“Nothing,” he murmured, tightening his jaw. “I just need to get away for a while.”
“Get away?” she echoed, the quiet words rough with worry. “I don’t understand.”
He swallowed thickly and tried not to look at her as he pulled a few pairs of jeans out of a drawer in his dresser. “I’ll be back,” he scraped out, turning back toward the bed. “I just... I can’t stay here. Not right now.”
“Why? Because of me? What the hell, Wyatt? Is this... Are you dumping me?” Her voice was getting louder, rising with her anger. “You screwed me and now you’re done? Is that how this works?”
He made a hard, thick sound at the back of his throat and shoved both hands back through his hair. “No, damn it! You think I want this? I don’t want to go. It’s the last fucking thing that I want! But you deserve a hell of a lot better than a bastard who constantly screws up losing his control with you!”
“Screws up what?” she asked, the words shivering with emotion. “What are you talking about? You haven’t screwed up. You saved me! Don’t you see that?”
He slanted her a narrow, burning look. “Was I saving you when I let Seb lead me away from you today?”
“Don’t,” she croaked. “Don’t do that, damn it. That was not your fault. You were doing what you thought was right.”
He cursed something foul under his breath, then grabbed another handful of clothes and shoved them into the bag. “Feel free to use the cabin while I’m gone. No one will bother you.”
She made a choked sound, and he watched from the corner of his eye as she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. “So you’re just going to run? You can’t stay with me while sorting out whatever is going on in that thick head of yours?”
He couldn’t stop his stupid hands from shaking, so he clenched them into fists at his sides. He needed a bloody straitjacket to keep himself in line around her, his body physically aching with the need to grab hold and yank her close. Keeping her there. Forever. “I’m trying to do what’s right.”
“By leaving me?” she asked, swiping at the tears spilling over her cheeks.
The tears were killing him.
Unable to remain still, he turned and took a step toward her, ready to shake some sense into her so that she could finally open her eyes and see the big picture. Finally see that she was too fine and good and beautiful for someone like him, even though it was the last thing in the world he wanted her to realize. But guilt was ripping him up, and he heard himself shouting, “I almost got you killed!”
Her chin shot up, those sky-blue eyes blazing fire. “The hell you did. This was not your fault! How many freaking times do I have to say it?”
“You don’t understand,” he argued, cutting his hand through the air in frustration, wanting to knock the shitty reality of this situation right out of the goddamn room, so that he could just do what he wanted. “You don’t— Shit, Elise! You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Then explain it,” she snapped, throwing her arms out at her sides, blocking the doorway. Elise figured she had to look like an idiot, but she didn’t care. At that moment, nothing mattered but getting through to him.
A muscle pulsed in his jaw as he turned his head to the side, his bare-chested body rigid with tension, muscles cut beneath his dark skin as if they’d been carved by a blade.
Breathing in rough, jagged bursts, he growled, “This isn’t the first time I’ve fucked up, Elise. When I was younger, I...lost someone.”
Oh! Her insides twisted with unease. “Was she your girlfriend?”
He lowered his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “No. But she was my friend. Her name was Robbie. I wasn’t in love with her, but I loved her like a sister. Like my family.”
“What happened?” she whispered, dreading what he would tell her.
“We, uh, had planned to meet out by the lake on the reservation at midnight to go for a swim. She’d been having a crappy time with her boyfriend and was feeling down. So I’d told her we’d spend the night out at the lake, just goofing off. But I didn’t go. Not when I was meant to.” A bitter laugh slipped from his lips, thick with self-loathing. “I got a call from another girl. So I met up with her instead. Thought there’d be plenty of time to satisfy my own needs, before I kept my word to Robbie.” He lifted his head, looking her right in the eye. “Robbie went early, and some asshole followed her. Then he attacked her. And I wasn’t there. I was too busy getting laid while my friend was being repeatedly raped and nearly beaten to death by some monster. How’s that for heroic?”
“Oh, God, Wyatt. I’m so sorry.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face, and “Yeah” seemed to be all he could get out.
“What happened?” she asked again.
Pacing away from her, he braced his hands on the sides of the window that faced the woods. “I showed up at the lake just as he was leaving her. She looked...” His voice cracked, and he had to swallow before he could go on. “She looked at me and grabbed the knife he’d left on the ground beside her, then slit her own throat.”
“Jesus,” she whispered.
He made a thick sound and shook his head again, as if it could force the grim image out of his mind.
“And the man?” she asked. “You killed him?”
“Yeah,” he grunted. “I gutted the son of a bitch with my claws. Just not in time to help her.”
As heart-wrenching a story as it was, Elise was glad that he’d told her, because she understood so much now. Why he didn’t think he was worthy of a relationship, no doubt letting his guilt fester in his soul until it’d completely colored the way he saw himself. And then there were the nightmares that most likely played the girl’s death out before his eyes over...and over. Her heart broke for Robbie, and her heart broke for Wyatt, too. For the pain he’d carried with him all this time, blaming himself for something that was never his fault to begin with.
He flinched when he felt the soft touch of her hand against his shoulder. “So because of what happened, you think the answer is to walk away from me?”
His hands balled into fists against the window frame. “Damn it, you think this is what I want? I’m trying to do what’s right for you.”
“Well, this isn’t right. This sucks! So just stop it!” She was suddenly screeching like a madwoman, but there was no help for it. She felt mad. On edge. Desperate and impassioned.
“I made a promise to you,” he argued hoarsely, pressing his forehead against the glass. “One that I broke by leaving you here, instead of staying to protect you.”
“Yeah, because of the fact that you care about me and wanted to make that Claymore bastard pay for what he did.”
His shoulders lifted as he drew in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. “You don’t need me anymore, El. I always knew you were strong. You’re whole now.”
“That’s such bullshit. How can I be whole without you? Call me crazy, Wyatt, but I’d rather not go through my life only half-alive.”
“You’re not—”
“Stop!” she shouted, jerking him around to face her. “Wyatt, you believed in me when nobody else did. Not even myself. How could I not love you, you big beautiful idiot?”
He gave her a hard, pained smile. “Gratitude is not love, El.”
Staring deep into his dark, tortured eyes, she said, “You’re right. But you’d better sit your ass down on that bed and get comfortable if you want me to list all the reasons why I do love you. It’s gonna take a while.”
“But I almost got you killed,” he growled, repeating himself. “Don’t you get that? I swore that I would die to protect you, and then I made the biggest mistake of my life. As much guilt as I carry for what happened to Robbie, this is even worse. Because it was you.”
“Honestly, Wyatt. I know you’re not stupid, so stop being such a dumb-ass. You are not God. You are not invincible. The past was not your fault and neither was this!”
He clenched his jaw but didn’t argue, and she blanch
ed as a horrible thought suddenly shoved its way into her head. “Oh, God. Wait a minute.” She stumbled back a step, one hand pressed to her forehead as her thoughts reeled. “Are you even being honest with me? Are you sure this isn’t because I can’t... I mean, just because I managed that partial shift tonight doesn’t mean I’ll be able to do it again. Not unless your life is in danger.”
He looked stunned. “My life?”
“I didn’t change to save myself,” she told him, wishing he would just grab hold of her and never let her go. “If that were the case, it would have happened the moment they took me. I changed to save you, because of what you mean to me, just like Eric did when Chelsea’s life was in danger.” She licked her lips and said, “That’s what being a Dark Wolf means, I guess. Doing whatever it takes of you to save the person you love.”
“Christ, El.”
She lifted her chin. “But as far as shape-shifting goes, there’s a good chance that was it. So maybe that’s what this is really about. Maybe it’s about me.”
“I couldn’t care less if you ever shift again,” he growled with fury, his voice continuing to rise with each hard, guttural word. “That’s not why I love you. Yeah, that little demonstration you gave us of that Dark Wolf blood inside you was even more bad-ass than Cian—and that’s really saying something. But it does not matter,” he forced out through his clenched teeth. “I don’t give a shit if I ever see it again, El. I don’t care. I want you for you. I love you because you’re perfect exactly the way you are!”
Her heart was beating like mad with happiness, but her voice was still thick with exasperation. “And I could say the exact same thing about you.” Tears streamed down her face as she stepped closer, pressing her hands against his broad chest. “I love you,” she said brokenly, her voice shaking. “I am in love with you. With every part of you. I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect you to be perfect, either. I just need you to be mine.”
“El.”
“Don’t you get it, Wyatt? You blaming yourself for the things that have happened is like me blaming myself for the rape.”
Raw fury darkened his face, his corded throat working as he swallowed. “Like hell it is. You did nothing wrong.”
“And neither did you. You didn’t hurt Robbie. You didn’t make her go early to meet you, and you didn’t make her kill herself. You were a young man who got caught in the middle of an awful situation, but it was not your fault. It wasn’t your sin. But this, what you’re doing to us, it will be. If you let it control you now, if you walk away from me, that’s on you, Wyatt. Can you really live with that?”
“But I let people down, Elise. I’ve let you—”
She got right in his face, pounding her fists against his chest. “That’s bullshit! You’ve saved me, Wyatt. Put your life on the line for me, pulled me out of the pit and made me start living again. You’ve taken my heart and made me love you. And if you even try to walk out that door, you should know that you won’t get away. I will follow your ass to the ends of the earth if I have to. You had to go and be all wonderful and sexy and incredible, blowing my mind, claiming my heart, and now you can goddamn deal with the consequences!”
She was sobbing by the time she was through, sounding hysterical, and he made a low, fractured sound deep in his throat, suddenly crushing her against him as he buried his face in her hair. “I want you. I love you, damn it. So much that it’s killing me. But I want what’s best for you, El. You deserve the best. Only the best.”
“Wyatt, you’re not only the best, you’re the only one,” she cried. “There is no one else. There never will be anyone else. Please don’t pull me back and then just leave me here. Just...don’t. I’m begging you.”
Dropping to his knees before her, he caught her hands in his and brought them to his lips, kissing her knuckles as he stared up at her shocked face with eyes that were damp with tears. “Okay,” he told her, choking the word out. “I know I screwed up and I’m so sorry. But I can’t do it—I can’t let you go. I love you too damn much. Need you too much. You’re... Like I said before, you’ve completely ruined me, woman.”
“Then that’s only fair,” she whispered, sniffing, “because you’ve ruined me, too.” Her eyes narrowed with warning. “And no more pussying out like that hero in the book you read to me. Because it’s time to man up, Wyatt.”
He laughed and pulled her closer, crushing her in his fierce embrace. “I get it,” he groaned, nuzzling his face against her middle, where butterflies were dancing in a frenzy. “Hell, it’s not like I’d have gotten far anyway.” Pulling his head back, he stared up at her with a wry, dazzling smile. “Five minutes and I’d have been back here on my knees, just like this, crawling right back to you.”
“I need you, Wyatt. So much,” she told him, burying her hands in his silky hair. “Now. Forever. Please stay with me.”
“I will,” he vowed, holding her tight. “I love you. More than I know how to explain with a bunch of words. But if you’ll give me the chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you exactly how much you mean to me, El. You will not doubt it. I swear. Not even for a second.”
“Oh, wow. That was so beautiful. I knew you could be romantic, but I didn’t know—”
“I can be anything I need to be for you,” he said in a low voice, his tone almost reverent. “Anything, El.”
“I just need you, Wyatt. That’s all. Just be yourself and we’ll be golden.”
His mouth twisted with another wry smile. “You sure, baby? Because the real me would toss you over my shoulder, carry you over to that big bed we’re going to share and spend the next twenty hours fucking your gorgeous little brains out.”
She ripped off the shirt she’d borrowed earlier from Torrance, and let it drop to the floor. She couldn’t help but give a soft laugh when his hot gaze dropped to her breasts just as quickly. “I’m waiting,” she told him, loving the way he made her feel so beautiful, scars and all. “Come on. And don’t hold back. Not for a single second.”
His nostrils flared as he sucked in a sharp breath, his dark eyes smoldering with something that was possessive and hot and deliciously primal as he slowly brought that heavy-lidded gaze back to her face. “As much as I want to do exactly that,” he told her, his fingers clenching against her hips, “you need time, El. Time to think long and hard about what you want. Because the next time I touch you, I’m going to mark you.”
She shivered at the stunning burst of emotion those husky words made her feel. “I don’t, Wyatt. I don’t need time.”
“I take you to bed,” he growled slowly, “then my fangs are in your throat.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
“It’s about damn time,” she said boldly. “Don’t you think?”
With a rough growl, he surged to his feet and brought her close, crushing her naked torso against his chest, the heat of his skin making her gasp. “You’re staying here with me, in the Alley, forever.”
“You bet your sexy ass I’m staying.”
He smiled against her lips. “I wasn’t giving you a choice, sweetheart. You’ll have to kill me to get rid of me now.”
“Never,” she groaned, pushing her fingers into his hair. Their lips brushed once, twice, and then he took control. With one hand gripping the back of her neck and the other kneading her ass, he kissed her like a man who’d been starved for her taste, his tongue wet and wicked and wild in her mouth, making her breathless. “You know, considering where this is headed,” she gasped, “I should probably tell you that I need to go up to town tomorrow to get my Pill prescription refilled.”
He lifted his head, his chest jerking with his ragged breaths, and his dark gaze locked hard on hers. “Maybe.”
“Maybe?” she repeated with a soft laugh, shivering as he stroked a big hand up her spine. “Um, you don’t want to get me pregnant, Wyatt.”
His brows slowly started to draw together. “Like hell I don’t,” he growled.
Elise froze, her eyes
shot wide with shock. “You want kids?”
Lowering his head, he got right in her face. “As many as you want to give me, when you’re ready. I’ll love them all.”
She swallowed against the fresh wave of tears burning at the back of her throat and struggled to whisper, “But they could be like me.”
He suddenly looked as if he wanted to kiss her and throttle her at the same time. “You mean perfect?”
She could only shake her head in response.
“I’m serious about this, El.”
“You really want babies?” she asked in complete awe. “You want to start a family? Our own family?”
“I want everything with you, sweetheart.” As if to prove just how much he meant those incredible words, Elise could suddenly see the sharp points of his fangs gleaming beneath the sensual curve of his upper lip. But she wasn’t afraid. How could she be afraid when she was so damn happy?
With her heart melting in her chest, she blinked back her tears and smiled up at him. “I want everything with you, too.”
“That’s my girl,” Wyatt whispered, relieved as hell when he saw the perfect trifecta—trust, belief and love—glowing in her beautiful blue eyes, a part of him still in shock that this was happening. That he’d told her everything, and she’d stayed. She’d stayed.
Yeah, it’d been scary, opening himself up like that. Making himself vulnerable. Giving her the ultimate power over him. But it was already hers, and he couldn’t go on alone. He needed to be with her, to be at her side. Needed everything she had to give...and then he needed her to dig deep and give him even more. Because he was more than ready to give her everything that he was. Every part of him.
They belonged to her. Every. Single. One.
This, right here, was where he belonged. Yeah, he didn’t deserve her. But he was going to do everything in his power to be a man who did and worship the ground she walked on. Before the night was over, he would make the bite that would bind them together forever. For all eternity. Put his heart in her hands and trust her to keep it safe, because that was exactly where it belonged. With El.
Dark Wolf Running (Bloodrunners) Page 24