“Yes!” It was said without a shred of hesitation. “Maybe you didn’t hear me earlier, but I’ve been in love with you my entire life.”
It took a great deal of effort not to fall boundlessly into those words, into the warm promise behind them. She had waited too long to hear them and now that she was, she was filled with pain. Like he had physically reached into her chest, torn out her heart, and mashed it all over again under a mallet.
“Don’t say that.” There was no hiding the plea, nor was she able to suppress the humiliation that came with it.
“Jewels...”
“No!” She planted her palms to his chest and shoved him back a full three steps. “You had years to tell me that. You had years to explain what happened that night. But you choose now to do it? Why?” she demanded.
“Because no matter how I looked at it, you were too young,” he cut her off. “When I was sixteen, you were thirteen. When I was eighteen, you were fifteen.”
“But that’s still only three years,” she rationalized. “It was still legal in Canada.”
He shrugged. “Didn’t matter. I told you, I wasn’t going to start something between us when I would eventually have to leave. I wasn’t going to ask you to put your life on hold for me.”
“But that was my choice!” she shot back, livid. “You had no right to make that decision for both of us.”
He spread his arms out in exasperation. “Maybe not, but how long do you think it would have lasted, huh? How long would you have waited, going weeks, sometimes months without seeing me? Loneliness is a bitch, Julie. Trust me. It would have eaten at us, driving a wedge between everything we had and I wasn’t going to lose you like that.”
Her anger was stilled by the confusion brought on by his words. “What are you talking about?”
“You were fifteen when I left for British Columbia,” he reminded her. “I would have been your only relationship and it would have been for two months before I left for school. That first year, I didn’t come home until Easter break. That’s seven months. The next time was Christmas. That’s another nine months. That’s twice in a single year. That’s how often you would have seen me while your friends were going out every weekend with their boyfriends and you had to stay home in case I was able to call for a few minutes between homework and classes. You were fifteen, Julie.” He lowered his voice, but she could hear what those years had cost him reverberating through every word. “It killed me, but I wanted you to live. I wanted you to go on dates and have fun.” He dropped his eyes to their feet. “I wanted you to be sure you still wanted me when we met again.”
“That’s crazy.” But there was no anger in the statement. In her. For the first time in four years, the thought of him didn’t fill her with pain and fury, because she understood what he had been trying to do. If anything, it made her heart sink a little deeper in the quicksand that was her love for Mason Brody.
“Maybe,” he murmured with a sheepish quirk of his lips. “But like I said, I loved you enough to let you go for a short time.”
She arched a brow almost teasingly. “You sound so sure that I would still be single when we met again.”
He averted his eyes, but not before she saw the spark of doubt. “I wasn’t sure, but...” His head tipped ever so slightly in her direction and his features became contemplative as he studied her. “I hoped.” He paused before adding, “I also had a very elaborate way of making him disappear if it came down to it.”
Julie burst out laughing.
He didn’t. But he grinned a little. It was dark and there was something there that stole her breath. Her laughter died.
“Tell me about that night.”
The coffee machine took that moment to beep, signaling the end of its brewing. The rich, dark scent of roasted beans momentarily distracted Julie. Her eyes flittered over to the counter where the machine sat, gleaming almost tauntingly, and she nearly whimpered.
Mason chuckled and gave a slight shake of his head as he took a step back. “Come on. I’ll tell you once we get you your fix.”
“God bless you,” she moaned, following him across the kitchen and around the island.
With steaming mugs in hand, they ventured to the table and sat. Julie took the head and Mason claimed the chair on her right. He waited until she had gulped a greedy mouthful that burned all the way down before speaking.
“It was Ian Herst’s graduation party and the entire senior class had been invited. I originally hadn’t wanted to go. Mom was taking the whole family out to dinner and I knew it would be a long time before I would see everyone together like that. Shaun insisted. He pushed and begged, and I think he even threatened me at one point, but I eventually gave in. After dinner, we got into my truck and we drove to Ian’s.” He paused and looked down at the cup cradled between his hands. “The whole way, Shaun teased me about you. I think we talked more about you then anything else. There was even a point where I asked him if he liked you. He doesn’t,” he said when Julie visibly cringed. His smile faded as he continued. “But he liked how it annoyed me. He said it was funny seeing me get all riled up about something, especially considering how stupid I was being. He didn’t understand why I wasn’t just taking what we both wanted when it was clear there was nothing standing between us.
At the party, he joked how it would be hilarious if you showed up. I told him that was unlikely—it was a senior class party and you’d made plans to see a movie at the Cineplex with your friends.”
Julie blinked in surprise. “How...?”
His grin was sheepish. “I overheard you and your friends earlier that day while you were cleaning out your locker.”
She nodded as that day passed through her mind’s eye like a movie reel. “We were going to see the Deathly Hallows. I was getting ready when I got your text.”
The all too familiar twang wrenched her heart as she recalled how excited she had been to get that message, how she could scarcely hit the right buttons to text her friends and cancel. All because Mason had asked her to the party. She had spent hours getting ready, so desperate to look older, like the other girls that would be there.
“It said you wanted to talk about us,” she mumbled, staring fixedly at the rippling liquid in her mug. “That you had to see me. It was important. I thought...” She bit her lip. Humiliation burned in her cheeks.
Mason squeezed his eyes shut and scrubbed a frustrated hand over his face. “God, Julie, I’m so sorry.”
She looked away, hoping to conceal the bright shine of tears threatening to spill.
He lowered his arm and let his forearm fall next to his mug. His fist was clenched. “During the party, Shaun had asked to borrow my phone because he’d left his somewhere and wanted to phone it. I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t see the text until the next morning. That’s when I realized what he’d done.”
The snort she gave had been meant to sound careless, but it was riddled with the emotion she was fighting to suppress. “That explains why you looked so shocked to see me.”
“I had no idea you would be there,” he said. “I looked up and...” He rocked his head slowly from side to side. “I thought I’d imagined you to life. Then you saw me and your face lit up...” His face softened and seemed to tighten at the same time like the memory was a great source of joy and pain. “You were standing under a blue paper lantern and the color made your hair and eyes shine blue in the darkness. You wore that pink dress I liked so much and you just looked so ... beautiful. For a moment, I thought one of the other guys had asked you and you were there with them. I remember wanting to punch their lights out...” He smiled humorlessly when she snorted a chuckle. “But you made a straight line across the back patio to me and it took all my resolve not to grab you and keep you away from all the other guys watching you.”
Julie’s eyes widened. “What other guys?”
It was his turn to chuckle. “You didn’t notice them, but I sure as hell did. The gleam in their eyes made me want to commit
murder. But then you were standing in front of me, eager anticipation turning your cheeks the same pink as your dress and I forgot about them.”
She had been terrified and excited, like someone meeting their celebrity crush. The whole time he stared at her with the stunned expression of someone who was witnessing something unfathomable, she had been bracing herself for whatever he wanted to tell her. In her mind, she had been so certain that this was when he would tell her he loved her and wanted to be with her. She had rehearsed what she would say during the drive to the party. It had ended with them kissing and spending the rest of the night together talking and kissing some more. She had spent so long dreaming about his lips that her stomach was a writhing pit at the very thought of finally feeling them against hers.
“What are you doing here?” he’d said instead.
His confusion had confused her and her already sweaty fingers had trembled around the purse strap she’d been anxiously toying with.
“You ... you told me you wanted to talk.”
His brows had drawn together. “No, I—”
Shaun had taken that moment to saunter over, his cocky strides matching the leer on his face.
“Look who showed up to a big kid party.” He’d looked Julie over with a disgusting smirk. “And all dressed up in her mommy’s clothes. Bet the bra’s stuffed.”
Heat had exploded in Julie’s cheeks and she had an overpowering urge to cross her arms.
“Back off!” Mason’s expression had been thunderous.
Shaun had put up his hands in a mock show of surrender. “Hey, relax. I don’t want that.” His sneer had turned nasty. “No one does.”
Several eyes had begun to turn their way at that point. Julie could feel their eyes boring into her, taking her in. Several of the boys were elbowing each other and pointing, and she couldn’t help wanting to make sure the back of her dress wasn’t tucked into the band of her panties. Instead, she turned to look at Mason.
“Why did you ask me to come, Mason?” she’d demanded.
“I did—”
“Don’t back down now!” Shaun had crowed at the top of his lungs. “Tell her.”
Mason shot him a heated glare. “Stop it.”
“What?” Shaun threw up his hands. “You’re the one who was going on about how you were ready to cut the umbilical cord and getting the clingy bitch to finally let you go.”
Julie had felt like someone had sucker punched her square in the abdomen. Her gaze had shot from Mason to Shaun to the many pairs of eyes watching and laughing.
“Mason...?”
His attention was on Shaun. The two were staring at each other - Mason with a black, violent sort of rage that seemed to be sending tremors down the length of his rigid frame, Shaun with sly amusement that seemed immune to his best friend’s blood thirst.
“Shut up, Shaun,” Mason had hissed at last in a deadly calm voice that warned not to cross him.
Shaun must have been severely drunk, because he didn’t seem to notice. “Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts now that you’ve seen her in a skirt?” He rolled his brown eyes to Julie and she flinched. “Bet she came here hoping you’d finally spread her legs and ram your cock—”
“Shaun!” Mason had pushed forward and planted himself between Julie and his friend. His balled hands had trembled at his sides. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Shaun had squared his shoulders and come toe to toe with Mason without batting an eye. “Maybe you’re too afraid to tell her what’s been on your mind for years, but I’m not. The bitch needs to know how pathetic you think she is and how the sight of her makes you turn tail and bolt in the opposite direction.”
“Enough!” Mason had grabbed Shaun by the front of his t-shirt. “Not another word, Shaun. I swear to God I will beat your fucking face in.”
Shaun had rounded cold, brown eyes on Julie, who wished the floor would open up beneath her feet. “Then tell her I’m wrong. Tell her to stay. You can’t,” Shaun taunted with malice when Mason said nothing. “Because she repulses you.”
Mason’s jaw muscles had bunched. His eyes had been chips of blue eyes burning straight into his friend. He looked on the verge of losing control. But he didn’t argue the things Shaun was saying. He didn’t deny them. He just stared at Shaun like he wanted to strangle the other man.
Julie wanted to die, but all she could manage was to mash her wet palms over her mouth, smudging her lip gloss as she fought to muffle the tight ball of pain threatening to explode from her chest.
It did anyway despite all her attempts. Even with the drunken laughter of a group of girls nearby and the heavy bass slamming across the yard, that single, pathetic sound trumped them all. It rang over the crowd of onlookers as though it had been broadcasted over a microphone. The horror of it hit her all the harder when Mason’s entire body went rigid like she’d punched him between the shoulder blades. His head dropped forward as though in prayer, but he never turned to her. He never called her back when she threw herself through the jeering spectators back towards the house. The tears had started before the car door had shut behind her.
“Jewels?”
Julie jolted at the unwarranted intrusion into her private hell. Her breath caught in her chest and she teetered a moment while she tried to pull herself out of the nightmare.
“I’m okay,” she lied, running the back of her trembling hand over her mouth.
Mason took the hand and brought the heel to his lips. He skimmed a kiss over the soft skin. His eyes never left her face, and she wished they would so she could compose herself.
“You have every right to hate me,” he murmured quietly. “I handled the situation horribly. I let you down and for that I am so sorry.”
“Why didn’t you come after me?” she whispered. “Why didn’t you try to call, or text?”
“I tried!” he said with an urgency in his tone. “I tried so many times. But every time I wrote you the text, or dialed your number, I froze. I didn’t know what to say and everything I wanted to say wasn’t enough. How could I make you forgive me for that night? How could I tell you the real reason Shaun was goading me?”
“You could have said something,” she shot back. “You could have apologized. You could have told me about the text and how it hadn’t been from you. You could have...” She broke off to catch her breath before plunging on. “Why are you still friends with that asshole?”
“Because he wasn’t trying to hurt you ... only you,” he added quickly when she narrowed her eyes. “He was trying to humiliate me. He knew anything I said at that point would go against me. Believe it or not, he was actually trying to help.”
“You’re right.” She drew her hand out of his. “I don’t believe you. Shaun Ryan doesn’t help anyone, but himself. And you’re a coward.”
“Hey!”
She pinned him with all the pain and anger swirling up inside her. “That night I was the one who was made a fool of and you didn’t do anything despite claiming you loved me.”
“Whoa!” His blue eyes crackled with his indignation. “Is that what you think? That I did nothing? I broke Shaun’s nose and jaw.”
“You didn’t do what was important,” she countered. “Like tell the girl whose heart you broke that it wasn’t true. Damn it, Mason! I loved you. I cried every night for a month.”
“I know!” He threw up his hands in aggravation. “Don’t you think I know? You don’t think I hate myself for what happened? I know now that I should have done something, said something, but at the time I...” He lowered his head. “I was a coward. You’re right. I was young and stupid and thought maybe it was for the best.”
“Me hating you was for the best?”
“No.” He raised his head to meet her gaze. “You forgetting about me and moving on. I told myself I would throw myself at your mercy one day and beg for your forgiveness, but until then...”
Julie searched his face, his eyes, and heard the desperation and anguish coating his voice,
and found herself fighting back a grin. It was ridiculous. There wasn’t a damn thing funny about the situation, yet...
“All right,” she said.
Mason blinked. “Sorry?”
Julie folded her arms and sat back in her seat. “I’m waiting for you to throw yourself at my mercy and beg for my forgiveness.”
Light shimmered across the blue surface of his eyes. He moistened his lips with a slow glide of his tongue. Very slowly, he rose, skirted the corner of the table, and bent on one knee at her feet. His hands curled around the armrests of her chair and he came eyelevel with her. Neither of them blinked.
“Please forgive me.”
“For?” she prodded teasingly.
“For hurting you.” The humor melted from his features and his gaze became sharp and earnest. “For not doing better to protect you. For being a coward.”
Julie swallowed audibly. “What about for deciding—”
He shook his head. “Not sorry for that. I’m sorry we had to wait so long, but I’m not sorry for waiting, Julie. I would have waited forever for you.”
“It still wasn’t right,” she whispered, ignoring the flutter in her chest. “You can’t make decisions for me because you think they’re the right ones.”
“I know,” he surprised her by saying. “I have no intention of making future decisions for you, but that was different and you know I’m right.”
She did, unfortunately. She saw exactly why he had done what he’d done and she couldn’t help feeling grateful to him. It had been hard the first few months, but she had dated. She had grown and learned from each experience. More than that, she had seen the aftermath of long distance relationships. They were always ugly and painful. She didn’t want that for them.
“What does this mean now?” she wondered. “I’m still in school. You have an apartment and a life a full province over. At the most, at this point, we’d only see each other on holidays and maybe weekends. So what’s different between then and now?”
Kissing Trouble Page 14