Rose’s posture softened. “I do not do this for myself. I protect and care for all supernaturals who ask for shelter, be it from humans, or Xerxes himself.” Her warm magick flicked across my skin, like fingertips looking for a good place to take hold. “The sacrifice you make is not for me alone, it is for entire races of people. There are hundreds—thousands of supernaturals who have no desire to remain on Earth. They are the children of murdered parents, the orphans of a war that made them homeless. The time is almost here. We are so close to completing the prophecy, yet you purposefully shirk the burden placed on your shoulders.”
I shivered, casting a glance at the Oracle mother, but she offered no consolation or support. I’d vomited the mess, and I was on my own to clean it up.
“There is something making you discontent. Making you desire more than what is possible.” Rose’s tone was like velvet, sweet and sugary and a damn trap if I’d ever seen one. “Who is it you desire?”
I still hadn’t gotten Alek to realize my affection or admit his own. I knew he cared about me. A man didn’t show up in a library to read for hours on end every day of every week of every month for years on end if he didn’t care. The Sisters gossiped that he was broody and rude, but he’d never been anything but kind and caring and protective toward me.
It was more than friendship, but I didn’t have anything to say to Rose right now. I needed a plan of action and I needed Alek on my side. If I said something without any confirmation that he wanted to be with me, I’d lose my only chance with him.
“No one,” I answered, breathing slowly, willing my heartbeat not to give me away.
“You cannot have children with any supernatural in town. It is impossible, and if you cannot have children with them, then you are not fulfilling your purpose.”
“Maybe I don’t want to fulfill my purpose, and if we can’t be with other supernaturals, why are you so afraid of Xerxes getting us? Our histories say we’ve been running for thousands of years. What does it mat—”
“It matters because Lamassu are the exception to the rule. Genetically, you are compatible with our species and with humans.”
There it was.
Another secret kept from us.
“Why?” I stood, moving to stand face to face with the Sentinel. Our protector. Our mother. Our jailer. Anger seethed beneath the surface of my skin, like molten lava waiting to burst free from the Earth’s crust.
“Because that is the way you were made.” The words were spoken so softly I strained to hear each one. The revelation sent a cold chill ricocheting down my spine. I couldn’t feel my feet, or my legs. I sank back onto the leather couch behind me and snapped my stunned mouth shut.
Made?
Rose turned on her heel and walked out of the room, her footsteps strangely silent on the hard stone floor.
I glanced at the Oracle Mother, weird to call her that, since she was barely five years older than I was. “M-made?” The word sputtered from my mouth. “Like we were a batch of cookies she whipped up? Am I the only one that feels this is unfair?”
“It’s time to grow up, Gretchen. We have a good life here. The Drakonae take care of us. Rose takes care of us. The whole town works to keeps Xerxes at bay so that we aren’t subjected to—”
“We’ve found two protectors in less than a year.”
“That was because our numbers were up, but then Arlea died. Cara had a stroke and passed away. Pythia passed as well. The loss of three adults was too much. My visions about the next Protector are sporadic at best, and rarely do I get any clarity in them.”
“What if it takes centuries to find the last two, and what really happens to us after the prophecy is fulfilled?”
“We will be free, Gretchen. Free of these visions that plague us, no one will hunt us, and no one else will have to die for us. We will be safe from Xerxes. That is our hope for the future, Gretchen. That is the legacy we want for all our children, for ourselves. You’re not the only one who would like to have a normal life…whatever that really means.”
She stood from the chair and bowed her head. “Please. Even if you were to love a supernatural, your lifespan pales in comparison. Would you put yourself through the pain of loving someone only to lose them when you grow old and die?”
“I would enjoy every moment I got. That’s what life is about. And life without love, the way we live it…I can’t do this.”
The Oracle’s blue eyes hardened, and her voice tempered sharply. “We love, Gretchen. We love each other, and we love our children. Our lives are not without love.” She made a growling huff of irritation at the end of her statement before leaving me alone in the room to stew in the guilt she and Rose had managed to stir to life.
I cared about my sisters. I knew they loved their children. And some of my sisters even created fantasy romance relationships around the men they chose to sleep with.
It wasn’t enough for me. Maybe it was for them. Maybe they were truly content with the status quo, but I wanted more.
I wanted Alek…even if we couldn’t have children.
Even if being with him was only a brief moment of bliss in his immortal lifetime.
It would be enough for me.
I could only hope it would be enough for him.
Chapter 5
ALEK
My jaw caught Jared’s fist, and a haphazard pattern of white stars skittered across my line of sight. The fucking Phoenix could really hit hard. I shook my head and rubbed my jaw, shaking off the blow.
“Fuck,” I growled under my breath.
I rotated and swiveled, changing angles, raising my fists. Jared backed off, but my quick jab forward and then an uppercut caught a solid hit to his gut.
“Better,” he said, his voice wheezing while a painful smile curved his face.
He took a step toward me on the soft blue mats, faking right then left then right again before striking home.
Fucking hell!
“I never get you this good, man. Something’s got you off your game.” Jared rolled his neck and raised his eyebrows. He backed off, rose out of his crouched fighting stance, and stared at me with that brotherly look that said he was about to put his foot in my business. “You need to get laid?”
I roared, barely reigning in my beast. Breathing deeply, I halted my body, flexing my hands to fists at my sides. If I changed inside our small back-office sparring area, my wings would tear up the ceiling and my claws would decimate our padded mats.
He held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, no need for that.” His tone was light, but his eyes burned with his Phoenix fire, prepared to put me on the ground if I went that far. I might be in the worst mood I’d dealt with in centuries, but the threat of his fire made my beast take pause.
There was truth in his accusation. I actually couldn’t remember the last time I’d been with a woman…it hadn’t mattered and I hadn’t gone looking, but now—now that I knew I’d been bottling up feelings for Gretchen…
Heaving a sigh, I let my shoulders slump forward. How did this happen? How had I let myself fall for the child who’d made me smile fifteen years ago? Who’d continued to warm the heart in my chest I’d considered long dead?
“There’s no way out of the proverbial grave I’ve dug.” I crossed the room and took a long swig from my water bottle. Sweat dripped from my forehead. The two-hour sparring session was supposed to clear my head. Instead, I was sore, and I found my thoughts even more focused on Gretchen. On what caring about her meant for my life.
“Really? Is it someone I know?”
I shrugged. He’d probably met Gretchen at one point. “It doesn’t matter. She’s not an option, no matter how many different ways I look at the situation.”
Jared took a long drink from his bottle of water, giving me an appraising eyeball-glare for the duration. “You can’t go back to the library, man.”
My stomach threatened to upchuck everything inside. Fuck. “How did you figure it out that fast?”
“I can’
t remember the last time you got some pussy, but you go see that damn girl in the Blackmoor’s library every fucking day.” He took a step closer. “You’re going to piss off Rose. Where will that leave us?”
I didn’t have an answer to that question. My normally strategic thought patterns had locked into a formation that refused to do anything but spiral around Gretchen. How beautiful and grown-up she was… How had I not noticed that until just now? How I wanted to flay any man who dared lay a hand on her.
My entire existence centered on spending time with her or taking care of the town or doing something Rose needed done. Somehow she had become more. More than just the girl I told about history. More than the girl I read books to.
So much more.
“I can’t stop thinking about her. Since I left the library today, she’s been on a loop in my brain.”
“Why today? What changed?”
“There were people talking about her. About how she was going to have to pick a man for the joining this weekend. They were mad that she’d been avoiding it.” I glanced up at Jared, hoping to hear the advice I wanted instead of the advice I needed.
“Why would she avoid her destiny? Is she interested in you?” He stalked closer. “Have you already taken her?”
I snarled again. “I’ve done nothing. I just realized I didn’t want her to choose another and… I don’t know what to do next.”
“Nothing, brother.” He stepped closer and laid a gloved hand on my shoulder. “You can’t act on this. They are the Sisters. We protect them, not fuck them, and think about it, she’s human-ish. Even if you were granted permission to be with her, she’d grow old and die in a few short decades. Why put yourself through that?”
“She would be worth… she is worth every moment.” The last fifteen years were fleeting in comparison to the life I’d already lived, but it didn’t matter. Even if I only got another fifteen, I’d still show up every day to be with her.
“But you can’t go against Rose. This would break the very foundation of the trust she’s put into you. If she came at you, I’d fight. You know that. If she told you to leave, I’d leave with you.”
“I know.”
We’d been together since escaping the Veil. Our friendship had been forged in fire and steel and pain thousands of years ago. Like many others, we’d gone through the portal. But unlike the hundreds who’d crossed that day for the last time, we knew our families were dead, burned alive by Incanti fire. Their screams would forever haunt my sleep the same as they haunted Jared’s. Both our families had served the Blackmoor royal line for generations. Once we’d heard Miles and Eli Blackmoor lived and served a Lamassu, we’d sought out Rose and joined.
“Do you feel something for her?” The tone of his voice was hesitant, but hopeful.
“It came on so slowly, I didn’t notice it, but, yes, I do feel for her. My beast desires her as much as the rest of me. I don’t understand why I snapped today.”
“You don’t think it was overhearing that men were coming to fuck and impregnate her?” His words sliced through my heart like one of the old broadswords on the wall of our workout space, filled with anger and power and chastising all in the same breath.
“Watch your tongue.”
“I’m just being realistic.”
“You’re just pissed about—”
“Don’t go there.” His friend’s eyes narrowed. “It’s not even close to the same.”
I opened my mouth to take another jab, but held it back. Just because I was in pain didn’t mean my best friend—my brother—deserved to feel my wrath.
“Rose would never allow it. I know, you don’t have to tell me,” he said, his tone falling with each word, the finality of his defeat making my own situation appear even more hopeless.
I wanted to tell him he’d have a chance when all this fucked up shit between Xerxes and Rose was over. I wanted to assure myself we’d both have a chance, but my fatalistic realism knew better “Sorry, bro.”
Nothing would ever end between those two Lamassu. They were two equal gods on Earth, fighting their righteous war. They’d been at a stalemate for centuries. Rose had us and the dragons and so many Others on her side. Xerxes had Djinn and the Lycans who felt the need for revenge against humans. We would all die eventually and probably tear this planet apart in the process. Unless we could get home. Unless Rose could deliver on the promise of the House of Lamidae—a way to open the portal without one of the dagger keys.
Not many large packs remained outside of the Texas Republic, but those that still functioned with an alpha pair were secretive and kept to themselves. Revenge or vengeance or whatever the traitors working with Xerxes felt they deserved was not the common view for the warrior-like race of wolf shifters.
The Djinn were beings humans would describe as similar to a genie. The lavender-eyed deceivers were an entirely different can of fucked-up-paranormal-vengeance-on-a-rampage. They hated Xerxes for enslaving them and Rose because she boxed thousands, possibly more over the centuries, locking them away like trinkets in her underground vault. Never to be seen or heard from again.
But my problem concerned none of them. My problem was a little girl who’d grown into a twenty-seven-year-old woman, and I hadn’t even noticed it happen. But now that I had…I couldn’t take back the realization that I did indeed want Gretchen of the House Lamidae so fucking much it hurt.
“We’re a couple of lost causes,” Jared said, waving me toward the back door. “I’m going to go grab a shower. See you at Rose’s tomorrow for lunch. I think we could use some pixie-dust-infused comfort food.”
“They don’t put actual pixie dust in the food. The pixies don’t even cook. The brownies do all the cooking.”
“Do you have to be so literal?” He shook his head, disbelief flowing from him like a waterfall. “The pixies grow ninety percent of what we eat. From their magick,” he said, emphasizing the last sentence. Did he imagine my skull too thick to absorb his meaning?
“Shut up.” I growled. The last place I wanted to be was within earshot of Rose Hilah, but her food was the only restaurant in town, other than the bar run by the Lycans. I could cook, but it paled in comparison to what the brownies could whip up with their eyes closed. “I’ll be there,” I said, storming toward the front.
He was right. We were both lost causes…or should’ve been. As far as we could tell, we were the only ones of our kind left alive on Earth.
There were only a few supernaturals who could mix genetic code for sure and create offspring —Lamassu and Kitsune were the only ones I knew of, but that didn’t mean there weren’t more that could…I’d just never heard of it happening.
One could always hope. Right?
Not that I’d get the chance to find out with Gretchen. Rose would kill me or banish me before that happened.
I rushed out the front door and turned, colliding with Mikjáll—the Blackmoor’s long-lost son, who’d come to Earth shortly after his mother escaped. A grunt came from both of us. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“How’s your Kitsune?”
His nostrils flared and his eyes widened. “Riza is not mine. We are not mated, nor does she wish to be.”
I threw up my hands, heat flushing my neck. “My mistake. I’ve seen you with her, and I just assumed. She’s always with you.”
“She feels safe with me, but I have no desire for her as a mate. I lost the woman I loved. Xerxes murdered her, and my destiny will be to kill the Lamassu bastard.”
“How’s her sister doing?” I asked, purposefully changing the subject to cool the quickly rising temperature of the air surrounding us.
“She is healthy. The pregnancy is going smoothly, but she weeps for the child still in Xerxes’ grasp.”
“We still don’t have word of where Xerxes moved the baby?”
The dragon prince shook his head. “Calliope would move heaven and earth to get that baby if she knew. She feels personally responsible for not getting her out w
hen she got Sochi.”
“It’s not Calliope’s fault.”
“Try telling that to her.”
A half-smile tugged at my lips. “I can imagine the black eyes and the long claws now. Did you attempt it?”
He nodded. “It was a short-lived conversation.”
“I’ll bet.” I gestured toward the street behind him. “Want a drink? I was just about to go drown myself in a bottle of good scotch.”
The Drakonae cocked his head to the side, but didn’t ask the question I knew rested on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he nodded and fell into step beside me. We traveled the few blocks from the center of town to my front door in a matter of minutes.
We went inside, and I flipped on the lights. Walking directly to the bar top, I grabbed two glasses and joined him where he’d taken a seat at my kitchen table.
“A little bare.” His tone bordered on incredulous. “Haven’t you lived in Sanctuary since it was founded?”
“I don’t need much. The table and chairs were a gift.”
Beyond the dining room, I had a worn leather couch in the living room with a stereo system on a rickety table next to it. Other than the bed and dresser in my bedroom upstairs, there was no other furniture in the home.
“What is the electronic thing in there by your couch?”
“A stereo. Hang on.” I poured us both another finger of scotch before crossing the room. I flipped on the stereo, pushed the button, and waited for the CD tray to open. I placed an Aerosmith CD in the tray and nudged it closed. “Humans may be weak and their lifespans short, but their appetite for creating art is immense.”
The haunting notes and colors and lyrics of Dream On spilled from the stereo and vibrated through my house. Mikjáll followed me into the living room, carrying the bottle of scotch.
Sitting on the couch, we drank half the bottle, listening to the music play, one lilting, and memorable song after another. I particularly enjoyed this band and the heartfelt emotion it evoked in my hardened soul. The lyrics spoke of pain and loss and longing that connected with life even now—a hundred years after the band had their first release. Music like this didn’t exist in Veil. Instrumental and ballads were all I remembered growing up, nothing electric based.
My Guardian Gryphon (Sanctuary, Texas Book 5) Page 5