“I don’t know. But don’t just sit there.”
“I am doing something.”
“What?”
“I’m keeping my hands off you.”
* * *
FRIENDSHIP WAS SUCH a fleeting thing. Parker had only just cracked the shell McKenna had built around herself and now they were further apart than they had ever been. He shouldn’t have said what he did, but it needed to be said. Maybe not at that moment, but he was tired of carrying around his feelings for her and her not knowing it.
However, since she did know, he’d rendered her silent. McKenna sat, stunned. She’d opened her mouth to speak, but closed it each time. He watched her closely, wondering what she was thinking. Did she have any feelings for him? Deep down inside her was there anything more than friendliness for him?
“Parker,” she said, her voice strained as if she had a sore throat and the effort to speak was tremendous. “We’re both very tired. It’s been a long, long day. We should get some sleep and talk about this in the morning.”
Neither of them moved.
“You mean we don’t talk about this in the morning.”
“What?”
She frowned and Parker thought she’d honestly forgotten. “We have to be at the restaurant at five o’clock. There won’t be time to talk in the morning.” At least not the kind of talking he felt they should have.
“Then we’ll talk after we finish up tomorrow night.”
McKenna stood up then and climbed into bed. Parker slipped into his own bed. He folded his frame into what he considered to be no larger than a cot, with his back to McKenna. Likewise, she had her back to him. Parker was sure neither of them slept. He’d become used to her nighttime habits. More than once he’d spent the night listening to her breathing, watching her as she turned and resettled herself. He knew how she pulled the covers up to her neck and how she unconsciously pushed her hair back from her face.
But tonight she was doing none of those things. Her body was stiff and unmoving, just as his was. Parker closed his eyes and waited for sleep to claim him. At 1:00 a.m. he was still awake. Shifting positions, he tried to find a comfortable place to relax, but it wasn’t discomfort that was keeping him awake. It was McKenna. She still had her back to him.
He closed his eyes and when he opened them, he had the feeling that time had passed. Checking the lit dial on his watch, it read 3:07 a.m. He had barely an hour to sleep before they both needed to get up and get ready for a day of working together. He didn’t know how that was going to go. Or how tonight was going to be when they returned to this room and had their talk.
McKenna sat up and faced him. The light mounted outside the door cast a dim glow through the drapes and reflected across her face. Her eyes were wide open. They stared directly into his.
“I didn’t sleep well, either,” he said.
“What time is it?”
“A little after three.”
She moaned and closed her eyes, flopping back down on the bed she pulled her blanket up to her ears. Parker continued to stare at her. After a minute, she opened her eyes.
“What?” she said, sounding defeated.
Parker pushed his covers back and sat up on the side of the bed. He didn’t switch on the lamp. His body blocked the light that had been coming through the window. It was probably easier this way, to say what he needed to without seeing her.
“I didn’t mean to upset you earlier.” He heard her sigh, but went on before she could respond. “I know it came as a surprise to you.”
“Not totally,” she said.
Parker caught himself from gasping at the last moment.
“You’re not the first man who’s looked at me. I know the signs.”
“But you don’t return them.” It was a bald fact, an observation he knew to be true.
McKenna pushed herself up in bed and sat back against the headboard. “I’m sorry, Parker. We both know there can’t be anything between us.”
“Because of Marshall?” he asked.
“Because of Marshall,” she repeated.
* * *
THE STRAIN ONLY grew worse with the rising of the sun. They tiptoed around each other, being polite but not friendly.
As they got into the car to drive the short distance to the restaurant, McKenna finally spoke.
“Let’s not make this a big deal,” she began. “Sherry is counting on us and we agreed to not only see the sights but to get to know some of the people.”
“I’ve kept my feelings to myself all these years. I’m sure I can still do it.”
She stared at him for a long moment, then put the car in gear and backed out of the parking space.
The sun had yet to rise, at five o’clock in the morning. McKenna drove to the restaurant and found one of the spaces allotted to employees. Parker was out of the car before she had even shut the engine off.
“It was always going to be a long trip,” she muttered to herself.
Her door opened and Parker stood there, offering his hand. She contemplated taking it. If she refused his help, it would appear that she was still angry with him. The truth was, she didn’t know how she felt.
McKenna put her hand in his and he helped angle her out of the car. However, he didn’t step back, giving her the space to move any farther. He blocked her exit and she knew it was intentional.
Looking up at him, she tried to see what was in his eyes, but the darkness of the morning concealed it.
“I called the office and had them get another room for me. You can keep the one we’ve been sharing.”
They hadn’t discussed it, McKenna thought. All she could do was give a single nod.
“You’ll be moving tonight?”
“I thought I’d run over after breakfast and move my things. If that’s all right with you?”
She couldn’t say yes or no. Her brain wasn’t understanding what it was hearing. She wanted him to go, but then she didn’t. He sounded as if he couldn’t get far enough away from her.
She opened her hand, the one holding the car key. “While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and help Sherry with the lunch setup.”
He took the key, but his fingers never made contact with her hand. Did she want him to touch her? Was she disappointed that he hadn’t? Yet he was standing so close. In the coolness of the pre-dawn, she could feel the heat emanating from him.
“Shall we go in?” she asked. McKenna noticed the dark windows of the restaurant. She knew Sherry was inside. Her car was parked in the lot next to where she’d put the Corvette.
“Only one more thing,” he said.
“What’s that?”
Parker was silent for so long, she lifted her eyes to look directly at him. Before she knew what he intended, his arm was around her waist and he’d dragged her the short distance that had separated them. With his other hand, he slipped it into her hair and brought her mouth to his. At first, McKenna thought she should push him back. It was logical to do that. But his mouth felt too good on hers. His arm around her was sure and strong. She’d forgotten what it felt like for a man to hold her. Emotions that she’d buried suddenly surfaced, like a strong gust of wind that sweeps around a corner taking you by surprise.
She went up on her toes, joining him in the kiss. It seemed to go on forever. But reality rushed in and she soon stepped out of his arms. How her own arms had gotten around him, she didn’t know.
Parker stepped back also, moving out of her personal space. His stare was steady as she glanced up at him. “I’m not going to apologize,” he said. “I’m not sorry.”
McKenna couldn’t speak. Her lip trembled from contact with his. Parker turned, but took her hand and headed toward the door.
“Come on,” he said. “I can’t leave you out here alone.”
&n
bsp; Was she sorry? McKenna asked herself. She didn’t know. She never expected Parker to kiss her. She never expected to enjoy it. But she had. It had been a long while since Marshall’s passing. She should be ready to date again, to find someone she could spend her life with.
But Parker?
He wasn’t that man. Parker Fordum was the last man on earth that she could have any kind of romantic relationship with.
Sherry unlocked the door of the restaurant and she and Parker entered. McKenna was unsure if the tension and confusion between them would spill over, alerting Sherry or her customers once they arrived.
“Good morning.” Sherry’s smile was big and warm. She pulled the door closed and relocked it. When the first customer arrived at exactly 7:00 a.m., they went into busy mode and it continued until only a couple of tables were occupied.
They resumed their roles from the day before. Sherry looked after the grill and McKenna handled the floor. Parker worked both the floor and the cash register. Between breakfast and lunch, they cleaned and restocked supplies. When McKenna and Parker sat down to eat just before the lunch crowd was due to arrive, Parker intentionally sat next to McKenna.
She forced herself not to shift away from him. The tension was stronger than ever, but Parker ate quickly and left to return to the motel and move his things to another room.
“I didn’t ask yesterday, but are you two married?” Sherry asked as they watched him go through the door.
McKenna shook her head.
“Engaged?”
“No.” McKenna frowned. “Do we act like we’re engaged?” She was unsure if what had happened in the parking lot had made it through the hostility that she felt.
“You did yesterday. Today I’m not so sure.”
“What does that mean?” she asked after a long pause.
“You were friendlier yesterday,” Sherry said. “Today, you’re acting like polite strangers.” She sat back in her seat. “I know we only met a day ago and I’m sorry if I’m speaking out of turn, but I’ve owned this place for twenty years and I’ve learned a lot about people.”
McKenna leaned toward her. “So we act like we’re together?”
“For him it’s obvious. For you...well.” She spread her hands, palms up. “You know how you feel.”
* * *
AS MCKENNA ENTERED her room later that day, she saw Parker’s plastic keycard on the dresser. Its position on the edge exactly matched the ninety-degree angles of the furniture. It reminded her of the perfectly shelved books in a library, each one lined up neatly in rows. But the room was missing Parker. His presence was everywhere.
She looked at the two beds. It had been strange sleeping with a man in her room before. Now McKenna felt strange without Parker in the next bed or sitting in the chair at the table. She wanted to run her fingers along the surface, but turned away instead.
Parker’s new room was at the other end of the building. She wondered if he intentionally took one that far from her or if it was the only one available. Restless, she paced back and forth from door to table. After working a full shift, she should be tired enough to sleep, but all day she’d been holding in her emotions. Now she was alone with only her thoughts and she couldn’t stop them.
She and Parker had only shared a room for a couple of weeks. Finances and her own stubbornness forced them together. She felt lost without him. His computer wasn’t on the desk. The absence of his constant typing or the sound of the videos he watched made the room so quiet it seemed loud. His toothbrush was gone from the bathroom. He wasn’t there to talk to her. She missed that. She’d never thought about her loneliness after coming to terms with Marshall’s death. She knew she’d replaced Marshall with work. But she didn’t have that here.
Then there was Sherry’s comment which had played like a chant in her mind all day. You know how you feel, Sherry had said. But that was the problem. McKenna didn’t know how she felt. She was confused. She couldn’t have feelings for the man who hadn’t saved her husband.
McKenna paced over the same floor that Parker had walked the night before. Then she remembered that they were supposed to discuss their kiss. Mainly it was his comment about keeping his hands off her. They were past that now. He’d had his hands on her and she hadn’t stopped it, or regretted it.
How were they going to act with each other away from the diner? She needed to get that straight, especially in light of what Sherry had observed. McKenna knew his room number. And she couldn’t put it off until morning. For them, morning came in the middle of the night. She considered whether she should go knock on his door and initiate the conversation. They needed to talk. It didn’t appear that he was going to come to her. He’d said all that needed to be said this morning when his mouth was on hers.
Suddenly her lips tingled. McKenna put her hand to them, recalling the emotions that flooded into her as he held her. Sitting down, she took a deep breath and steadied herself. Then she got up and walked the distance to Parker’s room. She’d raised her hand to knock, but Parker opened the door. They stared at each other for a second, their eyes connecting in unexpected surprise.
“We have to talk,” they both said in unison.
McKenna didn’t wait for an invitation. She breezed past him and stopped in the center of the room. Parker closed the door and turned to face her.
Looking around, she said, “This is a small room. Is it the only one they had available?”
“It was the cheapest one they had available. We’re still on a budget,” he reminded McKenna.
He took a step toward her. McKenna stepped back but then wished she hadn’t.
Parker saw her reaction. “I’m not going to kiss you again,” he said.
Her ears flared hot and color had to have darkened her face. She didn’t know if that made her glad or sad. Since last night, her emotions had swung manically up and down.
“We’ve got a long way to go to get to California. We can’t tiptoe around each other and act like we’ve done something wrong.” She was nervous. Parker’s expression was unreadable. At least he didn’t say anything to make her feel even more uncomfortable.
* * *
“ARE YOU APOLOGIZING?”
“What?” McKenna shook her head once. “What would I have to apologize for?”
“For responding to my kiss.”
McKenna gasped. She couldn’t deny it, although those words were on the tip of her tongue. She had responded. In fact, if he hadn’t pushed her away, their mouths might still be locked together.
“You said you weren’t sorry.”
“But you didn’t.” He took another step toward her.
McKenna retaliated by stepping back.
“Are you going to do that every time I come near you?”
“Only if I don’t know what you intend to do.” She wanted to leave the room, but Parker, as big as Paul Bunyan, loomed between her and the door.
“McKenna, I would never come toward you with anything but kind intent. You’re as safe with me as you would be with...your husband.”
“I notice you avoid mentioning Marshall’s name,” McKenna said. She stared directly at Parker.
He looked at her levelly, not blinking and not allowing any expression to appear in his eyes.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because every time I bring him up, you turn your head. Or you change the subject.”
He didn’t speak for a while, but he didn’t drop his gaze, either. “I thought it might be a touchy subject with you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Because you blame me for his death.”
“I do, but—”
“Don’t deny it.” He raised a hand to stop her comment. “I know you do and you know you do. So there’s no point in lying.”
“I wasn’t going to lie.
”
“It was an accident,” Parker said softly.
“I know,” she said. But she didn’t really understand. Marshall knew his condition and so did Parker. If Parker was the friend he was supposed to be, he should never have let Marshall make that final run.
“Marshall was a grown man, McKenna.”
McKenna straightened her shoulders as if shrugging off something heavy, but she knew she wasn’t.
“We’re not here to discuss Marshall,” she said.
“No, we never discuss Marshall. You’ve created a world where only you and he exist.”
McKenna stepped back as if he’d hit her. “I have not.”
“If that’s true, then why are we on this trip?”
She threw her hands up. “I explained that.”
“You did, but did you tell the truth?”
“Are you accusing me of lying again?
“Not intentionally. I believe you’re not being honest with yourself.”
McKenna was totally lost now. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You said this trip was your and Marshall’s idea.” This time he used Marshall’s name. “That it was something the two of you always wanted to do.”
“It was,” she confirmed.
“It wasn’t.”
Parker winced. The tension between them had never been so thick.
“Marshall told me years ago about his wish to drive Route 66.” His voice was softer now, calm like it usually was. “He obviously told you about it and somewhere, somehow you came to believe it was a common goal, but it wasn’t. Marshall was the one with the replica of the car in his office. You built your car exactly like the one that sat on his credenza. But in truth, the Corvette used in the television series was blue, not red.”
He was right. It had been Marshall’s dream. They’d talked about it often and then after his death she’d started building the car. The more she worked on it, the more it became something she wanted. And now they—or rather, she and Parker—were on the road, halfway to California and this wasn’t even her dream.
“McKenna?” Parker broke into her thoughts.
“You’re right, Parker. I’d forgotten. I suppose we should turn around and head back to Chicago.”
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