Every time I shut my eyes, I saw him. His bereft expression. The shock of his tears.
I set down the bottle, and sat at the table as a fresh wave of hurt drifted through me. My reflection stared at me in the darkness as I looked out the window. I ran a hand through my tangled hair, pulling on the twisted strands. My eyes were swollen, my face pale. My mother came to mind, and I realized I resembled her in that moment. Physically, Cami resembled her more, even though for a time, she been worried she also inherited her instability. But Cami was wrong.
I was the one who had.
I ran my finger over the wooden tabletop, letting my thoughts and fears come to the forefront of my brain.
Remembering.
After the affair ended with my former co-worker Todd, I went through a difficult time. It wasn’t until it was over that I had realized how deep I’d been entrenched with him. I had based all my decisions on him. Everything I did was with him in mind. Like my mother’s incessant behavior, I was fixated on him. I needed him for my identity. I pushed my work aside to make sure he shone. I ignored my friends to spend time with him. When it was over, despite the horrible things I found out and the terrible way he treated me, I was lost without him. I became depressed and anxious. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or concentrate.
And like the secret I kept of the affair, I hid the aftermath. Cami had no idea. The people at work had no idea. I struggled and slid deeper, until I finally went for counseling. It took a year of sorting through issues and facing reality before I felt like myself again. Antidepressants, sessions, talking, and tears. When it was over, I swore I would never again place myself in that position. I would never allow love to make me so weak. I would never again become like my mother.
And Todd had been a blip on my radar compared to the storm Maddox had become in my life. Engulfing, raging, obliterating everything in its path like a catastrophic Category 5 hurricane.
That was how he made me feel.
If I succumbed to him and it blew up in our faces, I would never recover.
So I couldn’t allow it.
Shaking my head, I headed to the shower, my actions on autopilot. I stood in front of my closet, unsure what to wear, not caring in the least, when I heard the sound of the alarm system engaging and the door to the apartment opening.
For a moment, I froze. Surely Maddox wouldn’t simply show up, not after the way we left things last night?
I heard Cami’s voice calling my name. I sagged with both relief and disappointment.
She appeared in my doorway, disheveled, her eyes red and swollen.
“Cami!” Hurrying over, I grabbed her by the shoulders. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“You have to come, Dee. We have to go to the hospital.”
Frantic, I ran my hands over her. “Are you hurt? Where’s Aiden?”
She shook her head, more tears running down her face.
“He’s in the car, waiting. It’s Maddox, Dee.” She shivered. “He-He’s been in an accident. You have to come.”
The ER was busy, the waiting room crowded. Bentley was easy to spot. He paced in the corner, his hands shoved into his pockets. I still had no idea what was going on.
Aiden had been on the phone the whole time we drove to the hospital, his one-sided conversation quiet, his voice intense. He dropped us off and went to park the car, reappearing so quickly, I knew he had run the whole way.
Bentley saw us and stopped his pacing for a moment to give us a hug. His forehead was creased with worry, his eyes anxious.
“Any word?” Aiden asked.
“No. The doctors are still with him. They know I’m here, and they’ll be out to update us when they can.”
“How did you know?” I asked.
“I’m listed as his emergency contact. Aiden and I both, actually. We also have power of attorney for medical issues for each other.” He frowned. “Something I’ve always hoped would only ever be a formality.”
I glanced around. “Emmy?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Too sick. I promised I would keep her updated.”
“I called Sandy. She’ll be here shortly,” Aiden said.
Bentley nodded absently.
“Where was the accident?” I asked. “Was he on his way to work? Did someone run a red light?”
Bentley frowned and glanced at Aiden. Bentley took my hand, tugging me to a chair. “He was struck after coming out of the coffee shop, Dee.”
My brain wasn’t computing. “But the coffee shop is in your building,” I stated.
“The coffee shop down the street from the condo.”
I gaped at him.
He bent close, his voice almost a whisper. “Why was he at the coffee shop at three a.m.?”
My chin quivered. “We had an argument in the park. I went home. I thought-I thought he followed.”
His eyes widened in understanding, and he patted my shoulder. “This isn’t your fault.”
“The guy who witnessed it said it was as if the car was headed right for Maddox,” Aiden explained. “Fucking hit-and-run.”
Ice filled my veins. “What did you say?”
“Some guy getting out of his car saw the whole thing. He yelled and grabbed Maddox’s coat. The driver kept going. His friend in the car got a partial plate.”
I shot out of my chair, my fists clenched. “It was her!”
Bentley stood. “Who?”
“That crazy bitch, Jill!”
He shook his head. “She left town, Dee.”
“No,” I insisted. “She’s done it before.” I grabbed Bentley’s jacket. “She did this to him already!”
He wrapped his hands around my arms. “Okay, calm down. What do you mean?”
“In university. Maddox told me she clipped him with her car, but she denied it. Her roommate vouched for her, but he was certain. He let it go, because he had no proof. The first night she saw him here at the restaurant, she pulled so close to the car, he was pinned against the driver’s door. He was spooked when he got in the car.” I looked at Aiden, sobbing. “It was her, Aiden. She did this to him.”
“The witness said he thought it was a woman,” Aiden muttered.
Bentley pulled me into his arms, hugging me hard. “Okay, Dee. It’s okay.” He looked at Aiden. “Go.”
Aiden pulled out his phone. “Yep. On it.”
Bentley sat me down beside Cami, kneeling in front of me. She grabbed my hand and held it tight.
“We’re gonna get to the bottom of it.” Bentley assured me.
I could only nod. He tugged his hand through his hair. “He never told me any of that.”
“I don’t think he wanted to talk about it.” I wiped my cheeks.
A doctor came into the room, heading our way. Bentley sprang to his feet.
The doctor looked grim. My tears began again.
“He needs surgery. There are cracked ribs, contusions and deep cuts, and a serious head injury. We also suspect internal bleeding we need to find and stop. His brain is swelling, and we need to relieve the pressure.”
I covered my mouth, trying not to scream.
“I’m not going to lie, he’s in bad shape. The faster we get in, the better his chances.”
My stomach lurched, and I grabbed Cami.
“We need you to sign some papers, Mr. Ridge.”
“He is B negative,” Bentley stated. “I know that’s rare.”
“We’re checking with the blood bank.”
I stood. “No. I’m B negative as well. I want to make a direct blood donation for Maddox.”
Cami stood. “You hate needles,” she whispered, grabbing my arm. “Let them check.”
I drew in a deep breath. “No. Not for Maddox. I’m doing this for him.”
The doctor nodded. “That will save us a lot of time. Come with me, and we’ll get you started.”
I followed him blindly, praying.
The machine spun steadily, the red blood leaving my body. Blood I hoped would help Maddox. The staff had been great, rush
ing through the paperwork, getting the procedure started. I couldn’t explain it to Cami, or to anyone.
I had to be the one to do it. I wanted my blood inside Maddox, healing him, giving him strength. I owed him that much at least.
I squeezed the ball, letting my eyes shut. A few minutes later, I heard the curtain slide open and felt someone sit beside me. I opened my eyes to meet Bentley’s calm gaze.
“He’s headed to surgery soon.” He nodded in the direction of the bag filling with my blood. “This will help.”
“Good.”
“Aiden spoke with the police. They’re going to investigate. The partial plate and the witness helped.”
“Aiden said the witness pulled Maddox out of the way?”
Bentley nodded, scrubbing his face. “He said Maddox didn’t seem to notice the car headed straight for him. He yanked Maddox by the coat, so the car sideswiped him instead of a direct hit. It was hard enough, though. Maddox flew.” Bentley sighed. “He landed in a pile of garbage, but hit his head on the concrete. This guy’s actions saved his life.”
I couldn’t respond. Because of my cruel rejection, Maddox had been on the street. Because of my words, he hadn’t paid attention. Because of me, he was injured and fighting for his life. I covered my face and sobbed.
Bentley shook me gently. “Stop it, Dee. Maddox needs you strong. He’s going to have a fight ahead of him.”
I shook my head, unable to look him in the eye. “He won’t want me there.”
Frowning, he tilted up my chin with his finger. “What are you talking about? You had a fight. All couples have fights. When he wakes up, you’ll make amends.”
I couldn’t see him through my thick tears. “He told me he loved me. I told him no.”
“What do you mean?”
“I-I told him I d-didn’t love him.”
There was a beat of silence. “Did you mean it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Your actions aren’t those of someone who doesn’t care, Dee.”
I wiped my eyes. “I do care. But I don’t think I’m capable of the kind of love Maddox wants from me.”
He studied me. “I think you’re wrong.”
“Why would you say that?”
He smiled, pulling a tissue from the box and wiping my cheeks. “I know you, Dee. I’ve seen the way you care for all of us. How you took care of Emmy after she was kidnapped. Your love for your sister. I’ve watched the way Maddox has come to life because of you. The way you’ve changed.”
“How?”
He shrugged. “You’re more open. You smile and laugh. God, Maddox laughs. In the office, he’s relaxed, more involved. He talks about the future, whereas before, I could barely get him to plan for next month. He’s . . . happy, Dee. You make him happy. Unless I’m mistaken, he does the same for you.”
My hands twisted on the blanket. “He does. But . . .”
He frowned. “Whatever is holding you back, you need to figure it out. But don’t give up a chance like this. Work it out with Maddox.”
“What if . . .”
He shook his head, looking angry. “Don’t even think that.” He stood, tugging down his sleeves. “Maddox is going to get through the surgery and recover. We’re all going to be there for him. No matter what.”
He turned and walked out, his shoulders straight.
I stared after him, his words sinking in.
Was he right? Could I love Maddox? Could I be happy with him?
One thing I knew, I couldn’t be happy without him.
I sobbed as reality settled over me.
My last words to Maddox were that I cared, but I couldn’t love him.
I was wrong.
What if I never got the chance to tell him?
Cami sat beside me, her head on my shoulder. I stared down into the cup of coffee I clutched in my hand, the contents long gone cold.
Aiden and Bentley paced. We were in another waiting room on a different floor in the hospital. It was quieter and empty.
Sandy sat in the corner, silent and clearly upset, but her hands busy as she knitted steadily.
A movement caught my eye, and I looked up. Emmy was in the doorway. She was wan and pale, a mask covering her mouth. My gaze flew to Bentley. He crossed the room in fast steps, sweeping her into his arms, lifting her right off the floor. He moved to the corner, sitting down, still holding her. Their voices were hushed, but it was obvious he was glad she was there.
Aiden came over, sitting down heavily beside Cami. She shifted, letting him wrap his massive arm around her shoulder. She sighed, nestling into him. He laid his head on hers, his eyes shutting as he exhaled.
I met Sandy’s gaze, filled with worry and sympathy. She gestured to the seat next to her, and I moved over, letting the couples have their moment.
They needed it.
Sandy patted my hand. “Maddox will be fine. He’s the strongest of them all.”
I nodded as she picked up her knitting once again, her needles flying as she worked. “He finally found his place in this world. It’s only right he has the chance to enjoy it.”
I couldn’t respond.
The surgeon walked in, and we were all on our feet in an instant.
He held up his hand. “He made it through. We had to remove his spleen, and we got the bleeding under control.”
“His head injury?” Aiden asked.
“We’ve put him in a medically induced coma to give him the best chance to recover.”
I grabbed Sandy’s hand. “For how long?”
“Five days. His body needs a chance to rest and heal. This is the best thing to help with the brain swelling.”
“Is there, ah, any permanent damage?” Bentley asked, a frown on his face.
“We won’t know that until he wakes up. He’s young and strong. He’s not out of the woods yet, but he made it over a huge hurdle, and we have every reason to believe he will keep improving.” He wiped his brow. “He’ll be in recovery for a while, then moved to his room.”
“I’ve arranged a private one,” Bentley said.
“Yes, I’ve been informed you want the best for Mr. Riley.”
“Can we see him?”
“Our, ah, regulations state visitors must be family, but I understand an exception has been made in this case.”
Bentley crossed his arms. “Yes. And we are his family.”
The surgeon tilted his head in acknowledgment. “It will be a while until he’s in his room. Two people at a time and for short periods—he needs his rest.”
“All right.”
“The staff will let you know when you can go in.”
Bentley and Aiden shook his hand, and he left. I sat down, my legs shaking too much to stand.
“We’ll take turns,” Aiden stated. “One of us can be with him all the time.”
The words were out before I could think.
“I’m not leaving. Until he comes with me, I’m not leaving this hospital. The rest of you can take turns.”
No one blinked or argued.
Bentley looked at me and nodded.
“Understood.”
Dee
I HAD TO clutch the bedrail when the doctor finally allowed us to see Maddox. I held on so hard the metal shook under my grip, making a clanging noise.
Bentley and Aiden had been the first to go in. Bentley came out, letting Sandy take her turn, then Cami. Bentley had sent Emmy home after convincing a doctor to look at her. Prescription in hand, he escorted her downstairs, waiting until Frank arrived to take her home.
Then he came into the room with me. Seeing my reaction, he slipped an arm around my shoulders. “The machines are there to help him, Dee.”
I merely nodded, my throat too thick to speak.
“He’s asleep and not in any pain. They’re monitoring him closely.” He blew out a shaky breath. The slight quiver of his voice let me know he wasn’t as calm as he tried to appear. “They said we should talk to him.”
“Can-can
I touch him?”
“Yes.”
I took in a big breath. Then another, trying to calm myself. I approached the side of the bed and slid my hand into Maddox’s. I was surprised to feel the warmth of his skin. I sat down on the chair and studied him.
A thick bandage encased his head, obscuring most of his hair. The side of his face was bruised, and the rest of his skin shockingly pale. They had him attached to various machines that pumped and beeped. I broke each one down in my mind so they weren’t so frightening to look at. They helped him to breathe and to monitor his vitals. His IV kept him hydrated and his pain under control. I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest and matched my breathing to it. He was so still, and he looked vulnerable with the plain cotton blanket draped over him. I touched it and frowned. It was rough and worn. Serviceable, but not what Maddox liked.
“We need to bring the blanket from the top of my sofa here. He likes that one. It’s soft. Maybe the smell would comfort him.”
Bentley stood behind me. “Okay. If you insist on staying here with him, you’ll need some things brought over. You write a list. Cami and Aiden will go and get them so you’re comfortable.”
“I don’t care about me right now.”
He squeezed my shoulders. “Well, I do. I need to make sure you’re okay so that you can look after my friend. He needs you strong, Dee.”
“Will they let me stay?”
“Yes, I’ve made the arrangements.”
I glanced around the room. Despite the machines and the usual hospital scent, it didn’t look like a normal room. There was a small sofa and two large chairs. The walls were painted a muted color with cheerful pictures hung on them. A door stood ajar, showing a private bath.
“Are you paying for all this?” I asked, knowing the room had to be costing a fortune.
“Yes. He will be well cared for until he can go home. When he wakes up, I want him calm. He needs the privacy.”
“You’re a good friend, Bentley.”
He shrugged and glanced away. After a moment, he cleared his throat. “They’re keeping him out for about five days. You can’t sit here the whole time, so we’ll figure out a schedule.”
“I’ve already booked the next few weeks off work,” I murmured, unable to take my eyes off Maddox.
Maddox ~ Melanie Moreland Page 20