Time To Love Again

by Roseanne Dowell

"I don't know if Louise mentioned Philip and Julia are having problems."

  Rose shook her head and waited for him to go on, when he didn't, Rose looked at him. "Louise hasn't even hinted at a problem."

  "I'm not sure exactly what the problem is. I think Julia wants to go back to work, but Philip is against it. He says the kids need their mother at home. Now he travels all the time and Julia feels forced to stay home to raise the kids alone." He rubbed the back of his neck, paused for a moment and went on. "Molly thinks Julia should say the heck with it, and just go out and get a job. What could Philip do about it, besides he isn't hardly ever home anymore how would he even know?" George paused for another breath and rubbed his chin.

  Rose noticed the thick stubble that he hadn't had time to shave.

  "Julia is old fashioned enough not to go against her husband's wishes, but his staying away for days at a time isn't solving anything. Louise tried to talk to Philip. She suggested he let Julia get a part-time job, but he pretty much told her to mind her own business." George turned and started to walk back toward the waiting room.

  Rose followed. What could she possibly say to help ease the pain and hurt she knew George felt? Philip and Julia needed to work out their own problems, but being a mother, she understood parents wanted happiness for their kids. Unfortunately, parents couldn't lead their kid's lives or tell them what decisions or choices to make. Look at her.

  If she had her way Francis and Melinda wouldn't live across the country. But that's where their jobs took them, she had no control. Didn't even want it. They had their own lives to lead and she had hers. She and Frank had made their own choices, their own mistakes. She had to let her kids make theirs. Not that she thought they were making a mistake. Far from it. They were advancing their careers and that was a good thing. But she wished they could have done it closer to home. She hated not seeing them or her grandchildren.

  "Molly blames Philip and now they don't speak." George's voice pulled her back to their conversation.

  "Julia doesn't say much to any of us anymore. If we want to see the kids we have to call and make arrangements." He sighed and let out a long breath. "It's all so difficult. It's eating Louise alive. She's beside herself with worry."

  "I wish she had told me." A bit of anger welled up in her. Why hadn't Louise confided in her? Darn it, she knew all of Rose's problems and deepest secrets. Why couldn't she bring herself to share this one thing?

  "I think she's embarrassed." George must have sensed her hurt and attempted to smooth it over. "You know Louise can't handle anything upsetting her perfect image."

  Rose, shocked at hearing Louise defined that way by her husband, grimaced. Hell, she had always admired Louise and George.

  They had a perfect storybook life. Their large immaculate home and the close relationship Louise shared with her kids had caused Rose many a lonely, envious evening. Especially after both of her kids moved out of state so soon after Frank's death.

  She had often wondered why her life couldn't be more like Louise's. Looks like everyone has their problems. Even if they portrayed their lives differently. Louise had pretended everything was perfect when it wasn't. Held it inside. What a foolish woman. The stress must have cause the heart attack.

  "I'm sorry, George. I don't know what to say. I guess this is something Julia and Philip need to work out themselves. Interference from Molly or Louise won't solve the problem. I have a feeling it goes much deeper than a job."

  "I think it does too, but you know Louise. She never could handle anything upsetting her idea of perfection. She figured they'd have the ideal marriage and everything would be easy for them. Truthfully, she doesn't understand why Julia wants to go back to work anyway. Philip provides well for his family." George took a deep breath and sighed. "But she doesn't understand why Philip isn't willing to compromise."

  Rose patted George's shoulder. "It'll work out. I just wish Louise had confided in me."

  They went back to the waiting room. Rose hated the silent tension in the room, but she couldn't think of anything to say to break it. They waited– all intent with their own thoughts. The television played in the background and Rose pretended to watch, but her mind was elsewhere.

  On another time, another era.

  Life used to be so easy and good and fun. When the kids were small and they got together with Louise and George and played cards or just sat and talked for hours. The kids went off to another room, playing games or telling secrets of their own.

  Life was simpler, though they didn't think so back then. She often struggled to make ends meet until Frank got established. Then the promotions and raises came and finally his income provided comfortably for their family.

  Louise and George, along with Emma and Adam, had spent many Saturday evenings together. Sometimes they had dinner or grilled out in the summer. Often at Rose's since they had the pool and as the kids got older it gave them something to do.

  Oh, yeah, they were good days, fun days. Sure there were problems, but looking back Rose realized how insignificant the problems were.

  If only they could go back. Little things like Melinda wanting to wear lipstick at twelve or wanting to date at thirteen. Major problems back then. What she'd give for those problems now.

  Finally, the doctor came into the room. Everyone stood up in anticipation of his report. "Louise came through the surgery well. The next few days will be critical. But I'm sure she'll make a complete recovery."

  Philip sank down in a nearby chair. A deep sigh turned to tears. Molly sat next to him and took his hand. A look of surprise registered on his face. Julia sat on the other side of him, leaned over, and whispered something. Rose watched through tearful eyes, as they made peace with each other.

  "When can we see her?" George asked.

  "It'll be a while." The doctor said before he left.

  George joined his family and Rose left the small waiting room, leaving them to work out their problems in private.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Rose stumbled along the corridor to the exit. The pain in her head pounded. Her legs trembled. She needed to get out of the hospital, needed some fresh air. She knew it would be hours before they were allowed to see Louise even though the doctor didn't say as much. She went down the steps instead of taking the elevator. She needed space.

  The hospital grounds hadn't changed much. Still the same landscaping but the trees were taller. She breathed in the crisp winter air. At least the snow storm hadn't materialized. Only about four inches covered the ground. A flutter of snowflakes flurried about, landing on her tear-stained cheeks and eyelids. She brushed them away and circled the hospital grounds, walking quickly, trying to avoid her thoughts.

  Not able to escape them, she turned them to memories of Louise instead.

  She remembered their first meeting. Where had the time gone, Rose wondered.

  Francis and Molly just started kindergarten. She and Louise stood outside together with a dozen or so other mothers, nervous as all get out.

  That first day of school had excited, but saddened, Rose. Such a big day for Francis, but he jumped around anxious at the prospect of going to school.

  "I'm going to learn to read, Mommy," he told her a million times. Francis couldn't wait to learn to read. He used to pick up books or newspapers and make up stories, pretending to read. Now he wouldn't have to pretend any more. So grown up. On his way to Kindergarten– the first step toward independence.

  Louise had been standing next to her when they opened the doors.

  Francis grabbed Molly's hand. "Don't be afraid," he said. "We're going to learn to read."

  Molly took his hand and bravely went inside with the rest of the kids, leaving Rose and Louise to fend for themselves.

  They looked at each other when both Molly and Francis turned back to them and waved.

  "Bye, Mom," they said in unison.

  She and Louise had been stunned. They looked at each other and laughed between wiping their tears. Of course they follo
wed everyone inside, but it didn't take long for the teacher, Mrs. Roth, to usher the parents out.

  "They'll be fine," Mrs. Roth promised.

  She and Louise lingered with a few other parents outside the door and watched. Sure enough, Francis and Molly settled in without a look toward the door.

  "Well..." Louise looked at her. "What now?"

  "How about a cup of coffee? There's a small restaurant at the corner."

  They soon discovered they had a lot in common. Both of them enjoyed crafts. Their favorite color was red, and they both had two children. Philip was the same age as Melinda. Two more years and they'd stand here again with them.

  Both she and Louise volunteered as room mothers, and their personalities clicked. What fun that had been. The kids became close friends.

  Frank and George hit it off immediately. They had a lot in common too, and enjoyed golfing, bowling, and fishing together. Their cookouts and dinners had turned into a regular thing, at least once a week. They alternated houses. Sometimes George and Frank brought home fish. They got together and cleaned them. Some they saved for dinner, the rest they froze. Weekly fish fries in the winter soon became a habit.

  Francis and Molly even dated for a while during high school. Oh, how she and Louise secretly planned their wedding for them.

  Rose smiled at the memory. Of course, that was a long time ago and when they went off to college, they met their mates. They too, had remained friends even through their marriages, at least until Francis moved away.

  Molly said Linda, Francis's wife, e-mailed her occasionally and they received the token Christmas card, but for the most part, they had lost touch.

  Sad, how things changed.

  But what fun they had in those earlier days. The crafts she, Emma, and Louise got together and worked on brought another smile to Rose.

  Even now she pictured some of the ceramics, embroidery, and cross stitch they did. Gifts they made for each other and friends and family. One particular gift came to mind that Emma made a few years before their parents died.

  A framed cross stitch– "God Made Us a Family We Belong to Each Other" it read. Rose had given it to Melinda for her first wedding anniversary.

  Frank even went out and bought Rose a kiln so they didn't have to take their green-ware someplace for firing. She loved those days. Missed them. Wished somehow they could go back. But life moved forward and there wasn't any going back.

  How time changes things, Rose thought, as she ambled around, not knowing or caring the direction she was going. Kids grow up, time passes, and life goes on around you. It didn't matter if you liked the changes, they happened, you had to make the best of them. Loved ones died and life went on.

  God, how she missed Emma and Frank. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't pick up the phone to call her sister. Even today when they called about Louise her first thought was to call Emma.

  Louise was a good friend, but no one could replace Emma. Not that she would change places and have Louise gone instead. She wanted them both.

  Emma and Louise had often tried to talk her into joining a singles group after Frank died– to meet a companion, they said. Like they knew what she needed. Right a companion. She didn't want a companion. She wanted someone to love her.

  She wanted Frank.

  No one understood her vow not to marry again when Frank died. They just didn't get it. The love of her life was gone. Rose knew if she ever could replace him, which she doubted, she couldn't bear burying another husband.

  She still grieved the loss of Frank and Emma, her two dearest friends. What would she do if Louise died too? She'd be alone in the world.

  It hurt too much to even think of it. No, Louise couldn't die. God couldn't take her. That was that.

  "Hurt and sorrow are a part of life." Emma's voice sounded in her ear. "They help you grow. You know life isn't all peaches and cream. It's full of peaks and valleys. This is one of the valleys, climb up to the peak again."

  Damn voice. She tried to shake it off, stopped and kicked at the snow. She didn't want to make new friends. It hurt too much when they went out of her life. The fear of losing Louise terrified her. Rose's heart pounded through her chest, her hands trembled, and the tears fell.

  In the past several days, she had cried so much one would think she was cried out. Now, with her friend lying in a hospital bed, maybe dying. It was just too much. If Louise died too...No, she wouldn't think of that.

  One thing she knew for sure, life wasn't certain and it was entirely too short.

  Rose looked up and found herself in front of the hospital. How many times had she stood here?

  First with her parents, then Frank, and finally with Emma. Each time her heart ached a little more. She didn't think it could hurt any worse.

  No, it would break completely.

  Please, Lord, she prayed, don't take the only friend I have left in this world.

  "What would you do if Louise died?" Emma refused to be quiet. "You won't have anyone left. It's time to make new friends. You can't live like this– look how unhappy you are."

  But she didn't want new friends. She wanted the one she had.

  She wanted Louise.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Rose hurried inside, trying to ignore Emma's nagging voice. Damn, she was tired of arguing with her. Where had she come from anyway? Why would Emma come back and bother her like this? It was certainly causing a lot of turmoil inside her. She shoved it away, tried to ignore the logic of it.

  Could Emma be right? Maybe she needed to make friends, get on with her life. No, that wasn't the answer. She liked her life.

  Didn't she?

  Something about the man getting on the elevator looked familiar. Caused a quiver in her stomach. It looked like her neighbor. The doors closed before she could be certain. Now she was seeing people. And her neighbor of all things.

  Stephen Daniels, yes that was his name. Her eyes were playing tricks on her that's all. What would he be doing here? And even if he was, why should she care? She wished the thumping in her heart would stop. Why did seeing someone who looked like Stephen cause such a reaction? She almost chuckled.

  She knew what Louise would say. Smitten.

  Ridiculous, of course she wasn't. Just the tension of the day that's all.

  She went back to the waiting room and found George, Molly, and Mark in a deep conversation. Philip and Julia sat off to the side and carried on a conversation of their own. At least some of the tension had cleared. They had made a break through. But she knew they had more to deal with. More hurt to heal. Problems didn't just go away because something bad happened and scared you.

  No, the problems were yet to be resolved, but at least they acted more like a family now. Funny, how life threw you a curve and you realized how short it was, how silly arguments were.

  How many families had been brought together because of an illness or death of a loved one? Too bad it took something so drastic to make everyone wake up. Life was just too short and anger and harsh words shouldn't cause a rift in families. All families had disagreements. Most dealt with them.

  Like her and Emma. How often had they agreed to disagree? Nothing wrong with that. She knew there were certain things she wasn't going to change Emma's mind about and vice versa. Same thing with her and Frank. Everyone couldn't agree about everything. What a boring world it would be if they did. She and Frank certainly had their share of disagreements. Sometimes she got downright mad at him. A few times she wondered if they'd work things out. But they always had. Sure, sometimes she had to give in or Frank did. Sometimes there just wasn't any compromise. It depended on the situation as to which one of them gave. But in the end what did it matter? All those disagreements didn't mean a thing.

  George motioned her toward them and handed her a fresh cup of coffee. "Are you okay?" He put his arm around her.

  "I'm fine."

  "We're allowed to see Louise soon. Family members are allowed to see her for a few minutes each hour.
I listed you as Louise's sister." He held up his hand as if to prevent her objections. "You know Louise thinks of you as the sister she never had, and I know she'll want to see you."

  Rose nodded.

  Did she want to see Louise– that was the bigger question?

  She knew what to expect, the tubes and machines. Could she handle it? Before she had any more time to think about it, a nurse came out and motioned for them to follow. George ushered her into the Coronary Care Unit.

  Still groggy from surgery, Louise opened her eyes for a minute and managed a smile for her friend. Rose stood by the side of the bed and took Louise's hand. George stood on the other side and stroked her forehead.