by Lucy Clark
‘Jennifer?’ he tried again, and was successful in rousing her.
‘Hmm? Sorry.’ She snapped out of her reverie and turned to look at him.
‘Do you like it?’
Jennifer sighed and nodded. ‘I do. The front garden’s small but I’m not looking for a big garden.’ The arrangement of native trees and shrubs with their evergreen leaves made the small area look lush and inviting.
‘The back yard is big enough to have a few friends around but small enough that it doesn’t need a lot of upkeep.’ He pointed with his free hand, Lola still tugging on the other one. ‘Shall we go and see Mr Attenburgh before Lola does some real damage to my arm?’
She nodded. ‘Good idea. I’m too tired to reset a dislocated humerus.’
Jennifer discovered the inside of the two-bedroomed house was as quaint and as lovely as the outside, and the bay window already had a window-seat just waiting for her to curl up and relax after a hard day at the hospital. The house was empty, all the furniture having been shifted as Mr Attenburgh already had his new residence.
‘You could move in straight away,’ the old man told her. ‘Once the papers have been signed, of course,’ he added with a full, dentured smile.
It suited her perfectly and she promised to let him know soon. When they returned to Jasper’s house, he sent Lola off to find Lilly then turned to Jennifer, eager to ask her opinion.
‘You obviously liked the house.’
‘Yes.’ She sat down on the lounge, shifting slightly to face him as he sat next to her.
His eyes were clear yet unswerving. ‘There’s more to it than that, right?’
It was on the tip of her tongue to deny his words, to tell him to mind his own business, to freeze him out, but when she looked into those powerful grey eyes, which were so gentle yet highly intelligent, she realised Jasper Edwards was someone she could come to trust. He’d been through his own misery, his own grief and no doubt that was why he was picking up on her body language and out-of-synch emotions. ‘Yes.’
‘You teared up when you saw the window-seat.’
She thought he hadn’t noticed. ‘Yes.’
‘Why?’ The question was soft yet his curiosity about her was evident in his expression. It showed her he wanted to know more about her and she knew in getting to know someone better, that inevitably meant talking about the past. Her past.
‘I like bay windows. I always have.’ She sighed and shrugged when he didn’t question her further. She knew he was waiting for more, waiting for the explanation he could no doubt sense was there. He was too clever and too sweet for her to evade any longer.
‘My father was in the army and, as you might guess, that meant we moved quite a bit during my childhood. Usually, the houses we lived in were either on the army base or else provided for my father in a suburb close to his work. One of the houses we moved to when I was twelve had a bay window. It had curtains which you could close to make a little hiding hole, where the whole world would be locked out, and I would sit there and read or just think and imagine.’
Jasper watched as she spoke, watched the wistfulness on her face as well as hearing the veiled pain in her voice.
‘My parents didn’t have a happy marriage. My father was a very oppressive man and my mother was the epitome of a military wife. When I was twelve my father was forced to retire due to ill health. We moved from the bay-window house into the first home my parents had ever owned. In one way it was good because I was finally able to settle down and make real friends and complete my schooling in one place.’
‘Where you met Sara?’
‘Yes.’
‘It couldn’t have been easy for your father, being forced to retire so early.’
‘No. It wasn’t. He was almost fifty and had trouble settling into a world where barking orders at people didn’t seem to work any more. Instead, he decided to turn to alcohol for support. Life…sort of changed after that.’
Something in her tone made Jasper wary. ‘Did he hurt you?’ Jennifer didn’t answer, sitting still, staring into nothingness. He put his hand on hers, his gentle touch bringing her back to the present. His tone was urgent. He needed to know. ‘Jennifer. Did he—’
‘No.’ She shook her head emphatically. ‘He never hit us, never touched us.’
‘Us? You have siblings?’
‘No. I meant Mum and I.’
‘Where are your parents now?’
‘Darwin. We don’t speak. Too much water under the bridge and all that. Enter Sara.’ She pushed her natural smile through the pain. ‘Sara came into my life and showed me what a real family was like. I spent a lot of time at her place and not once did her parents quibble about it. My mother only needed to know where I was. My father cared about nothing but himself and his depression.’
‘And you and Sara have been friends since.’
‘We have.’ Jennifer looked down at where his hand lay on hers, amazed at how incredible it felt to have such a caring touch offered. It was what she’d missed the most. Not having that one special person there to confide in. Not having the simplest of touches to let you know that someone cared about you. The companionship. The friendship. The deep, abiding relationship. Was it possible she could find something resembling those missing parts of her life with Jasper? She took a deep breath and slowly let it out.
‘And through my friendship with Sara…’ Her words were soft and a little shaky but she persevered. ‘You’ve come into my life.’ She slowly lifted her eyes to his and when she was finally looking into his grey depths she saw an desperate need, a need which she knew was mirrored in her own. It was as though she was powerless to look away, mesmerised by the way he was allowing her to see so much of him. Not only was there a physical need but a mental and emotional one as well. It was as though he needed to connect with someone and he’d chosen to connect with her.
‘Jennifer.’ His other hand came up to caress her cheek and she leaned in to it, sighing at the gentle caress.
‘What is this thing?’ she whispered as her eyelids fluttering closed.
‘I don’t know but it’s too good to ignore.’
She looked at him once more. ‘But we should ignore it.’
‘Why?’
‘Because we work together.’
He shook his head. ‘I’d like to say that’s a lousy reason but…’
‘But we both know we can’t risk our working relationship by following this one.’ Jennifer saw the logic breaking through his desire.
Jasper breathed in deeply. ‘True.’
‘And then there’s the most important reason of all.’
Jasper raised an eyebrow in question.
‘The girls,’ she stated. ‘If we start something and it doesn’t work then the girls will get hurt, and they’ve already been through too much in their little lives.’
The fact that she cared so much about his daughters and their well-being spoke volumes about her. She was special, this fragile woman before him, and he wished that somehow they could figure out the puzzle before them.
‘So where does that leave us?’ He couldn’t help but caress her cheek once more, knowing what she’d said was correct and totally logical, but he didn’t want to be logical right at this moment. He wanted to start something…a real something which would lead to…Well, he wasn’t exactly sure where. He certainly hadn’t planned this intense attraction they felt for each other, and perhaps Jennifer was right, for now.
‘Still at friends?’
For a moment, he stared at her as though she couldn’t possibly be serious but he knew she was. He wanted more, though…or at least his heart did. His head, however, was prepared to do anything to protect his heart. He’d lived through so much pain, so much grief and while he’d picked up the pieces of his life and soldiered on, taking a step of this magnitude needed a clear head.
‘I don’t know, Jen. Sure…Of course we can be friends but I like seeing you. I like spending time with you. I really enjoyed our dinner the oth
er night. No hospital. No children. No matchmaking friends. Just the two of us, and for the record, it’s been a long time since I’ve felt totally comfortable with someone else while sharing a good meal.’
She nodded. ‘I felt it, too, but, Jasper, what else can we do?’ Jennifer held out her hands, palms up, indicating she was open to other suggestions. Jasper caught her hands in his and held them firmly.
‘We’re already colleagues and I hope we’re becoming friends.’
‘Yes,’ she confirmed.
He didn’t let go of her hands. Instead, he rubbed his thumbs over the backs of her knuckles, caressing them. Jennifer looked down, marvelling at the fact that she couldn’t remember anyone ever touching her in such a caring yet intimate way. ‘Right. Friends.’ Jasper breathed in deeply, filling his lungs with the scent of her before somehow finding superhuman strength to break the contact. He stood, taking two steps away and raked a frustrated hand through his hair. ‘For the record though, let it be noted that I’m very interested to see where this might lead…if we decide to be more than friends, I mean.’
Jennifer’s body heated all the way through at his words and her eyes widened for a moment, wanting exactly the same thing, before she pulled herself together. She hadn’t necessarily come back to Parramatta to start a romantic relationship. She’d come here to find herself, to reconcile her past and her present in the hope that she’d have a happier future. Building friendships had been part of her plan, and friendship was what she needed most from Jasper. Still…when he looked at her like that…When he said things like that…She swallowed over the dryness in her throat and nodded. ‘Noted.’
‘Anyway, none of this is helping you to make a decision about the house. You say that you’re interested?’
‘Most definitely. I’ll get in contact with my solicitor and have the house inspected within the next few days. If everything checks out all right, I can’t see why it wouldn’t be perfect. It’s close to the hospital, has somewhere for me to park the car, not too far from Sara’s place…’
‘Close to here. Er…I mean,’ he began when he saw a puzzled look cross her face, ‘it’s good to have neighbours that you can turn to, can trust—in case of an emergency.’
‘Of course.’
‘And on your days off, you could always drop in and chat with my mother. She’d like that. Give her a short break from the girls.’
‘Good. Well, yes. You’re right. Those are definite pros.’
‘Plus, we could car-pool some days. Save on petrol as well as greenhouse emissions.’
Jennifer grinned. ‘You’re just saying that in the hope of getting another drive of Miss Chief.’
Jasper matched her smile. ‘Saw right through that ploy, didn’t you?’
‘Wasn’t difficult.’
He met her look and held it. ‘I’m so glad I could help out.’ His tone was sincere and warmth spread through her. ‘Really, I am. You’re right, Jen. What we need is to be friends and not be overtaken by the frightening natural attraction we seem to feel for each other.’
‘No…especially not when you put it that way.’ Her words had become an intimate whisper and she quickly cleared her throat.
‘I mean, I have the girls to consider. You have other demands on your time.’ He was looking at her lips again, watching how they parted, how the air escaped from between them. How would they taste? He desperately wanted to know but as though he realised where his thoughts were heading yet again, he cut them off. Jennifer needed friends. He could tell there was still much of her past she hadn’t dealt with and only time and good friendly support could get her through it. ‘I’m glad I could help out with the house. That’s one less thing you have to worry about.’
As he spoke, it was then Jennifer realised that he understood. He understood about Arturo and the connection she still felt with him. The past wasn’t easy to put to rest and knowing he’d walked the path she was finally willing to face, to finally let go of the past, not only gave her confidence to take the next step but also increased her opinion of him. ‘I’m glad you mentioned it to me. It really does seem as though it was meant to be. It has everything I need.’
‘And it has a window-seat.’
She smiled then sighed. ‘It does.’ Jennifer paused for a moment. ‘I like them, Jasper. They relax me. Strange how an inanimate object like a window-seat can relax someone in mind, body and spirit.’
Her eyes had taken on that far-off look again and Jasper didn’t say anything, waiting to see if she was willing to share her thoughts with him. He didn’t have to wait as long this time and he hoped it was because she was coming to trust him, to realise that he truly did understand what she was going through.
‘I bought a house years ago with bay windows,’ she said after a few minutes.
‘Where?’
‘Cherrybrook.’
‘That’s only a few suburbs over from here.’
‘I know.’
‘What happened?’
‘I sold the house before I could move in.’ Again Jasper remained quiet, waiting, giving her time to collect her thoughts. ‘When I say that I bought the house, well, that’s not strictly true. Arturo and I bought the house—together. We’d planned to move in after our honeymoon. We’d arranged to spend a good two weeks of our time off to set the house to rights, make it our own, set up my window-seat haven.’
As she spoke, she looked past him, as though she wasn’t really seeing him any more but was lost in her memories. He knew all too well how that felt. ‘What happened?’
‘The cancer was more aggressive than we’d realised. When he was diagnosed, he had immediate surgery to remove the tumour. Then he had an aggressive course of chemotherapy and after all of that he finally started to improve. The wedding plans went ahead. When he was diagnosed with secondaries, he refused to cancel the wedding. He wanted to get married. He wanted me to be his wife.’ She closed her eyes and shook her head. ‘I wanted to be his wife, more than anything. I loved him so much.’
Jasper desperately wanted to reach out and touch her but knew that if he did she might shatter into a million pieces. When you were sad like this, remembering and sharing your memories with someone new, sometimes the most simple act of kindness—a gentle touch on the hand, a reassuring hug—was enough to break the hard-to-maintain control Jennifer was now exhibiting.
‘He died. Two days before the wedding. We had people coming in to town from overseas as well as interstate but, instead of attending a wedding, they ended up going to a funeral.’
No wonder she was so emotionally scarred. ‘Jennifer.’ He came to sit beside her again, his tone filled with empathy. He knew what she felt. He knew the pain. He knew the hurt.
She finally raised her eyes to his, one single solitary tear sliding down her cheek. He wanted to brush it away, to gather her close, to let her know he completely understood her desolation, but he didn’t. ‘Which makes Miss Chief all the more important,’ he murmured. ‘It maintains your link with Arturo and that’s a good thing, Jen.’ Jasper also realised his own good fortune in that moment because his link to Elisha, his daily reminder of his previous life, was in the form of two beautiful girls whom he adored.
She nodded at his words, pleased he hadn’t tried to touch her. Part of her had wanted him to, had wanted him to hold her close, but she knew she would have broken down in tears and that was the last thing she needed. He would have offered comfort and right now she was too vulnerable not to take it. Instead, she had to remain focused on taking steps to move forward with her life, instead of living in the past and what might have been. Opening up to Jasper was one of those steps. He understood her so easily.
‘How long had you been together?’
‘We’d been together since our first week of medical school.’ A small smile touched her lips. ‘We met on the Monday and he asked me out on the Friday. He was persistent, especially as I was determined not to get involved with anyone due to the six long years of study that lay ahead of me.
Art wouldn’t take no for an answer. Halfway through first term he dropped out of medical school and studied education instead. Much more suited to his personality.’ Her smile was bright, her eyes were shining with happiness, and Jasper’s breath caught in his throat at the sight. She’d been a woman in love and all she had left were her memories. ‘Art had a complete love of life. It was infectious and wherever we went everyone around him would end up having a fantastic time whether they wanted to or not.’ She laughed softly. ‘He pulled me out of my comfort zone, wanting me to try new things like abseiling and surfing and swimming with sharks.’
‘Sharks?’
Jennifer nodded. ‘Sharks. I was terrified but when it was over I felt so alive. And that was before you could go to some theme park and pay to swim with sharks in a tank. I’m talking about the ocean. Art never once begrudged the hard work it took to get me through medical school. He’d quiz me on anatomy, help me study before exams, even though he didn’t have a clue what he was quizzing me on half the time.’
Jennifer looked up at Jasper and the light started to dim a little from her face. ‘He was amazing. Just a normal high-school science teacher, not saving the world but making a huge difference in the lives of those he met. He introduced Matt and Sara.’
‘Really?’
‘Knew they were perfect for each other so he got them together. That was my Arturo.’
‘He sounds like quite a man.’ There wasn’t a hint of jealousy in his tone and she appreciated that. Arturo had been a part of her life, just as Elisha had been a part of his. She was pleased he knew there was no need to be jealous of a ghost.
‘He was.’ The light slowly vanished and sadness seemed to engulf her. ‘And then he left me. My world crumbled and fell apart because he left me.’
‘And you threw yourself into work.’
‘I did. I had to find some way to gain control over my life again.’ She raised her eyes to meet his. ‘Work has been good to me. It gets me through. Helps me sleep.’