by Lana Davison
“I think so.”
“Never had so much attention before and from none other than a rock ’n’ roll legend.” He put his arms around my waist as if to show the world that I was with him. Well I was, so why didn’t I want him to do that?
I moved his arms from around my waist. “Just give me a second. I need to breathe.”
“He’s rumored to be getting married to someone,” Sean said, stating the obvious. “He knows how to give girls his attention. It’s what lead singers do, they have this way of making a pretty girl think they’re the one.”
I listened to his words and realized he was absolutely right. I recalled the last ten years quickly in my head. All that mattered was that Johnny had never bothered to contact me since the fire; he had let me down more than anyone, broken my heart and left it wounded for many years. If I was honest, my heart had never really recovered.
When I eventually got to grips with what just happened, I stood up straight and composed myself. I looked straight ahead and saw Johnny walking in my direction as if on a mission. I took a deep breath, trying to stay balanced and levelheaded. He stood in front of me, looking at me with disappointment in his eyes. I knew those eyes. I knew how to read him with no words.
“Hello, Jen,” Johnny said.
Sean looked at him and then at me wondering if he was missing something. How did Johnny know his girlfriend’s name?
“Hello, Johnny,” I said, searching his eyes as to why this was happening.
“I don’t know what to say to you?“ he said as if he was annoyed with me.
“Why?”
“What do you mean, ‘why’?”
“Why are you here? Now? Like this?” he said, looking at me in my dress.
“Because I was invited to this party.”
“No. Why have you turned up now after all these years?”
“What are you talking about? I should be asking you why you are even bothering to talk to me after all these years. You didn’t care then, why now?” I realized that Sean was standing beside me listening to our conversation. He looked confused.
“I looked for you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I did.”
“If you did, you would have found me waiting for you. I waited and waited for you, Johnny. You rubbed your numerous flings, girlfriends and relationships in my face. Didn’t you know that would torment me? It took me a long time, but I’m over you,” I said, exasperated trying to believe the words.
“Right,” he nodded. “Right, so that’s it.” He looked cross with me and walked out the front door, leaving the club. Leaving me! I looked around from left to right trying to work out what just happened. How was this, my fault? How did he make me feel responsible for him crushing my heart? I was cross now and this time I was going to give him a piece of my mind.
I hurried out of the club, climbing two steps at a time in heels and a black dress. I didn’t care; I didn’t want him to get off so easily. I pushed the heavy metal doors open and stood outside scanning the street. I watched him step into a black SUV and ran to the street and flagged down a taxi.
“Follow that SUV,” I said to the cab driver.
“Right on it. I’ve been waiting for years for someone to come into my cab and say ‘follow that car.’” He said smiling at me through the rear view mirror, but I was not in humorous mood. I positioned myself squarely in the centre of the vehicle with both my hands on the corners of the front two seats.
The back window in the cab was open and I was thankful for the breeze. I felt hot and bothered as adrenaline rushed through my body. This was not over. Not over for me. Not like this. It occurred to me that I had just left Sean in the club. I felt horrible having done that. Poor Sean wouldn’t have understood anything because I never told him about Johnny. I would just have to explain as soon as I got back, but first I needed to tell Johnny a thing or two.
There was thunder and lightening in the sky. I looked ahead to make sure we were keeping up with the SUV and then looked back outside as the trees swayed as if a storm was approaching.
“It looks like the rain is going to hit us,” the cab driver observed.
“Yes,” I said, looking straight on.
“It’s been like this for the last hour. It’ll start any minute I reckon.”
The first few raindrops hit the windscreen on the cab. The driver continued to keep up with the SUV and then came to a halt. I looked ahead and realized the SUV had stopped. Fumbling through my purse, I gave the driver a $20 note and told him to keep the change. I didn’t have time to wait for change and I couldn’t afford to take my eyes off where Johnny was going.
I slid out of the back seat in my evening dress and let the rain soak me. I didn’t care; all I cared about was getting the last word in. I needed Johnny to know it was he who had let me down. I did not understand what he meant when he said ‘I looked for you.’ I wasn’t hard to find. I had given him many opportunities. I’d left a message with his mother who told me she’d passed on my message. If he wanted to make sure, he could have contacted Rushton High School and they would have told him I had moved. I also left a message with his management company and had even called back to verify he got the message.
I raced to the building he had just walked into, climbed the stairs and tried to push the glass door open, but it was locked and only opened for the occupants of the building. I watched him walk into the lift as I stood outside. Not happy I thumped on the door with all my might.
“Johnny! Johnny Cromwell, don’t you walk away from me, you’re not getting off that easy,” I shouted. But he was gone.
I took my heels off so as not to slip down the stairs in the rain and stomped like a child having a tantrum. I screamed out in frustration “Argh!”.
I walked down the stairs and the tears began to drown my face. I didn’t want to cry, I wanted to be strong and show he didn’t matter to me. But my heart seemed to have a will of its own and, all of a sudden, it felt like it had been broken all over again, and by the same person. I began to walk down the street feeling like a rag doll, completely void of stature and shape. I had lost the will to care about anything. I wanted to walk in the rain, to feel the water on my entire being, wishing it would wash away the way I felt.
“Jen,” Johnny shouted behind me.
He had heard me. I stopped and turned around and saw him standing outside the building on the top of the stairs.
“What do you mean, you looked for me?” I cried out to him as the rain poured over me.
“I did look for you. My mother told me you were dead.”
“But I gave her a note for you and she promised me you got it.”
“I never got it, I never got anything. I can’t trust anything my mother says, she doesn’t know if she’s coming or going half the time and her memory has been shot to pieces for years. I checked with Rushton High and they told me you had died in the fire too. I’ve been living the last ten years believing you were dead, comparing every woman I ever met with you. And I want to know why you never bothered to contact me. You knew me better than anyone and you would know I would never want to live without you. I told you that, I’m a man of my word and that has never changed. Why, Jen Redman, did you never contact me?”
I shouted to him standing on top of the stairs, he needed to understand my side of the story. “You’re mother told me she gave you the note, she promised she did. It had all my contact details and I waited for you to contact me every single day. I gave up when I saw you sprawled all over the tabloids with one woman one week and a new one the next. I even spoke to your management company and begged them to give you my message – where I was and my contact details. They told me they had but you didn’t do anything about it. I believed that success had changed you and that you didn’t want me any more.”
Johnny walked down the stairs until he reached me. With no words, he took my chin in his hand, bent down and kissed me slowly, passionately, tasting my lips and feeling my mouth. He con
tinued to kiss me pulling me toward him as close as I could go. I did nothing, unable to move in his arms, enjoying the moment. He took his hands to my head and ran his fingers through my wet long hair, tilting my head back ever so slightly as we continued to kiss each other with long awaited intensity.
I don’t know how long we were like that for when we eventually stopped for some air. Johnny stopped, stepped back for a moment and bit down on his lip licking them as if he had just had a taste sensation. He stepped forward and gently took my face in his hands again, looking directly into my eyes.
“You’re going to catch a cold. We need to get you inside,” he said.
I didn’t answer, I just followed him as he led me up the stairs, through the front doors of the building, past the doorman who watched us curiously as if we were the evening entertainment. We got into the lift and I stood there cold and shaking. I think I was shaking from shock, excitement and because I was cold and wet. He let my hand go and took me in his arms, right into his chest and rubbed my back. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you warm.”
I could feel his body heat and I was starting to feel warm. I snapped out of the moment for a split second realizing I was positioned against his taunt chest, a chest I could look at forever. He was so gorgeous, so undeniably hot and sexy, I wanted him right now. With no inhibitions, I looked up at him and instigated the next kiss. He returned my advance pushing me up and into the elevator wall so he could fix his hands on the wall as if to keep him steady. I felt safe and secure, the way I had always felt when I was with him. The elevator doors opened, we had reached the top floor. He dug deep into his pockets, collected his keys then opened the door pulling me inside with him at the same time he entered. We giggled at the same time, at us, at what we were doing. My giggle turned into a laugh, an uncontrollable laugh, a laugh that told me how stupid I was. For ten years I had lived my life believing my man didn’t want to be with me any more. How wrong could I have been?
“What? What’s so funny?” Johnny asked.
I didn’t answer because I was keeled over holding my waist unable to stop laughing. My infectious laugh made Johnny laugh and we both howled until our cheeks hurt, forcing an instinctive end.
“I’ll get some towels,” Johnny said, leaving me alone at the door. I looked around the room and liked the space. It was so Johnny, the kind of interior I expected him to live in, masculine, modern and unpretentious – this was the Johnny I knew and loved.
When he returned I could see he had taken his clothes off and was now wrapped in a white towel from the waist. He looked brilliant, unbelievable hot. Johnny came and stood in front of me and took my hand leading me into the living room. He gently removed the spaghetti straps on my dress and stopped, not wanting to make me feel as if I had to undress in front of him. What was he thinking? I didn’t feel like I had to do anything, I wanted to. I continued where he stopped removing the rest of my dress and then my underwear until I stood naked in front of him. With no words I showed him that I wanted him. He took a step back to look at me properly. My breasts were firm and covered in goose bumps with my nipples erect from being cold and wet and from the excitement I was about to experience.
Needing no permission he took a step closer to me and tucked my hair behind my ear and lent down and whispered in my ear “Your body is amazing, everything I remembered it to be. I felt the goose bumps grow all over my body as he gently moved his fingers from my shoulders down my chest then stopping at my waist. He had turned me on in a way I remember only he was able to do. Then I intuitively mirrored the moves he had just applied to me onto him.
“I remember how I made love to you. I remember every moment,” he said.
“I remember how you loved me, too.”
I took the towel that he had intended to give me but now rested alone in a small pile on the floor and wrapped it around my body. Taking charge I pushed Johnny onto the leather couch behind him and knelt on the floor in front of him facing directly into his fit chest. I moved forward and kissed one of his shoulders and found my way to his chest and then back up to his other shoulder. I knew I had aroused him, I could feel him through the towel and I could hear his small moans of pleasure. “You always knew how to turn me on,” he said, reaching forward. He picked me up under my arms and pushed my legs into a straddle position so that I sat on top of his thighs. He kissed me, this time with more urgency; then repositioned my legs so that they wrapped around him. We continued kissing unable to stop, with Johnny standing up and leading us both to his bedroom. The whole time I remained wrapped around his body. He laid me flat on the bed and removed my towel, but I wanted to see him fully naked too, so I fumbled with his towel until it was fully off then pulled him towards me. I took his firm athletic butt in my hand and felt its tightness.
Johnny kissed my neck lightly and began to shower me with kisses all the way down my body, stopping at my navel. I was fully aroused now and I was desperate to end this foreplay and have him inside me. Johnny knew what I was thinking and opened up my legs and massaged the top of my thighs and my buttocks arousing me even more. “I can’t wait,” I moaned.
He moved his body back up my body so his face was facing mine. “We have all night, we have forever. Now that I know you are alive, I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
I was still desperate for him to be inside me so I pushed him off me and made him lay down flat on the bed – this time I would take control. I put his manhood in my hand and began to move it up and down. Johnny’s body shook, aroused and excited. Not one to be outdone in the love making department, especially when it came to me, he placed two fingers inside me. This was more than I could take. I begged him to take me.
He stopped pleasuring me with his fingers also feeling an insatiable need to be inside me too. He flipped me over onto my back and easily slid inside me. I felt alive as if something dormant had been awoken. I was ravenous and hungry for him. We worked in harmony conscious on some level of each other’s needs but also on our own. Each time Johnny pushed inside I was taken to a higher level, one that I had experienced only with him on several occasions, but a very long time ago. I was finally at home; complete, comfortable and satisfied.
He took my arms up above my head and held them there with one hand like he had done many times before then using his other hand he touched my body greedily as if I might be taken away from him at any time. I loved the way he needed me right now, he couldn’t get enough. No matter how much we made love he would never be able to catch up on all the years we could have had together had our wires not been crossed.
I freed myself from his grip and put one arm around him while I pushed down on the bed with the other and tossed him over onto his back, determined to take some control. We were both hot and sweaty enjoying the freedom to do what we wanted with each other when we wanted. Now I was on top shifting myself up and down and arranging my body into the position where the thickness of him made me insane. “I’m about to come!” I cried out.
“OK, I’m ready,” he said holding my breasts in his hands.
“Ooh…” I moaned.
“You’re fucking sensational,” he said, coming at the same time. We seemed to have a knack for coming together, a knack that neither of us had lost.
My body went limp as I fell on top of Johnny’s totally satisfied body. I closed my eyes and rested there. He kissed my forehead and held me tight in his arms. “I’ve missed you so much. You’re just as I remembered, only older.”
I hit his arm playfully.
“In a nice way, in a better way.”
“Good recovery,” I smiled. I was still lying on of him with my eyes closed in a complete state of bliss, enjoying our banter.
“I will never let you go again,” he whispered in my ear.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
I shut my eyes for a moment but they popped wide open the moment I remembered Sean. I remembered how I had just left him at the party. I had been in another world since I left, like a crazed woman who had a missi
on to complete. My hand reached my forehead as I took a deep breath and thought about what to do next. It had not been my intention to hurt anyone. “Sean,” I voiced out loud.
“Is that the guy you were with?”
“Yes, in fact that guy has asked me to marry him and to move with him to Dubai.”
“I can’t stand to think of you with anyone else. I’ve never been jealous in my life but seeing you with that other guy sent me crazy.”
“I’m sorry. I never tried to make you feel that way.”
“I know, kiddo,” he said, rolling onto his side so he could see my face.
I turned to face him. “Oh shit. I’m in a real situation now.”
“And me.”
“You? Oh do you mean Eliza? Is it true? Are you engaged?”
“No, not yet, but I was going to propose. I bought the ring and everything.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“What are you going to do?”
“Me? Well I haven’t accepted Sean’s proposal because it wasn’t just a marriage proposal, it was a ‘move abroad and change your whole life’ proposal. Sean said I could take all the time I needed.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“And, what will you do now?”
“You mean now that we just slept together?”
“Yeah, and not just that. We’ve both been living with a lie, you thinking I’d changed and didn’t care and I thought you were dead. That’s a pretty big lie, but now we know the truth.”
I caressed his cheek and smiled at him, pleased that I had my guy back but saddened that it had taken so long and, worse, that I was going to break another man’s heart, a man I also loved, but not in the same way as I loved Johnny. I knew my heart belonged with him and if I didn’t give into that, I’d be miserable for the rest of my life, especially now that I knew the truth.
“I love you,” he said. “I always have and I always will.”