by Toni Aleo
He leans back. “She’s right.”
I meet his gaze. “Why are you okay with this? I feel like you’re acting cool in front of me but you’re going to kill Aiden.”
He doesn’t laugh; Dad just looks at me with the blue eyes I share with him and shrugs. “No, it’s not that at all. I’m pretty sure I freaked out last night.”
“He did,” Mom says with a tilt to her lips.
“But we talked, and she already knew, so she calmed my crazy. The truth is, sweetheart, over these past few months, I’ve realized you aren’t a baby anymore. You’ve grown into this amazing, headstrong woman, and I think I started realizing it after you knocked the shit out of Amelia’s ex.”
“Mom says that wasn’t one of my finer moments,” I remind him, but he shakes his head.
“Maybe not. But in my heart, I think it made me realize that you can take care of yourself. As much as I want you to need me, you don’t. You’re going to pick your person just as I chose your mother. Shelli, baby, you blow me away. You’re amazing.”
I don’t know why I’m tearing up as I gaze into my dad’s eyes. He reaches out, taking my hand. “I am so incredibly proud of you, and if Aiden is the guy you choose, then as much as I think I might die from the angina, I support you. You aren’t some flighty girl. You know what you want. I mean, you just shot me down. Pretty sure no one can dim your shine.”
I swallow past the emotion in my throat. “Thanks, Daddy. But I promise, Aiden is really great—though he is nervous about y’all knowing.”
“No reason to be. I’m only gonna break his toes and fingers,” Dad says, getting up and popping his fist into his other palm. “He can still play. I did it with a broken foot in the play-offs.”
I look back to Mom, terrified, and she shakes her head. “He is not. But I do think we should go find him and have a little talk. I’ll bring him in here. He’ll be the one with angina.”
I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my chest. I’ve wanted to tell my mom for a while. But now, knowing my dad is okay with it too, I feel so much better. It’s as if all the pieces I needed to make this whole are falling into place, and Aiden and I are gonna be good. Great, even. I just need him to see it. To see how great we’re gonna be at this.
I grin up at my dad. “How’s your angina?”
He presses his fingers into his chest. “Hurts, but I’ll ignore it if he makes you happy.”
I stand up, wrapping my arms around him as he envelops me in his embrace. He kisses my temple and rests his head against mine as I let my eyes fall shut.
“He does. I promise he does.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
AIDEN
“I DON’T CARE what anyone says. That GM is terrifying!”
I lean back in my locker, drying my face and chest free of the water from my shower as our new forward, Benson, complains. Everyone seems to disagree with him, but I don’t. Elli Adler is terrifying. So is her hot-ass daughter. Hell, the whole family is! Well, maybe not Quinn. He’s a sweet kid, but the rest of them—they could take you down with a look. One thing is for sure, I don’t want to piss the lot of them off. I’m already worried that Shelli is upset. I know she wants to come clean to her family, but I’m not ready. I like what we have right now, and it’s bad enough my family knows.
I sort of want to be sure when I step in front of her dad. I don’t want him to see me as the punk-ass kid who’s trying to get in his daughter’s pants. I want him to see me as someone who is good for her. I think I am, but I want to be able to look at him and tell him I L-word her. Like, totally. Helplessly. Hell, I might already, but these feelings are totally up in the air. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I hate how unsure I am. Or is it the fear? What if I tell her and she runs off? Who am I kidding? She could do that now, and I would be traumatized. There is a reason no one has been able to pin me down, and that reason is because they weren’t Shelli Adler.
“She’s awesome. So sweet,” Wes calls out, standing beside me in all his nakedness.
I make a face and hold up my hand to guard my view of his schlong. “Dude.”
He doesn’t even care. He looks back to Benson. “You treat her with respect, you respect this team, you’re golden.”
Benson doesn’t seem convinced. “Dude, she ripped me apart because there are pictures of me on Instagram at that orgy party I had last week.”
I snort as I shake my head. “Yeah, that’s a no-go.”
Boon hooks a thumb toward me. “BB knows all about that. He came here and turned over a new leaf. He’s a fucking saint now.”
I flip him off. “Hardly.”
“Maybe not with his girl,” Boon says, waggling his brows at me.
“You got a girl?” Benson asks, and all eyes turn on me.
“Yeah,” I say simply.
“But we’ve all heard about your fuck-’em-and-leave-’em philosophy.”
I scoff. “I left that back in New York.”
I’m not lying either. I think I did. Before I talked to Elli that first day, I only wanted to see Shelli again. That should tell me something right there.
Benson shakes his head. “So, one girl?”
I stand up, getting dressed. “Elli told me to get one girl and stick with her. It would keep my nose clean. So, that’s what I did.”
And I couldn’t shake what I feel for Shelli even if I tried.
His dark eyes hold mine, and he looks as if I’m speaking German. “How does that even work?”
I shrug. “Great, in my opinion,” I say, putting on my hoodie and grabbing my bag. “I’m good with it.”
Benson isn’t comprehending at all. “What about feelings? Don’t they start falling for you and shit?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“And what do you do? Wait, don’t tell me you feel shit for them! That’s a recipe for disaster.”
I used to think the way he does, but not anymore. I’m unable to say that, though. It will lead to more questions, and I already feel Boon’s and Wes’s gazes on me. I don’t want people in my business, so I shake my head. “No, I just ignore it all and get what I want from her.”
I meet Wes’s and Boon’s gazes and shake my head, which makes them both smile as I head out with a wave to the guys. “See ya—”
My words fall off when I see Shelli with Shea and Elli beside her, standing in the doorway.
One look into Shelli’s eyes and I know one thing.
I’m so fucked.
My instinct is to hold out my hands, so I do because I have to calm the storm that is brewing inside her. But Elli and Shea are watching me. I drop my hands and inhale. “Um… Hey, guys. Um—” I’m stuttering like a fucking fool, and in all honesty, I probably am one. “Did you want to talk about that thing, Shelli?”
When a tear falls down her cheek, it wrecks me. I don’t care that they are there; I don’t care who the fuck is here. I take a step forward, holding up my hands, and she smacks them away. “Shell—”
Her eyes shut me up instantly. The roar of my heartbeat is killing my eardrums and probably breaking my ribs. “Really, Aiden?”
“No. I promise. No.”
“Is that what you’ve been doing all this time?”
“No. Fuck no, Shelli. Can we talk over here?” I say, jerking my head to the side. “Please.”
“I have nothing to say to you—”
“Shelli, for real—” She turns quickly, her hair flying with the turn, but I’m on her heels. I ignore the death glare coming from Shea—partly because I’m confused by it but mostly because I have to get Shelli to listen to me. “Shelli, no. Listen to me. I didn’t mean that at all. Stop,” I say, reaching out for her, but she whips her arm out of reach.
“I can’t believe you! I’m so fucking stupid.”
I finally get ahold of her and stop her. “Shelli, you’re not. Baby, listen to me,” I demand, my eyes trying to capture hers as I hold her in place, but she’s got that fighter’s soul. “I didn’t mean any of that. I was jus
t shooting the shit with the guys—”
“And mentioning the one thing I have an insecurity about?”
I raise my brows.
“Oh yeah, Aiden. I have insecurities too. I’m scared you’re just with me for the fuck, but I ignored that because I believed in you, in us. But that’s all in the tank now.”
I look down the hall, terrified, to see both of her parents watching me.
“They already fucking know, Aiden! They’ve known since last night!”
My gaze snaps back to her. “Well, this is fucking great.”
“Yeah, it is. Especially since I just sat in my mom’s office and told them that you’ve changed. That you’re a damn good man and you make me happy. That I love you, that I choose you—”
“That shouldn’t change due to what I said in there, because it wasn’t the truth, Shell. I looked at Boon and Wes and shook my head. I didn’t mean it! I promise you, I was trying to protect us—”
She throws her hands in the air, more tears falling down her face. “Do you love me?”
I’m flabbergasted, stuttering like crazy. “W-Wait, huh? What? Why? You know I feel something. Why are you asking that? That’s not fair. You said you’re going to be patient with me. And the way you make that sound is that either I do or I don’t, and that’s not fucking fair.”
“I also said I was in this till you gave me a reason to doubt it. That was a reason,” she yells, her fingers jabbing at the locker room. “That is bullshit. How hard was it to say, ‘You know, yeah, I got me a girl, and you know, we’re navigating our feelings.’?”
I scrunch up my face. “’Cause I didn’t want to sound like a fucking loser!”
“So being in love and caring about someone makes you a loser?” she sneers, her eyes narrowed to slits as they leak tears, and I feel helpless. She isn’t the idiot; I am.
“What the fuck? No. Damn it. This is spiraling out of control. We need to calm down. Please. Let’s go home—”
“Home? I have to mean more to you than a fucking fuck for that to be our home,” she yells, her eyes wild and tear-filled. “We’re done.”
With that, she turns. I’m about to chase after her when a huge hand presses into my chest. I look up into Shea’s eyes, and he shakes his head.
“Let her go.”
“But I have to stop her.”
“No, bud, you don’t. You’re right. She needs to calm down. You need to calm down. Give her some space. You knocked the shit out of her pride.”
I shake my head. “No, no, I couldn’t have. It’s just a huge misunderstanding.”
Elli squeezes my other shoulder. “I know, honey, but she can’t see that right now. Your words hurt her—and pissed me off.”
“Yeah, wouldn’t mind ripping off your arm and beating you with the bloody end for making my baby cry,” Shea says matter-of-factly. “I can’t do that, can I?”
“No, we told Shelli not to hit people when she’s upset.”
“Bullshit-ass parenting on our part,” he mutters, but I don’t even care.
“But she said we’re done—”
Emotion makes my voice crack, and I crouch down, covering my face as I suck in deep breaths.
She said we’re done.
But we can’t be done.
I squeeze my eyes shut as I’m struck by emotional hit after hit. I feel like I’m standing in the ocean and getting smacked in the face by waves and jellyfish. I’m feeling everything at once. I didn’t mean what I said. I really didn’t realize what I was saying until it was out of my mouth. I wanted to shut the guys up. She wasn’t supposed to hear that because it isn’t fucking true. There are feelings. There are so many feelings, and it’s as if they’re ripping me apart right now.
She said what I thought she’d never say.
We’re done.
MY APARTMENT FEELS empty without Shelli here.
Without her laugh.
Her ass always cleaning something.
Lying on me.
Kissing me.
Holding me.
Maybe it’s not the apartment. Maybe it’s me. I feel empty.
She hasn’t answered any of my calls. My texts have been ignored, and I thought about driving by her parents’, but I’m sure she’ll ignore me there too. I know I need to give her space. The sympathy in Elli’s and Shea’s eyes told me that, but I don’t want to. I want to find her, scream in her face that she has it all wrong, and show her that we aren’t done. We can’t be done. But I don’t know how to do that when she doesn’t want to speak to me.
The main reason I wanted to keep our relationship to ourselves was because of our families. They’re very much in the know on everything. Shelli’s and my fight is no different. Emery and Stella have already texted me, calling me a dumbass. My mom has called nineteen times, but I refuse to talk to her. My dad, though…radio silence. Which means one thing. He’s disgusted with me. Fuck, I’m disgusted with myself. I shouldn’t have said those things. I wasn’t even thinking. But Shelli won’t hear it. I did the one thing I didn’t want to do. I hurt her. I beat up her pride, and now, I’m left feeling bruised and battered. I want to make it better. I want her to listen, but I don’t know how to get her to.
I stare at my phone, willing it to ring and for it to be Shelli. Alas, it doesn’t. It just sits there silent, a reminder of my stupidity. I reach for it and dial her number once more.
Her voice mail—again.
Fuck, I miss her. “Shelli, it’s me. Again. Listen, this is bullshit. I didn’t mean what I said. I promise you that. Please. Call me. Come here, or I’ll come to you. Any way that works for you. We just have to fix this. I don’t care what you say—we aren’t done. Answer me.”
I hang up, and I’m tempted to fling my phone into the wall. Since it’s the only way for her to get ahold of me, I refrain. I let my head drop back, and I stare up at the ceiling. I’m going crazy not knowing what to do. I bring my phone up along with my head and dial another number. The only person I want to talk to other than Shelli.
Asher’s voice sounds excited to hear from me when he answers. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Silence. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I fucked up.”
“I figured. What happened?”
I explain the situation, and as if we hadn’t gotten into a huge fight, Asher listens and comments where he feels he should. I fall back into the couch, running my hand down my face. “I’m going crazy. What do I do?”
“You need to give her space, man. I know you don’t want to hear that, but you do.”
“I don’t think space is what we need. We need to talk this through.”
“But she isn’t seeing it that way. She’s hurt. You said things she’s been worried about since the jump.”
“But I didn’t mean them.”
“And I truly believe she knows that. But knowing her parents heard you say it, and then the whole team… Yeah, she’s gonna be pissed.”
I close my eyes. “You’re right.”
“I’m sorry, dude. That sucks.”
“I just want her back. I miss her. I want her here.” When he laughs softly, I roll my eyes. “Great to know my misery is hilarious to you.”
“I’m laughing because you’re so in love with her, yet you still can’t realize it.”
I sigh. “I get it. I’m fucked up—”
“You’re not, though, Pity Party Pete. I get that I’ve said it before, but if you were so fucked up, would you be where you are? You’re in a full-blown relationship, dude, and you love it. You love her. And I think when you tell her that, everything will fall into place.”
I shake my head. “Sure, but I know for a fact that she wouldn’t listen to me. She probably wouldn’t believe me. She’d probably think I was saying it to get her back. I should have said it when she said it this morning. I wanted to, but I didn’t.”
“Why?”
I shrug. “I honestly don’t know. The words were there. But I can’t say it now. She wants actions, n
ot words. I know her.”
“Exactly, Aiden. You know her. So how do you get her back?”
“I have no clue, which is why I’m asking your ass!”
“You are really annoying, you know that?”
“Yeah, well, you’re a dick.”
“True. I’m sorry about that, by the way. Wasn’t my finest behavior.”
“Nope. Totally crybaby dick move.”
“You’re right, and I’m sorry.”
“It’s over and done with. Thanks for answering the phone.”
“For you? Always,” he says softly. “I do love your clueless ass.”
I want to smile, but I can’t. “Same here.”
“And if you think really hard, you’ll figure this out.”
When my alarm sounds, alerting me that someone is coming upstairs, I rush to the screen in the wall, praying it’s Shelli.
It’s my dad and Shea.
“Great, it’s Dad and Shea. Dad’s probably here to lecture me as Shea beats me with the bloody ends of my limbs.”
Asher laughs ruefully. “Sounds about right. I’m praying for you.”
“Appreciate it.”
“And don’t worry, dude. You’ll figure this out. Just like you’ll figure out that you’re head over heels in love with her.”
I swallow hard and shake my head. “I don’t need to figure that out. I know it. I think I always knew. I was scared to accept it because it meant she could hurt me. Yet here I am, not saying those words, and I’m empty. So, yeah, I’m winning at life over here.”
“Totally. But here is a bit of advice.”
“Am I going to like it?”
“Probably not,” he says honestly. “But Mom always told me you have to love like there is no such thing as a broken heart.”
I bring in my brows. “Pretty sure she got that from a song and didn’t take that advice at all.”
“Probably, but I like it.”
There is a knock at my door. “It terrifies me, but I gotta go. Talk to you later.”
“Stay alive,” he yells as I hang up and open my door.
Dad and Shea are huge men. I’m the same height, but I feel small under their gazes. “Hey.”
I move out of the way so they can come in. “We came to check on you,” Dad says as he walks in and sets a six-pack of beer on the table. He grabs two, handing them to Shea and me before opening the bottle of water I hadn’t seen in his hand. “To fucking up.”