The Desires of a Countess

by Jenna Petersen

  Cordelia nodded though her eyes were filled with hatred.

  “If Ginny allows you access to your grandson then you should go down on your knees and thank her for letting you anywhere near, because I wouldn’t be so kind if that boy were my son.”

  Cordelia sputtered and gasped, but she couldn’t seem to find words of retort. Ginny could hardly breathe. She’d never known someone who could silence her mother-in-law so easily.

  Simon glared. “Now get out of this house and never darken its doors again.”

  He wrenched the parlor door open and motioned for her to leave. As she did so, he called out, “Marsden, show Lady Cordelia the door. And don’t let her back in here even if her very life depends upon it.”

  As the startled butler nodded, Simon slammed the door and turned back to the two women with a grim expression.

  Ginny’s heart felt like it was going to burst. Simon had defended her against a person who’d made her life a hell for years. He had brought Cordelia Blanchard to her knees, and Ginny had to admit she had loved each and every moment of it.

  “You were wonderful,” she said with a broad smile. “I’ve never seen her at a loss for words before.”

  Simon grimaced. “I only hope I haven’t made either of your situations worse.”

  Sarah smiled. “If you have, it was well worth the consequences to see the look on her face.”

  “I agree.” Ginny laughed as she examined Simon closely. It had been years since anyone had defended her honor like that and she’d forgotten how nice it felt.

  With a start, she realized that Simon Webber was the kind of man she could have fallen in love with long ago. But it was too late for that now.

  Wasn’t it?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Ginny stared at the front door to her sister’s home. Why hadn’t she brought Harriet with her? Her friend would have known what to say when the door opened. But since Harriet had attended the ball with Adam Scott two days before her friend had been distracted, and Ginny had yet to hear the reasons why.

  She glanced down to smile at Jack who held her hand and was swinging his opposite arm. Her little boy deserved this chance to meet his relatives. If she was going to give a harpy like Cordelia a place in his life, it was only fair to do the same for her own flesh and blood.

  She caught her breath as the door finally opened and her sister’s butler stood on the other side, staid and comfortable which made Ginny all the more aware of her own nervousness.

  “Good morning madam and young sir,” he said, glancing down at Jack with a brief smile. “May I help you?”

  “Lady Westdale to see Lady Berenger, please.” She held out her card and cursed the way her hand shook when she extended it.

  “Yes, madam. Why don’t you come into the parlor and I will ascertain if Lady Berenger is in residence this morning?”

  Ginny nodded with a sinking stomach. This was a bad idea. She was too afraid to face her sister.

  “Waterston.”

  The man turned and Ginny craned her neck around him to see her sister standing in the foyer. Her face was pale as the two locked eyes.

  “Yes, my lady?”

  “My sister may come with me now. Thank you.”

  Her eyes never left Ginny as she spoke and the man seemed to take the hint as he disappeared after a low bow. The two women continued to stare at each other.

  Ginny had to marvel at how wonderful her sister looked, even at seven months of pregnancy. Her cheeks were full of healthy color and her blue eyes sparkled with joy. She positively glowed. It was a far cry from her own months carrying Jack. She’d been very sick and had lived in constant fear of Henry’s shouts and accusations. He’d made her feel so ugly.

  “Are you coming in?” Audrey asked as she took a hesitant step forward.

  Ginny jumped as she realized she and her son were still standing on the step. With a short nod she stepped inside and bit her lip. “I-I should have sent word first. I’m intruding on your luncheon with your husband.”

  Audrey shook her head. “No, Griffin is on business today. Even if he were here, we would both welcome you, anticipated or not.”

  Her sister took two more steps forward and gathered her into a loose, warm embrace. Ginny stiffened under the unexpected hug, but slowly she relaxed. How long had it been since she felt the comfort of her sister’s arms around her?

  “I’m so glad you came.” Audrey drew away with tears sparkling in her eyes. Then she smiled down at Jack. “Well, James, I didn’t get a good look at you when you first arrived in London. I’m so pleased to see you. You’re such a big boy.”

  “Say hello to your Aunt Audrey, Jack,” Ginny said with a small nudge. Jack turned into her skirts with a burst of shyness. Audrey straightened up with a grin.

  “It’s all right if he’s hesitant. After all, he doesn’t know me. I’d ask you to join me for luncheon but-”

  Ginny flinched. It was too late. Her sister didn’t want to see her. She’d been estranged from her family for too long.

  “-Mama is here. I-I don’t want you to feel like a family meal has been sprung upon you. I told Noah we shouldn’t have all appeared at your townhouse like we did the other night. Men.” Audrey laughed, but her nervousness was clear. “Would you like to stay anyway?”

  The lump in Ginny’s throat returned and she had to swallow it back to manage words. “Mama is here?”

  Audrey nodded. “We often share meals when she’s in London. Marion joins us most days, but she had another engagement today. Perhaps that was meant to be so we could have time alone together.”

  Ginny sank her teeth into her trembling lip. “Yes, perhaps so. I’ll admit I’m nervous. I almost ran down your drive and back home when your butler answered the door.”

  Audrey laughed again and the sound reminded Ginny of her childhood. “I’m glad you didn’t.” She reached out to take Ginny’s arm. “Small steps. It’s all about small steps. Come on.”

  The two women walked into the parlor. Their mother’s back was to the door, but at the sound of their footsteps, she turned. “Who was it at the door…” She began, but then her voice trailed off and she dropped her napkin. “Ginny.”

  “Hello, Mama,” she whispered.

  It had been nearly three years since she’d seen her mother. That brief moment a few days ago hardly counted since she’d been too shocked to take a close look. Tabitha had aged well in that time. Her hair was just a touch grayer, but her eyes still had the vital, humor-filled spark Ginny had loved as a child.

  Her mother seemed to gather her senses. “You’re here. I’m so pleased.”

  “Another setting for luncheon,” Audrey said to a maid behind her. “And bring something special for young Jack, too.”

  Ginny took a deep breath. There was no turning back now, no matter how much she wanted to gather her son up and run away.

  “And Jack,” Tabitha crouched down to grin at her grandson. “My he’s gotten big, hasn’t he?”

  Ginny mimicked her mother’s pose and hugged Jack, who had grown quiet, as was his habit when he met a stranger. “This lady is your Grandmama. Can you say hello?”

  Jack eased a bit closer. Ginny could see the instant connection between the two of them. The shyness he’d shown to her sister vanished in an instant. Immediately, he sat down at his grandmother’s knee and began jabbering in his garbled two-year-old speak about horses and his toys and Simon.

  Tabitha smiled and urged him on with her “Oh mys” and “Reallys” until Jack was giggling with delight. Finally, her mother looked up and their eyes met.

  “Ginny, I’m so glad you brought him to see us. I’ve wondered about him so many times over the years.”

  Her mother’s eyes were misted with tears and she was pricked by her own. She swallowed hard as she straightened up to look first to her mother, then her sister. “I don’t know if we’ll ever be as close as we once were. But I-I want to try again.”

  Once she’d said the words, she was amazed
at the lifting in her heart, as if letting go of the anger and the pain of the past four years had freed her in some way.

  “That’s all we’d ask of you,” her mother said, then opened her arms wide. “Welcome home, my love. My baby girl.”

  With a quiet sob, Ginny took the steps and fell into her mother’s embrace. She clung to her like she hadn’t since she was a child, and for the first time in many years, she felt complete.

  She had blamed Simon for springing her family on her like he had. But now, as she broke away from her mother to take her sister’s hand and the three Jordan women looked at each other with matching tear-filled eyes, she realized he had given her a gift. And now it was her turn to do the same for him.

  ***

  “So you’ll do this for me? You’ll help me?” Ginny asked as she took a sip of her tea and craned her neck over the terrace to watch Jack play with one of the maids down on the lawn below.

  “Of course,” Audrey said. “I think it’s a wonderful plan. I won’t be of much help since Griffin insists on my only remaining for short periods at balls and parties in my condition. But I’ll do what I can while I’m there.”

  Tabitha nodded her agreement. “And I’ll be there. When I return home, I’ll tell Marion everything. Between us, there won’t be anyone who dares to snub Sarah Webber.”

  Ginny gave a happy smile. In the hour she’d spent with her mother and sister, she’d caught up on family business. She’d heard all about how Audrey had managed to marry their brother’s best friend, and how Marion had performed the miracle of training the rake out of Noah. Though her brother’s new wife wasn’t there, Ginny already felt a kinship to her. There was no doubt in her mind that she and her sister-in-law would be friends.

  Though they hadn’t worked out all the awkwardness between them, Ginny felt the closeness of her family returning. That feeling, coupled with the delight that she was giving something back to Simon, only added to the joy in her heart.

  She could only imagine his reaction when his mother was accepted by the ton. He’d been so upset when he’d seen Sarah distressed. Now she could give them both some repayment for their kindnesses.

  “You look a bit flushed, my dear. Is this sun too much for you?” Tabitha asked with a tilt of her head.

  “No, Mama. Just excited about our plan, that’s all.”

  She smiled, but she was troubled. Why was she so excited about helping Simon’s mother? Yes, the woman was kind and had been hurt by the Blanchards and Society as much as she had been. But there was more.

  It was Simon she wanted to please. She wanted to make his eyes light up with pleasure at his mother’s happiness. Why? She shivered as a powerful explanation ripped through her.

  She’d fallen in love with him.

  With a gasp that made her almost choke on her tea, she considered the thought. Though they had argued in the beginning, she’d felt an instant, passionate draw to the man who’d turned her world so upside down. He’d shown her kindness and tenderness and reminded her what it was to feel like a woman. And slowly, bit-by-bit and day-by-day, she’d fallen in love with him.

  It was awful!

  She rushed to her feet. She couldn’t love Simon. She just couldn’t. Not only were there no promises between them to make her believe he would return her love, but he longed for the life he led on his ship. He had mentioned how much he missed the sea more than once.

  But worst of all, she had secrets he could never know. Things about Henry, and the night of his death. Things that would prove just how far she’d go to protect her son. Simon might care for her, but even he wouldn’t be able to shield her from the consequences if her actions were revealed. And once he learned the truth, he probably wouldn’t want to.

  Audrey stood up. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” Ginny lied as she pushed away from the table. “I simply forgot an appointment, that’s all. I’ll see you both tomorrow, though.”

  “Of course,” Tabitha said, though she exchanged a meaningful glance with Audrey.

  But Ginny couldn’t think about that at the moment. Right now she needed to go home. Only then could she figure out what to do. And how to stop the love she felt for a man she could never truly have.

  ***

  “What do you mean you need a new way to put Simon off?” Harriet set down the letter she was writing to glare at her friend in exasperation. “It’s obvious the two of you have grown…” She arched an eyebrow. “Closer since you arrived in London. Why would you want to push him away now?”

  Ginny bit her lip. Already her feelings were becoming too clear if Harriet had noticed. Her friend had been highly distracted as of late. In fact, when Ginny had had her revelation about the love she felt for Simon, Harriet hadn’t even been home to talk with. And now it was just a few hours before the ball and she seemed to be off in her own world.

  “For the very same reasons I needed to push him away before,” she said with a sigh of exasperation. “There’s Jack, and keeping control of my life.”

  “And?” Harriet sighed.

  Ginny pursed her lips. “There are the lies that stand between us whether Simon knows them or not.”

  Harriet got to her feet with a groan. “Honestly, Ginny, I thought you’d gotten past this ridiculous notion when you made love to the man the night of the ball here in London just after our arrival.”

  Ginny’s face paled. “How do you know about that?”

  “Please.” Harriet rolled her eyes. “It’s obvious by the way both of you act that something has changed between you. In fact, if I didn’t know you better I’d say you were in love with him.” Her friend paused and her green eyes leapt to Ginny’s face. “Wait, that’s it, isn’t it? You’ve realized you’re in love with Simon Webber and that thought terrifies you.”

  Ginny shook her head. If she said the words out loud, she’d have to face them. That was something she wasn’t ready to do. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  She ducked her head and turned away from her friend’s keen eyes.

  But Harriet followed. “I’m right. Look at the way you’re trembling. You’re in love with him.”

  There was no use lying. “Perhaps.”

  Her friend engulfed her in a hug. “That’s wonderful! All through the years I watched you with Henry, I hoped someday you’d have a chance to experience real love. I never thought it would be so soon, but Simon is a wonderful man. The way Adam talks about him, he couldn’t be anything but. And once you tell him-”

  Struggling from her friend’s embrace, Ginny took Harriet’s arms and shook her gently. “I’m not telling Simon anything. And neither are you.”

  Harriet’s gaze grew confused. “Why on earth not? Love isn’t meant to be a secret. You two could have a future together. Why would you want to throw that chance away?”

  Shutting her eyes, Ginny desperately tried to block out the images her friend’s words created. It was almost impossible not to picture Simon at her breakfast table each morning and in her bed every night. So hard not to see him as father to her son and to the other children they would create through the love they shared. The thought was so beautiful it actually hurt her. Even more since she knew it could never be a reality.

  “I don’t want to throw it away,” she admitted as she sank down into a chair. She covered her eyes with her hands. “But I don’t have any choice. If I tell Simon I love him, I’ll be living a lie.”

  “Aren’t you living one now by keeping your feelings to yourself?” Harriet pushed Ginny’s hands aside and gazed into her eyes with a pleading stare. “I want so much for you to be happy. And I think you could be with Simon.”

  “Perhaps he doesn’t love me in return.”

  Harriet dropped her hands. “You aren’t even giving him a chance to make that decision.”

  “He’ll want to go back to the ocean eventually,” Ginny tried, hoping one of her arguments would sink in so that she wouldn’t have to get to the heart of the matter.

  “Perhaps he would
n’t if he had a reason to stay. Adam says he loves the sea, but he’s running, too.”

  Ginny cocked an eyebrow. “You’re getting a lot of information from Adam Scott.”

  Harriet blushed, but refused to be deterred. “What is the real reason for your fear?”

  Shutting her eyes, Ginny steadied her trembling hands. “Why would Simon want to create a life with a person like me? Why would he want to be with the person who murdered his cousin?”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Simon smiled at his mother as they sat in Ginny’s parlor waiting for her to come down with Harriet. He had no doubt she would come this time, he’d had word from her brother of her visit to her mother and sister. He smiled at the thought of her reestablishing family ties.

  Adam flipped open his pocket watch as he fiddled with his cravat. “Where are they?”

  “I’ve never known you to be so anxious to go to a party,” Simon mused as he arched an eyebrow at his friend.

  “Ladies always want to make sure they look their best before a large event, Adam,” his mother added. “But my, you do look nervous. Is there some specific reason why?”

  Adam folded his arms over his chest with a scowl. “Of course not. I wouldn’t even have said I’d go to this fool ball unless Harriet… Mrs. Percy hadn’t asked me herself.”

  Simon spun on his heel to stare at his friend. Was that why Adam had been so distracted lately? Harriet Percy?

  “Good evening.”

  All thoughts fled his mind as he turned to see Harriet and Ginny enter. Simon was floored by just how much Ginny’s beauty moved him. Though she was dressed in a black ball gown with little frills, she was stunning.

  “You ladies both look lovely,” Sarah said with a quick glance from her son to Ginny.

  “Mrs. Webber, may I present my friend, Mrs. Harriet Percy,” Ginny said as she finally broke eye contact with Simon.

  He was pleased to see that her cheeks were flushed with high color. She wanted him as much as he wanted her.