“What kind of club has toilet paper?” asked Frank.
“If I tell you, it won’t be a secret,”
“Who’s this?” Frank asked Rocky, pointing to a lizard.
“Houdini, MY FAVORITE PET.”
“And who’s that guy, walking through a brick wall?” Frank asked.
“That’s my favorite part. My mom made a copy of a picture of the real Harry Houdini from a library book.”
Judy touched a clump of garlic. “Are you trying to scare away vampires or something?”
“That’s from one time when I ate a whole thing of garlic by mistake. THE FUNNIEST THING EVER was that I stunk like a skunk for a week!”
“Like Jaws when it ate that hamburger!” said Frank.
“Like Stink when he takes his smelly shoes off,” said Judy.
“Is this you?” Frank asked.
“That’s me in my magician hat, making a fishbowl disappear.”
“Too bad you can’t make Stink disappear,” said Judy.
“Too bad I’m done,” said Rocky. “It would have been really funny to put the rubber hand on my collage.”
That’s when it happened. An idea. The funniest of all funnies. It orbited Judy’s head and landed like a spaceship, the way good ideas do.
“Rocky! You’re a genius! Let’s go to my house,” Judy said. “And bring the hand.”
“You’re not a genius,” said Rocky. “Nobody’s home at your house. We could get into all kinds of trouble.”
“Exactly!” said Judy. “C’mon. There’s a key hidden in the gutter pipe.”
“Did you forget something?” asked Frank.
“Yes,” Judy said. “I forgot to play a trick on Stink!”
Once inside, Judy raced around her house, looking for the perfect spot to leave the hand, a place where Stink would be sure to find it right away. The couch? Toady’s aquarium? The refrigerator? Under his pillow?
The bathroom!
In the downstairs bathroom, Judy lifted up the toilet seat, just a crack, and perched the hand there, its fingernails hanging over the edge. “It looks real,” said Rocky.
“This will scare the president right out of him,” said Judy. “For sure.”
Back at Rocky’s, Judy, Frank, and Rocky knelt on Rocky’s bed, looking out the window. Every time a car zoomed by on Jefferson Street, they yelled, “It’s them!” Finally Judy saw a blue van, for real. “Run!” she yelled. “They’re pulling into the driveway!”
Stink was so excited telling Judy, Rocky, and Frank all about the president’s house that Hawaii and Alaska fell off his hat.
Why doesn’t he go to the bathroom? thought Judy.
“There’s a movie theater — I swear! Inside the president’s house. And a room with a secret door. No lie. Even a clock that tells you when it’s time to take a bath,” said Stink.
“Rare!” said Judy. “You need one of those.”
Go into the bathroom, Stink, she wished silently. As if he had heard, Stink stopped his story. Balancing his hat on his head, he walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. The lock clicked.
Mom and Dad asked Judy about the Mr. Tooth assembly, but her ears were tuned to the bathroom. “AAAAAHHHHH!” screamed Stink. He burst out of the bathroom, hat crashing to the floor, stars flying.
“Hey! Dad! Mom! There’s somebody in the toilet!”
Judy Moody, Rocky, and Frank Pearl fell on the floor laughing.
Stink watched Judy finish her collage after school the next day. “Almost done,” said Judy. “It’s due tomorrow.”
Stink pointed. “You still have a bald spot right there next to the picture of Jaws.”
Judy carefully taped a doll hand from her collection over the empty space. “Not anymore,” she said.
“That hand? Is it for the trick you played on me?” asked Stink.
“Yes. It’s THE FUNNIEST THING EVER,” said Judy, with a grin.
“You mean you’re going to tell your whole class I thought there was somebody in our toilet?”
“Stink, I’m making you famous.”
“Couldn’t you change my name or something?” asked Stink.
“Or something,” said Judy.
When Judy got up the next morning, it was pouring rain again. Something told her to get ready for a bad-mood Friday.
“Let’s put your Me collage in a garbage bag so it won’t get wet,” Dad suggested when she brought it downstairs.
“Dad, I’m not carrying my Me collage in a garbage bag.”
“Why not?”
“Did Van Gogh put his Starry Night in a garbage bag?”
“She’s got a point there,” said Mom.
“Garbage bags probably hadn’t been invented yet,” said Dad. “If Van Gogh had garbage bags, believe me, he would have been smart enough to use them.”
“Honey, why don’t you take the bus, and Dad’ll bring your collage to school after he takes Stink to the dentist?” Mom said. “Stink’s taking Toady to school today, so Dad has to drop him off anyway.”
“I want to take my collage to school myself. That way I can be sure nothing will happen to it.”
“What could happen to it?” asked Mom.
“There could be a tornado,” said Stink, “and the wind could make you drop it, and it could get run over by a bus.”
“Hardee, har, har,” said Judy.
“You do have a lot of other stuff to carry,” said her dad. Judy had her lunch, her dad’s lab coat so she could dress like a doctor for her talk, Hedda-Get-Betta, her doctor kit, and plenty of Band-Aids.
“Okay,” she said, “but don’t squish anything and don’t get it wet and it has to be there by eleven o’clock and don’t let Stink do anything.” She gave her brother her best troll-eyes stare.
“We’ll be careful,” said Dad.
Judy rode the bus with Rocky, who practiced his Squirting Nickel magic trick on her for the one-hundredth time.
“Okay! It works!” Judy told him, wiping drips from her face. Rocky cracked up.
All morning, Judy imagined things happening to her collage. What if it fell into a puddle when her father opened the car door? What if Toady got out of Stink’s pocket and peed on the collage? What if a tornado came, like Stink said . . .
Eleven o’clock came, and her collage still was not there. No sign of Stink. Or Dad.
Judy could hardly listen to the other kids showing their Me collages. She kept her eyes glued to the door of 3T.
“Judy, would you like to go next?” asked Mr. Todd, startling her.
“I’d like to go last,” said Judy.
“Frank?”
“I’d like to go last too,” said Frank. “After Judy.”
Judy looked at Frank’s desk. “Where’s your Me collage?” she asked him.
“I didn’t bring it. I mean, I’m not finished. I still don’t have a CLUB,” Frank whispered. “Where’s yours?”
“My brother’s supposed to bring it,” said Judy. She glanced at the door again. There he was! Stink motioned for her to come out in the hall.
Stink looked sick. “What’s wrong?” Judy asked.
“If I tell you,” said Stink, “you’ll be in the worst mood ever.”
“Where is it?” asked Judy. “Did you drop my collage in a puddle? Did Toady pee on it?”
“No,” said Stink. “Not that.”
“Where is it?” she asked again.
“Dad’s in the boys’ room. Drying it off.”
Judy ran down to the boys’ room, pushed the door open, and went right in. Crumpled paper towels were everywhere. “Dad!”
“Judy!”
“Is it ruined? Let me see!”
Dad held up her collage. Right smack dab in the center was a big purple stain the size of a pancake. Not a silver dollar one either. A giant, jaggedy triangle — a grape-colored lake floating in the middle of her collage!
“What happened?” Judy yelled.
“I was drinking Jungle Juice from a box,” said Stink,
standing behind her in the doorway, “and trying this thing with my straw. . . . I’m sorry.”
“Stink! You wrecked it. Dad! How could you let him drink Jungle Juice in the car?”
“Look, it’s not that bad,” he said. “It almost looks like it’s supposed to be there. I’ll speak with Mr. Todd. Maybe he’ll let you have the weekend and we can fix it. Cover it up somehow.”
“Maybe we can erase it,” said Stink. “With a giant eraser.”
“Let me see.” Judy held up the collage, looking it over. Even with the purple stain, she could still see the rain forest with Doctor Judy Moody in the very middle. And none of the Band-Aids had come off.
“Never mind,” said Judy.
“Never mind?” asked Dad.
“It’s okay,” she said. “At least it didn’t get run over by a bus in a tornado.”
“It’s okay?” asked Stink. “You mean you’re not going to put a rubber foot in my bed or anything?”
“No,” said Judy. She grinned at her brother. “But that is a good idea.”
“Look, honey. I know you worked forever on this. We’ll make it up to you somehow.”
“I know what to do. Stink, let me have your black marker.” They all went out into the hall, and Stink dug a marker out of his backpack. Judy set the collage on the floor and drew a black outline around the big purple triangle.
“Are you cuckoo?” asked Stink. “That’s just going to make it stand out more.”
“That’s what I want,” said Judy. “Then it’ll look like it was supposed to be there all the time.”
“I’m proud of you, Judy,” said Dad. “The way you took an accident like this and turned it into something good.”
“What’s it supposed to be?” Stink asked.
“Virginia,” she said. “The state of Pocahontas and Thomas Jefferson. The place WHERE I LIVE.”
When Judy got back to class, she put on her doctor coat, walked to the front of the room, and held her Me collage high. She stood tall, as if her brother had not nearly ruined her masterpiece with Jungle Juice. She tried to look like a person who would grow up to be a doctor and make the world a better place. A person who could turn a bad mood right around.
Judy told about herself and her family, including the time Stink sold moon dust, which explained why her brother was a piece of dirt. She traced the outline of Virginia with her finger to show where she lived. She talked about Rocky, her best friend, and Frank, her new friend. She pointed to a paste jar lid taped to a corner and told the class that Frank ate paste for a dare once.
“Is that Jaws?” asked Brad. “The thing that eats bugs?”
“Yes,” said Judy. “Even though I have a cat, Jaws is MY FAVORITE PET. When I grow up and become a doctor, I want to move to the rain forest and search for medicines in rare plants that could cure ucky diseases.”
Judy pointed out the pizza table from Mr. Todd and other stuff she collected for HOBBIES. She told the class that she was a member of the T. P. Club, but that she couldn’t tell them what T. P. stood for.
“This is a picture my parents took of Stink, standing outside the White House in his flag costume.” And she explained why it was THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED to her. Everybody’s favorite part of her collage was when she showed the doll hand, coming out of a magazine toilet. So Judy told them about how the worst thing ever turned into THE FUNNIEST THING EVER.
“Any questions?” she asked the class.
“Who’s the old lady?” asked Frank.
Judy explained about Elizabeth Blackwell, First Woman Doctor, and then gave a demonstration of her doctor skills. She put Rocky’s arm in a sling and wrapped bandages around Frank’s knee. She pulled out her pretend blood, and used Hedda-Get-Betta to show how to apply Band-Aids.
“That’s it. Me. Judy Moody.”
“Great job, Judy,” said Mr. Todd. “Class, any comments?”
“I like how you painted Virginia in the middle of your collage to show where you live,” said Jessica Finch, “instead of just using a picture of your house.”
“Those Tattoo Band-Aids are the coolest,” said Dylan. “I have a blister. Can I have one?”
“I have a hangnail!”
“I have a paper cut!”
“I have a mosquito bite!”
Before Judy knew it, everybody in the whole class was wearing Tattoo Band-Aids.
“Judy Moody, you’re a mover and a shaker,” said Mr. Todd.
“I am?” asked Judy. “What’s that mean?”
Mr. Todd laughed. “Let’s just say it means you have imagination.”
What had almost become a bad-mood Friday had turned into one very fine day.
And it wasn’t over yet.
When she walked out to get the bus that afternoon, Mom and Dad were waiting to take Judy and Stink for ice cream at Screamin’ Mimi’s.
“I’m getting that blue ice cream, Rain Forest Mist. Like you guys always do!” Stink jumped up and down, holding his pocket with the toad.
“Did your teacher like Toady?” Judy asked.
“Yes, but she was almost in the Toad Pee Club,” said Stink. Judy cracked up.
“Mom, Dad, can I ask Rocky and Frank to come too?”
“That’s a great idea,” Mom said.
Outside Screamin’ Mimi’s, Judy licked her Rain Forest Mist scoop on top of Chocolate Mud, her favorite. She was in her best Judy Moody mood ever.
Stink took Toady out of his pocket and set him on the picnic table. Toady hopped toward a blue drip from Rocky’s ice cream cone.
“Toady likes Rain Forest Mist!” said Rocky.
“Hey, Frank,” Judy asked, “when are you going to finish your Me collage?”
“Mr. Todd said I could bring it on Monday.”
“You’re not done yet?” asked Rocky.
“I still don’t have anything for CLUBS. The dictionary says a club is three or more people.”
Judy looked at Rocky. Rocky looked at Stink. Stink looked at Judy. All three of them looked at Frank.
“If you pick up Toady right now, you can be in a club,” said Judy.
“Really?” asked Frank.
“Really and truly,” said Judy and Rocky at the same time.
Frank crinkled his nose. “I don’t get it.”
Rocky laughed. “You will.”
Frank scooped up Toady with one hand.
“Use both hands,” said Judy.
“Like this,” said Rocky, cupping his hands.
“Just hold him a minute,” said Stink.
“I still don’t get it,” said Frank.
“Oh, you’ll get it,” said Judy, Rocky, and Stink.
A second later, Frank felt something warm and wet in his hand. He crossed his eyes, and they all fell down laughing.
Judy Moody Page 4