‘I’m lost.’
‘You were honest and real and uncensored and I liked that about you. Just about everyone in my life knows I’ve been sick.’ Her voice catches. ‘And don’t they all act like it. You didn’t pity me or pull punches just because I might kick the bucket at any moment.’
‘So it’s a good thing I’ve been a self-absorbed bitch around you?’
Now her mouth curves, and the amusement in her face reminds me of Luc. ‘Let’s just say it’s refreshing.’
‘So what now? I’m not sure how to be around you.’ I hate to admit it. I want to be a good friend, but I’m not exactly experienced at this kind of thing.
‘I’m the same person I was this morning. Just be yourself.’ She rummages through her make-up bag. ‘And maybe lend me some mascara?’
‘That, I can do.’
CHAPTER
17
She wore a daisy chain. Loops of white and green. Yellow sunshine caught between.
‘Daisy’—GRAY
The elevator dings as we reach the ground floor and there’s a thud as Jolie’s hand hits the close doors button.
‘Before we go—’ she takes a shaky breath and her happy façade slips for a moment, ‘we’re doing this concert thing in style. It’s going to be freaking amazing and no-one is going to dwell on why.’ Her gaze settles on each of us in turn. ‘As far as everyone’s concerned, we’ve won a kick-ass prize. Got it?’
I nod along with the others but I can’t help noticing the wobble in her voice, and the pale skin that make-up can’t quite cover. I want to ask Cass when she found out, but now isn’t the time.
Jolie flashes a grin and lets the doors slide open. She strides forward, head high and beautiful.
‘How do you stand it?’ I whisper to Luc as we follow her along the hallway.
His grin is wry. ‘Because she’d kick my butt if I didn’t.’
When we exit the glass doors of the apartment building, there’s a hot pink stretch Hummer waiting for us and I can’t help but echo Jolie’s squeal of excitement. Maybe it won’t be as hard as I thought to forget why all this is happening.
The driver smiles and ushers us onto a hot pink carpet. People passing stop and stare, and it’s easy to link elbows with the others and walk along it like we’re movie stars. As we approach, the doors lift, spaceship style, revealing pink leather seats and lush pink shagpile covering the walls and ceiling.
‘Have you seen the TVs?’ asks Jolie, her eyes wide. ‘There are four!’
A bar with LED strip lighting and lots of glass lines one side of the vehicle. And just when I think it can’t get any more over the top, the floor lights up.
‘It’s a dance floor.’ Luc’s tone is somewhere between appalled and amazed.
But Jolie’s face is lit with pure joy. ‘This is totally brilliant. It is already The. Best. Night. Ever.’
‘Perfect,’ Luc agrees. ‘Does that mean we can skip the concert?’
She answers with a punch to his arm.
It’s not until we’ve all piled into the Hummer that I realise the excitement of it all has made its way straight to my bladder. Great. I need to pee.
‘Do you know how long it is to the stadium?’ I whisper to Luc. The others are arguing over the volume of Gray’s tour DVD, which is playing on all four TV screens. He passes my question on to the driver and then explains, ‘He’s booked to take a bit of a scenic route along the river to make the Hummer thing worthwhile.’
‘Excellent,’ I mutter.
Luc’s brows meet. ‘Is there a problem?’
Caught between the embarrassment of having to admit the problem, and the discomfort of not saying anything, I open and close my mouth twice but no sound comes out.
The swipe card for the apartment lands in my lap. Jolie, typically, hasn’t missed a thing. ‘Go,’ she says. ‘We can wait five minutes.’ Her eyes sparkle. ‘Any longer than that and we’re leaving without you.’
The more I’m with her, the easier it is to pretend she’s not ill. The sheer life bubbling through her makes everything Luc told me earlier seem like a bad dream. I grin back. ‘I’ll be no more than three.’
No-one else needs to go. Cass is already sipping sparkling apple juice poured by the driver and Luc just shakes his head as I extricate myself from the pink vehicle.
Two minutes later, I exit the apartment, careful to make sure I have the card. As I’m checking that the door has locked behind me, there’s the unmistakable swish of the lift doors opening.
‘Zoey.’
The swipe card slips from my fingers. I turn. The boy standing outside the lift is the last person I expected to see. ‘Finn? What are you doing here?’ I grab the card from the carpet. ‘Did you need to use the bathroom?’
His hands are shoved deep in the pockets of his jacket. ‘I wanted to talk to you alone.’
I scan the hallway, hoping for salvation in the potted plant perched in the corner. Finding none. ‘Me?’
He takes a step closer. His eyes are hopeful and the uncertainty in his expression takes me back to the day he first asked me out. This can’t be the same thing. It can’t be.
‘You,’ he says. There’s no mumbling this time. ‘I wanted to talk to you about us. We should never have broken up. You know we were good together. I think we could be good together again.’
A few days ago this would have been a dream come true. Now it’s more like a nightmare.
‘Are you sure?’ As a response, it’s hardly brilliant, but I need to buy time.
‘I love you, Zoey.’
And . . . I’m all out of time. I suck in air and close my eyes, but pretending this isn’t happening isn’t an option. When I open them again he’s looking at me hopefully.
But no matter what I thought I wanted a few days ago, this trip has showed me what a monumental mistake it would be to get back together with Finn.
I’m a different person now, and I can’t go back to the old me. And I don’t really want to. Which is pretty much what Luc yelled at me in the storm. I fight a completely inappropriate giggle. Trust me to finally get my thoughts straight while stuck in a hallway with the wrong guy declaring his feelings for me.
Great, I get to break his heart again.
‘What about Cass?’ I ask. He’s hardly been hands-off with his current girlfriend. Only ten minutes ago they were holding hands in the lift.
‘I feel really bad,’ he says. ‘Cass is great and we have lots of fun, but . . .’ He closes the distance between us and takes my hands before I can move. His hands are clammy and I’m aware of the card for the apartment digging into my palm. ‘But you have to know that for me, it’s always been you.’
I tug my hands free. ‘I’m not the girl I used to be.’
His blue eyes are confused. ‘We were good together. Weren’t we?’
I thought so once, but now I’m not sure how together we really were. Not enough to get through the first big problem that came our way. But I don’t share my doubts. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have.
‘You are a great guy . . .’ I begin.
The hope in his eyes extinguishes. ‘But?’
‘I think we’re better as friends,’ I finish.
I brace for hurt or anger from him, but there’s only resignation. ‘I just want you to be happy, Zoey.’
I nudge his shoulder as we walk side by side to the lift. ‘You know what?’ I say. ‘That’s exactly what I want for you.’ I press the button and we wait for the lift to reach our floor.
And then I say it. Not for the first time, but hopefully the last. ‘I really am sorry for what happened. I was mad you weren’t there, but that’s no excuse for cheating. You didn’t deserve that.’
He blinks. ‘You were going through a lot.’
I know that’s the closest I’ll ever get to him acknowledging that he let me down too. And it’s enough, because I think finally, finally I’ve forgiven myself.
‘Why now?’ I want to let him down gen
tly but I can’t resist the question. The sudden realisation that we’re meant to be together didn’t happen when I had rainbow streaks in my hair.
‘Seeing you the last few days . . .’ His smile is shy. ‘It’s brought back lots of memories.’
The ‘thought so’ nearly slips from my lips. He wants the old Zoey back.
‘And everything with Jolie reminded me that life’s too short not to go after what I want,’ he adds.
Now I feel like a bitch. Thankful I kept my mouth shut for a change, I try for a sympathetic expression. ‘It must be hard on your whole family.’
‘It is. Especially Luc. He’s missed lots of school to be there for her treatments.’ He folds his arms. ‘I don’t know if I could do it.’
‘Luc is a great brother.’ I can’t say anything else without revealing the depth of my feelings for him.
Finn sighs. ‘He’s lucky to have a girl like you so into him.’
‘Luc?’ I try to sound surprised, but even saying his name probably gives all my crazy mixed-up feelings away.
Finn shrugs and steps forward into the lift ahead of me. ‘Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask who’s the better kisser.’
When we make it down to the street the Hummer is still there, despite Jolie’s five-minute warning.
I hesitate at the door of the Hummer, my hand gripping the hot pink frame. What will Luc think about us returning together? And Cass? They won’t have missed Finn following me inside.
I have to show them where my affections lie.
My belly churns as I step inside and slide onto the leather seat. Right across it, in fact. I end up so close to Luc that I might as well be sitting on his lap. It’s not smooth, but I hope he gets my point.
I’m not with Finn.
‘Hey,’ I say, brightly.
‘Everything sorted out?’ His eyes are knowing, but they’re not accusing. Maybe he meant what he said by the waterfall about basing his opinion on the person I am now. Which means not assuming I’d go back to Finn at the first opportunity.
I grin a silly grin and take his hand. ‘Everything is good. Really good.’
Finn’s next to Cass with his arm around her. She’s putting her phone away and doesn’t seem to have noticed he was gone. She gives him a brief kiss on the cheek and he pulls her close.
Nice to know he didn’t risk breaking up with her before the play in the hallway. Part of me wonders what he would have done if I’d said I returned his feelings.
Most of me is just hoping that the two of them can be honest with each other about their feelings. They both deserve better.
On the way to the stadium, Luc seems oblivious to the luxury of the Hummer. He tells me about the buildings we pass, reeling off facts about the landmarks. If anyone else was talking, I’d probably be zoning out, but he’s captivating.
Maybe I’m biased.
Maybe the small circles his thumb is making on my wrist are helping to keep my attention on him. I’m so focused on Luc that I’m the last to realise when we’ve reached the stadium.
The driver is directed through several security stops to a private entrance. Jolie is beyond excited. ‘I can’t believe we’re going to see Gray. Live. With the hotness and the music and the . . .’ Her voice trails off as she mock swoons.
We pile out of the vehicle and I can see in the distance the crowds of people lined up to get into the stadium. Jolie is like a little kid about to see Santa. She’s already taken three steps towards the main entrance when Luc’s hand on her shoulder stops her. ‘Where are you going?’ he asks.
She points to the queues. ‘I want to get a good spot.’
Luc shakes his head, but he’s trying hard to hold back a grin. ‘We’re not going that way.’
For the first time she looks confused. ‘Huh?’
‘I have a surprise,’ he says. And in that moment he looks like a little boy bursting with a secret, and I think my heart’s going to explode.
Someone who looks important approaches and talks softly to Luc. ‘This way to Mr Gray.’
‘Mr . . .?’ Jolie can’t finish because she’s squealing and hugging Luc and then me and we’re all half-crying. Once we get ourselves under control, we follow the assistant along the hallway.
Jolie can’t stop talking. ‘If I’d known, I would have totally worn the jumpsuit. Or the ripped jeans.’ Her hand grips my wrist, her expression’s intense. ‘How’s my make-up?’
‘Great,’ I reply.
But she’s already turned to Luc. ‘How could you not have warned me?’ Then she throws herself at him. ‘I adore you.’
He’s grinning and he gives her a quick hug as we reach the doors. ‘He’s just a guy.’
‘No, he’s not—’ Her voice fails as we step into the room and Gray himself is there. He’s cute, and he looks younger in real life, with his black jeans and striped T-shirt.
‘Breathe,’ I whisper to Jolie.
I’m not sure she’s listening. She can’t drag her eyes from him.
The very efficient assistant strides across the room to Gray. He’s checking something with a man wearing a headset, and she has to tap him on the shoulder to get his attention.
He turns towards us then, and I think it’s Finn who nudges Jolie forward.
Gray’s serious expression warms as he approaches with his assistant. Jolie’s cheeks flame in response.
‘This is Jolie,’ his assistant tells him. ‘And her friends.’
He nods. ‘Good to meet you all.’
‘You’re Gray,’ Jolie squeaks. And the confident girl who’s bossed us around this whole trip is replaced by a nervous fan.
But Gray doesn’t seem fazed. ‘Thanks for coming. I hear you came the long way from Adelaide?’
Gray would have had to agree to all this and it’s clear he’s done more than just say yes. He’s taken some time to find out about Jolie and to prepare for this visit.
‘Have you seen the Twelve Apostles?’ she asks.
‘No.’
‘You have to take the trip. Wait.’ She pulls out her phone as her nerves fade. ‘I have some pictures.’
He must be more used to fans wanting selfies, but he seems genuinely interested as he looks at Jolie’s photos. He asks us about the trip and before long we’ve all relaxed. Luc was right, he’s just a guy. A nice guy.
‘Would you like me to show you around?’ Gray asks Jolie once she’s put her phone away.
Jolie’s gaze goes to her brother, pleading.
‘Go on,’ he says.
As they move away, Jolie doesn’t seem to be having any trouble talking. I hear her describing Beryl, making her sound more like a person than a vehicle. Gray is laughing warmly.
The assistant returns a few minutes later and approaches us. ‘The support act is about to start if you’d like to accompany me to the area set aside for Mr Gray’s guests.’
Gray and Jolie walk back in together before Luc can explain we’re missing someone.
‘Jolie can stay with me,’ Gray says. He looks to Luc. ‘If that’s okay with you? It’s a real experience to watch a show from the side of the stage. I think she’ll enjoy it.’
‘Please, Luc,’ she adds. She’s buzzing with excitement.
After all the trouble he’s gone to in order to make this night amazing I know he’ll say yes, but he makes them work for it, ensuring she’ll have somewhere to sit and making her promise to eat and drink something.
‘I will,’ she promises, planting a kiss on Luc’s cheek. ‘Thank you.’ She lingers in his hug for a brief moment, then she’s back by Gray’s side.
‘I’ll take care of her,’ Gray promises.
The way he looks at Jolie makes me think he really means it. She has that effect on people. That ability to make real connections. Maybe it’s because she knows her time is limited, but there’s no game playing from Jolie.
We leave them and then we’re walking through the stadium and the heavy beat of a drum grows louder and louder.
‘We�
��re VIPs,’ whispers Cass.
We share a look of amazement.
The first band is good and the second amazing, but when Gray hits the stage, under a single spotlight, guitar in hand, it takes the show to a whole new level. For the second song, he picks up the tempo. Lights flash in time to the beat and the crowd screams their approval.
The following song is even better and my throat hurts from shouting the words.
‘Is this a sympathy dance because I’m enduring this terrible music?’ Luc’s lips brush my ear as he asks the question from where he’s standing behind me.
Despite the relative space of the VIP area, the surge of the crowd means Luc’s body touches mine with every movement.
I pretend surprise. ‘We’re dancing?’
As though my question gives him permission, his hands slide down to rest on my waist. I feel their warmth through the thin material of my dress. He pulls me close. ‘Yes.’
Luc looks good tonight. Head-turningly, knee-bucklingly good. The crush of bodies has left his hair damp and extra messy. Dark stubble lines his jaw, and his T-shirt sticks to his chest in places.
Talking to him, seeing the way he is with his sister, I know he’s kind and loyal as well as hot. But it’s the way he looks at me that weakens my knees.
Like he wants me.
Wants me.
He’s seen the screwed up parts of me, these last few days. And he wants me anyway.
Cass and Finn move to the beat nearby, and every few minutes I catch a glimpse of Jolie in the wings of the stage, flanked by security. Safe, just like she promised Luc, with a seat she doesn’t use and water she gulps. She doesn’t take her eyes off Gray, and sings along to every song.
In return, his eyes find her.
His words become stories of his mistakes and his dreams for the future and it’s like he’s having a conversation with us all. Jolie looks so happy, and the rest of us can’t help but be caught up by it. Even from so far away, her euphoria is contagious.
The Last Days of Us Page 17