by Remy Blake
We finally unloaded the last of the boxes into my new apartment. It had taken three days, but Ryan and I managed to make this place feel like home. Going through everything at the Rockwell mansion, was a sad realization that it never really felt like my home. Alone most of the time, the only thing that felt like mine was my bedroom. Donating most of my clothes and packing only a few boxes worth of stuff, the move felt cathartic. From this moment, onward I was starting fresh. I was no longer expecting a message from Lucas, telling me he missed me.
Ryan and I were sitting on the couch waiting for our dinner to be delivered. Chinese food and a movie marathon were the perfect way to celebrate the move and coincidentally my twenty-ninth birthday. It’s been a month since everything fell apart with Lucas. Each day starts off a little easier and ends a little lonelier, but living in my own apartment with no association to the Rockwell’s and their secrets means I can finally breathe again. After signing off everything over to Lucas, I got a call from Stan letting me know that he had been informed of my decisions and wanted to leave me enough money to find somewhere to live. I politely declined. Luckily enough, Ryan and Georgia’s mother have decided to give a relationship a try and move in together to be one family. In perfect timing, Ryan is letting me stay at his old place till I decide what to do next.
The knock on the door couldn’t come fast enough. We’re starving. Opening the door and handing the delivery guy some cash, he hands me an envelope with my food and tells me it was sitting on the floor in front of the door. Clumsily carrying everything to the dining table, I’m curious to open the letter.
“Ryan,” I shout into the room. “Dinner is here.”
I sit down, forgetting how hungry I am and opened the mysterious letter.
“What’s got you all excited?” I hear Ryan ask from behind me.
“This letter,” I raise the envelope so he can see it. “The delivery guy said he found it in front of my door. It looks pretty important, I just want to see who it’s from.”
Slowly peeling off the envelope seal, Ryan snatches it out of my hand, “Fuck, you’re so slow. Is this your version of excitement, because ants move faster than you.”
“I didn’t want to ruin it, it looked pretty.”
Ryan rolls his eyes at me and rips the envelope open. Pulling out the embossed card, his eyes scan the square piece of cardboard. I notice his eyes widen as he takes in every line.
“Well?” I ask impatiently.
Without saying a word, he looks up at me and hands me the card. I snatch it out of his grasp and see what has him so shocked. I read every line.
“Is this for real?” I ask.
“Looks real to me. Are you going?”
“To his graduation?” I read the invitation one more time. “In public? His mom might be there. What about his friends?”
“I think the part at the bottom where he wrote ‘There’s no one else I need here but you,’ answers all the silly concerns that are racing through your brain right now.”
Holding the invitation to my chest, I’m momentarily stunned by the fact he’s finally contacted me. And to invite me to his graduation. The gesture is significant. This isn’t a fleeting moment of weakness. Being around his friends and possibly his family, that’s making a statement. An irreversible one. There’s three weeks till he graduates. Three weeks for me and my heart to decide if we want to give this a go, one more time.
20
Lucas
She should have received my invitation weeks ago. I wonder why she hasn’t replied? Will I see her at my graduation today? The optimistic part of me assumed she’d be so excited to hear from me she’d pick up the phone and call me right away. I should have known better. I know I hurt her and she’ll most likely never forgive me. She’s probably already moved on to the next guy - or maybe she’s with Ryan. He’s been hanging around all these years. Maybe he was just waiting for his chance. Women like Charlie don’t stay single for long. She’s one of a kind, and I’m probably the only guy dumb enough to let her go. I’m sure whoever the lucky dude she’s with now, won’t make the same rookie mistakes I did.
I fasten my blue tie into the perfect Windsor knot just like my father taught me and smooth the collar of my white dress shirt down. Pulling on the navy blue sportcoat we’re required to wear I take one final glance at myself and brush my fingers through my overgrown hair. This is as good as it’s going to get.
Matthews Hall is air conditioned and I’m still sweating my balls off. I tug down the knot on my tie and glance around for any sign of Charlie’s blonde hair, but I can’t see much past the sea of other graduates surrounding me.
I swipe my arm over my forehead and block out the monotonous droning voice announcing each name. Mine will be announced last; I’m the class valedictorian. I wish my dad could be here to see. I busted my ass for four years to get this result and no one will be here to support me. My mom’s in France with Pierre, her latest boyfriend. She didn’t mention my graduation when I spoke with her four days ago. She only informed me she was about to hop on a plane and wasn’t sure when she’d be back. Same story, different day.
I’m used to being alone. I was used to being alone, until Charlie. Now, I don’t think I’ll ever get accustomed to being without her. I’d like to think this dull ache in the middle of my chest will go away at some point, but maybe it’s there to serve as a permanent reminder of how I single handedly ruined what we had.
The sound of cheers and an elbow to my side pull me out of my moments of reflection.
“Dude, you’re up,” Murph tells me with another elbow to my side. I slowly rise to my feet, not the slightest bit excited for the speech I’m supposed to give.
While I make my way to the stage it occurs to me the words I’ve prepared aren’t what I want to say at all. Spending way too much time writing some cookie cutter speech wasn’t really in my plan, but that’s what I ended up with.
As I step to the podium and place the white sheet of paper down, the noise of the crowd’s applause is deafening. My eyes peruse the audience for familiar smiling faces. I see Murph throw his arm up, his index finger signaling number one in honor of my valedictorian status. I smile and lift my chin, acknowledging him. I find Jack and Maria about ten rows back and I smile. I can always count on them.
My gaze roams around the rest of the crowd until it hones in on long blonde hair shining like a beacon. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. She came. My nose pinches as I sharply inhale. Fuck. I can’t get emotional in front of all these people, even though it would be so easy to break down right now. I never let myself cry when my father died, but knowing that Charlie cared enough to come here today, to overlook what a grade A asshole I was to her, is enough to bring me to my goddamn knees.
I rake my hands through my hair and fight to get a grip on my emotions. I need to get through this and then I can talk to her. Crumpling up the paper my speech was printed on, I know what I must do.
Staring out over the heads of all in attendance I seek out the person who matters most to me. Charlie. Our eyes lock. “I’m honored to be the valedictorian of St. Andrews graduating class. During my eight years here, lifelong friendships have been formed and I’ve learned to be independent - possibly too independent.” I grip the podium with both my hands. “I began to think I didn’t need anyone, that I would always be fine on my own. It wasn’t until my father passed away two months ago, that I met someone who showed me how incredible it can feel to lean on someone else. To know they’ll always be there for you, to shoulder all your burdens with you, no matter how difficult the circumstances may be.” Charlie sweeps her hair across her forehead, her gaze never leaving mine.
“I’ve learned a lot of life lessons in my time here, but the most important thing I’ve learned is that life is short and there are no guarantees. Tomorrow may not come; today could be all there is. Don’t leave words unsaid because you’re too proud or too stupid to admit you’re wrong.” My eyes plead with her, plea
se forgive me, Charlie. “Take chances and believe in what your heart is telling you, even when your brain says the opposite.” Every word I’m saying is for her and she needs to know that.
“Charlie, I’m sorry for how I treated you.” Her eyes go wide when I say her name. “I was a complete ass and I know I don’t deserve you, but I hope you can forgive me. Every day of the past two months I’ve been miserable without you. If you give me another chance, I’ll prove how much I love you.” She covers her mouth with her hand and nods her head. I don’t say another word. I step back from the podium, the soles of my wing tips pound down the stairs. Following the center aisle to the back of Matthews Hall, my eyes never waver from Charlie. It’s all I can do to keep myself from sprinting down the aisle to her. Almost there. I repeat to myself with each step I take and once I’m standing in front of her I freeze. Her beautiful blue eyes are brimming with tears, her cheeks wet and she’s never looked more perfect. I grip her arms and pull her to me. She crashes into my chest; her soft breasts press into me. Lowering my forehead to hers, I take a deep breath. “Charlie, I love you. I love you and that’s it. That’s all that matters. There’s nothing else without you.”
She grips my hair in her hands and pulls my head down toward her mouth. “I love you,” she whispers before connecting our lips.
21
Charlotte
Sitting across from one another, Lucas and I are at the same table, in the back of Vitale’s; reminiscent of where it all started. We decided this would be the perfect place to celebrate his graduation and our future together.
After we managed to untangle our mouths from one another, we left his graduation hand in hand and made our way to the limousine. The intimate space, was filled with nothing but two erratically beating hearts, telling each other how much they missed one another. As soon as the limo started to drive away, I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t care how unladylike I looked, I hooked my leg over him and straddled his lap. My dress rose, and my bare ass perched itself perfectly on Lucas’ knees. His hands reached to gently cup my exposed cheeks, while I held his face in between my hands and brought my lips to his. The kisses were slow and unhurried, like we had all the time in the world. The all too familiar spark between us was subconsciously being tamed. While there was nothing more I wanted than to get lost in Lucas and wrap myself around his body. We needed to talk. I wanted to know every detail of the last two months. Watching him on stage, receiving his valedictorian award and hearing him explain our time together, had my heart exploding out of my chest. I realized I didn’t just miss Lucas; without him a big chunk of me was missing. The endless number of tears I cried were worth it. Every time I told myself that I meant nothing to him or he was better off without me, was a lie.
In a hall filled with people, eyes bouncing between us, as he told the room about his love for me I only saw Lucas. I felt him in my bones and knew without a shadow of a doubt there was no way I would be happy without him.
From that moment forward, we were in this together. We would get through the mess of our pasts and come out stronger; this will be the last time we would ever be apart.
My palm sits flat in the middle of the table, while Lucas’ fingertips leisurely make patterns on the back of my hand. We haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other, every touch a reminder this isn’t a dream. We sit in silence waiting for the waiter to finish taking our order, both of us anxious for the conversation ahead. We’ve been discussing trivial things until now, but waiting any longer is delaying the inevitable. The waiter walks off and I take a sip of my wine, hoping it will calm my nerves. Placing my hands in the middle of the table, I leave them open as an invitation for Lucas. Our hands clasped together tightly, puts me at ease. I’m not worried of the outcome, I believe in us. It just pains me to talk about anything that I know will upset Lucas.
“Don’t look so scared,” he says to me with a smile.
“I’m not scared.”
“I know I was horrible the last time we were together.” He lets go of my hand and runs his fingers through his hair, distress evident on his face, “I can’t even explain what was going through my mind at the time-”
“Lucas,” I cut him off. “That night I dropped a bomb on you. I know you’re sorry for what you did. You’ve been apologizing every chance you’ve had since we laid eyes on one another. I’m more worried about how you were after.”
Taking a deep breath, Lucas starts picking at the label on the wine bottle in between us. “Well, I stayed in my house and got drunk for three days straight. I don’t remember most of it, but it wasn’t until Murph came barreling through the door asking me where the fuck I’d been, that I knew I couldn’t keep going this way.”
The waiter interrupts us dropping off our food quietly, the seriousness of the conversation evident to him. Once the waiter leaves, I squeeze his hand for him continue.
“Stan called me incessantly, until I went down to his office and he showed me everything you tried to explain to me. It was like a punch in the gut all over again. Then I read your letter, and shit… I knew I fucked up.”
He tips his water glass back and I watch his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he takes a huge gulp. “I kicked you out of my house, like you meant nothing to me. I went over it a million times in my head and felt like a bigger piece of shit every time. Charlie, baby, you mean everything to me.”
I stand up and walk around the table. Lucas swivels his body to the side, so his legs are no longer hidden by the table and spreads them apart for me to stand in between. His hands hold my hips as he looks into my eyes.
“I couldn’t work out what it was that made me more upset. The fact that he was gay and kept it hidden, or the fact that he married and hurt you.”
Sounding so defeated in his explanation, I grab his face so his only focus is my eyes.
“Babe, you are not responsible for anything that happened between me and Geoffrey, and I’m not responsible for the secrets he kept from you. He fucked up. All I want is to be rid of his baggage and to take back control of my own life.” I state. “I mean, I understand if you want more information on him and Tom, and I’ll support everything you do. But your father and I, I want to close that chapter once and for all.”
My hands slide down to rest on his shoulders. He pulls my body toward him, “I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want to live in a gray cold world and use people to get what I want. Repeating his mistakes would only make me lonely and miserable.” The back of his hand caresses my cheek, “Charlie, everything is so much better with you. I don’t want to fuck that up and go back to that shit excuse of a life I was living.”
I grab his face, holding it tightly between my palms, “Lucas, I’m only going to say this once. You are not him. You’ve never been him, and you never will be.” I place a gentle kiss on his lips, because I need him to feel the truth in my words. “I fell in love with you, because of who you are on the inside.” Hoping to change the mood, I playfully lick his bottom lip, “And definitely because of what you’ve got going on, on the outside.
He chuckles and whispers in my ear, “Let’s hurry up and eat. I haven’t been with you in months, and I have to sink myself into your tight pussy. Soon.”
We both dig into our meals, eating fast. The desire racing throughout my body, consuming and desperate. I push away my plate and drink the last bit of my wine. The waiter returns and asks if we would like to see the dessert menu. I watch Lucas struggle to remain chivalrous. Torn between rushing the dining experience or going home. It’s obvious his thoughts are on the same wavelength as mine. I stand up and take charge. “We’re good for dessert, thanks,” I say to the waiter. “His favorite dessert is waiting for him at home.”
“Put it on the Rockwell tab, thank you.” I hear him tell the waiter. I strut toward the door, making sure Lucas can see the sway of my ass from behind me. Waiting for John to come around with the car, I feel Lucas come up behind me. His hard length pushes into my ass, I bite my bottom lip
to stop the moan before it can leave my mouth.
The limo pulls up and pleasantries have been forgotten. Lucas opens the door before John even steps out of the car. Ushering me in, and staying close behind, he presses the button for the privacy screen and launches himself onto me. I might be turned on, but the smile on my face is huge. I’ve never been this happy.
Lucas’ facial expression turns serious, his face mere inches from mine. “I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
A few moments of silence pass before I realize he’s waiting for an answer from me. I push him back into the seat, straddling his lap. In silence, I unbuckle his belt and pull the zipper on his pants down. His breathing speeds up. Hands in his pants, I wrap my fingers around his cock and stroke him up and down a few times. He’s rock hard. Gracefully, I kneel above him, and hope he’s paying enough attention to play along. I deftly pull my thong to the side. I’m soaked and Lucas’ eyes light up, noticing our favorite bright yellow thong. His eyes look like they’ve just found the prize. With one hand on his shoulder to hold my balance, I lower my body and whisper into his ear, “This pussy is only yours.”
He thrusts his hips upwards, as he growls against my ear, “Mine.”
Epilogue
Two years later
The material of her scarf is soft in my hand as I secure it around her wrist, before looping it around the bedpost. I repeat the same steps on the other side, leaning down to place a row of kisses up the back of her delicate neck. Fastening the final scarf around her head, I block her vision. Glancing down at the perfection of her naked body, I run my hand over my face and hope I can resist all the temptation she presents. This night is about Charlie, not me.
Today is the two-year anniversary of my high school graduation. That day we were gifted a second chance and we’ve made the most of it. Spending as much time together as we could while I completed the first two years at Yale was challenging. But, now that we just moved in together, it should simplify our schedules. No more sleeping over her house or Charlie coming to my on-campus apartment. We can finally be together day and night.