God, help me say the right thing, do the right thing. Don’t let me scare her away again.
The moment he finished his prayer, he saw her.
Sunlight captured the red-gold of her hair from where she sat on the log cabin’s porch. Ceiling fans whirred full blast across the porch, and the breeze they created caused her long curls to move slightly as she rocked. Landon could tell the minute she heard Sam’s gait; the rocker paused briefly and her head turned toward the sound.
“Georgie, it’s me,” he said softly, while he tied Sam to the hitching post.
“I know,” she said. “I heard Sam.”
Sam nickered at the mention of her name, and Landon gave her a gentle pat before he left her and moved to the porch. He didn’t hurtle up the steps like he had his own earlier. On the contrary, he moved slowly, cautiously, not wanting to scare Georgiana again. He felt as though he were trying to corral a wild mustang...or preparing to take on an abandoned minefield in Afghanistan.
“Okay if I sit with you so we can chat?” Sure, it felt awkward asking her permission to talk, but after what had happened in the barn Saturday, he wasn’t taking any chances, even if they had made progress yesterday with that hug.
“Yes, that’s fine,” she said, but her voice quivered like it did the other day, and Landon hated that she was so apprehensive around him.
He sat in the rocker beside hers but didn’t rush into conversation. Instead he simply enjoyed being here again with Georgiana. At his home, he was too busy concerning himself with everything that needed to be done around the farm to sit back and enjoy the ambiance. Here, however, with Georgiana by his side, he enjoyed the serene setting and took pleasure in seeing how well she blended with her surroundings.
“It’s a nice afternoon,” she said. “Cool for August, I think. But maybe I’ve gotten used to Tampa.”
“It is cooler than usual. Then again, maybe I’ve gotten used to...other countries.”
She nodded, a hint of a smile playing with the corners of her mouth. “Maybe so.”
Small talk. Not what he wanted. He had it all ironed out, word for word, everything he wanted to say to Georgiana. But now that he sat beside her with her sweet apple scent teasing his senses, all words escaped him. He didn’t have the foggiest inclination of what he’d planned to say to initiate the conversation. But he didn’t have to, because Georgiana had already decided how she wanted to start.
“Landon, I know you want to be close again, the way we used to be. But I’m not sure I can. The thing is, I don’t find it easy to trust anymore.” She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know if I can let anyone be close to me again, even if it’s you.”
He could see the fear overshadowing her petite features. Her eyes were pinched closed and her mouth drawn tight as she waited to see what he would say.
Dear God, let me get this right.
“Georgie, I know Pete hurt you, turning his back on you when you needed him most. But I believe you can trust again.” Landon remembered Pete chasing after Georgiana in high school, convincing her that he had changed and that he loved her, that he would love her for life. The thought of him leaving her blind and with a child made Landon’s fist curl, and he prayed for the strength not to say exactly what he thought of his old teammate. “I honestly believe you can live again, go out and have fun, be a part of Abi’s life, involved in all of her activities, like you were yesterday at the pond. She’ll want her momma there for the important things, and I know you want to be there.” He remembered how Georgiana had always talked about being a hands-on mom one day. Now was her chance. “But being a part of her life means getting away from the farm. You can’t stay in this cabin forever.”
“I know that. I mean, I know that Abi wants me to be more than someone she sees at home. And I want to get out more. But just because I want to, that doesn’t mean I can. I’ve tried.”
He thought of how uncomfortable she’d looked Friday night at the square. He’d seen something similar in soldiers who’d been injured in battle, the fear of what others would think, of what others would do, if they weren’t “whole” by the world’s standards. They needed encouragement. They needed real friends, people who assured them they were loved. “Let me help you, Georgie. Because I believe I can, and I want the chance to try.”
“It won’t be easy for me,” she whispered, almost as though she were talking more to herself than to Landon.
He had to get her to understand that she didn’t have to fear him. Unlike Pete, he would never hurt her or look down on her because of her blindness. “I know it won’t, but you won’t be on your own. You’ll have me to help you.”
She took a deep breath. “I think you should understand that this may be more than you bargained for.”
He wanted to reach for her, hold her again, but he knew that wasn’t what he should do. He needed to take this slow. So he did his best to explain why he wouldn’t give up on her. “Georgie, I’ve seen a lot over the last few years. Some of it good, most of it not so good. And I’ve dealt with a lot of things that were definitely more than I bargained for.” He looked at her, saw the emotions playing across her face, the fear still barely hidden beneath the surface. But this time, he saw something else too. He saw...hope.
She fidgeted in the rocker. “You should know that what happened Saturday in the barn wasn’t out of the ordinary for me. I freak out over things that shouldn’t bother me. It’s tough when you feel like you’re never totally in control. I trip on a daily basis. I fall down. I jerk away when I’m touched. Honestly, I embarrass everyone around me.”
No, she embarrassed Pete, but Landon didn’t say that now. Instead, he said, “I can see how someone touching you when you aren’t expecting it could be frightening. I wasn’t thinking about that Saturday, but I’ll be aware of it now. That wasn’t your fault. It was mine.” He cleared his throat. “You told me you’d give me another chance, hang out with me today and let us work on the friendship that we’ve put on hold for the past eight years. Still willing to give it a chance?”
She turned to face him, and he saw that her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I’ve only had one real friend since I left Claremont, another blind woman I met in Tampa, and now we live in two different states. We talk on the phone, but that isn’t the same as having someone around all the time. But if I’m going to be extremely truthful, I would like to have a friend again.” She moistened her lips. “And I’ve really missed our friendship.”
“I’ve missed it too.” A major understatement. His life had never been the same since the day Georgiana had left him in that church.
She moved her head in a subtle nod. “Okay. Then, do you have an idea for us to get back on track?”
“I think the best way to fill the gap from then and now is to talk about what happened in between.” He desperately wanted to know what had happened to her over those years. How did she react at first when she lost her sight? How did Pete act back then? And what went wrong with their marriage initially? Landon wanted the answers to all of those questions, but from the look on her face, he wasn’t sure she was ready or willing to share. Therefore, it was up to him to get the ball rolling. “I was in the army,” he said.
She lifted a brow. “Seriously, Landon. That’s fairly vague, don’t you think?”
“You want to hear about everything?” He knew she did, but he wanted her to realize that he wanted to hear about everything too.
“Yes, I do.”
“And are you going to tell me about everything that I missed in your life?”
Fallon whinnied from the barn, and Georgiana leaned her head in that direction. “Fallon wants her afternoon snack.” She stood from the rocker. “Do you want to go with me to the barn?”
Landon didn’t miss her avoidance of the question, but decided to bide his time. “Sure.” He stood and moved down the steps, then watched
her do the same.
He was careful not to reach for her as she made her way down. Getting accustomed to Georgie being blind would take time, but he would learn what to do and what not to do. He wanted to be a part of her world again and was willing to take the time and effort to make that happen; however, it was difficult to merely watch her without helping her down the wooden steps. His natural instinct was to reach for her, hold her hand, guide her—but he needed to control those natural instincts until he knew what she was comfortable with and whether she wanted his help.
“I do this all the time,” she said, as though knowing he studied her every move, anticipating a stumble or fall. “Don’t worry.”
“Difficult, but I’ll try not to,” he admitted. “And I noticed you never promised to reciprocate in the sharing game.”
She kept walking toward the barn, but her paced slowed. “Landon, back in high school I told you everything. Every thought, every feeling, every tiny detail about what was going on in my life. Even though I had my friend Linda in Tampa, we were never as close as you and I were before. And I’m not sure I can open up to anyone that much again, because I guess I’m afraid of being hurt again. All I can promise you is...I’ll try.” She sighed. “Is that good enough?”
“That’s good enough.” And all he could ask for.
“Okay.”
Fallon nickered, growing impatient.
“We should probably go give Fallon what she wants,” she said, entering the barn and deftly moving to the burlap sack. “She still likes the Granny Smith apples best.”
“I know. I gave her one yesterday while you and Abi were at the pond.”
Georgiana withdrew two medium-size apples and then walked to Fallon’s stall. “Oh, so you sweet-talked Landon into giving you an extra snack yesterday,” she said.
“Yeah, she did.” He watched her easily move around the barn. “You already know your way around here well, don’t you?” That would help when he started teaching her to ride independently.
Georgiana held out her palm for Fallon to gobble up the treat and patted the mare’s nose while she noisily finished off the first apple. “This is where I grew up, and Mom hasn’t changed all that much around here since I left. Plus a lot of it has to do with memory and repetition. There are plenty of things you could do with your eyes closed if you tried.”
Landon remembered foxholes in the pitch black of night with only the fires from distant bombs providing any means of sight. He’d truly felt blind then, and yet he knew what he had to do and how to do it. “I’m sure you’re right.”
As if she’d followed his train of thought, she said, “Tell me about the army, Landon. Where were you stationed? What did you do exactly? And I guess what I want to know most of all, were you scared? You said you got shot. How did that happen, and who helped you then?”
He saw a glimmer of the chatty Georgiana he’d known before, and the vision warmed his heart. Slowly but surely, his Georgie was returning. “That’s an awful lot of questions to cover at once.”
She gave him a soft smile. “We can take them one at a time, and we don’t have to cover them all today. But I think you were right. I’ll need to learn what’s happened to you during the time we’ve been apart if we’re going to rebuild our friendship.” She held the second apple out for Fallon. “Plus I admire you for serving our country, and I want to know more about it.”
Several of Landon’s friends he’d seen around town had said they were glad to have him back. Some had thanked him for his service, but no one asked for details. He assumed eventually John would want to know more about the ins and outs of battle, but the two of them had been so involved in getting Casey off to school and taking care of the farm that they hadn’t really had a chance to have the discussion.
The truth was that details of war were intense, private and personal to each soldier. Many didn’t want to talk about it at all when they returned to the States. A few would go the total opposite direction and talk about it nonstop, unable to separate the world of war from the world of peace. Landon hadn’t had anyone to talk to so far, and somehow the fact that he would share his experience for the first time with Georgiana seemed very right.
“What do you want to know first?” he asked, as Fallon realized she’d finished all of the treats and returned to her paddock.
Georgiana shifted to lean against the stall, pushed a long curl behind her ear and asked, “What were you in the army?”
Landon watched the way her fingers moved against the strawberry lock and found himself wanting to know if her hair was as soft and silky as it appeared. Would the curls twine around his finger if he pushed that lock away? Yesterday he’d held her close, but he had only thought of comforting her and hadn’t really considered the way her hair felt against his palm. Then again, it had been fairly saturated with mud and grass. He smiled at the image, and then realized he hadn’t answered her question. “What was I?” he asked.
“Like the position or rank.” She shrugged. “Whatever you call it. I guess I’m wondering what exactly you did.”
Landon thought of the progression of jobs and duties he’d achieved over the years and decided to list them from the beginning. “I guess you could say I followed the typical hierarchy in the army. Started out as a private and worked my way up the ranks to sergeant first class. I was platoon sergeant for 2nd Platoon, Bravo Company, 2nd Battalion of the 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment, which is the 3rd Brigade of the 82nd Airborne Division. I was a jumpmaster,” he added, rattling off his unit and information like he always had, because it was second nature to say it with pride, then he saw her brows lift and chuckled. “I’m sorry. That doesn’t tell you a whole lot, but I was rather proud of it.”
“You should be,” she said. “It’s amazing how you’ve given your all for our freedom. I want you to know that. And I hope that people have told you how much they appreciate what all you’ve done for this country.”
He’d heard a few thank-yous over the years, but often people merely smiled at him and looked a little uncertain about what to say. That was all right too, though. The smile said they were thankful, and that was enough. “Some have told me.” But none of them had meant as much as hearing it from Georgiana.
“Were you stationed the same place the whole time you were gone, or how does that work? Where all have you been?”
“I started out at Fort Benning, Georgia, for basic training. Then I was stationed at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, for three years, then Vicenza, Italy, for three years and then back to Fort Bragg.”
“But you fought in Afghanistan, right?”
Landon glanced at the tattoo on the inside of his left wrist, instantly remembered the sounds of gunfire, bombs and screams. “Yes, I was deployed for three years.”
Her mouth flattened, eyes tensed. “It was hard, wasn’t it? Hard on your heart?”
He’d never admitted that to anyone. He swallowed thickly. “More than I can explain.”
“Oh, Landon,” she whispered, and for a moment he thought she might move closer to him, reach to hug him. He yearned for that hug, but she remained still. “I’m so sorry.”
He’d never regretted a moment of the time he’d served. “It’s part of duty.”
“I know, but still, it had to be tough.” She ran her teeth over her lower lip. “You want to walk back to the porch?”
“Sure.”
He walked alongside her but let her lead and was taken aback once more with how capable she moved without sight. She was a petite woman, no more than five-foot-four to his six-one, even more obvious by the way her long hair covered her entire back and swayed at her waist as she moved. Climbing the porch steps, she easily found her way to the same rocker as before. “I like it out here.”
He sat beside her in the next rocker. “I know. It’s beautiful. If there was one thing I really missed when I w
as overseas, it was this view.” He immediately realized what he’d done. She couldn’t see the scene at all. “I’m sorry, Georgie.”
“Don’t be. I know it’s beautiful. I think about that all the time, about everything surrounding me right now. And I’m lucky, because I remember it. Those who’ve been blind since birth don’t have those memories. I’m—I’m very blessed.”
“Still, I should have thought before saying that.”
“Tell me something.” She lifted a hand and pointed toward the end of the porch. “The crepe myrtles at the end of the house. The ones that reach up high enough to fill the window outside my bedroom. Are they blooming now?”
He looked at the tall trees. “They’re in full bloom.”
She smiled. “I thought so. I have things that I think of specifically to determine certain colors. That was Linda’s idea, a way for me to keep my knowledge of the hues. And when I think of pink, I think of those crepe myrtle blooms.”
Landon looked at the bright pink flumes tipping each branch of the towering tree. “That’s a great reference for pink.”
“That’s what Linda said too. She thought of cotton candy for her memory of pink, but not me. I always thought of those crepe myrtle blooms and how much I enjoyed looking at them each summer and fall through my bedroom window.”
“So Linda wasn’t born blind?”
“No, we had that in common. But she’d been blind three years when we met, and she taught me little tips and tricks for helping me cope.” She smiled. “She’s a great friend.”
“I’m glad you had her.” She should have had a husband’s support, but since she hadn’t, Landon was certainly thankful for her friend.
“I don’t know what I’d have done without her help.” Her mouth crooked to the side. “Mom offered to move me back to Claremont years ago, but Pete and I were going through marriage counseling, so I wanted to stay. And then eventually Linda met her new husband and moved to Miami. Basically, without her in Tampa, I didn’t really have a reason to stay.”
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