by Jo Davis
Watching you walk away turned my whole world dull and colorless. I need you so much I can’t sleep. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any man, and I’m scared to death.
And then he’d want to know why.
He’d be kind and understanding, she had no doubts whatsoever. He’d want to help her move on. What he wouldn’t understand is not being able to help when he was part of the problem. Indirectly, but still. She knew Tommy well enough by now to know he’d be hurt by her lack of trust. He’d take it personally.
Hadn’t he already been hurt, though? He obviously felt rejected and was confused by her mixed signals.
“You’re not any more confused than me, buddy.” She sighed, picking up the pace. The day was getting hot at barely eleven, sweat rolling down her back and between her breasts. She tried to concentrate on her surroundings, her tennis shoes slapping on the pavement, and conjured a song with a good beat to hum as she went. Next time she’d have to bring her MP3 player and earbuds.
After making a circuit around the entire complex, she started for home. What next? Maybe a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey to completely negate the benefits of her walk. Or perhaps a drive to the Cumberland River, down to the dam. Her pantry was on the bare side, too. She could use a few groceries, but didn’t really feel like—
Her thoughts ground to a halt. Across the parking lot, a familiar man walked from the breezeway leading to her apartment toward a dark blue Chevy truck. His head was down, one hand digging in his jeans pocket, pulling out a set of keys. As she hurried to close the distance, he unlocked the driver’s door, swung it open, and got in.
“Tommy! Wait!”
He hesitated. To her relief, one long leg appeared, followed by six feet of lean, luscious male. He leaned just inside his open door against the frame, tucking one thumb into the pocket of his jeans, and peered in her direction. His expression was unreadable, and that made her more nervous than if he’d been angry.
Well, she’d wanted someone to talk to, and here he was, in the flesh. She just hadn’t expected the object of her angst to show up at her doorstep. She jogged over and stopped a few feet from him, giving him a smile she hoped didn’t betray her attack of nerves.
“Hi there,” she said, breathless.
“Hey. Came by to talk, but didn’t get an answer.”
“Yeah, I was out for a walk. Been feeling cooped up, I guess.”
He tilted his head, making no move toward her. “I’m surprised.”
“Why?”
“I’d have thought Mr. City Manager would be keeping you plenty busy.”
Fisting a hand on one hip, she stared at him. “If you really thought so, why are you here? To hurl more barbs at me about Forrest? You’ll note that I haven’t called you, and a verbal beating isn’t exactly the way to change my mind.”
Tommy hung his head and was silent for a few moments. When he looked up, his expression was contrite. “I’m sorry. That’s not why I came, but I can’t seem to filter what goes from my brain to my mouth where that guy’s concerned. Picturing you with him . . . you know it’s driving me crazy. But that’s not my reason for stopping by.”
She waited while he gathered his thoughts before continuing.
“I came by to apologize for my behavior on Saturday,” he said quietly. “There’s no excuse for leaving a lady standing there the way I did. I was rude and I hope you’ll forgive me.”
Never had she seen Tommy so serious, and something about his demeanor put her on alert. Dread curled in her veins. “Of course I do, not that there was ever a question of forgiveness. I hurt you, too, and I’m sorry. I know how you feel about Forrest and I can’t change that.”
His laugh was unhappy, and he ran a hand through his hair, making the sunlit strands poke in every direction. “Can’t you? I guess that tells me what I need to know, but since I’m a masochistic bastard, let’s hunt this down and shoot it. Do you have any feelings for me at all?”
“I do,” she whispered. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”
A spasm of pain flashed in those incredible eyes. “In the same way he’s your friend? Someone mildly interesting to pass the time with over wine and boring conversation?”
“No. Have you forgotten our dance? Our kiss? You’re much more than that to me.”
Stepping close, he brushed his knuckles down her cheek. “I haven’t forgotten one second of how good it felt to hold you, but I wasn’t the one who pulled away. You don’t want me to be more, do you? I just keep pushing against your walls, and to tell you the truth, baby, my hands are starting to bleed. Do you want me gone for good? Look at me, tell me to leave you alone, and I will. I swear I’ll get in my truck, drive off, and never bother you again. Is that what you want?”
He meant every word. Leaving would tear him apart, but he’d do just that. For her.
No more Tommy? His smiles, his laugh, his zest for life. Gone. And if she let him go, the next woman wouldn’t make the same mistake. A woman even more stunning than Daisy Duke. In his arms. His bed. The idea made her sick.
Turn the tables, and she had a whole new appreciation for how he’d reacted, seeing her with another man.
“Pulling away was a knee-jerk response and it’s my problem, not yours.” Taking one of his hands, she linked their fingers, loving the rough calluses. The hands of a hardworking man. “I need you in my life, and the way you make me feel . . . it’s wonderful, and it scares me, too. There are issues I believed I’d dealt with long ago, before you. Bad stuff.”
“Like what? Talk to me, Shea.”
“One day, okay? For now, can you be patient with me a little longer?” Please. She didn’t want to get into this today, when things were so raw between them.
“Honey, I’m not going anywhere unless you make me,” he said, squeezing her hand and drawing her in to his warm body. “This is your show, all the way. I’m here for you, whatever you need. Just don’t keep dribbling me like a basketball. If you can promise me that, I’ve got all the patience in the world.”
He kissed her nose, and she smiled. “No more dribbling, I promise. You have no idea what you do to me.”
“Nope. Maybe you’d better show me.”
Reaching up, she curled her fingers behind his neck and brought his head down. Captured his mouth, loved his groan of surrender. Loved being the instigator for a change, his strong muscles tense with desire, body trembling against hers.
She explored his mouth, tasting a hint of beer almost masked by peppermint. Beyond that, a flavor unique to him, heady and masculine like his spicy scent.
His arms went around her as he leaned back against his truck, legs spread, snuggled her in right where she longed to be. Like before, she was struck by the overwhelming sense of rightness. As though she’d been made for this man, and her entire existence had been only that—marking time until she met the man brave enough to crack her safe shell.
“God, if we keep this up I’m going to embarrass myself,” he said huskily, cupping her face.
His erection burrowed into her tummy, hard and hot. Insistent. Being plastered against one-hundred-percent-potent, aroused male sent signals of appreciation to every nerve ending. One word and she’d have him in her bed, sliding inside her, fucking her into the mattress.
Lord, she was wet. She hadn’t been celibate over the years, but her desire for this man was completely different. She’d never felt like she’d die if she didn’t rub her naked body against his, skin to skin. She wanted to roll all over him, mark him as hers.
“Want to go inside?”
He nodded, lips curving upward. “I’d love to. But I’m not going to jump your bones—yet. I don’t think we’re ready.”
“Speak for yourself!”
Deep down, though, she knew he was right. She’d learned a harsh lesson before. What was it about Tommy that made her toss her common sense out the window?
“Well, I’m physically ready. No hiding the truth.” His slow grin was devastating. “I’m not, however,
willing to mess this up.”
“I thought you said this is my show,” she pointed out.
“It is. Which is why I’m not going to let things go too far. Not today.”
“Huh? Then how can you say I’m in charge if you’re telling me no?”
“Because you didn’t try to convince me,” he said gently.
“Not really. When you’re truly ready, you’ll know. You’ll be absolutely certain, and we’ll both be on the same page.”
“Oh.”
The truth dawned and she stared at him, seeing him in a new light yet again. He could’ve taken advantage of her vulnerability, sated their lust, knowing it might hurt them in the long run. Yet he hadn’t.
“Sweet, wonderful man.” She gifted him with a slow kiss.
“Are you for real? Never mind. I can tell you are.” He was still rock hard and surely in pain.
He laughed, shook his head. “I have an idea. Why don’t we grab a burger or something? Talk for a while.”
“I’m a nasty sweat ball, so if you’ll wait while I take a quick shower, you’re on.”
“I happen to like you sweaty. Makes it easier to slide into home base.” He waggled his brows, making her laugh.
“Yuck. I’m showering, and that’s one fetish you can cross off your list, dude.”
Stepping back, she turned and started for her apartment, giggling at his loud protest.
“Hey! I haven’t said that word around you in forever!” He hurried to catch up. “My friends have almost coached it out of me.”
“Good. But don’t change another thing, all right? I like you just the way you are.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. What about me? Is there anything you’d change?”
“Are you kidding?” He sounded taken aback as he fell in step beside her. “You’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever met. You’re smart, beautiful—”
“I wasn’t fishing,” she said, color heating her cheeks. Liar.
“Doesn’t matter if you were. That’s how I feel and if you change one hair on your head, I’ll be upset.”
“Hmm. I guess the purple-dyed Mohawk is out, then.”
“Unless you want me to sport a matching one.”
“Definitely out.”
She pulled her keys from her shorts and let them inside, breathing a sigh of relief to be in the air-conditioned space. “Jeez, it must be a hundred and ten outside. Want something to drink while you wait?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.” He glanced around. “Nice place. Bigger than mine, and brighter. You’ve got more sunlight than I do.”
She winced at the reminder that she hadn’t invited him in on their previous date. The first time they’d gone out, he’d simply picked her up at the hospital and they’d had a burger together. Very casual outings, like today, but they hadn’t discussed much beyond work, favorite foods, movies, and such.
Today might shape up quite a bit differently.
“Thanks,” she said, pleased he approved of her humble abode. Padding into the kitchen, she dug a bottled water from the fridge. “I’ve enjoyed living here. Nice neighborhood, not far from work, and the apartments are only a few years old. Rent’s not too steep, either, compared to some.”
“I like it. I’ve been thinking about getting a nicer place, so maybe I’ll search in this area.”
“Cool. I think you’d like it here.” She twisted the top off the bottle, took a long drink, and wiped her mouth. “Make yourself at home. I’ll only be a few minutes.”
“Hurry, or I might have to come in after you.”
She figured he was teasing, but hurried anyway . . . even though she was tempted to stall and prod the lion, so to speak. Probably a bad idea.
So she sped through her shower and dried off quickly, then changed into fresh blue shorts and a white, summery tank top. Casual, she reminded herself. Burgers and fries. She could do this.
Once finished, sporting a touch of makeup, she walked out to find Tommy flipping through her latest People magazine, Miss Kitty sprawled on his lap like a furry rug. The feline head-butted his arm, demanding attention, and he paused to give her a scratch. The sight was too cute, and her heart melted a whole lot more, if possible.
“Ready?”
He looked up, eyeing her in approval, the heat unmistakable. “I am. You’re way too pretty to be seen with me, though. I should buy you a steak dinner instead of another plain old burger.”
“Oh, hush. Nobody thinks I’m pretty except you, and burgers are great with me.”
“I’ll bet Shane thinks you’re pretty.”
She rolled her eyes. “He’s a brother, and they don’t count.”
Tommy went still, the color leaching from his face. “Yeah, they count,” he said softly. “Don’t ever take his opinion for granted.”
“I—I don’t. I was making a silly, clichéd brother joke, that’s all.” Crap, what just happened here?
His smile appeared forced as he rose, setting Miss Kitty aside. “Shall we?”
“Um, sure.”
This time, she grabbed her purse and water along with her keys and they were off. Tommy took her hand and led her to his truck, opened the passenger door, and helped her inside.
As he walked around the front to his side, she noted he still appeared stiff. The set of his mouth was somewhat flat, his expression upset, much as he tried to hide it.
When he got in, however, he shot her a real smile that eased the knot in her chest. Whatever was wrong, he wasn’t angry with her.
He pulled out of the parking lot, glancing over briefly. “Can I ask you something without making you mad?”
“I hope so.” When he didn’t laugh, she sighed. “Sure, go ahead.”
“Did you go out with Prescott after the reception?”
“I did,” she said, studying his reaction carefully. His knuckles whitened on the steering wheel and his eyes flashed, but his tone was even.
“I see. How did you two meet, anyway?”
“He was at a police charity thing with some of the city councilmen, and Shane introduced us. Listen, Forrest is a friend. Yes, he’d like for there to be more. But there isn’t more, and I told him so that night. How could there be, especially after . . .”
After you held me and we danced, kissing like we needed it as much as air to breathe.
She didn’t have to say it, but he heard it all the same. His hands relaxed on the wheel, and so did his shoulders.
“Thanks. You didn’t have to tell me, but I’m glad you did.”
“You can’t convince yourself to be attracted to someone if you’re not. It doesn’t work.”
His brows furrowed. “Is that what you tried to do with him?”
She hesitated. “I guess. Didn’t do any good.”
“I don’t get it,” he said, puzzled more than upset. “I mean, I know he’s a better catch, being a big shot—”
“No! Don’t ever think that because it’s not true. You can’t possibly believe I’m that shallow.”
“Of course not. I’m sorry. Scratch what I said.”
Gazing at his profile, she wondered how to put the issue to rest. “Can we call it temporary insanity on my part and leave it for now?”
“Sure, baby.”
The endearment warmed her. He’d called her baby more than once, and it gave her a sense of belonging. Made her feel special.
In minutes, he pulled into the parking lot of Stratton’s and shut off the ignition. Locals had feared the new McDonald’s would put the longtime icon out of business, but so far both had thrived. Stratton’s had the best burgers, shakes, and ice cream she’d ever tasted, and her stomach rumbled in anticipation.
“Better get you fed, tiger,” Tommy said, grinning.
“Fat and carbs? Bring it on!”
“I like the way you think. Besides, we can always work it off.”
Yeah, she could just imagine how. She might have serious trust issues, but she wasn’t made of ice.
Inside t
he fifties-themed eatery, they found a table and sat across from each other. Almost instantly, menus appeared and they glanced through the choices, though Shea’s mind was more on the company than the food.
“Cheeseburger for me,” she said, laying her menu aside.
“Me, too. I’m not picky when I’m hungry, which is all the time.”
“Good thing you’re a fireman, then. According to Cori, you guys can cook like five-star chefs.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “A total myth, I assure you. Until recently, the guys wouldn’t let me cook anything but hot dogs. Pathetic, but I’m learning.”
“Hmm, maybe you need more practice. You could always fix me dinner . . .” She trailed off, toying with her napkin.
“Good Lord, I want to impress you, not give you indigestion.”
“I’m not worried. I could even help, if you wanted,” she offered. His face lit up and he beamed at her.
“In that case, you’re on! I work tomorrow, off Thursday and Friday. When’s your next night off?”
“I work seven a.m. to seven p.m. through Saturday, off again on Sunday.”
“God, we have crazy schedules. Let me think. I work Saturday and then I’m off Sunday and Monday. I’ll get off at seven a.m. on Sunday, go home and crash for a while. Why don’t I bring the stuff for dinner to your place Sunday afternoon? We can make it early since you have to be at work Monday morning.”
“Sounds good. Want to come over around four?”
“It’s a plan.”
The busty, middle-aged waitress took their order with a big, flirtatious smile pointed firmly in Tommy’s direction, much to her annoyance. To his credit, however, his gaze didn’t stray lower than her face and he didn’t seem to notice the sultry looks thrown his way.
Finally, the older woman moved away and Shea blew out a pent-up breath. “How do you stand it?”
“Stand what?”
“Nothing.” He couldn’t possibly be so oblivious to his sex appeal. Could he?
“Oh, that,” he said, waving a hand in dismissal. “She was being obvious, wasn’t she? I mostly ignore it, while trying to be polite. The guys tease me a lot about my resemblance to Brad Pitt and I’ll admit I ham it up some, but I honestly don’t see it.”