by Ashley Harma
“Yeah, I fucking got that, Mom. I fucking get it,” Jackson spoke very loudly, and other patrons at the bar were looking now. “I’m nothing to you but a fucking paycheck, I get it, you don’t have to clarify it for me anymore, okay? You know, I might not always be here to win your fucking money for you. Why don’t you and Dad start training to get into the ring? You’re both heartless bastards anyway, should be right up your alley.” He slammed his empty rocks glass down and started off.
“Hey!” Lyle barked at Jackson, trying to rein him in. He reached out and grabbed Jackson by the forearm, and Jackson spun around dangerously, shooting daggers at his father.
“If you don’t take your hand off me, I’ll deck you so hard you’ll wish I’d never been born.” From the look in his eyes, Lila knew he meant it, and so did Lyle. He let go and Jackson stormed towards the elevator and out of the club. Cassandra got up off her stool and smoothed her dress out. Lyle shook his head and got out a cell phone.
“’Scuse us, girls,” Cassandra said tersely, slipping an arm through Lyle’s as he typed away on his iPhone. “We’re going to need to take care of a few things now. Get off your asses and do some work, yeah girls? People pay good money to be here.”
Lyle got back on his phone. “Yeah,” Lila heard him say, “no, he threw it. Yes I’m fuckin’ sure. You think I don’t know how much a’ my own goddamned money I put on it? Well, we’ll just have to talk to him about that.” Lyle walked out of earshot and Cassandra caught up with him, and they began having a private conversation that Lila didn’t want to watch. It made the stone in her stomach feel like a boulder.
The patrons had fallen to a dull roar in the aftermath of Jackson’s default. Groups were huddled, discussing what could have happened, but gradually, conversation picked back up and the quiet, curious whispers died down. Then, people realized they needed more booze, and the bar got slammed again. Lila wanted to call Jackson, to make sure he was okay, but she didn’t have time to. As Lila and Georgia figured out the next round of orders, the next fight started without Lila noticing. She gingerly picked up a full tray and started off to deliver it, only then catching that Barrett was in the ring and doing his normal dance.
She didn’t have time to look at him, but periodically her temperature spiked, and she could feel Barrett’s eyes on her. Thunks and jeers—Barrett must have been handling his opponent, a heavyset olive-skinned man, with relative ease, because his usual haters didn’t even seem that interested in the fight that night. Lila barely had time to glance at the ring every now and then, but as was usually the case with Barrett, the fight was over relatively soon. Lila heard the wail of the heavyset man that she knew meant Barrett had him in his special hold. Right as she dropped off the last drinks on her tray, she heard the slaps of submission on the mat, and the fight was over.
The night got even weirder: for the first time, maybe ever since Lila had started working there, with the end of Barrett’s fight—the final fight of the night—patrons began to clear out almost immediately. She weaved through the exiting crowd, most of them too busy leaving to even throw stuff at Barrett like they normally did. He slid under the ropes and caught up to Lila as she made her way back to the bar.
“You’re not even going to look at me tonight?” he asked, clearly angry. She sighed.
“I’m super busy, Barrett, I don’t really have time to make eyes at you from across the room. Give me a minute and I’ll eat you alive with my gaze, okay?” She tried to keep her tone light and joking, but she could sense that he didn’t take it that way.
“No, whatever, don’t fucking bother.” She turned to try to reassure him that it really only was because of how busy she was tonight, but when she turned he was gone already. She caught sight of his shoulders bobbing through the crowd in another direction. She really didn’t have time for this. At the bar, she and Georgia began closing people out, but they were leaving in hoards tonight. Lila was thankful that Lyle and Cassandra had left already, because in the moods they were in tonight, the patrons booking it out of Club Malevolence wouldn’t have made them any happier. As she ran a credit card for a well-dressed businessman, she took a moment to consider Barrett’s reaction. Why was he so mad that she hadn’t looked at him? That meant something, because it had clearly pissed him off, and she didn’t take him for the type to just get jealous about a booty call’s attention. But, before she could think about it too much, the machine spat out a receipt and she was dunked back into work.
The bar began to clear out, and she and Georgia took a quick shot together. They deserved it after the night they’d worked. Wiping a hand across her mouth, the whiskey burning down her throat, Lila looked across the room and her blood went cold for a second. In the seats, off in the far corner, Barrett was sitting with a trashy looking blonde, one arm casually draped on the seat behind her and one sitting comfortably on her exposed thigh. Lila’s jaw clenched. As if sensing her, Barrett’s eyes flitted over to the bar and met hers, and they stared at each other for a moment, Barrett with a shit-eating grin on his face, Lila incredulous. She shook her head, not breaking eye contact with him yet, her top lip curling in disgust despite her attempts to conceal her displeasure. At her reaction, Barrett’s grin dropped a bit, and, now uncomfortable, he turned back to the blonde.
“Un-fucking-believable,” Lila muttered, beginning to slam glasses around to clean. Her face burned and she realized she was grinding her teeth. She washed several martini glasses in a row, plunging them furiously into the warm, soapy water, seething.
“Georgia, can we get 2 Four Horsemens?” She jolted to attention at the sound of his voice at the end of the bar. Turning slowly, already knowing what she was going to see but not wanting to see it, she found Barrett and the blonde standing there, the latter giggling like an idiot and swaying slightly on her feet. Lila’s jaw dropped open. Barrett didn’t look at her.
“Coming right up,” George growled, adding, “asshole,” under her breath as she walked away.
“What’s a four horsemen?” the blonde drawled in a high, nasal voice.
“The four whiskeys,” Barrett answered, turning to her and sliding a strand of hair behind her ear. The blonde giggled again and swayed a little harder, reaching out to grab Barrett’s bicep to brace herself.
“That’s a lot of whiskey,” she slurred. Georgia set the two shots down in front of them with a grudge-filled clink, and put on the fakest smile she could manage.
“Enjoy.” She clearly did not mean it.
Lila was still standing there, hadn’t moved since she’d lit upon this scene, and she watched Barrett and the woman take the shots together. The blonde coughed hard and made a terrible face.
“That’s awful,” she said loudly, smacking her lips and hacking like she had a hairball.
“Oh come on, it’s not that bad,” Barrett tried to keep up this charade, but Lila could see him working at it. He was doing it for her, she realized.
“That was fucking disgusting,” she whined, shaking her head. “Ugh, gross. Be right back, I’m going to the bathroom.” She stumbled off towards the restroom, looking like she was going to break an ankle at any given moment.
“I just want you to know, Barrett, she’s definitely going in there to puke,” Georgia said, doing some dishes now. “But I don’t know whether it’s because of the alcohol or because you touched her.”
“Nice, Georgia. Shut the fuck up.” Barrett sat on the stool closest to him. Lila stomped down to his end of the bar, crossing her arms in front of her chest and squaring off to face him.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” she asked quietly. Barrett didn’t look at her, just studied the empty shot glass in front of him.
“What?”
Lila couldn’t stand it anymore. God, she wanted him. And she did care about him. And she wanted to know him. And he was a fucking asshole.
“You know what? Nothing. I don’t know what I expected.” She started back towards the sink at the other end.
“I don’
t know what you expected either,” he called to her, now looking at her defiantly. She swung around to face him. “I don’t recall telling you to have any expectations.”
Lila began to laugh, and Barrett’s face contorted in either shame or anger, she wasn’t sure which. “It’s a shame, Barrett,” Lila began, “because everyone here thinks you’re an asshole. And you know what? I like you.” Barrett scoffed at this, and Lila took a couple steps closer to him. “I fucking like you, Barrett,” she said seriously, and this time, he looked at her, believing her. “And you’re going to be a fucking idiot and throw that away. Well,” she held up her hands, “it’s your life. You make your choices. Fuck that girl, I don’t care. I don’t care how many girls you fuck, Barrett. None of them are going to like you. You know why? Because you don’t want them to.” She spun on her heel and stomped off to the other end of the bar, where Georgia was standing.
“That was fucking amazing,” Georgia said quietly. “Now we really need you to make an exit here, a good one, so grab your stuff and leave. I’ll take care of clean up. You deserve it.” Lila bent down for her purse without looking at Georgia.
“You’re fucking amazing, Georgia,” she said quietly. “I owe you big time, thank you so much.”
“Quick, go, before it looks staged,” Georgia said through gritted teeth. Lila straightened up, and coolly walked off towards the elevators. She saw the drunk blonde stumbling out the bathroom as the elevator doors opened, and Lila stepped into the cool, metallic silence.
Chapter Eighteen
She’d called Jackson 6 or 7 times since she left and his phone had gone straight to voicemail. She’d gotten home—to an empty house—and gotten her clothes off when her phone rang. She rushed to it, hoping it would be Jackson, but Barrett flashed across the caller ID. Her heart caught in her chest, and for a split second she considered not answering. She did anyway.
“What?” she said curtly.
“Where do you live?” he responded just as shortly.
“What, why?” She was completely caught off guard.
“I’m coming over, is why.” Then her heart caught in her chest for a different reason. Barrett couldn’t come here. What if her dad came home? Nope, that couldn’t happen.
“No, no, are you at home?” she hurried.
“Yeah, but—“
“Fine, fine. I’ll come over there, okay, I’ll come over.”
“Fine. Come now.” He hung up on her. She threw on jeans and a tank top, slipped into flip-flops and headed back out to her car. In a matter of minutes, she was back at Barrett’s house. He was sitting in a chair in his front yard, waiting for her. She took a deep breath and got out. He stood up and came towards her, but didn’t close the gap between them entirely. She leaned against her driver’s side door.
“What?” she asked, trying her hardest to be cold.
“You said some shit to me tonight,” he said firmly.
“Yeah, I did,” she said defiantly, staring at him. “She inside?” She motioned towards the house with her head.
“Cut the bullshit, Lila.”
“I’m not the one bullshitting here, Barrett.”
“I didn’t—look, you don’t know me, okay?”
“No, I don’t,” Lila retorted. “You won’t let me.”
He strained against the urge to say something else, it seemed. “What I mean is that’s the only reason you like me, okay?”
“Oh, poor you, poor, wounded Barrett. Nobody would like you if you let them get close, is that it?” Her tone was icy and combative, and Barrett was getting worked up. He took another step closer.
“Fucking women, you always think you can fix whatever’s wrong, right? That you’re the answer to some little fucked up boy’s prayers, is that it?” His eyes were burning, but Lila didn’t give in, and she didn’t respond. “You think, what, you got the magic pussy that’s going to turn my world upside down?”
Like the very first time they met, Lila didn’t know what was happening until she realized her palm was pulling across Barrett’s face. She’d jumped forward and smacked him again. He didn’t even seem surprised this time. He roared forward and backed Lila against her car, slamming his hands down on either side of her. His hot breath hit her face, but Lila didn’t cower or back down.
“I bet saying nasty things to people usually does exactly what you need it to, right, Barrett? Keeps you safe for a little bit longer.”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” he growled.
“Oh no, I do. You think you’re the only person that shit’s happened to?” She looked him seriously in the eyes. “You’re not. The sooner you get off your fucking high horse about it, the better off you’ll be.”
“Your mom died? That the biggest tragedy of your life, Lila?” His eyes burned into hers. “Believe me, worse things could happen.” She shoved him square in the chest, not to much avail but enough to make a point.
“Yeah! My mom died, and my dad’s a fucking deadbeat alcoholic, and I been taking care of him since I was a child, for what? So he can drink himself to death and hate me every minute of every day. And I don’t have any friends, and I don’t have any family, and my life’s got no fucking purpose! But you don’t see me lording that over everyone else like they couldn’t ever understand what I been through!” She was shouting now, and Barrett’s ferocity had given way a little. “Man the fuck up, Barrett, or get the fuck out of everyone’s way.” She finished, heaving. They were still awfully close, pushed up against her car, Barrett close to engulfing her with his body, but not doing it yet. He watched her in silence, probing her eyes with his, huffing. She could smell him, and again, she was turned on, angry, and confused all at once.
Then, without warning, Barrett grabbed her face and kissed her hard, flattening against her. He kissed her so good it made her toes curl, and their tongues were fighting now with as much vigor as they’d been arguing. It hurt a little, but Lila still felt like she didn’t have Barrett close enough. She clawed at his back, trying to draw him into her, absorb him, and he responded by sublimely crushing her against her car. When they absolutely had to, they broke for breath, both panting. Lila didn’t have time to say anything before Barrett grabbed her thighs and hoisted her up onto him, spinning towards the house and barreling back for the front door. Again his mouth was on hers and she’d wrapped her legs around him tightly. Barrett pushed them through the front door and slammed it shut behind him.
“I want you inside me right fucking now,” Lila whimpered into his lips. Her pussy was on fire but chills were running through her body, and she didn’t know how long she’d last if Barrett didn’t merge with her soon. Barrett tossed her off him and she hit the couch and bounced. He grabbed at her jeans and ripped them off in a frenzy as she pulled her tank top over her head. She surged forward and pulled down his shorts and underwear, freeing his cock, taking it in her mouth quick and deep and making him moan loudly. He shoved her back onto the sofa and pawed off her bra. Her panties seemed to fly off at a brush of his finger, and a second later, Barrett was buried deep in her crevice, and Lila felt whole again.
No bells, no whistles this time, just pure, animalistic fucking. Lila was clawing at Barrett like she needed his blood, and Barrett was pounding into her with abandon. They were groaning and sighing, creating a cacophony of pleasure, underscored by the creak of the couch as it moved with Barrett’s thrusts. Lila didn’t ever want it to end. Barrett dipped his head down to hers and she pulled his face in, flicking her tongue deep in his mouth. In a frenzy, they both begin to cry out, voices mixing, muscles clenching—they were barreling towards climax. They’d both broken out in sweat and were sliding against each other, the friction building. Lila could tell her face would be raw tomorrow, chafed from Barrett’s stubble and the frantic kissing they were doing. She didn’t care.
As Lila’s sex clenched and throbbed around Barrett’s, it became too much for them to handle, and with a sharp cry from both, they came, bodies stuttering toge
ther in shared transcendence. Once their waves had settled, Barrett still inside Lila, they shared a long, slow, sensuous kiss, so gentle for two people who’d just tried to destroy each other out of desire. Barrett laid his head on Lila’s chest, and she stroked his close-cropped hair.
“What did you mean,” Lila finally said, quietly, “when you said worse things could happen than a mother dying?” Unlike the times before, Lila didn’t feel a shift in Barrett’s energy when she probed him tonight. She held her breath, knowing he’d tell her this time.
“I wish my mom had just died. It would have saved me a lot of trouble.” He said it with such bitterness that Lila felt like crying.
“What’d she do?” she whispered.
“What didn’t she do’s a better question. She didn’t take care of me, that’s for damn sure. She did basically every drug known to man, did every man who gave her drugs, and did eventually up and leave me completely.” Lila held him tighter, wanting to force the sadness out of his body. “I remember her asking me to hold the spoon, when I was very little,” he muttered. “What kind of mother does that?”
“She left you, you said?” Lila kissed the top of his head gently, repeatedly.
“She’d leave me for days at a time. I could run a household by the time I was 5. Once, she grounded me, and locked me in my room. I fell asleep crying, and when I woke up, she was gone, and she didn’t come back for three days. I had to climb out my bedroom window and shimmy down the side of our house.”
“Oh god,” Lila’s heart was breaking. “Barrett, I’m so sorry.”
“I know you know what it’s like, your dad is fucked up, too,” he said into her collarbone, kissing it lightly. “Fucked up people shouldn’t have kids.”
“I don’t know,” Lila murmured, turning Barrett’s face towards hers. “I have a little bit of hope for us.” She looked into his eyes, and he looked back into hers. Then he leaned forward and kissed her. She’d gotten a sliver of the real Barrett Warde.