“She mesmerized me at first, but I found her wearing. She liked to draw attention to herself. She’d cause scenes, be rude to people. We argued about it constantly. She’d yell and try to get me to hit her. Punish her. Things got bad.”
“How bad?”
“As I said, I was unhappy. I was drinking too much, and I started doing drugs. Nothing heavy, but I smoked up a lot and tried a few pills.”
“Maddox . . .”
I shrugged, daring to glance her way. She looked upset but not disgusted—yet.
“Like I said, young, stupid, and unhappy. A bad combination.”
“I think you’re stalling.”
She was correct. I was stalling.
“We had an argument. I should have left, but I stayed and got drunk. We tried a new drug.” I exhaled heavily. “X it’s known as, I believe. Ecstasy.”
“I’m aware of the name, Maddox.” Dee rolled her eyes.
“I didn’t know how it would affect me.” I swallowed and dropped my head. “It was bad. Really bad. My careless decisions and stupidity even doing drugs led to one of the worst moments of my life.”
I pushed off the sofa, pacing.
“And this moment? She is somehow using it against you?”
“Yes. She has pictures, possibly a video of it. What it contains would cause a scandal for the company. It would hurt those I care about the most. So I offered to walk away.”
She gasped. “Leave BAM?”
I met her eyes. “Leave everything.”
Realization dawned in her eyes. “I think you’d better tell me what’s in those pictures.”
“Do you really want to know?”
She sat back, crossing her legs, one foot swinging in anger. “Yes.”
“I really—”
“Just tell me, Maddox! Enough!”
I swung around, throwing up my hands. “I tied her up! I beat her with a whip, and I fucked her hard. Is that what you want to know, Dee?” I roared. “I used her exactly the way she wanted.”
“The way she wanted?”
“Yes. She kept egging me on, calling me names, telling me I wasn’t a real man, that I didn’t have the guts to be one. She taunted me. I hit her. I screamed at her. I fucked her, and I didn’t care!”
She stared at me in silence. I waited for her to get up and walk out. Instead, she spoke, her voice quiet. “But you did care.”
All of a sudden, I was back in that room, the sounds and sights all around me.
Jill’s taunts at my ineffective snaps of the whip were fast and furious. Goading me that I wasn’t enough. I would never be enough. The rush of the drugs as they tore through my body, burning me from within. The inability to think coherently, feeling as if my body belonged to someone else. The anger building as I tightened the ropes I bound her with. The crack as the whip hit her back. Her laughter and continued jibes. Striking her over and over again. Then once more with fierceness I didn’t know I could feel. Grabbing her hips and fucking her, screaming in her face as she arched her back, wanting more. Feeling nothing until I saw her shoulder. The blood dripped from where the whip had cut into her flesh. Me, stumbling away, horrified at the sight.
I realized I was sitting on the floor in my condo, and Dee’s arms were around me. She was rocking me and I was shaking. I hadn’t been lost in my head. I had spoken the words out loud.
I had told her. I had told her everything. And she was still there with me.
“Shh, Maddox. I’m here.”
I calmed, finally looking up at her.
“What happened?” She spoke gently.
With a heavy sigh, I dropped my head to the wall.
“I untied her and cleaned her up. She was furious.”
“Because you hurt her?”
I shook my head. “Because I hadn’t. She had a couple of small welts on her back and the only real damage was the cut on her shoulder. It was the sight of the blood that jolted me into reality. I never finished beating or fucking her.” I passed a weary hand over my face. “She yelled and started to call me all sorts of names, trying, I think, to get me to return to that anger. But the shock of what I had done, what I had allowed to happen, was too much, and I was able to think. I had a complete moment of clarity, and I knew I could never see her again. She was toxic, and if I stayed with her, she’d make me toxic too. Just like my father.”
She gripped my hands. “You’re nothing like your father.”
“I figured that out.”
“So you left?”
“Yeah. She came to the house a few days later and tried to get me to change my mind. We had another huge fight, and I told her what I thought of her—the real her. She didn’t like it much. She slapped me and left, but she told me I’d pay for it.” I barked out a humorless laugh. “I guess she meant it.”
“And you never saw her again?”
I rubbed my hip reflexively. “A few days later I got clipped by a car going past me too fast. I jumped back, but the bumper caught me and I went down. I caught a quick glimpse of the driver, and I swore it was her, but I wasn’t able to prove it. Her roommate insisted she had been home when it happened, and since I wasn’t seriously hurt, I left it.”
Dee frowned. “And the other night . . . the car that spooked you. The woman you thought you recognized. That was her?”
I nodded. “Another one of her signature moves.”
Dee shook her head. “Crazy bitch.”
I felt a smile tug on my lips. Dee rarely swore, and it seemed strange to hear curse words fall from her sweet lips. She stood, brushed off her pants, and met my gaze.
“So these pictures, I assume they make it look worse than it is?”
I rubbed my head. “It was awful regardless, and I’m ashamed of my actions, but yes.”
“I want to see them.”
“No,” I protested, horrified at the thought. “I don’t want you to see me that way.”
“Give them to me, Maddox.”
“No. This isn’t up for discussion.”
“Either you give them to me, or I walk right now.”
“Why? Why do you want to see them? Jesus, I don’t even want to look at them.”
She tapped her foot. “My reasons are my own. Let me see them.”
Cursing, I pushed off the floor and got the envelope from my office. Wordlessly, I handed it to her.
She opened the flap and scanned through the pictures. Once, then twice. She shoved them back into the envelope before she spoke.
“You have a plan other than leaving your entire life behind and letting her win?”
“Yes. Aiden and Reid have something.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I don’t think it’s exactly legal.”
She held up the envelope. “And this is?”
“No.”
She tapped the envelope on her hand, her expression intense.
“These photos are not the Maddox I know. The man I know you to be. You would never hurt another person, which is why you stopped. Why you were horrified. Why it proves you are nothing like your father. You let yourself be talked into something you didn’t want.” She tilted her head. “She told you that you had the control, Maddox, but she lied. She did. She manipulated you and tried to make you something you’re not. Something you never will be.”
“She wasn’t wrong about me liking control.”
Dee reached over and cupped my cheek. “Being in control is different than violence. You control me, us, in the bedroom, but you have never treated me with anything besides respect and tenderness. I have never once been afraid.”
“And now? Now that you’ve seen those pictures and know what I’ve done?”
I searched her eyes. There was something in her gaze I didn’t understand. An emotion I couldn’t pinpoint.
“These pictures confirmed my initial thoughts. They don’t reflect you—the Maddox I know. I wasn’t afraid of you before I saw them, and I am not afraid of you now.”
“What are you thinking? Talk to me.”
&
nbsp; She shook her head. “What I’m thinking isn’t important.”
“It is to me.”
She kept talking as if I hadn’t said anything. “You need to deal with this and end it.”
“I know.” Turning my face, I pressed a kiss to her palm. “Can you forgive me?”
She shook her head. “I don’t need to forgive you.”
“But I need it.”
“Then you have it. You can’t change your past, Maddox. It’s part of you. But what you need to do is forgive yourself. You will never get over it until you do.”
My eyes widened at her words.
“You made a huge error in judgment, the same way I did when I trusted someone I shouldn’t have. And if you let her, she will keep on hurting you.” She leaned up, kissed my cheek, then turned away, pausing at the door.
“Do what you have to do.”
“Even if it’s wrong?”
Her eyes glittered in the late afternoon light. “I hope Aiden helps you nail her ass to the wall. I want you to burn those pictures, destroy whatever she has, and tell her to go to hell.”
I was shocked at the venom in her voice.
“Or you can let her win. Once you decide what you’re doing, you can let me know.” She pulled open the door. “I hope you fight.”
She shut the door behind her, her words echoing in my head.
She wasn’t saying everything she wanted to, but she hadn’t told me to go to hell.
She hadn’t told me to stay away from her or that she found me disgusting.
I hope you fight.
I hoped she meant fight for her.
I picked up my phone, dialing Aiden.
“Hey,” he answered.
“Tell me what to do.”
His laughter was low. “Excellent.”
Maddox
I DREW IN a deep breath, fighting my nerves. I needed to play the plan exactly the way Aiden had instructed me. I schooled my features and relaxed my shoulders.
I could do it.
Using my account, Reid had sent Jill an email, telling her I wanted to meet with her in private. She responded, saying we could meet in her hotel room on Monday since it was her day off. She said she was looking forward to continuing our talk. Reid sent a response stating I would see her at ten on Monday morning.
Little did she know there was no longer anything for us to discuss.
I stepped out of the elevator on the fourth floor. The scent of a strong disinfectant did nothing to cover the years of dirt ground into the carpet or the subtle smell of mildew that hung in the air. The dull wallpaper had seen better days, and the silk flowers of the arrangement on the fake wood table were dusty. The place was not exactly the Hilton.
I followed the hall to Room 431 and knocked.
Jill answered the door, overdressed and made up for a Monday morning. She looked exultant, sweeping her arm in a grand gesture. “I’ve been waiting.”
I stepped in, hiding my distaste. The room was a disaster. Clothes strewn around, bed unmade, and last night’s dinner tray on the floor, an empty bottle of wine laying on its side.
“You took your time. I thought I was going to have to come for another visit, Maddox.” She simpered. “You know I hate to be kept waiting.”
“I don’t know anything about you anymore, Jill. I never really did. But as I told you, I’m a busy man. It takes time to make arrangements.”
She grinned, her crimson lips stretched across her teeth at the word “arrangements.” A smear of lipstick stuck to her front teeth, as if she had bitten into something and it left behind blood. It was fitting.
“You have a video.”
Her eyebrows rose. “Someone is clever.”
I tamped down my revulsion. “I want to see it.”
“Why?”
“Why not?” I countered.
She regarded me, her arms crossed, red-tipped talons tapping on her forearm. “First things first.”
“Which is?”
She moved past me to the chipped desk. Her laptop sat to one side, but she ignored it and picked up a pile of papers.
“These are the houses I’m interested in.”
Knowing I had to play the part, I flipped through the pages, amusement mixing with my anger.
“Something funny?”
“There is no way in hell I’m buying you a house worth over a million dollars. Nor will you be living in Toronto.” I tossed the pages onto the desk. “You need to leave the province. I’d prefer the country, but I’ll settle for a few provinces away from me.”
She pouted but didn’t look surprised. “What’s my budget?”
I played along. “Five hundred thousand and you get two hundred thousand a year. That’s it. You can live a nice life in Alberta on that.”
She tried to hide her smile but failed. She thought she had won. I needed her to think that way.
I remembered Reid’s words.
Get her to open the video.
“Now, let me see the video.”
She moved past me, opening her laptop. She pushed some keys, frowning.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.”
She clicked a couple of more keys, biting on one of her talons as she watched the screen. She muttered something about stupid laptops, leaned down, and pulled an old USB drive from her bag and plugged it in.
“There,” she stated, victorious.
She turned the laptop, showing me the screen.
It was as I had described it to Dee. The images were grainy, the video short, but I watched as the entire, sick situation unfolded. Her jibes and taunts. My desperation. My inept use of the whip. I had never used one before that night and certainly never again after this occurred. I had no fucking clue what I was doing, and it was plain to see.
Also obvious was the fact that I was out of my mind. I was sweating and stumbling, barely able to stay on my feet. I was raging and angry, and watching myself, I had to avert my eyes several times. It wasn’t long, but it made me sick to my stomach to see myself that way.
Dee was correct—that was not me.
The video ended, and Jill stared at me. The lust and need in her eyes were revolting.
I shook my head in abhorrence. “Not in a million years, you crazy bitch.”
She uncurled herself from the chair, striking what I imagined she thought was a seductive pose.
“We were good together. We could be again.”
“No. You were toxic and I was stupid. We were never good.”
“Seeing that doesn’t turn you on? Not even a little?” she purred.
Turn me on? I was trying not to be ill.
“Not even one little bit. It sickens me. You sicken me.”
“Don’t make me angry, Maddox.” She glanced down, running her finger over the laptop. “I’d hate for this to get into the wrong hands by accident.”
“Nothing is getting out, Jill. You have nothing.”
“I have everything. Pictures, the video—”
I interrupted her. “The video makes you look worse than me.”
She shrugged. “I’ll get rid of that and use the pictures.”
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and I smiled. “What pictures?” I asked quietly.
Her eyes flew to the screen.
“You couldn’t find them when you looked, could you?”
She sputtered. “Wh-what?”
“Your video was gone too, wasn’t it? That’s why you used your memory stick.” I shook my head. “What a shame. I think if you check your cloud account, you’ll find it all gone from there too.” I tilted my head. “A word of advice, Jill. You need to use different passwords.”
Her eyes widened to the point I wanted to laugh, not that any of it was funny.
She grabbed her USB drive, holding it aloft. “I have this!”
“Do you? I would check again.”
She sat down, her hands shaking so hard she could barely get the drive into the laptop. She tapped on the keyboard fra
ntically. Her screen glowed blue with the reset screen. That was all that remained. Everything was gone. When her gaze met mine, it was venomous.
I couldn’t stop my victorious smile.
I lifted my hands. “Oops.”
She launched herself at me, screaming obscenities. I tried to defend myself, lifting my arms to block her, but she managed to scratch my face. Blood ran down my cheek and my eye burned, but I didn’t give her the satisfaction of seeing me flinch. I gripped her arms, holding her back. She glared at me, her icy blue eyes filled with loathing.
I pushed her away, hating her touch.
“It’s over, Jill. You’re going to finish your current show and leave town. I don’t ever want to hear from you again, do you understand?”
“You owe me,” she spat.
“I owe you nothing. You’re not getting a fucking house or one goddamn penny from me. You leave me alone, do you hear me?”
She raised her hand to strike again, and I grabbed her wrist, narrowing my eyes. “You got one in, that’s all you get,” I hissed, anger bubbling under my skin, rage taking over.
Triumph spiked in her eyes, bringing me back to my senses.
Releasing her wrist, I stepped back. “Oh no. You don’t have that kind of control over me. Never again.”
“I have other copies of the pictures!” she shouted in desperation.
I could tell she was lying, grasping at straws.
“Give it up. It’s over, Jill. I’m not your ticket to easy street.”
With a scream, she lunged and grabbed her laptop, throwing it at me. I sidestepped the object, and watched as it hit the wall, the screen shattering and falling to the floor in pieces. She had one hell of an arm.
“Well, so much for that.”
“You bastard!” she seethed.
I laughed, the sound bitter. “Yes, I’m the bastard. You come here wanting to destroy my life, and I’m the bastard.”
I shook my head. “I almost let you do it too. I almost let you fuck with my head again.”
I dug into my pocket and threw some cash on the bed.
“What is that?”
“All you’re ever going to get from me. Buy yourself a new laptop and forget this ever happened.”
I stepped over her old laptop and paused at the door.
“God knows I plan to forget you.”
I heard her muffled screams and curses all the way to the elevator.
Maddox ~ Melanie Moreland Page 15