between her own clinginess and the borderline neglect she and Marie had grown up with.
Deep down, she was terrified that her mother was right. Maybe she was damaging Alberto. Maybe she was raising him incorrectly, and he would be scarred.
Always that nagging fear of not being good enough.
With that in mind, Isabella merely replied, “I know you worry. I’ll take your advice under consideration.”
It was deeply unsatisfying, and she ached to fight back. But sometimes you had to take the easy way out. Pick your battles. You still have to tell her about leaving Richard, and heaven knows how she’s going to take that.
“Was there a reason for your call, Mother? Because if there wasn’t, I might take this opportunity to tell you about a recent development.”
“No other reason than to check in. I hadn’t heard from you in quite a while.”
And there was the guilt trip for not calling. Isabella grimaced. Her mother was in good form today.
“I see. Well, then I should tell you that Richard and I have decided to go our separate ways.”
There was a long beat of silence.
“Separate ways? As in terminating your relationship?”
“Yes,” Isabella replied tiredly.
“Permanently?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I am glad to hear that you have come to your senses.”
The smug tone in her mother’s voice made Isabella feel sick. She wanted to punch something. She opened her eyes and made sure no one could see the look that was no doubt plastered on her face.
Isabella cleared her throat to get her voice under control. “I really don’t need to hear that. Just be happy that you don’t have to worry about Richard anymore. Oh, and if you are even thinking about saying “I told you so,” rest assured that I will hang up on you.”
“Fine. I won’t say it. May I at least ask what will happen with my grandson?”
“Of course you can. He will stay with me when I move out. Richard will visit as much as he can, and we will visit him as well.”
; “I see. You and Alberto are moving out and he isn’t?”
Isabella tried to ignore the tone of voice.
“I’m not sure. We still have to decide whether we are going to sell the house, or if Richard wants to stay living there. After all, he loves that house, while I’m not particularly attached to it. The location is very convenient for his job. Besides, he’s probably reuniting with his ex-wife and older son. If he does, they’ll need a big house.”
“A-ha! He cheated on you with his ex-wife, and that is why you finally came to your senses and left him.”
Isabella felt the niggling tension of an impending headache between her eyes. She was clenching her jaw so tightly that her teeth were beginning to ache. “No, Mother. That’s not why.”
“But you are leaving him?”
“We decided to leave each other. Our relationship wasn’t working. It was based on trying to do the right thing for Alberto, rather than on being in love with each other.”
Judith scoffed. “And he is moving in with his ex-wife right away? Sounds like he is simply replacing you and Alberto.”
“Mother, don’t judge when you don’t know the facts. He has his motives, and I have mine. In the end, it all boils down to the fact that we were trying to force ourselves to live a lie. Yesterday, we decided to put an end to that and move on. Can we change the topic now? I’m sure you have another hundred questions lined up.”
Her mother sniffed, clearly faking nonchalance. “So, you are moving out of the house. Where to? Are you going to stay down there with the retirees, holidaymakers, and alligators?”
She gritted her teeth before answering, “I don’t plan to stay in Florida, no.”
“Good. You know how frizzy the humidity makes your hair.”
Isabella bristled at the comment. But she wasn’t surprised.
Yes, of course. My looks are what’s important here. Have to look perfect and act perfect, never mind being happy. That’s not the Martinez way.
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