Finding Kyler (The Kennedy Boys #1)

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Finding Kyler (The Kennedy Boys #1) Page 20

by Siobhan Davis


  “I don’t believe that for a second, but I’ll play along.” He taps his fingers idly off the steering wheel.

  I rest my head against the headrest, closing my eyes. “I shouldn’t have kissed Brad.”

  “Wasn’t one of your better moves, but hey, I can’t cast stones. I’ve done way worse.”

  My ears prick up at that. “What did you do?”

  His fingers still mid-tap. A reflective look passes over his face. “What haven’t I done is probably a better question.” He sends me a forced grin, and I narrow my eyes. “We’d be here all week if I was to burden you with details of my sordid past.”

  “All month, more like.” I’m blatantly teasing because I can hardly criticize Kalvin for keeping secrets when I’m doing the same.

  He snorts, opening the driver’s side door. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

  I hop out, slamming the door shut with more force than necessary.

  I follow him into the kitchen. He opens the fridge and bends down, pulling out a few covered bowls. “For what it’s worth, I don’t actually think Brad is up to anything sinister.”

  “I don’t either,” I admit, taking some bread out of the press while Kalvin slices tomatoes. “I know I barely know him, but my gut doesn’t usually let me down. Besides”—I plaster mayo on the bread as Kalvin starts loading ham, cheese, and tomatoes on top—“he was Ky’s best friend for years, and that’s got to count for something.”

  Kalvin cuts the sandwiches in two and pops them onto plates. “It does.” He hands me mine and we walk to the table. “But that only makes the betrayal all that much worse. Brad was closer to Ky than any of us have ever been—they were like blood brothers. They’ve known each other since they were knee-high. For him to throw that friendship away so easily …” He stops chewing, shaking his head. “Man, I still don’t understand it.”

  I don’t either. “What did he tell Ky about why he did it?” I mumble, in between mouthfuls.

  “I haven’t a clue. Ky won’t talk about it.”

  “Figures.” I sigh. “He’d much rather let his fists do the talking.”

  I’m brushing my teeth in the en suite bathroom when there’s a light rap on my door. I open it and gasp. Blood drips down Ky’s face from a gash in his forehead, and the cut on his lip is swollen and caked in dried blood. Hints of a blossoming bruise linger along the side of his jaw, and his nose looks swollen. One arm of his shirt is torn and ripped.

  “You should see the other guy.”

  His attempt at humor dies an immediate death. “This isn’t remotely funny.”

  He rocks back on his heels, looking at me with a more serious expression. “No. You’re right. It isn’t.”

  I lean against the doorjamb.

  “Can I come in?”

  I straighten up. “Why?”

  “I owe you an apology.” Earnest eyes meet mine, and while I’m suspicious of his motive, I step out of the way, granting him entry.

  I walk into the bathroom and wet a facecloth. “Sit,” I command, gesturing toward the bed. He does as he’s told without argument. I bend over, gently probing his face with the tips of my fingers. He winces when I brush against his jaw. “That’s going to be the mother of all bruises.”

  “Good.”

  I stand up. “Good?”

  He tips his chin up, and his beautiful blue eyes lock on mine. “Dad hates it when I fight, and Mom expects us to be pretty twenty-four-seven.”

  Crouching down, I dab blood off his forehead. “So this was about your dad?” A muscle pops in his jaw, and I smooth a hand over it to ease the strain. Traces of blood stick to my skin.

  “It wasn’t about my dad. Brad had that coming.”

  I move the cloth down to his cheek, mopping up some dried blood. “Feel any better? Is Brad okay?”

  His hand curls around my wrist. “Why do you care? Is there something between you?”

  I gently press the cloth to his split lip as I respond to his question with one of my own. “What’s going on with you and Addison?”

  He doesn’t shift eye contact as he speaks. “It’s not how it looks. I know she’s all over me—”

  “Your hands were all over her, earlier at the pool,” I viciously cut in.

  His eyes soften as he gently tugs me down beside him. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

  I look down at my feet. “You hurt me,” I whisper. “I don’t let just anyone touch me, and you …” I trail off as an invisible hand constricts my heart. Tears pool in my eyes, and it takes considerable willpower to hold myself intact. I will not cry in front of him.

  He takes my hand in his. “And I was a total jerk. And I’m not going to insult your intelligence by saying it wasn’t done deliberately. It was”—I flinch and try to pull away from him but he clasps my hand more firmly, keeping me in place—“but not for the reasons you’re thinking. Addison is suspicious, and she can’t find out about us. I thought the best way of leading her off the scent was to be nasty to you. I’m really sorry, Faye. I didn’t want to hurt you. I tried to explain it earlier, but you wouldn’t hear me out. Please say you believe me and that you can you forgive me?”

  Staring at his pleading expression, I do believe him. I know he’s telling me the truth. With the tender way he’s looking at me, it’d be so easy to get lost in his eyes. Even bloody and swollen, I’m irresistibly drawn to Ky. That unspeakable void in his soul calls out to me, as if we’ve been carved from the same cloth. An urge to envelop him in my arms is almost overpowering. No matter how much he’s hurt me, I can’t abandon him.

  He needs me, as much as I need him.

  He just doesn’t know it yet.

  I zoom in on his lips, and my stomach does a funny twist. I want to kiss him more than I’ve ever wanted to kiss any boy before. How on earth am I supposed to stay away from him?

  The answer is I can’t.

  And I don’t want to.

  I draw a deep breath. “I can forgive you if you can forgive me.” Even though my kiss with Brad pales in comparison with Ky and Addison’s groping fest out by the pool, I can afford to be charitable now I know what was behind it. His method may have been all wrong, but the intent was honorable.

  He circles his arm around my back, nudging me into his side. I rest my head on his shoulder. “I wanted to kill him for kissing you. Far worse than I wanted to kill him for sleeping with Addison.” His lips brush against my forehead, leaving a fiery imprint behind.

  “It wasn’t his fault. I pretty much threw myself at him.”

  He groans. “Don’t remind me, and that doesn’t really help.” He runs his fingers through my hair, and I close my eyes, relishing the tingly sensation.

  “Ky,” I breathe, nuzzling into his neck. “What are we doing?”

  He slides me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I don’t know, Faye, but if I don’t kiss you right now, I—”

  I place my mouth gently against his, savoring the taste of his warm, soft lips. He curls his hand around the nape of my neck, pulling me closer. “Does it hurt?” I whisper, easing back for a second.

  “There’s only one part of my anatomy hurting right now, and it’s not my mouth.”

  His hardness presses against my ass, verifying his statement. “Wow. You’re such a romantic.”

  He sniggers, sliding his hands in my hair as he draws my head closer. “Kiss me like your life depends on it.”

  And I do.

  Twisting in his lap, I push him flat on the bed as I straddle him. My lips feast on him, and I kiss a trail from his mouth to his chin, around his jaw, and back again. He moans loudly, sending a dart of pure liquid fire straight to my core. I writhe against him, rocking my hips into his, so turned on I think I might self-combust. His lips sweep over my neck as his hands reach under my shirt to cup my bare breasts. I grind into him,
and he flips me over so I’m underneath him, pulling my shirt off. Lowering his mouth to my nipple, he grazes his teeth against the swollen tip, and my back arches off the bed. A needy whimper escapes my lips and I grab at his shirt, yanking it up and over his head. My nails dig into the flesh of his back as my legs wrap around his waist. He thrusts into me with a skillful roll of his hips, and even though we still have some clothes covering us, an abundance of tantalizing sensations threatens to send me over the edge.

  My hand slips under the band of his jeans, and I wrap my fingers around him. Ky moans his approval as an unwelcome image assaults my mind. Addison’s fingers sliding into his jeans are imprinted on my brain, and I go rigid underneath him. He lifts up, surveying me with lust-clouded eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  The only sound in the room is our joint rapid breathing. Both our chests are moving up and down as if in sync. Dark, smoldering eyes mirror how I feel on the inside.

  “What about her?”

  “You want to talk about her right now?”

  My inner demon urges me to forget Addison, but I can’t. Logic wins over lust. I won’t make the same mistake again. “Yeah, I do.” I remove my hand from his jeans. I need to know what he intends to do before we take this any further.

  He lets out a frustrated sigh as he lifts off me. His eyes are heavy with desire as he sits on the edge of the bed. “Okay. What do you want to know?”

  I’m not having this convo semi-naked, so I grab my top and shimmy it over my head. Kyler never takes his eyes off me. I wrap my arms across my chest, suddenly self-conscious. “What?”

  “You have no idea how beautiful you are to me.”

  Although his words thrill me, I’m not letting them distract me. “Thank you, but we’re not changing the subject. What are you doing with her Ky?”

  He locks his hands behind his head, sighing again. “I’m going to level with you. I’ll tell you our history, and what I have planned, but you’re not going to like it.”

  “I’d prefer honesty.” I pull my knees up under my chin as I peer at him.

  He twists around to face me. “I thought I loved her.” A rancorous look contorts his face. “But I was a total idiot. I have it on good authority that she was cheating on me with several guys for at least the last four months of our relationship.” His lips pull together in a grim line. “I knew something was wrong. She was more distant, and her personality started to change. She wasn’t always a cheating ho-bag. She used to be so sweet.”

  I guess I’ll have to take his word for it.

  He sucks in his cheeks, and I wonder what recollections are replaying in his mind. A part of me is glad to hear this, because I’ve been wondering how Ky could date such a malicious bitch.

  “I knew something was going on with her, at home, but she wouldn’t open up. I had a sneaking suspicion that she was going off with other guys, and I was getting ready to confront her when I received an anonymous email.” I lift my head up. “The email contained several different pictures of her and Brad, naked, and in the act.”

  He grabs his head in his hands, and the urge to comfort him is undeniable. But I still don’t know everything. “That’s an awful way to have your suspicions confirmed. Did you ever discover who sent them to you?”

  He shakes his head. “I never bothered trying. They did me a favor, whoever they were. Now do you understand why I can’t bear the thought of him kissing you? Him being anywhere near you?”

  I nod. “But that still doesn’t explain what you are doing with Addison? Do you want to get back with her?”

  He barks out a laugh. “As if! The last thing I want is that bitch anywhere near me.”

  “Could’ve fooled me. You let her touch you. And you sneered at me, like you didn’t care that I was hurting.”

  He takes my hands in his. “I’ve already explained and said I’m sorry about that. I had to play the part. She needs to think I’m into her again and that I’ve no interest in you. If she gets any hint of what’s between us, she will make it her mission to destroy you. That’s why I need to stay close to her.”

  Oh, please. Pull the other one.

  “So, what, you’re fooling around with her as a way of protecting me?” I’m incredulous as I extract my hands from his. This smells like total horseshit, and I’m not buying it.

  “It’s morphing into that, but I didn’t start out with that intention. She played me for an idiot, and I let her. And I’m not talking solely about the cheating. She knew she broke me, and she used the opportunity to gain the upper hand at school. She thinks she’s in charge but she’s not. She needs to be knocked off her throne, and I’m the one that’s going to do it. She isn’t the only one who can play head games.”

  I stand in front of him. “Are you serious? You’re doing this to get back at her, and to reclaim some kind of crown at school?” I roll my eyes.

  He climbs to his feet. “Yes, and I’m going to bring her down to the gutter, and it’s going to feel fucking great.”

  I shake my head sadly. “No, no, it won’t. You’ll feel like shit because you’ll have sunk to her level.” I take his arm gently. “Let it go, Ky. If that is genuinely why you are spending time with her again, just let it go. Hold onto your dignity and regain the respect and trust at school in the right way.”

  “You don’t get it, Faye. You’ve no idea what you’re talking about! I can’t imagine stuff like this happened in Ireland.”

  Anger flares in my gut. “Oh no, because it’s all cart horses, leprechauns, and pots of gold in Ireland, isn’t it?!” I start pacing the room. “You think we don’t have bullies and hierarchies and cheating assholes and whores in Ireland? Don’t be so naïve. I know as much about this as you do, more maybe, and trust me when I say I’m speaking from personal experience. Let it go, Ky. Don’t let her fuck you up again. She’s already taken so much from you.”

  He goes rigidly still. “What personal experience?”

  I stop pacing. “Oh, no,” I half-laugh, “This isn’t about me, and don’t try to change the subject again.”

  “You’re a hypocrite, you know that.” He steps toward me, and an angry glare makes an unwelcome reappearance on this face. “You lecture me about honesty when you’re keeping things back too!”

  “Just because you’re opening up about this doesn’t mean you’re being honest with me. Don’t take me for a fool, because I’m not.” I step toward him, madder than all hell. “I’ve seen into that dark, empty part of you. That part that you haven’t willingly shared with me, or anyone, I’m guessing.” He subtly flinches, but I don’t miss it. “So when you’re ready to lay it all out on the table, I’ll put my cards down too. But until then”—I thump my hand over my heart—“I’m protecting me, and you don’t get to call me out on that.”

  We face off, each of us locked in the pain of our own minds. Tension is thick in the air, and I don’t know where we go from here—if anywhere. With every passing second, he is shutting down, withdrawing, and closing himself off to me again. Little by little, the mask is going back on. I see it, as plain as day.

  Sudden tiredness overwhelms me, and I’m done. I’m feeling the type of emotional exhaustion that makes physical tiredness pale into insignificance. May’s words float to the surface. In a roundabout way, she was right. Neither of us is stable enough to even contemplate starting anything. There is too much anger and grief in both of us for it to ever turn into something good.

  “I think May was right,” I say, finally breaking the ice. “We should stay away from each other. We can’t possibly be good together.”

  He opens his mouth, but I place a finger over his lips to shush him. “You need to find yourself, Ky. You’re lost in there somewhere”—I place my hand carefully over his heart, feeling the steady beat thudding under my skin—“and following through on this plan with Addison is not going to help you find the right path. No one can do that fo
r you—it can only be you.”

  His hand smooths over mine. “I don’t know what you went through, and I’m sorry, because it was obviously something painful. But this is different. I don’t need to find myself. I already know who I am.” He removes my hand, placing it back by my side.

  “The problem is, I don’t like the person I’ve become.” A tormented look flits over his face.

  “Ky, I—” I begin to protest.

  He steps back, cutting me off. “I agree that this needs to end now. We’re not on the same page. I promise I’ll keep my distance.” The camouflage is securely in place, completely hiding his feelings. “But you need to promise me that you’ll stay away from Brad. Please, Faye. Do this one thing for me?”

  “Are you going to stay away from her?”

  He squeezes his eyes shut and tilts his head back. After a minute, he lets out a frustrated sigh. “I can’t. It has to happen like this.”

  A heavy pressure bears down on my chest. This is not going to help him, and it feels wrong to be walking away. And he’s mistaken. He is lost. He just doesn’t know it.

  But there isn’t much more I can do. “Very well, then.” I walk toward the door. “I’m making no promises when it comes to Brad.” Despite what Kyler has said, I know there’s more to this than meets the eye. Brad isn’t the devil incarnate, and I’m starting to believe he’s as much a victim as Ky is. At this stage, it’s only a hunch, and I need to hear his version of events before I start jumping to conclusions. I yank the door open. “Goodnight, Kyler.”

  He storms out of the room, spinning around before the door has fully closed. “I won’t be here to pick up the pieces when he screws you over. I tried to warn you.”

  “I could say the exact same to you.”

  His eyes penetrate mine, and I can tell he wants to say more, but he can’t, or he won’t.

  I close the door as he walks away and bury my head in my hands.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I slump to the ground, leaning against the wall, with tears streaming down my face. The floodgates shatter and I allow myself to feel everything I’ve been fighting. It’s an awful ugly mess. Wracking sobs rip from the innermost chamber of my heart, and I give into them, allowing them to fully take over. Pain lances me on all sides, and I bury my head in my knees, giving in to the heartache.

 

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