The Humiliations of Welton Blake

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The Humiliations of Welton Blake Page 6

by Alex Wheatle


  As I crossed the school playing fields, I looked into the far corner. There was nobody near the long-jump pit. Maybe Carmella had taken pity on me, I thought. Maybe she decided I had been humiliated enough over the past few days. I headed for the pit anyway. I’d give it ten minutes to see if she turned up.

  After reaching the pit, I sat down and looked around. I felt lonely. I thought about Dad and realised he was never going to come home and live with us. I had a strange feeling in my stomach again.

  Looking around, I spotted a figure coming out from the back of the school. It was a female student. She was alone. I stood up. She was walking across the football pitch towards me. I took five steps forward. The sun was in my eyes as I peered into the field. It wasn’t Carmella. I knew Carmella’s walk off by heart.

  Oh, by the power of Yoda! It couldn’t be! This can’t be happening … It was Coral Chipglider. The note was in my pocket. I took it out. It was signed with a big C. Oh no! The C must’ve stood for Coral, not Carmella. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Do twelve-and-a-half-year-old boys suffer heart attacks?

  Coral was only thirty metres away. She wasn’t smiling. She spat on the ground. Maybe she had put on her black make-up to perform some demon-worship killing. Maybe I was her sacrifice. My brain told me to run like a Jamaican. Something else instructed me to wait and see what she had to say.

  Coral stepped right up to me. I didn’t think she had ever smiled in her life. Even if a hundred comedians turned up at her birthday party and tickled her with their tickling sticks, I still didn’t think she’d bust a grin.

  “Blakey,” Coral greeted me. She was wearing a long blue skirt and stacked shoes that made her taller than me. She spat into the pit. It looked disgusting on the sand. “You might be wondering why I sent you the note.”

  “Er, yes,” I said, nodding.

  She still wasn’t smiling. “Because I like you,” Coral said. “Kinda feel sorry for you in a way. Everybody takes the double mickey out of you. But I like you. You’re funnier than Harry Stanley. I’ve heard some of your insults. They’re hilarious. You’re black too. I find that really interesting. You’re an outsider like me.”

  “Er, thank you, Coral,” I said.

  “So, are we gonna stand up here like two stale turds or are you gonna walk me home?” Coral asked.

  “Er, I’ll walk you home.”

  She polluted the pit with her spit again. This time there was a bit of red in the sticky, bubbly goo. My stomach did a double rinse like a washing machine.

  Coral made for the school exit and I caught up with her. Her dark eyes looked straight ahead when she spoke. She had long brown curly hair. I didn’t think she brushed it that often. She had strange silver rings on her fingers. One was a skull and another was a dragon.

  “My mum’s a dentist,” Coral said. “She does all the rich people’s teeth. Boring, she is. I call her ‘Miss Salmon’. That’s what Mum leaves me for my dinner. I’m sick of salmon!”

  “I … I don’t like it too much either,” I said.

  “She has boring friends who always come around,” Coral continued. “They talk about their boring house extensions, their boring gardens and what they grow in their boring greenhouses.”

  She suddenly stopped walking, turned and looked at me. “They make me feel like sawing off my ears. I can’t take it any more!”

  Coral resumed walking. Her eyes were focused ahead, like two headlights on a long, straight motorway. “My parents used to give me birthday parties every six months. With a pink cake I had to cut. I hate pink! Who has birthday parties every six months? I hated them!”

  “I’ve … I’ve never had a birthday party …” I said.

  I started to think that I was walking home with someone who might torture koala bears in their spare time. If she didn’t kill me, I thought I might ask her to babysit the Brat. He’d never misbehave again.

  “You’re not missing anything,” Coral went on. “My parents always invited the children of their boring friends. They drank boring wine. They don’t know I started to drink their wine.”

  “Er … you drink wine?” I managed.

  “Course!” Coral replied. “I drank some of the expensive ones that Dad keeps in the cellar. I know where he hides the key. Maybe Dad does know. He’s probably too scared to tell me off about it.”

  “I’ve … I’ve never had wine before …” I said.

  “We’ll have to change that, Blakey. As I said, I like you. You’re different, not one of the normal Monks Orchard boring kids. I hate it here! We’re gonna make a good team. We’re gonna rock this boring world. I’ll teach you how to snog.”

  “Er, snog?” I squeaked. Suddenly, my cheeks felt like hot grills.

  “You ever curled tongues with a girl before, Blakey?” Coral asked.

  I wanted to answer yes, but Coral would probably know I was lying. “Er … no.”

  “Then I’ll be the one to teach you,” she said.

  “That’ll be good. Thanks.”

  Something inside me squirmed.

  “Soon we’ll run away from this boring place,” Coral said. “Go to the city! Somewhere dangerous like South Crongton.”

  Coral’s brain was obviously nuttier than a jar of Nutella, but I kind of liked the idea of running away. But not with Coral. Why couldn’t Carmella or Alice make me the same offer? If they did, I’d give it some proper consideration.

  We walked uphill to the part of Monks Orchard filled with 4x4 people-cruisers. We had a good view of the fields and the town from the gaps between the houses. Some homes had three rides in their driveways. Foreign nannies pushed buggies with kids in them that really should’ve been walking. One old guy was playing soldiers with tiny plastic men on his lawn. He even had toy tanks and cannons. Coral joked about how she was planning to kidnap the whole little army one night. She kept on saying how cool it’d be if we lived in Crongton.

  Suddenly, I saw Carmella. She was on the other side of the road with a friend. I think my heart dropped into my stomach and split into pieces as it made its way down to my knees. My head felt like it was on fire.

  I slowed down. Carmella stopped and looked across. At least if Coral kept me hostage in her wine cellar for a week, Carmella could say to the police she saw me with someone.

  Carmella’s eyes met mine. As she recognised me, her face seemed to change into a giant question mark. What in the name of Yoda are you doing with crazy Coral Chipglider?

  I wanted to run across the road and explain everything, but Coral might go cadazy. I’d had enough of mad girls giving me the smackdown in the past week.

  Carmella set off in the opposite direction. She looked behind once as she walked five paces, then she stopped and glanced backwards again. I couldn’t call Carmella’s name. I couldn’t even take a step in her direction. My cheeks were so hot they could sizzle a buffalo wing.

  “Keep up, Blakey!” Coral ordered. “What are you slowing down for? I wanna get home by this afternoon not tomorrow morning! Come on! We’ve got some snogging prep to do.”

  My head was telling me to hot-leg it all the way home, but there was something compelling about Coral. We steadily walked uphill and turned into another road.

  Coral pointed to her house.

  There were two stone eagles each perched on a pillar of marble at the entrance of Coral’s driveway. I saw a jeep, a sports car and a Mercedes. Han Solo could’ve landed the Millennium Falcon on the front lawn and there would still be room to swing a few giraffes.

  “Nobody’s home,” Coral said. “Mum and Dad are still at work. The gardener goes home at four. You wanna come in? There’s a cinema room in the basement with surround sound. I’ve got loads of horror movies.”

  “Er, I would, but I promised to see my dad,” I lied. “I’m late already.”

  “Why would you step all the way up to my house if you knew you had to leave straight away?”

  I had to think fast. “Er … I wanted to be polite. And you’re … inter
esting.”

  “Interesting? Is that all?”

  “That’s … that’s a lot. So many girls at our school are boring.”

  “Hmmmm.”

  “Next time I’ll stay longer,” I promised.

  Coral grinned. “Before you go, I give you permission to kiss me,” she said.

  “Kiss you?”

  “Yeah, you wanna learn, right?” Coral asked.

  “Er … yeah.”

  “Well, come here then! I ain’t gonna eat you.”

  “Slurp tongues with you now?” I said. “What about the prep? You’re not gonna write down what I need to do? You know, like in science, where you have to write down the method or something?”

  “No, Blakey,” Coral said. “This isn’t a chemistry lesson. We’re going straight into the practical. You have to learn sometime.”

  I took two steps towards her. Coral gazed at me before spitting on the ground. She wiped her lips with the back of her hand. I wiped mine with the sleeve of my school blazer. Her eyes looked like the secret burial place for Harry Potter spiders.

  Suddenly, Coral reached out her arm and pulled my head towards hers. She locked her lips on mine. It was like being kissed by a rubber doughnut. I didn’t really do anything. She closed her eyes and sort of made a snack out of my lips. It was like eating jelly. You didn’t bite jelly. You just sort of sucked it in. I pulled away. I could taste mint chewing gum and custard creams.

  “What’s the matter, Blakey?” Coral asked.

  “Nuh … nuh … Nothing’s a matter. It’s just … just I’m interested in someone else.”

  “Who?” Coral demanded.

  “Car … Car … Carmella McKenzie,” I blurted out. “I’ve fan … fancied her for ages.”

  Coral gave me a long hard stare. I braced myself for a massive greenie to splat on my face. I closed one eye and squinted the other. I prayed that when Coral killed me, Yoda would grant me a second life as a spirit.

  Coral turned her back on me and opened her front door. She turned around and narrowed her eyes. “If she upsets you, Blakey, it’s me and her!” Coral said. “One of us will no longer be able to do our eye make-up in the mornings … and it won’t be me.”

  Something icy and jagged ran down my spine. I wished I had made friends with Coral before. Broxslater would’ve never picked on me.

  Coral went inside and slammed the door. I had to sit down because my knees were wobbling. I think I was suffering from shock. I breathed out hard and thanked Yoda I was still alive. A minute later, I left Coral’s place. I thought she was watching me from an upstairs window, so I didn’t run.

  Chapter 15

  A Gift

  As I walked further away from Coral’s mansion, I stepped faster and faster. I made it back to where I’d last spotted Carmella, but she was gone. I went into the nearest shop and bought a bottle of water. I washed out my mouth and walked across town to my dad’s place. I pressed his doorbell but heard nothing from inside. His van was parked on the street. I thumbed his doorbell again. I heard steps.

  The door opened. Dad was still wearing the same clothes he’d had on yesterday. He was unshaven and looked like he had been sampling something stronger than shandy. “Welton,” Dad said. “Didn’t expect to see you today. You should’ve told me you were coming around.”

  “My mobile doesn’t work,” I told him.

  I followed Dad inside. Oh my days. The Death Star had exploded. There was a new red stain on the wall of his living room. His movies were scattered all over the floor. There were bits of a smashed glass in the corner. A dinner plate lay shattered next to the fridge.

  Dad made his way to the sofa. He was watching a western. “Sit down. Make yourself at home.”

  I didn’t sit down. As Dad watched his movie, I swept up the broken glass and plate and tidied up. When I’d finished, Dad gave me a sad look. “Sorry, Welton. Don’t think I’m too good at dealing with bad news. I took everything out on my place.”

  “Yeah you did,” I said. “Can’t give you any ratings on how you deal with stuff.”

  “I didn’t go to work today,” Dad said. “I called in sick.”

  I parked beside him. Dad shifted over a bit. His breath stank of wine. There was a bit of sofa fluff in his hair. “Greyback might be moving in, but you’re still my dad,” I told him.

  “What do you call him?” Dad asked.

  “Er, Greyback.”

  Dad started to roar with laughter. He rolled off the sofa and bumped his head, but he carried on chuckling. I giggled with him.

  “Greyback!” Dad yelled. “I lost my wife to Mr Greyback! Well, thank you very much, Mr Greyback!”

  We cracked up for another ten minutes. It was why I liked my dad so much. He was a grown-up, but sometimes he could be like a big kid.

  Before I left, I asked him, “Are you coming to watch me tomorrow?”

  “Of course,” Dad said. “Miss out on my son playing basketball? Could never do that, Welton.”

  “Oh, Dad,” I called. “Mum said that if you even think about coming into our flat again, she’s gonna lick you with the plant pot.”

  Dad chuckled again. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said. “When I pick you up the next time, tell her I’ll be waiting in the van. And tell Greyback I’m sorry.”

  *

  I left Dad’s place in a good mood. Maybe I could boost him up more if I set him up with a date. This was one of my better ideas. After all, Mum had Greyback. Why shouldn’t Dad have someone? I was sure Yoda would approve.

  I could try to find out what kids in my year have single mums. Yeah, that’ll be my next mission. But I’ll have to find out what they look like. I don’t want my dad linking with a Z-class slummy mummy. Alice Stanbury’s mum must have good looks ratings. I’ll try to get some facial recognition on her.

  I made it home just after seven. Mum wanted to know where I’d been. Greyback and the Brat were also there.

  “I went around to see Dad,” I told Mum. Greyback turned to look at me. “He … er … said sorry,” I added.

  “So he should,” said Mum. “Wash your hands before I give you dinner. I’ve got a surprise for you later on.”

  “What surprise?” I asked.

  Could it be Carmella wrapped up in the flat somewhere ready to agree to be my girlfriend? Didn’t think so.

  “Once you wash your hands and eat your dinner, you’ll find out!” Mum said.

  After dinner, Mum disappeared for a couple of minutes to get something from her room. She returned carrying a box. She placed it on the kitchen table where I was sitting. She was smiling like a kids’ TV presenter. It was a new phone!

  “For me?” I asked.

  “Of course it’s for you!” Mum said. “I don’t see any other twelve-year-old boys lacking a phone in my flat. Do you?”

  “No, Mum. Mega thanks! I can’t believe it. Thanks with a big T.”

  I stood up, almost knocked my glass over and gave Mum a hug as if I’d just come back from a mad war.

  “By the way,” Mum said. “Devon and his dad are moving in next Saturday. The new bed’s coming on Thursday. We’re going to be a new family.”

  Mum clapped her hands together. Greyback kissed her on the cheek. The Brat was bouncing up and down on an armchair shouting, “And we’re going on holiday together. We’re going to the sea, sea, sea, how about me, me, me!”

  “We’re going on holiday?” I asked. In my mind I could see myself burying the Brat up to his neck in sand as the tide came in.

  “Er, yes, Welton,” Mum replied.

  “Where to?”

  “We haven’t decided yet,” Mum answered.

  I sort of half-smiled. Going on holiday with Mum, Greyback and the Brat? Maybe I could do that? I could ask for my own room. I might even ask if we could go to Morocco, where they shot scenes for the Star Wars movies.

  For the rest of the evening I tried to be as polite as I could. After all, I did have my new phone. I even let the Brat beat me at Co
nnect Four. He wasn’t that bad when he wasn’t bouncing on my bad leg. “I’m your little brother now,” he said after the game.

  I took it in. “Yes, you are,” I replied.

  I’m your little brother. Those words stayed with me for the rest of the night. Maybe I could use my Jedi powers and turn the Brat to the good side, I thought. Yeah, that’s a plan. In a matter of days I could send him to the shops for me and get him to clean my room.

  Before I crashed that night, I pulled out the SIM card from my dead phone and placed it in the new one. I closed my eyes and made a quick prayer to Yoda. It worked! I added all my phone contacts into my new mobile. I suddenly realised I didn’t have many numbers. I had my parents’ details and a few more relatives. There were a couple of mates that I’d left behind in Ashburton. I used to text them every day, but that’d changed into a text a month. The only contact I had at school was Carmella. How sad was that? Was I really that unpopular? The only girl to ever take a real interest in me was Coral Chipglider.

  It was half past ten. I stared at Carmella’s phone number with my thumb hovering over the little green phone icon. I desperately wanted to ask her why she started to go out with Muscle Freak and didn’t tell me. Maybe she didn’t tell me because she never saw me as boyfriend material. Any bravery I had grew long legs and hot-toed away from me. I switched my phone off and placed it on my bedside cabinet.

  Chapter 16

  The Game

  After school the next day, it felt good to pull on the green vest and blue shorts of our basketball team. Trevor Laing came up to me and wished me luck. My other team-mates, including Valin Golding and Keith Hill, ignored me.

  Mr Purrfoot entered the changing room wearing a new tracksuit. It was loose-fitting so you couldn’t see his man-boobs. He was also showing off a white headband over a new haircut. “Come on, lads!” he said. “Look sharp! Wake up! It’s time.”

  Trevor got us into a huddle. He screamed, “Are we ready to B-ball?!”

  “YES, WE’RE READY TO B-BALL!” we replied.

  It really felt good to be part of all this. Now I knew how the mighty Chewbacca felt to be tagging along with Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, R2-D2, C-3PO and Han Solo.

 

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