He was gone before anyone noticed him, before Lisa had a chance to call him back, but not before the look on his face had torn her heart in two. Raw longing had blazed from his eyes as he’d looked at the tiny pair of shoes she held. Longing and agony. Her husband still wanted a child of his own. And it was killing him that she was having one without him.
SHE TRIED TO PULL AWAY from Marcus, to make herself, and her condition, as scarce as possible after seeing his face that day of her shower. She just couldn’t bear to hurt him anymore.
But staying away was almost impossible. Everywhere she went, everything she did, he was right beside her, watching over her. Protecting her. Loving her. And her foolish heart began to hope again. Marcus’s pain would vanish if he could only allow himself to believe that the baby she was carrying was his.
But how did she make him believe?
“LET’S GO FOR A WALK,” Marcus said one Sunday during the seventh month of her pregnancy. It was one of those sunny February days, still cold but dry, and perfect for walking. He looked disgustingly energetic in his jeans and corduroy shirt.
“I’m too tired.” Lisa was lying on the couch reading the paper and perfectly content to stay that way.
“Come on, Lis. You heard Debbie. The more walking you do, the easier the birth will be on you.”
Lisa threw down the paper. “Fine. We’ll walk,” she said, hauling herself up to go put on. some warmer clothes and some shoes. She was getting tired of everyone else knowing what was better for her than she did.
Marcus waited more than fifteen minutes before he started to get concerned and went up to check on her. What could possibly be taking her so long?
She was in the bedroom, stomping her foot on the carpet and crying like a baby. She only had one tennis shoe on.
“Lisa? What is it, hon?” he asked gently.
“Nothing,” she said petulantly, sounding more like a child herself than a woman preparing to give birth to one.
He crossed to her and took her in his arms. “Something must be wrong, Lis. Please tell me what.” He wasn’t sure he was ever going to become accustomed to her unpredictable mood swings.
Laying her head against him, she sniffed noisily, then muttered something inaudible.
“Hmm?” he asked, stroking her hair.
“I can’t tie my shoe,” she said more loudly.
He had to use every muscle in his face to hold back the grin that threatened to burst forth as he took stock of the situation. His beautiful talented wife could no longer reach her arms around her expanding belly to get to her feet.
“Then I guess it’s my job to do it for you, huh?” he asked once he was sure he had his smile under control.
She pulled back from him. “I guess,” she said, holding her foot out dejectedly.
She teetered a little when Marcus bent to his task. “Maybe you better sit down.” He nudged her backward to the bed.
Kneeling, he tied the shoe and then slid the other shoe onto her other foot, tying that one, as well. Just as he was finishing, he felt her foot quiver, spasms that were repeated throughout her body, even shaking the bed.
Damn. If she was sobbing that hard she really had it bad.
“It’s okay, Lis,” he said, running his hand gently along her calf. He glanced up at her, wishing he could do more to help her—and couldn’t believe what he saw. She wasn’t crying. She was laughing so hard her whole body shook.
“I’m s-s-sorry,” she said, through her mirth. “It’s just…seeing you down there…” She broke into another peel of laughter.
Feeling alive and in love, and very relieved to see his wife had regained her sense of humor, Marcus took her into his arms, sharing her laughter and her love.
Their walk was postponed until later in the afternoon.
THE SHOWER WAS RUNNING. Marcus could hear it when he came in from work one Thursday during the last week in February. Dropping his briefcase in the office, he climbed the stairs, a grin on his face, one he could definitely share with his wife. It must not have been one of Lisa’s more energetic days if she was only just getting around to showering at four o’clock in the afternoon. It amused him how much a lady of leisure she was becoming as each day seemed to add another pound for her slight frame to carry around. He loved having Lisa pregnant.
There were still times when his laughter stuck in his throat, when he thought about what might have been if Lisa’s pregnancy had been as real for him as it was for her. But he’d learned to ignore those moments. Most of them.
He could see her through the steamy glass door of the shower enclosure. Her head was back, her hands running through her hair as the water ran across her face and down over her shoulders. Marcus’s gaze followed the route the water was taking, stopping at Lisa’s ripe breasts. Her nipples pebbled as the water caressed them and then streamed over her rounded belly.
His own body hardened with desire and with sheer male pride as he watched her. His woman. The baby she was carrying wasn’t his, but the woman was. He was the only man who would ever know this particular sight of her, naked and wet and swollen with child. Marcus had never been more grateful for anything in his life.
Stripping off his clothes, he joined her in the shower, greeting her with a wet heated kiss.
“Nice greeting,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. “I’m glad you’re home.”
He licked a drop of water off from her chin. “Had a rough afternoon?”
“I seem to have slept most of it away,” she said, grinning at him.
Marcus took the bar of soap from its dish and began a leisurely exploration of Lisa’s curves, caressing her shoulders and then her breasts.
“Mmm. This was worth getting up for.” Lisa’s eyes were closed, her lips smiling and moist. Marcus bent to kiss them as his soapy hands moved down to caress the stretched skin of her belly.
He touched her so tenderly, his big hands almost reverent in their attention, that Lisa thought she’d die of love for him. The water grew cold and Marcus turned it off, never missing a beat as he continued to kiss her. Wrapping her in a big fluffy bath towel, he lifted her and carried her to their bed.
But later that night, when the loving was done, she couldn’t help wishing that the wealth of tenderness Marcus was showing her included the child she carried….
BETH STOPPED to see Lisa the next day on her way home from work.
“How ya doing, Mama?” she asked, giving Lisa a hug.
“I don’t know,” Lisa said, returning the hug.
Beth’s stomach sank. “You’re not feeling well?” she asked, searching Lisa’s face for any sign of pain, pallor, anything she might have missed when Lisa had opened the door. Lisa looked great, every bit the healthy mother-to-be in her maternity blouse and slacks.
“I feel as well as can be expected physically.” Lisa shrugged. “You want some tea?”
“Sure.” Beth followed her friend to the back of the house, to the huge homey kitchen she knew. Lisa adored. Oliver had told Beth that Lisa and Marcus were doing fine. Better than fine, according to Marcus. So what was up?
“I’m glad you stopped by,” Lisa said. “I’ve missed you.” She put water on to boil and pulled a couple of herbal teabags out of a canister on the counter.
Feeling uncomfortably guilty, Beth reached for the cups. “I’ve missed you, too. It’s not the same not having you at work.”
Lisa gave a small grin. “I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would. Of course, that’s probably because it’s such an effort just getting out of bed in the mornings I can’t imagine having to handle a crisis.”
Beth smiled. Maybe the normal fatigue that went with pregnancy was all that was bothering Lisa. “Get your rest now, while you can. ‘Cause in a couple of months, you’ll be lucky to look at your bed, let alone get in it.”
Lisa poured hot water over the teabags, still grinning. “I know. I can’t wait.”
The two women sat down at the kitchen table, sipping their tea, and Beth
couldn’t help being a little envious. Not of Lisa’s beautiful home. Not even of her baby. But of her happiness, her surety of where life was leading her, the closeness she shared with her husband.
“It’s probably not going to be all that bad for you, anyway,” Beth said. “Knowing Marcus, he’ll insist on taking all the middle-of-the-night feedings.”
Lisa frowned, looking down into her cup. “I’m planning to breast-feed.”
“So he’ll get up and bring the baby in to you, always changing his diaper first, of course.”
Lisa was silent for a minute before looking up at Beth. “He’s not going to have anything to do with this baby,” she said softly, her eyes suddenly filling with tears.
Beth covered Lisa’s hand with hers. “What makes you even think such a thing?”
“I don’t just think it, Beth. I know it.” The conviction in Lisa’s voice was chilling.
“He’s said so?” Beth asked.
Lisa nodded, the tears spilling from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. “Many times. I thought he’d change his mind, even after he told me not to hope that he would. I thought I knew Marcus. But I guess I don’t. As far as he’s concerned, my baby doesn’t exist.”
“Oh, Lisa, I’m so sorry. What are you going to do? Do you want me to try talking to him?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know anymore. It wouldn’t do any good. I’ve talked until there aren’t any words left. Dad’s talked to him, too, though I don’t think he has any idea how bad it really is.” Beth saw utter despair in Lisa’s eyes. “I can’t even imagine a life without Marcus,” Lisa went on, “don’t know where I’d ever find the strength to leave him. But how can I bring my baby into a house where he’ll be ignored, treated as if he doesn’t exist?”
“Does Marcus know? That you’re thinking about leaving him, I mean?”
Lisa shook her head, looking more miserable than any pregnant woman ought to look. Beth got up and took her friend into her arms, her heart breaking in two. This was her fault; she’d ripped apart the lives of her best friends with her meddling. Her tears slowly mingled with Lisa’s as she held her, wondering when it was she’d forgotten that she was a doctor and started playing God, instead.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
BETH COULDN’T GO HOME that night. She couldn’t face the silence, the recriminations, the “I told you sos” she’d hear every time she looked at John’s picture. He’d been after her for her meddling since the day they’d met, telling her to leave other people’s business alone. But it was a habit she’d developed early on, growing up with a bunch of younger siblings. She’d been the one to take care of everyone, to prevent whatever disasters she could, to make certain everyone was tended to. She’d had to meddle to keep everyone safe—and she’d been good at it.
But it was an asset that had become a liability as she reached adulthood. This wasn’t the first time she’d caused someone heartache because she couldn’t leave well enough alone. If only John were still alive. He’d have stopped her from pushing Lisa into this last irrevocable step.
Beth didn’t make a conscious decision to seek out Oliver, but found herself pulling into his driveway just after dark, anyway. She wasn’t sure how he’d react when he found out how awful things really were between Lisa and Marcus. He’d probably never forgive her for sticking her nose in where it didn’t belong. Remembering Lisa’s broken sobs, she didn’t think she’d ever forgive herself.
“Beth! What is it, my dear? Come in. What’s happened?” Oliver asked as soon as he answered his door and saw her face.
Beth knew she must look a wreck. But it didn’t matter. Not when her friend’s life was falling apart.
“I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life and there’s no way to fix it,” she said bluntly, standing in the foyer of Oliver’s home.
Oliver’s eyes darkened with concern. “I’m sure it’s not that bad. We’ll think of something. Come in and sit.” He put one arm around Beth’s shoulder and led her into his living room.
I don’t deserve his concern, Beth thought.
“Marcus refuses to accept Lisa’s baby and it’s all my fault. I talked her into it. I was so sure it was the perfect answer. But I had a feeling she hadn’t told him, and I went ahead and inseminated her, anyway. And now it looks like she’s going to have to choose between the husband she adores and her baby. Where do I get off thinking I know what’s best for other people when I don’t even know what’s best for myself?”
“Shh. Slow down. What’s this about Marcus and the baby? He told me himself just two days ago that things were great between him and Lisa. He looked happier than he’s looked in years.”
Beth shook her head. “He is happy with Lisa. But he’s got some cockamamy idea that he and Lisa can be married while she raises her child herself. Even I know that’s no way to bring up a child.”
Oliver shook his head, sadness mingling with the worry Beth saw in his eyes. “She’s got to give him more time. Wait until he sees the baby. Until she brings it home. I suspect he’ll come around then. Marcus has a wealth of love to give. I’m laying odds he’ll make the right decision when the time comes.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“I’m not ready to consider that possibility. It would kill my daughter to lose Marcus. I know that as surely as I know my own name.”
To her chagrin, Beth felt tears fill her eyes. “Oh, God. What a mess I’ve made of things,” she said. How could she have ruined the lives of the two people she cared about most in the world?
“What do you mean? You did your job. That’s all.”
Beth shook her head. “I wish that was all. I’d been after Lisa for months to consider artificial insemination. I was just so sure it was the right answer. The only answer for them. I couldn’t have been more wrong.”
“But the final decision was Lisa’s, my dear. She wanted this baby, make no mistake about that.”
Beth wished she could be so sure. “She said no for months, Oliver. She wouldn’t even consider it, because she knew Marcus would react this way. I see that now. But she was so unhappy, getting unhappier every time I saw her, so I kept at her. The week before we did the procedure she came to see me. I’d even picked out a donor for her and told her all about him. She still said no.”
Oliver put his arm around her shoulders again. Beth couldn’t believe how badly she wanted to snuggle into his embrace, in spite of how wrong that would be. “She didn’t come to you against her will, Beth. Lisa’s a big girl with a mind of her own. You, my dear, seem to have a tendency to be a bit too hard on yourself. You’re not to blame for Marcus and Lisa’s current situation any more than Marcus is to blame for his sterility.”
“It’s just that I meddle sometimes. I know I do. I try not to, I really do, but before I know it, I’m up to my elbows in someone’s problems.” Oliver might as well know.
He pulled her against him, right where she so wanted to be. “That’s called caring, dear Beth, not meddling,” he said softly.
Beth glanced up at the odd tone in his voice, and her blood started to race the minute she met his gaze. He was looking at her with complete honesty, holding nothing back, and the desire she saw in his eyes took her breath away.
“Oliver?” she whispered, knowing they were crossing a line never meant to be crossed, yet unable to prevent herself.
“Ah, Beth. Life’s too short, happiness too fleeting, to let this slip away. You feel it, too, don’t you? This thing between us. It’s not just a silly fantasy of a wishful old man, is it?”
“You aren’t old, Oliver. Not by a long shot. And yes, I feel it, too.”
As he bent his head and kissed her and she lost herself in the blissful experience of his touch, she hoped John would forgive her for falling in love with another man.
HER BACK ACHED. Drugged with sleep, Lisa rolled over, burrowing into Marcus’s side as she tried to get comfortable. But the pain came again, sharper this time, bringing her fully awake. And instantly afraid.
“Marcus?” she said, scared to move, to sit up.
“What is it, Lis?” He flipped on the bedside light, concern in his eyes.
“It’s the baby, Marcus. He’s coming and it’s way too early.” Tears stung her eyes, but she was afraid to cry. She lay perfectly still, hoping against all the logic of her doctor’s training that if she didn’t move, she could keep the tiny life inside her a little while longer.
Another pain gripped her, and Lisa cried out. Something was wrong. Drastically wrong.
“Lis? Do you need to get to the bathroom?”
“No!” she cried. “No. I don’t want to move. I’m not going to lose my baby. Not now. Please, God, no.” She started to sob softly, as yet another pain shot up her back. She’d been feeling twinges in her back for just over a week, but she’d thought they were perfectly normal.
Marcus was a blur in her haze of pain as he reached for the phone on the nightstand and dialed Debbie Crutchfield. He spoke quickly, then just as quickly hung up the phone and got out of bed.
“I’m going to have to move you, Lis. Debbie’s meeting us at the hospital in fifteen minutes.”
He pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt while he talked, shrugging into his jacket and pulling on his shoes in record time.
“Here we go. Just lie still, honey,” he said, wrapping the comforter from the bed around her and lifting her, still in her nightgown, into his arms.
He sped down the stairs with her, not even stopping to lock the door behind them as he stepped out into the garage and settled her into the Ferrari.
Lisa felt a rush of warm liquid between her thighs when he lay her back in the seat. “Oh, God, no!” she cried.
“What?” Marcus looked down at the blanket around her, saw the spreading stain. “Okay, Lisa. Just hang on, love. We’ll beat this yet. Just hold on.”
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